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By kilax, February 12, 2009 11:15 pm

It’s 11:15 pm. My alarm is set for 2:45 am to make our very early flight to Denver. My bag is packed. I feel like I forgot something. It’s hard to pack for a skiing trip, when you’ve never been skiing, and aren’t sure you got what you need. Our friend was very nice and gave us a thorough list, but I still feel like something is missing. I hate that feeling.

Oh well. I’ll figure it out when I get there.

I’m so happy to have the next 4 days off. I need a break to have some fun. We’ll be busy, but be miles and miles away from home. I can let my mind wander. I won’t have to think of the all the things on my to-do list!

I’ll just get to that long list when I return, and start mentally planning our next vacation!

Excuse: I am feeling weird today. Please excuse the weirdness of this post, and the one I wrote for tomorrow!

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By kilax, January 31, 2009 5:52 pm

Our Denver Ski trip is official! We bought our flight tickets last weekend (for mid February) and visited the Columbia Outlet Store today to get our jackets and pants.

I’m getting more and more excited as the details get squared away. It will be fun to try skiing, and possibly, some other winter sports. I wonder if we’ll get hooked on skiing and it will become an annual activity?

It will also be fun to spend time with friends! We are going with one of Steven’s high school friends and his wife. And we are staying with the friend’s parents, who live in the foothills of the mountains just outside of Denver.

All of my memories of these friends and the parents are of good conversation and good times. They’re the kind of intellectual people who listen, have a lot to add to the conversation, but know when it’s time to have fun and not be serious.

We had lunch with the friends today before going to the store. We were telling them about our fitness goals and half marathon training. Sometimes people brush this off or make a joke about how inactive they were, but they listened to us, and showed enthusiasm for our goals, and shared a few of their own. It turns out Steven’s friend is training for a half marathon as well! We all even talked about running the Disney World half marathon next January. After reading Laura’s Disney Marathon Race Report, I really think that half (or full?!) marathon would be loads of fun.

It’s too bad we don’t see these friends more often. They also live in the suburbs, but… the Chicago suburbs can be very far apart. And ours are. Add in all of our busy schedules, and it’s not often the four of us can meet up. Even more reason to look forward to the trip!

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By kilax, January 6, 2009 12:23 pm

I’ve somewhat stayed in touch with my coworkers from Italy (I worked there summer ’06). Somewhat, as in, every once in awhile, one of us sends out an email. And, every once in awhile, as in, every six months…

So I was excited when a French coworker contacted me last week saying she was trying to find me on facebook. I know if we are facebook “friends,” our chances of keeping in touch with increase dramatically, because that is what a lot of people prefer over email.

I was looking through her photos and saw a group photo of all of our coworkers at the studio. I looked to see if I was in the photo.

Then I didn’t see myself and felt kind of sad.

Sad because it reminded me how antisocial I was that summer. I was friendly and talkative at work, but I didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out with friends after work.

Okay, I hardly spent ANY time hanging out with friends after work. There were only two occasions I went out with them – for my birthday dinner, and a night in August before we all departed for holidays (because the studio closed for two weeks in August).

My birthday dinner with coworkers in Roma. What a fattie I was! Ha! I miss that Italian bread!

I didn’t regret it then, or feel left out, or lonely. I was volunteering every night. I was super busy and super tired.

But now I look back at her photo, with a bunch of people smiling and having a good time, and I do feel left out. I feel stupid for being so independent.

I feel sad that I don’t have a large group of friends – now or then (or even before then). I feel sad that I don’t connect with people very well.

I like to think that I am outgoing and fun to be around, but I find myself at parties, keeping to myself, not feeling like talking to new people. I sometimes find myself being quiet around people I DO know (only sometimes, but still).

Lately, I’ve been quiet when a group of people are talking about something I know nothing about. And they keep talking and talking about it. Like gossip. Or a tv show I don’t watch. Or how drunk they were the night before. I try to stay interested, and involved, because I would expect them to do the same, but hey, they don’t! So, I just get more turned off and discouraged from reaching out to people.

Oops. I didn’t mean for this to turn into another rant. I just wanted to express how seeing that photo made me feel. It’s weirding me out that it made me feel this way.

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By kilax, January 5, 2009 12:39 pm

December is full of celebrations, family get-togethers, and days off from work… then January hits and NOTHING is going on.

I distinctly remember spending most of LAST January’s weeknights and weekends on my couch, watching DVDs, and probably eating something.

As awesome as that is, I really hope I don’t let that happen again this year. It’s fun for one day (like yesterday, where I stayed in my pajamas until 8:00 pm when I put on clothes to exercise), but then it just becomes an addicting cycle of doing nothing that makes me feel worse and worse about myself.

I like to have something to look forward to. I know I am supposed to live in the moment and all that, but having something to look forward to gets me going through the day.

So what I am looking forward to this winter?

