ARE YOU SPOILED? | APRIL 29, 2006

Here is a fun little meme - taken from Suze at Work in Progress and Kevin at kapgar...

Are you spoiled? You are if you can BOLD 40 of the following:
(I am pretty sure that Steven and I live an extremely spoiled life but I will do this meme just to check…)

Do you have...
your own cell phone (Steven's cell phone has internet and other crazy sh*t on it)
a television in your bedroom (unfortunately)
an iPod (does any MP3 Player count?)
a photo printer
your own phone line (I think that is what our internet comes in through)
TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
high-speed internet access (how could you live without that?!?!)
a surround sound system in bedroom (more or less, we have whole house audio - speakers in the bathroom, office, bedroom...)
DVD player in bedroom (we have a DVD Server)
at least a hundred DVDs
a child-free bathroom
your own in-house office
a pool
a guest house
a game room
a queen-size bed (King size, baby- there's no other way!)
a stocked bar
a working dishwasher
an icemaker
a working washer and dryer
more than 20 pairs of shoes (yes, and I don't even like shoes)
at least ten things from a designer store
expensive sunglasses (Steven)
framed original art
Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
a multi-speed bike
a gym membership
large exercise equipment at home
your own set of golf clubs
a pool table (I wish!!!)
a tennis court
local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
your own pair of skis
enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
a boat (no, but my parents do)
a jet ski (no, but my parents do, and we will - someday!!!)
a neighborhood committee membership (it is required)
a beach house or a vacation house/cabin (no, but my parents do)
wealthy family members (HA HA!!!)
two or more family cars
a walk-in closet or pantry
a yard (kind-of)
a hammock
a personal trainer
good credit
expensive jewelry (engagement ring)
a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
at least $100 cash in your possession right now (I have $100 and €200)
more than two credit cards bearing your name
a stock portfolio
a passport
a horse
a trust fund
private medical insurance
a college degree, and no outstanding student loans (Steven – not me)

Do you:
shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week - (Steven!)
do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes
go on weekend mini-vacations (me – in Europe )
send dinners back with every flaw
wear perfume or cologne
regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon (Steven – not me, ha ha)
have a job but don't need the money OR stay at home with little financial sacrifice
pay someone else to cook your meals (I wish!!!)
pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
regularly pay someone else to drive you
expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
an only child
married/partnered to a wealthy person
baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
been on a cruise
traveled out of the country
met a celebrity
been to the Caribbean
been to Europe
been to Hong Kong
been to Hawaii
been to New York
eaten at the space needle in Seattle
been to the Mall of America
been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
moved more than three times because you wanted to (yeah right, I hate moving)
dined with local political figures
been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
go to another country for your honeymoon (not yet, but probably will)
hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party (we will)
take riding or swimming lessons as a child
attend private school
have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

That adds up to... 39! Ha ha. I don't need this meme to tell me I am spoiled - I know I am a very spoiled and lucky person. I think that Americans, in general, do not realize how lucky and spoiled they are! Live in almost any other country in the world and you will realize it soon enough. I didn't know I was so spoiled until I lived in Rome and did not have a dishwasher, dryer or garbage disposal!

THROUGH HELL AND BACK | APRIL 27, 2006

I went through absolute hell today trying to change my flight (scheduled Sunday, April 30th) to the end of July. I called Air Canada's Rome office directly, and they refused to give me a seat on a flight in July or August. I called their American office and they put me on hold for 45 minutes, with no result. I called the online agency I got the ticket from and they put me on hold for an hour and a half to tell me there is no way to change my ticket because it is printed ticket.

So what are my options? Go home and forget working here, or lose $300 on this flight and pay $1700 for a one-way ticket back in July.

I could kill someone. Namely myself for not figuring this out before hand.

I am not giving up on this internship opportunity that easily.

So I did something crazy. I booked another round ticket flight. Yes, I am going home this Sunday, and coming back to Rome on Monday May 8th. I feel like such an idiot.

AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT | APRIL 26, 2006

Even though I have no place to stay, no money, and no work clothes with me... I have decided to stay here and work at Fuksas anyway. I would be kicking myself in the rear for a long time into the future if I didn't.

