Comments (18)

By kilax, June 23, 2009 9:17 pm

Don’t you love it when you are telling a story to a friend, and they supplement your story with details you’ve told them in the past? Basically, when they demonstrate what a good listener they are to you by recalling little tidbits that relate to the new story?

Don’t you hate it when you remember that that good friend, one of the only two you feel like you can talk to at work, is leaving for maternity leave in a month and won’t come back for at least six months?

Hopefully you can only relate to the first two questions.

I’ve noticed that my work day is significantly better if I feel like I have had some level of personal interaction with someone.

That doesn’t happen everyday. I could reach out more. I just don’t want to overshare.

Comments (14)

By kilax, May 15, 2009 7:22 am

How long do you take to respond to an email? Or rather, are you INCREDIBLY back-logged on personal emails, like me?!

At work, I make sure I ALWAYS respond to emails directed to me with in a day, if not within the hour. But when it comes to my personal emails, it seems to take me much longer to respond, especially if the email is highly personal chit chat, which a lot of mine seem to be.

If it is something crucial, or quick, I will respond right away. But something about reading a long email, and writing a long response back… tires me out? Or something? I love exchanging long emails back and forth, but I want to give them the thought and concentration they deserve when I respond, and I feel like I rarely have the time to do that. So they just build up and build up and build up… and I have an email box with 30+ “marked as unread” messages, so I avoid it…

It just makes me feel bad. I feel bad that I am running around writing posts, leaving comments, and living my life, but not responding to emails right away. I’m trying though. And I almost always respond back (because it’s kind of rude not to ever respond at all!).

Comments (17)

By kilax, March 24, 2009 5:13 am

For your entertainment, here is a blog post I wrote about being sick while I was sick. Yeah… it kind of doesn’t make any sense.

My exhaustion finally caught up with me.

On Thursday I developed a small cough in the afternoon. On Friday, it was deeper, but I felt well enough to go to work. But by lunch time I started to feel weak. I had aches in my legs and couldn’t walk very fast. I left early and the aches spread to my hips and lower back. We had tickets to a comedy club with friends that night and were supposed to meet them for dinner first. Instead, I laid in bed all night, as the aches moved to my chest. Wonderful wife I am. $50 down the drain.

On Saturday, surprisingly, I felt somewhat better. Still weak, but not coughing as much, and not achy. We took Sir Data Lor to the vet, and cleaned the house a bit for friends to come over. I was terrified I would have to cancel our get together* with Kevin, Katie, Diane, E and Tori, but I felt great all day. Until about 9:00 pm, when they probably noticed me continually getting up from playing Wii Trivial Pursuit** to blow my nose, cough, and wash my hands in the bathroom.

On Sunday I felt miserable. I kept getting hot and cold, hot and cold. I would be shivering under the sheets, then they would be wet from me sweating too much. I had to go to Target to pick up a prescription. You know what the pharmacist*** said to me? “You look tired.” You know what it means when people say that to  you? “You look like crap.” I DID look like crap. I laid in bed all day.

I thought I may go to work on Monday, but decided not to. It’s a good thing I didn’t. I could barely stand up when I was trying to make myself oatmeal in the morning – I felt too weak and dizzy. I had aches during the day again. Felt too weak to get out of bed most of the time. But the coughing had gone down. Hurrah.

On Tuesday, I think I’ll go into the office. What the hell. Should be fun.

You know what? I have been PISSED OFF this whole time I’ve been sick. I’m angry. This stupid sickness is putting a serious hamper in my exercise plans. Taking four days off is making me crazy. And I don’t feel like I should be sick. I eat well and I exercise. I’m healthy!

I know what you’re thinking, “Um, Kim, maybe it’s because you don’t get enough sleep?” Yeah, that has got to be it. From now on, I am going to recommit to getting 7 hours of sleep a night. I will set a timer for 10:00 or whatever, and when it goes off, I’ll stop what I’m doing, and go to bed, as often as possible. If that doesn’t happen, I am going to start sleeping on the train again.

I’ll do whatever it takes to get healthy.

And yeah, that includes finally going to the doctor. I’m working on that one.