• Our trip to the Bahamas at the end of January. HA HA, JUST KIDDING! I WISH! HA!
• A (real) trip to Denver to see friends and try skiing for the first time.
• A weekly fencing class that runs until the middle of May.
• A gun safety class in January (okay, I just had to put that one on there to be funny).
• A 4-day weekend in both January and February.
• On-going half marathon training.
• A game night with friends?
• Seeing friends and family? Nothing is set in stone, but I always look forward to that.

Yeah, it’s a pretty lame list, but it’s all I got. Anything on yours? Or are you able to make it through the winter blahs without one?

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By kilax, November 12, 2008 9:29 pm

During the summer I lived in Rome by myself, I spent a long weekend visiting a classmate who was working in London (July 15-17 in the archives).

I arrived on Friday while he was still at work. The first thing I did when I got into the airport was go into a shop and stock up on snacks. Then when I arrived in the city, I did the same thing. I walked to the British Museum, eating all of my snacks along the way. After leaving the museum, I stopped and sat in a park, and had some more snacks. I later meet up with him to tour his office and have dinner.

I was constantly absorbed with thoughts of when the next time I would get to eat would be. I was not hungry at all, but that was the only thought I could concentrate on. It was like that in Rome too. I was in an office, around coworkers all day, and felt like I could never eat the things I wanted in the office. I waited until my hour long lunch break to run to the stores and stuff my face silly. Sometimes I would go to a regular grocery store, a bakery and a gelateria. All during an hour!

My friend and I spent all day that Saturday exploring London with another friend of his. We went to a few parks, museums, shops. It was a surprisingly beautiful day.

What was even more surprising to me that day, was that I did not spend every moment thinking about food, or when I would get to have something to eat. I was genuinely enjoying the day, and the thoughts of food were gone. I felt hunger again.

That situation was a real eye-opener for me. Even that day, I remember saying “I forgot to eat! I need to get a snack!” I actually felt light headed. Instead of feeling stuffed and uncomfortable like I always did, I actually was experiencing real hunger.

Thinking back on it, I realize that I was eating so much when I was in Rome because I was lonely. At first it wasn’t like that – the first half of my summer there went really well. I was eating well, exploring, and volunteering. But something changed in me. I think I started to feel true loneliness for the first time, but I didn’t know what emotion it was.

It was so dumb, because I couldn’t figure it out when it was happening. I couldn’t figure out why I was eating so much. I think I was just stuffing my face to forget the fact that I didn’t have any close family or friends around.

Anyway, I thought about this a lot yesterday and today. Yesterday I went out to lunch with two people. I had a weird panic during lunch that caused me to scarf down my salad and eat a lot more bread than I normally would have. Then I spent the rest of lunch sitting there anxiously, thinking about what more I could eat when I got back to the office. It was the same feeling I had been having all the time in Rome. I got back to the office and ate and ate and ate. I did NOT stop the binge this time.

Today, I went out to lunch and it was a completely different situation. I felt comfortable, was able to eat slowly, and enjoy the conversation, as well as my food.

What was different between the two days? My emotions. Yesterday I felt on edge, uncomfortable, and nervous with the people I was with. Today I felt at ease, happy and calm.

It’s too bad that yesterday’s lunch made me have this reaction. But it also taught me something about myself – that I have a tendency to overeat when I am feeling uncomfortable, and that it is easy for it to spiral out of control.

Identifying what is making me uncomfortable is the key to tackling it. I know what it is now, so I am able to work against it. I just have to remember to do that in the future – identify my emotions first. Before I start eating.

There’s no point in being upset about it. Today was a new day. A much better day! Yeah, I probably won’t lose any weight this week, but so what? I still ran 2.5 miles tonight and it felt great. I am still the lightest I have been in the last 4 years. One (or two or three) bad days isn’t going to kill me.

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By kilax, October 23, 2008 7:53 am

Even though it is an entire month away, I am already getting really excited for a trip my parents and sister are planning to Chicago for the weekend before Thanksgiving.

When I was back home last weekend, my mom said, “You know what would be fun? If all of us girls got together at Grandma’s house and baked a bunch of cookies like we did that one year*!”

Of course, I had to be selfish and say, “Why don’t you all come out to Chicago? We can spend one day ‘window shopping’ downtown, and the next day baking the treats!”

My sister is going to be in Chicago for a one-day trip the Friday before Thanksgiving, so it works out perfectly for her to just stay here and ride home with my parents! Yay!

And Steven is really excited that they are visiting, because it means free slave labor he’ll have some help (my dad) working on his “project car” – a 1978 Datsun 280Z.

Now… we just need to figure out who we are going to give all these cookies to!

* In December 2001, when I was a senior in high school, my mother, grandmother, and a friend of mine decided to make tons of cookies for all of our friends, family, and teachers at school. We baked them all at my Grandmother’s (now she lives in a different town that my parents). I have always loved to bake! I am excited we are going to be doing this again!

All of the trays of cookies.

Small plates of cookies to hand out!

