Semantics
Comments (16) Back in October (on the 8th), I did the “How well do you know me?” quiz, inspired by the creative genius Hilly. One of my questions was “What is my biggest regret?” and I chose the answer “Why waste time on regrets? I live a regret free life!”
After thinking about it more, I decided that, as nice as that sounds, it’s not really true. Because while I don’t really regret anything, I do have lots of guilt, a lot of it over silly little things.
In my mind, “regret” is feeling bad for something you didn’t do. So it’s EASY not to feel regret, if you are nice enough to yourself! And (also in my mind), “guilt” is feeling bad for something you did do. And it’s EASY to feel guilt, it you are hard on yourself and really care about the people around you.
Of course, the real meaning of “regret” is: to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.). And the meaning of “guilty” is: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. So, I am somewhat on the right track with the way I interpreted the words, but in the end, it’s all just semantics! And whether or not it’s right, I have to get this guilty list off my chest.
Things I am still guilty over:
- In the 1990s my parents gave me a gold necklace that had a flat, gold, cursive “Kimberly” charm on it. I was so excited about it, that when I put it on that day, I broke the charm in half and never wore it. I was too guilty to tell my parents what happened, but I still feel really bad.
- I have been relentlessly independent since I was in high school, and I feel guilty for shutting people out who could have been my friends.
- When I lived in Rome, I begged Steven to send me a care package with some fun things in it because I missed him. When he sent it, it had to go to my school (that was my mailing address) and they denied it, so it went all the way back to the States. It arrived on Steven’s porch the day after I got back from Rome. I feel guilty that he went to all that effort and I never got it.
- I feel guilty for being so involved with my own life that I only developed a relationship with my uncle Tom when I lived in Rome and we could share travel stories in our emails. That is the same year he passed away so young.
- Last year, my grandma called me and told me she was having computer problems. She lives in a different state, and I couldn’t come over to help her, so I suggested she ask my brother’s friend for help, because I know he is tech savvy. Well, he told her she needed to buy a new computer, so she did. She gave the old one to my aunt, whose friend promptly fixed it by installing a new fan. I feel guilty for her having to spend so much money, but more so because now she has to use Windows Vista!
- I feel guilty for letting myself get this heavy, again. I don’t want Steven to be known as having a “fat” wife. Oh yeah, and I want to be healthy too.
- I feel guilty for telling other people what a stupid slut I thought one of my friends was. Even if it was true, I shouldn’t have said anything about it to anyone.
- I feel guilty for all the truths I felt I had to hide because I thought people would be judgmental of me.
- I feel guilty for throwing that piece of broccoli at Steven in the Thai restaurant Monday night. I didn’t mean to do it, and I think it stained his pants and shirt.
The list could go on and on… do you have a list?
Themocracy