*We had such a wonderful time having everyone over on Saturday night. We rarely get to spend time with friends, so it was a real treat. And I love that blogging has given me so many “real life” friends. I never thought that would happen when I started this blog! And I must say – I have a very real blogger crush on Tori. She’s even more awesome in person.
**I sucked at Wii Trivial Pursuit just as much as the tangible board game. What a surprise! Not!
***My pharmacist is pretty funny. The last time I was there, she was so excited to enter my new government insurance info in the computer because of the “awesome low prices!”
BONUS FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR: Anyone sick of me using asterisks all the time? Muah ha ha! Blame it on diane! I copied her’s! I love it when she adds little tidbits!

Comments (14)

By kilax, March 17, 2009 6:54 am

Do you ever have a strong urge to call a friend and let all of your emotions and frustrations out, but you hold back, because you don’t want to burden/bother them?

What is with the filter?

I had a day yesterday, that, let’s just say, didn’t make my sour weekend mood go away. Let’s just say it built on it. There’s a lot going at work. It’s nothing bad that reflects on me individually, but something that affects my organization. It was enough to stress me out after I left work and make me have dreams about it last night.

I needed to call someone last night and talk about it. I used to always call my mom first. She has always been my #1 go-to person, and probably always will be. She’s a great listener, and always gives me the reaction I need.

But she’s not always available. She has important daily commitments. And I don’t want to bother her when she’s busy. And quite honestly, I am selfish, and I don’t feel like I get the attention I need when she’s busy (makes sense – she’s busy).

So last night, I had the urge to call a friend first. Someone who is also a good listener. Someone who can relate.

But, I didn’t. I didn’t want to burden her with my work stress, when she already has her work stress.

Thinking about it now, that’s bull-crap. Our relationship is not set up on the premise that we both have perfectly wonderful lives with no stress. Yeah, we’re both generally happy and know we have a lot to be grateful for, but what’s to say I can’t call her and just let her know how stressed I am at the moment?

I believe it’s fine to say I am stressed out about my job right now, without having to justify it with “I am grateful to have a job.” OF COURSE I am. But for the moment, I let that hold me back.

I believe my friend and I are both the nurturing type. We have the tendency to listen a lot to other people’s problems first, before we share ours. It’s not that we don’t share them, just that we don’t prioritize them all the time. We maybe sit on them. I sometimes do, anyway.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ve had strong urges to reach out and call her other times. Once, when I was having some food related issues. I just needed to talk to someone who understood. But still, I held back.

If I am lucky enough to have this wonderful, understanding friend that I can relate to, and who is also a great listener, why don’t I let myself be 100% MYSELF to her?

Comments (10)

By kilax, February 5, 2009 5:37 pm

It felt good today, to meet a friend in a similar profession for lunch, and tell her exactly what I do in my new job, and how much I like it. I told her passionately, without hesitation – something I haven’t been doing much of lately.

A lot of people have preconceived thoughts in their head about what it means to work for the federal government. A lot of people also have preconceived thoughts in their head about what I should be doing with my architecture degree.

Please stop judging me. Please let me be. I think I will figure this out on my own.

I hate that I feel afraid to talk about my job, because of other people’s judgment. I’m sorry I’m not being more specific – I think that would be inappropriate. Let me just say, I thank you all for the support you’ve given me.

Comments (14)

By kilax, January 31, 2009 5:52 pm

Our Denver Ski trip is official! We bought our flight tickets last weekend (for mid February) and visited the Columbia Outlet Store today to get our jackets and pants.

I’m getting more and more excited as the details get squared away. It will be fun to try skiing, and possibly, some other winter sports. I wonder if we’ll get hooked on skiing and it will become an annual activity?

It will also be fun to spend time with friends! We are going with one of Steven’s high school friends and his wife. And we are staying with the friend’s parents, who live in the foothills of the mountains just outside of Denver.

All of my memories of these friends and the parents are of good conversation and good times. They’re the kind of intellectual people who listen, have a lot to add to the conversation, but know when it’s time to have fun and not be serious.

We had lunch with the friends today before going to the store. We were telling them about our fitness goals and half marathon training. Sometimes people brush this off or make a joke about how inactive they were, but they listened to us, and showed enthusiasm for our goals, and shared a few of their own. It turns out Steven’s friend is training for a half marathon as well! We all even talked about running the Disney World half marathon next January. After reading Laura’s Disney Marathon Race Report, I really think that half (or full?!) marathon would be loads of fun.