It was a really hard decision for me to make. The logistics of staying are not what made the decision so stressful. It was knowing that I will be putting a lot of stress on my relationships with other people potentially losing communication with them.

I feel like I am abandoning Steven to stay here and pursue work for completely selfish reasons - to make myself and my portfolio look better.

The truth is, I have been less than inspired in the architecture program this school year. Much less than inspired. Sometimes I feel so out of it that I wonder - what am I doing in this major?!?! I am hoping that working at this office will bring back the inspiration and motivation that I lost.

Because the motivation and ambition were there at one point. I can clearly remember that. But one worthless semester after another has driven me away. I don't think that going home would give me the push I need to make my final year at school a good one.

I really want to do what is called "the diploma project" next year in school. We are given the option to design our own curriculum for the semester and self facilitate it. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to really focus in on something that I am interested in, but I know from my experience this school year, that right now, I do not have the discipline to do it. I really hope to pick it back up.

So all this is just a little insight into how I am thinking and making my decision to stay. I still deeply miss everyone that I am not seeing by staying here.

LUCK MAY NOT BE IN MY FORTUNE | APRIL 25, 2006

Looking for cheap housing in Rome is like a treasure hunt. Anything that I find readily advertised in a magazine or online is too expensive. I have signed up for a free service that looks for roommates in this area, within a certain price range, but that just seems a bit creepy to me. And after this semester, I am definitely anti-roommate.

I am lucky that I have friends who really want me to stay in Rome, and are therefore helping me in my search. They are able to find things that I never would - house-sitting jobs, cheap apartments that aren't advertised... but right now, nothing is working out.

If I do stay I figure it will be one of those things that just falls together, and all works out. And right now, I just don't see that happening.

At least the disappointment of not finding a place to live has helped me discover my true feelings - that I really do want to stay here and work.

MUTTS COMICS | APRIL 24, 2006

I liked the illustrations in a pamphlet I was reading, so I decided to check out Patrick McDonnell's (the cartoonist) site - Mutts Comics. It turns out that he has been creating this comic strip since 1994. I really liked some of them. Check his site out.

 

APRIL = BLAH! | APRIL 23, 2006

April has been such a bland month for me. I have not traveled. I have not even "gone out" that much in Rome. I suppose I am just worn out and tired - from all the traveling and from living in Rome.

It has been a surreal semester - completely different than anything I have ever experienced before. There is much more spontaneity here than in Ames. No day is the same as the one before. I have completely different experiences every day - based on the people, weather, and general mood of the city.

I am not implying that I love the lackluster atmosphere of Ames, but I do need some downtime. I need to get back into a regular routine for awhile. That is such a lame thing to say, but I think it would help me lift some stress of my shoulders.

THE THING I MISS THE MOST | APRIL 21, 2006

The thing I miss the most about the States is privacy. I just want to be able to go home to my own room. I want a bathroom that is not connected to the bedroom. I do not want to share a bedroom with four people! Arg, someone free me! In a week, whether or not I go home, hopefully I will have some more privacy!

SECRETS REVEALED | APRIL 19, 2006

How strange - after yesterday's post about little secret habits - I randomly found this site - postsecret - today. It is an interesting site. The webmaster encourages readers to write their "secrets" on postcards and send them to him - then he will post some of them.

I don't know whether to be freaked out, amused, or... inspired? It seems that the webmaster also has a connection with the National Hopeline Network - a number that people who are depressed can call to get help when they feel they can go no where else.

Here is what my postcard would look like if I sent one...

SECRET LITTLE HABITS | APRIL 18, 2006

Do you think that everyone has secret little habits - things they only do when they are by themself (or think that they are by themselves)? For example - smoking, eating certain things, walking around in their underwear, dressing up like the opposite sex, taking online quizzes, throwing up their food... the things don't necessarily have to be bad (but I guess if they weren't bad, why wouldn't they just do them in public?).

I think that everyone must have at least one thing they like to do in private that no one else knows about. I sure do! They are not bad or illegal things, but I would be embarrassed if people knew I did them!