Me, looking like the goober I really am.

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By kilax, September 6, 2008 11:45 pm

I’ve been a little bit bummed all week – Steven’s been in Denver for a conference (he comes home tomorrow evening). And even though I lived by myself for so long… even in a foreign country, my daily routine feels all off with him gone! I feel like I am rushing through everything so I can just get to bed and sleep another night away. Have I lost my independence? No, ha ha! I’ve just become very accustomed and happy to spend so much time with him.

Anyway. It’s been awhile. Here’s what’s new with me:

• I am an aunt again! Meet Thomas Patrick – born on Thursday! Isn’t he perfect? Don’t you love his hair? No, I am not biased. He’s actually stuck in the hospital for some time because his white blood cell count is too high. They say it’s not serious, but you can say a little prayer for him if you’d like.



He is my older brother and sister-in-law’s second child. They named him after my dad’s brother (Tom) that passed away. I can’t wait to meet him!

• We spend Labor Day weekend with my family at their cabin on the Mississippi River. What a perfect weekend. The weather was AMAZING. We grilled on the beach, went on boat rides, tubing, sunbathing… and ate TONS and TONS of food. I don’t want to say that it was the perfect end to summer – because I don’t want to admit summer is coming to an end – but with our cold temperatures and rain all week, I think it’s safe to say it.

• Our one-year anniversary was Monday! The cake tasted JUST AS AMAZING as it did on our wedding. I think credit goes to my mom for wrapping it in a million layers of saran wrap. And I think the 3/4″ fondant the covered it also preserved it. Yummy. (And I can’t forget to give credit to Andrew and Courtney for perfectly separating it from the rest of the cake)

We didn’t exchange anniversary gifts, but decided to buy something nice together. I am happy that is the decision we made. I’d rather do that then buy something silly for Steven that he doesn’t need/want.

• I’ve been doing a lot of shopping. At my one-year review in May, my boss politely told me that I need to dress less frumpy. That is not how she said it, and she was really nice about it… and… I knew she was right. I looked like crap because I felt fat and crappy. Now that I’ve lost quite a bit of weight, I’ve been buying a lot of clothes. I know it is materialistic, but it’s really made me feel better about my appearance. Before I just wore button-down tops everyday. Now I am trying more trendy, form fitting things. I’m still quite a bit away from my goal weight though – so I may be too small for these in another year! We’ll see. I’m excited to see progress from all of my hard work.

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By kilax, June 10, 2008 5:34 am

I guess I am an even bigger snob that I thought!

Steven and I simultaneously decided we need a vacation yesterday. But I started spurting out places like Australia, Austria, and Egypt. And I even said “Maybe we should go to the library and look at books about England, Scotland and Ireland!”

Then he said, “Why don’t we stick to the US?”

Hmm… none of my fantasy vacations have taken place in the US! I don’t even know where to begin! I did pull out my copy of 1000 Places to See Before You Die – US & Canada for ideas, but it’s so specific. I’m not sure if that’s the best place to start.

So, it’s time for your suggestions! We don’t want the trip to be 100% educational (so no Washington D.C.), but more recreational (I guess) and relaxing. I already asked, and Walt Disney World is out of the question. We’re both especially interested in California or the New England area, but not anywhere super hot and humid (so maybe we should go to Canada!). Any tips or ideas?

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By kilax, May 12, 2008 5:53 am

I love it when people stop me on the street to ask for directions.

It gives me such an undeserved sense of accomplishment. “Wow! They must think I don’t look lost, because they’re asking ME for help!”

A map visually pops into my head when someone asks me for directions. I see street names and major landmarks. I can tell them to walk three blocks south (or “that way”), that it will take about 5 minutes, and that they’ll pass a funny orange sculpture on the way there.

When I lived in Rome, people would ask me for directions a lot. I felt really proud of myself for knowing where so many (tourist) destinations were.

But what I don’t know, is if the people ever get there based on what I tell them! Ha ha!

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Today’s Idiom: to take down a peg – to take the conceit out of a braggart

I think I took her down a peg or two when I marked up her drawing with so many corrections.

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By kilax, May 10, 2008 9:45 am

Have you heard about TSA’s Diamond Self-Select Program? I hadn’t until I saw this picture (from Midway Airport) in the newspaper yesterday.

The program splits TSA checkpoints into three lanes – expert, for business travelers; casual, for less frequent travelers; and family/special assistance, for families, elderly passengers, and passengers who need special help.

The idea is that splitting people into separate lanes, based on their TSA protocol comfort, will speed up inspection times.

I’m super quick in the TSA inspection line. I wear shoes that slip off, skip wearing a belt, and throw my laptop out of its bag at lighting speed.

It seems like I am always behind some slowpoke.

If this program actually works, and they bring it to O’Hare, I’ll be psyched. Can I go through the expert lane though, even though I am not always a “business” traveler?

Has anyone used it yet? They already have it in Denver and Cincinnati.