It’s too bad we don’t see these friends more often. They also live in the suburbs, but… the Chicago suburbs can be very far apart. And ours are. Add in all of our busy schedules, and it’s not often the four of us can meet up. Even more reason to look forward to the trip!

Comments (13)

By kilax, January 7, 2009 5:55 pm

I’ve posted a few times about my disdain for my neighbors (here, here, and here… and probably elsewhere), and how I felt it was normal to not know ANY of them.

After yesterday’s post, you might be wondering what my deal is, and if I have any friends at ALL. I do. And ironically, I felt inspired today to write about some of our newest friends – who, also ironically, are neighbors! We met them last spring, and have been hanging out with them and their daughter regularly since then.

I don’t know if I can accurately describe how nice, thoughtful, giving and fun to be around these people are. The husband is charismatic, gregarious, outgoing… he may be the friendliest person I’ve ever met. He’s one of those people that EVERYBODY likes.  The wife is very easygoing, easy to talk to, caring and thoughtful – the type that seems to find happiness in everything. She listens and shows interest – you know I like that.

And their daughter is absolutely adorable. I kind of thought it would be a problem for the five of us to hang out since we don’t have a child as well, but their daughter is so well-behaved and well-spoken that it has never been a problem. She sings and dances and plays with Data while we are having a conversation. She’ll tell you if she needs a nap or is hungry or wants to go to the bathroom.

We went to her third birthday party in the beginning of December. Oh my. They had A LOT of people in their home. A lot of family, a lot of friends, and a lot of kids. It was fun. Their daughter kind of just sat back and watched the other kids play (she’s an observer, until she begins to feel comfortable). At one point, her mother asked her to put away the toys to her kitchen set – plastic food, utensils, plates and so on. She sat diligently on the floor, packing everything into a storage bin, not noticing the other kids dancing and yelling around her. She put the bin away when she was all done then got up and went to another part of the room. Another kid immediately came and dumped everything out on the floor! Then her mother came back and asked her to put everything away, in that sort of voice like, “I already told you once!” She had a little pout on her face, but listened to her mother and put everything away again. Steven and I were just sitting there laughing. We knew she had put it all away once. We told the mom that story last week and she just laughed and laughed. She said, “I wondered why she hadn’t put them away when I first asked!”

Oops, that was kind of a tangent.

I get really excited when I tell people about our “neighbors,” because I think they are so awesome. Besides inviting us over all the time, feeding us, entertaining us, etc. (which we do the same), they’ve really helped us out a lot. I needed to find a church in the neighborhood, and they knew of one. I didn’t know where to go to vote and they gave me general directions. I wasn’t sure about taking the job with the federal government and they encouraged me, supported me and followed up with me – calling to ask my decision, congratulating me, asking how I like it so far, etc.

We’ve asked them to watch over Data the past two weekends while we were out of town. Both times, they came over everyday, sometimes twice! They leave a detailed list of when they were there, how much Data ate, if he went poo, if he had a treat, if he seemed happy… Steven and I think they do a better job recording him than the shelter does when we board him!

A family emergency came up and Steven and I have to travel again. Another four days away from home. I hated asking them to watch Data again, but I don’t like leaving him alone for that many days. I start to feel really guilty.

Well, you can probably guess, our neighbor was more than excited to watch Data. He said, “I wish I could watch Data every weekend!” Then he started to tell me about how cute Data is, how he is there when he opens the door and follows him around the house, purring.

I apologized for asking him to watch him, yet again, but he started telling me how he feels like we do so much for him and his family, and his is more than happy to return the favor. “We’re neighbors afterall!”

We are. I just never realized what that meant!

Comments (20)

By kilax, November 30, 2008 10:24 pm

Unfortunately, yes.

Unfortunately, no.

I am really embarrassed that I am bad at painting. And that I hate it so much. I mean, I am an architecture major. Shouldn’t I be good at these “home improvement” sort of things?

I just like to think this means I am better at telling people where and how to paint, than actually doing it myself. Ha!