For example, this is not me (really), but I have a friend who likes to sing when she alone. She will sing a song as an alto and record it so she can play it back and sing with it as a soprano. All to her own voice. On a recorder. I thought that was so funny when she told me that. Of course, this is the same friend that I recorded my own voice with making cat noises (and when she sang with her recording it actually sounded really nice).

So am I ready to disclose any of my habits? Hee hee hee, not yet... but you can feel free to share if you want!

"SO-SO WORK" | APRIL 17, 2006

There is a paradox between me and my architectural work. You would think that after working and putting extreme "effort" into something, you would be proud of it... but no. And especially not this semester.

Our deadline in Friday. I am working really hard to get things done, yet, I am still embarrassed of my project and my work. I get a drawing done, look at it and think... "what a bunch of crap."

I am not like this with all my work - I am usually proud of the papers I write, my work in Photoshop, and my work on this website. I just think that as an architecture student, I spend so much time working on one idea that it starts to lose its freshness and pizzazz. Usually I can look back at a project, and say, "Wow, I really like this and this about it..."

Now I just need to find out how to do that while I am working on it.

ENGAGMENTS, WEDDINGS & STUFF | APRIL 16, 2006

It weirds me out a bit when friends and family who have gotten engaged after me are getting married before me.

     

(and there are others I know who aren't even engaged yet but talk about having 2007 weddings!)

Okay, three years is a pretty damn long engagement. Believe me, I would get married sooner if it wouldn't screw up my financial aid so much (and if I could actually live with my husband)! Are normal engagements only 1 year long?

Being engaged sometimes puts me into funny situations, especially when I am told I am too young to get married. I am 100% confident in myself and my relationship with Steven (we don't have the drama/insecurity problems that I see in a lot of relationships), and I find it funny when other people aren't...

The first time it happened was in New York City. I went to an improv show with Kelsey then afterwards we went to a dinner with the actors. I was 20 at the time, and some of the actors were our age, but most of them were quite a bit older. Towards the end of dinner they decide to begin 20 questions with us - Where are you from, what are you doing here, etc... then, wait! Is that an engagement ring on your finger? How old are you? You are throwing your life away! Don't you have dreams and aspirations? How could you ever spend the rest of your life with one person?!

My response? It is possible to have dreams and aspirations in a monogamous relationship, thank you! (At this point I began to question what type of relationships they were in that they felt restricted against following their dreams and goals...)

It happened again a few months ago with a teacher of mine. We were just sitting around and chatting, and I must have said something "my fiance," and then the exclamation, "You are so young to be getting married!"

And by this point (a year later since the NYC incident), I had run into this a few times, so I was used to it. I just told her what I believe - you can't be in a serious relationship until you accept who you are. If you haven't, then the relationship defines the couple, rather than what they believe, feel, think or do. Sure, you can be unsure about some things in your life - you don't have to know what you want to be, where you want to live or whether or not you want to have kids - but you do need to be confident in yourself and your decisions. You can't double guess every decision you make and kick yourself everyday. You have to be independent before you can be in a relationship - independent when it involves family, money, school, work... you have to know how to take care of yourself.

There is plenty of time in life to grow and learn how to be these things - and no one is perfect, definitely not me. But I am independent, responsible and highly capable.

I think my teacher had more faith in me after I told her these things.

And of course I can always tell them the shocker - I may stay in Italy over the summer! Without my fiance! Oh my! How will I live?!?! How can I possibly live without seeing my fiance every single day?!

Of course I will miss Steven everyday if I do end up staying here (yes, I will miss my other family and friends too). Of course some things will seem like they would be more fun if he was there, but... I need to think about my career too! The opportunity to work at Fuksas is a once-in-a-lifetime dream! It would be so neat to work in their model-making department, making gorgeous presentation models.

I think I have gone on long enough about this. It is starting to not make any sense.

WHILE I WAS "LOST BLOGGING" (& FINALE) | APRIL 15, 2006

And the Lost Blogger is...

Louis I. Kahn

Louis Isadore Kahn was born in 1901 in Estonia, then part of Russia. He immigrated to the United States with his Jewish family in 1905. He was raised in Philadelphia and became an american citizen in 1914.

He was trained in the Beaux Arts style at the University of Pennsylvania. He spent a decade teaching at Yale University, and from 1957 onward teaching at Penn State.

His projects are a delicate balance between light and materials. Kahn was is known for his ability to design simple details that made natural materials (especially concrete and wood) look beautiful, grand and sophisticated.

He had three families with three women - his wife - Esther, a landscape architect from his office - Anne Tyng, and Harriet Pattison. Nathaniel Pattison, his son from Harriet, filmed My Architect: A Son's Journey - an interesting movie I highly recommend to all.

Kahn died from a heart attach in Penn Station on March 17, 1974. He was unidentified for three days because the address had been crossed out on his passport.

Major Works Include (and you should definitely check them out!):
Richards Medical Center
Salk Institute
Exeter Library
Kimbell Art Museum
Yale Center for British Art
National Assembly Building, Dhaka

And the winner is... okay, this part is a bit tricky. I had three people guess correctly on the third day. First, my father, then Tami (my brother's fiance's mom), then SJ (from Chronic Listaholic)... but since the first two were already going to receive the "prize" when I got home anyway, I have decided that I will send one to SJ as well! So all three of them are winners... hooray! SJ, please send me your address so I can mail you the prize!

And for those of you who are still reading...

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED IN MY REAL LIFE WHILE I WAS "LOST BLOGGING"
(in no particular order)

1. I became extremely frustrated with the Italian service "system." I try not to say too many negative things about being in Italy, because overall I really do love it, and I do not want one little crappy experience to make people think that I don't. BUT, this is driving me nuts. What do I have to do for service around here? Everywhere I go, I just stand there and wait and wait, even if I have asked for help, they continue to ignore me.

I went to the hardware store to buy some wire mesh. I stood at the counter and asked for help with cutting a meter of it off the roll, and the guy said "un momento, un momento," then talked to his buddies for another 10 minutes while I stood there waiting.

Most places act like it is a burden that you are shopping in their store - especially the grocery stores. They are no doubt the worse. You go in and find all your stuff, then you have to wait for a someone to come to a register, then they usually get mad at you because you do not have the right amount of change. They are rude the whole time, even if you are trying to make an effort to understand what they are saying. I do not understand this mentality (the other awful thing about the grocery stores is that they never have the same item twice - one week they have cheerios, the next they don't - if you want it then, get it!).

Okay. That is enough. For now.

2. I found out that I still can't cut a straight line with a pair of scissors. That is a talent beyond my capabilities.

3. I was offered a 3-6 month long internship in the model making department of Massimiliano Fuksas, here in Rome. But there is a major catch involved...

4. I still hate yahoo mail's "verification tests." They say I need to fill them out so that they know I am not a spammer - but I can't read them! Look at this one! Tell me what you think it is - and it wasn't what I typed in the box!

5. I started making a comic about Data...

LOST BLOG DAY 5 MARCH 1974 | APRIL 14, 2006

A lack of posts can only mean one thing - I have been busy with work.

After my visit to Dacca, I went to Ahmedabad to work on the Indian Institute of Management. Progress here is better, but again, lack of funds and money is hitting the project pretty hard - as well as me - I am in debt by hundreds of thousands of dollars.

It is all making me feel very stressed out - work, the debt, problems with Harriet and Esther... I have been having a few heart pains, but the doctor says it is nothing to worry about. In fact, he told me I am in good condition for a 72 year-old man! And I didn't dare tell Harriet how I was feeling; she is already too overprotective.

I was home before I left and she did something very strange - crossed out the address in passport. Is this a final push for me to move in with her? Although I would love to, I have no reason to leave my life and live with her. And my son, Nate.

I am looking forward to relaxing when I get home. Unfortunately, there is one more step in my trip after the airport - boarding a train at Penn Station to get home, but that should be no bother. Just a little delay in time.

Hopefully I will have time to post the full details of the trip tomorrow!

LOST BLOG DAY 4 JANUARY 1974 | APRIL 13, 2006

The situation in Dacca is worse than I expected. There has not been much progress on the building since I was last here. And unfortunately there is nothing I can do to help. All I can do is oversee the "progress."

It is difficult to not become frustrated over these little setbacks - because they are so common in this profession!

Someone once asked me which building was my favorite to work on, and I would have to say it is a tie between the Institute in La Jolla and the Exeter Library. It was a great challenge to design a serene environment for the Institue and I am very pleased with the outcome. The Exeter was a great experience too, because everything went so smoothly.

I hope that someday I will be able to name reasons why I enjoyed my work here in Dacca, but as of now, it is difficult.

LOST BLOG DAY 3 JANUARY 1974 | APRIL 12, 2006

Tomorrow I will be traveling to Dacca. I am grateful for the speed of air travel, but I miss the safe feeling of traveling by boat. My family and I took at boat from Estonia to the United States in 1905, and although it took many days, it was much more relaxing that air travel.

The time in Dacca will be business as usual. I sometimes wonder if I will see this building finished before I die. I will be 73 on the 20th of next month. I have a few more years left in me, but with the lack of progress and funds I do not know if I will ever see it done.

Designing and funding buildings in the United States is any simpler, but it is easier to find support, or a patron, for these types of projects. Even though it is a government building in Dacca, they are doing private fundraising. This affects my salary of course, but I am more concerned about seeing the building finished.

LOST BLOG DAY 2 JANUARY 1974 | APRIL 11, 2006

Keeping a wife as well as two mistresses is increasingly difficult, along with the stresses from work. But at least I can say I am still a charmer. Despite the burns on my face and hands from a childhood accident (how was I supposed to know the coal was hot?), the ladies can't seem to resist me.

I visited Harriet and Nate yesterday. I drank my martini and stayed for a short while. I do not feel at ease around Nate. It is simple to buy him toys and games, but that does not develop a relationship. And if I spend any more time there, Esther will become more upset with me.

When Harriet dropped me off near the house yesterday I thought I saw Esther walking down the street, perhaps to the store? I quickly ducked into an alley, but when she passed by, it was not her, but another woman all together. Am I losing my mind?

Maybe I just need another martini.

LOST BLOG DAY 1 JANUARY 1974 | APRIL 10, 2006

To express is to live.
And when you want to give something articulation,
you have to consult your Blog.

"What do you want Blog?"
And Blog says to you
"I like an entry about family."
And if you say to Blog
"Look, that story is too personal,
and I can blog about design or my work as a professor.
What do you think of that?"
"Blog?"
Blog says:
"... I like an entry about family"

PALM SUNDAY | APRIL 9, 2006

Attending Palm Sunday Mass at the Vatican was actual a lot cooler than I thought it would be (even though it lasted almost three hours). I sat in the back, near the obelisk, with my roommate Janna. In the beginning processional, the Pope walked right past us and then did the first 30 minutes of the service right in front of us. I never thought I would see a pope that close in my life.

         

The rest of the mass was directly in front of St. Peter's basilica, so pretty far away, but still very neat. The crowd was so energetic! There was a group of about 20 German nuns behind us that kept yelling things like "Viva il Papa!" and "Benedicto!"

Going to mass reminds me of how much I do not know about Catholicism - or any religion for that matter. Janna told me she had never been to a Catholic mass, and I told her it is just a lot of standing up, sitting down, and kneeling. Then she asked how you know when you are supposed to do all that, and I told her I normally just follow everyone else - which is true.

I was raised Catholic, but never confirmed. I know little about Catholic rites and rituals, and only a little more about the belief system. I wish I knew more about all religions though, so I could understand other cultures better and I not feel so stupid when I ask "obvious" questions. Only this semester have I begun to understand the fundamental differences between Christians and Jewish people. That is how in the dark I was (am).

It is interesting that religion is usually handed down to you by your parents. What if religion was more of a choice you made when you were old enough to ponder the different options? When it comes down to it, most religions are similar in that they promote morality and good neighborly conduct. They just choose a different god to worship.

NO MORE PRETENDING | APRIL 8, 2006

No more pretending - this has been a super pathetic academic semester for me. What I mean is - my grades at the end of the year are going to suck. I expected to feel like traveling and exploring instead of working (and I have), but I did not expect to feel unmotivated.

And this has been an extremely unmotivated semester.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM? | APRIL 6, 2006

For simplicity's sake, I tell the people I meet in Europe that I am from Chicago. I often get asked at restaurants, shops, on the bus... "where are you from?" and it seems easier to tell them that I am from Chicago then to try to explain where Iowa is.

Last night though, I met some people from Boston at the shelter, and when they asked me, I also told them I was from Chicago. I wasn't even thinking, "hey, these people know where Iowa is, I should just tell them Iowa..." No, I automatically said Chicago.

It set up for all sorts of confusions as I was talking to them (I gave them a little tour of the shelter). They asked if I was here with a Chicago school, and I had to tell them I was here with ISU. Then when I told them I was an architecture student, they said, "Wow, Rome must be great compared to Iowa - once you've seen one farmhouse, you've seen them all!" I thought that was a funny (even though it was stereotypical) thing to say, and when I tried to tell them that the town I grew up in (in Iowa) was not like that, I just decided to drop it because it was getting too confusing.

When people ask you where you are "from," do they want to know where you were born, where you grew up, where you go to school, or the town you call home? Well, I was born in Cedar Falls, IA, raised in Evansdale, IA, go to school in Ames, IA, but live with my fiance in a suburb of Chicago, IL...

I suppose I feel like a phony telling people that I am from "Chicago," when in fact, I was not raised in Illinois, and Steven and I live about 40 miles from the city proper. Plus, I only live there for about a third of the year (although it is the better third!).

Maybe I should just say I am from "the midwest!"

DEFEAT... MORE THAN ONCE | APRIL 5, 2006

It has been a day of defeat... make that a week of defeat, starting with a migraine that I could not overcome on Monday, followed by a pointless pin-up yesterday and a rejection at the Vatican today.

I volunteered to go pick up our school's Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday Vatican tickets. Picking them up meant I would get to see the Scala Regia, the famous stair next to the Vatican. So I went there, did the whole wait in line bit, and while everyone else headed towards the basilica, I headed towards the Scala Regia. I got entrance from a guard, and went to where two Swiss Guards were standing to guard the entrance to the stair. I showed the swiss guard my little paper that said where I was supposed to pick up the tickets.

And I felt so enchanted talking to this Swiss Guard in his goofy little uniform! The other guard just stood there "at attention" while this other guard helped me out... all in Italian... so I was honestly not paying that much attention to what he said because I felt like I was in some fairy tell getting special entrance into a fort. Why am I such a dork? I do know that he said "venerdì da tre alle otto"... (friday from 3-8) so I have to go back then? I am not sure, I should have paid more attention.

I was, indeed, defeated, though. He definetely said the Italain equivalent of "come back later."

PUBCRAWLS SEEM LIKE A BAD IDEA | APRIL 4, 2006

Often when I am walking back from the cat shelter at night (at 12:30) I will hear and see large groups of people in the streets. I always wondered who these people were, and what they were doing out so late, singing, yelling and being rowdy. They couldn't possibly be tourist or school groups, out so late. And now I know. It is most likely a pubcrawl!

Today when I was walking back, I saw a large, rowdy group coming and tried to quickly cross the street, preventing any interaction. I almost made it, except the leader of this pubcrawl felt it necessary to hand me a flier. I resisted, said the whole "no grazie" bit, and his response was, "you don't even speak italian!" What a jerk. He kept pestering me until I finally took one (he was following me down the alley at this point) and then said, "you should come out some time and have fun," my response was, "that is not my idea of fun!"

A pubcrawl is an organized "party" where an organization takes you from pub to pub, giving you "free" shots, all-you-can-drink beer and wine, discounts, and even a t-shirt!!! Of course, you pay an entry fee.

This guy most have thought I was an idiot if he expected me to want to go to one of his pubcrawls after seeing the losers he was dragging around in the streets acting like fools. Has anyone else's stupidity ever made you want to act stupid too? Probably not!

This just seems like a bad, bad idea. Do people do it expecting to have a good time and meet people? Or are they just obsessed with alcohol and love the idea of all-you-can-drink beer?

SEARCHING FOR MY FORMER SELF | APRIL 3, 2006

Somehow I managed to "unlearn" my worry gene. I used to be really anxious and worried about things all the time, but I took these magical pills and went to a therapist and all that fun stuff and now I am "better." But am I really?

It is common to be very competitive in the architecture program. Everyone wants to outdo everyone else. And everyone has to know what everyone else is doing... all the time. Take tomorrow for example - we have a "pin-up" - so what are people walking around doing? Scooping out everyone else's work.

But somewhere along the line I lost that interest in what other people are doing. I even lost the feeling that I need to be better than someone. Now I just want to be better than what I was before, but it does not feel right to be so at ease with my studio work.

My instructor keeps pushing me to "try new things" (sorry, but geso models didn't turn out too well for me), but I keep waiting for internal motivation before I work on things. I have to feel inspired to work on something, or it will not be my best work, or make any sense for that matter.

So here I am with significantly less work prepared (than my peers) for a pin-up tomorrow and I do not even feel worried. I am just happy that I finally am getting somewhere with my project and feel some ideas formulating. Why push something that is not there, or will turn out to be crap?

Is something wrong with me? Where did my motivation go? Or am I just working in a different style than everyone else?

BUYING MUSIC ONLINE SUCKS | APRIL 2, 2006

I like this song they play here - I Belong To You (Il Ritmo Della Passione) - by Eros Ramazzotti & Anastacia. It is a duet with a pretty melody and blah blah blah... so I decide I am actually going to pay for it online, rather than find some free copy. MISTAKE!!!

The first thing I do is go to itunes.com. I don't use itunes, but I figure I can just buy music there, right? NO, they want me to download itunes. Well, I try to do that, but my internet connection here is so slow that I cannot download it within an hour (cry).

So I remember all those times I accidentally press the "Guide" button on Windows Media Player and it connects to the internet... is it possible that I can buy music through Media Player? Yes, yes, it is! Hurrah, Media Player may be good for something after all!

But not really, it is all a hoax. First, Media Player cannot find the song I want, probably because it is a multi-language song or something. Once it finds it, I have to log-in to the Microsoft Passport Network. I try to log-in at least five times with my email and password and it keeps denying me. I know the email and password are correct because I just made the account this week! So I click the "reset password" button to see if something is wrong, and it brings up one of those pictures that you have to decipher so they know you are not a spammer (or something)... I try to decipher their image at least another five times before I get extremely frustrated and decide to try my old email address. It was not working, and that is why I made this new one - but go figure, it is working NOW.

So I feel assured that the rest will go smoothly - WRONG. I have to enter and re-enter all my contact and credit card info because the system cleared it all (on its own). Then Media Player wants me to download something... but for some reason I cannot download it. I keep running into problems and half an hour later... I finally have my song. And a lot of unwanted frustration.

There must be some easier way - probably with itunes. If not I will have to go back to my evil ways...

CASTEL SANT' ANGELO | APRIL 1, 2006

One of the places I have wanted to visit since I arrived in Rome is Castel Sant' Angelo, and I finally went there today. It was built in AD 139 as a mausoleum for Emperor Hadrian, but has also been used as a prison, papal residence and as a city wall since then. It is now a museum that displays its own history.

         

There is an exterior wall surrounding the interior castle, where (I think) there used to be a moat. To get into the castle you walk up a ramp that rises twelve meters into the building, then take a long stair that runs the depth of the castle. The interior was not what I expected. It was difficult to decipher the layout of the rooms, and there are at least fifty. I fet like I was just winding around and around again, ending up in a different space each time. There are a few stairs that lead to the top though, and offer spectacular views of the city.

                  

My flight is scheduled to leave four weeks from tomorrow! That is entirely too soon! I could cry just thinking about it! I still have to visit Bellagio, Assisi, and many other towns...