Okay, I’m not really good at that either. I am not an Interior Designer, after all.

I really love the way the paint is turning out. We painted our bedroom a dark greenish/brownish/gray – Valspar’s Seine. We have an accent wall behind the bed that is even darker – Valspar’s Italian Leather. That is the color we painted the bathroom today – the Italian Leather. I LOVE dark rooms, so I am super excited about this.

Seine and Italian Leather. They look nothing like this in real life.

But why no photos? Because the bathroom isn’t finished, and because we have no bed (just mattress and frame) and the ugliest bedroom furniture you have ever seen. So I estimate you’ll see a photo of the bedroom in about… 6 months, and a photo of the bathroom… maybe later this week.

On Friday we hung out and spent the night with my friend Alejandra and her husband Sony in Des Moines. She is the other bridesmaid of mine that I have not seen in over a year! AHH!

Anyway, we obviously had a great time and I really, really wish we could see them more. We both do. They are a unique couple – she’s from Puerto Rico, and he is Chinese, but from Venezuela… they are fun to be around. We have a lot in common, but they have a different perspective on some things.

Yes, this has a point. They moved into a new-to-them townhome in July and I could tell they put a lot of thought and hard work into decorating it and making it homey. They were talking about the last time they saw our place and that we didn’t even have a dining room table. Ha! Steven and I have done so much work together on our home since the wedding, it really feels homey, like it is “ours” now (instead of just his). It was fun to talk about all the work we have done with them because they could relate and… I could tell they were actually listening (another reason I like them!).

It’s amazing to see your home come together. Because, unless you are rich… you can’t really afford to get everything/do everything you want all at once. But maybe I wouldn’t even prefer it that way. I like that we have made it what it is. Even if I haven’t loved every minute of it!

Comments (20)

By kilax, November 16, 2008 10:34 pm

We have a super stressful week ahead of us. Besides preparing for my family’s visit next weekend with the typical cleaning and shopping, we also have to ship four Saab winter wheels and tires somewhere (?), put up our Christmas tree, as well as finish PAINTING our bedroom so we can SLEEP in it.

And did I mention the shopping won’t be normal shopping for guests, but shopping for guests and for ingredients for about 10-15 different cookies and sweets?!

And what did I do all weekend that I did not get any of the above mentioned done? I had neighbors over for dinner, ran a 5K, got my oil changed, test drove a car, went to Lowe’s, went to Quantum of Solace, did laundry, painted test samples, went back to Lowe’s and Target, taped, painted, cursed, went to Home Depot, cut up all the vegetables, took the garbage out, cleaned the kitchen…

I feel like the only time I sat down this weekend was at the movie. And I was being anxious and jumpy anyway (slow movie).

I am stressed out. I have so much to do, and what? Two and a half free hours each night to do it? If I skip dinner, and don’t exercise?

I don’t care if I have to stay up late to get all of these things done. I just want to exercise. I am already feeling anxious and stressed out about the fact that I may not have the time to (logistically, I can’t right now – there is no room in the bedroom to pull the treadmill out).

And I’m feeling stressed about stress eating. And stressed about the fact that I’ve been feeling so much more hungry lately. What is THAT about? I thought you got LESS hungry when you weighed less? Am I confusing hunger with something else?

I am trying to mentally prepare for the week and these challenges. I may actually have to make a little schedule to make sure I get all the things done I need to get done.

Monday – Paint
Tuesday – Paint?
Wednesday – Shopping
Thursday – Cleaning / Tree

I’ve just gotta let out all of my stress here. And say that it’s going to be a rough week, but an awesome weekend with my family. And a great Monday off NEXT week. That’s when I’ll get my rest!

Comments (8)

By kilax, November 12, 2008 9:29 pm

During the summer I lived in Rome by myself, I spent a long weekend visiting a classmate who was working in London (July 15-17 in the archives).

I arrived on Friday while he was still at work. The first thing I did when I got into the airport was go into a shop and stock up on snacks. Then when I arrived in the city, I did the same thing. I walked to the British Museum, eating all of my snacks along the way. After leaving the museum, I stopped and sat in a park, and had some more snacks. I later meet up with him to tour his office and have dinner.

I was constantly absorbed with thoughts of when the next time I would get to eat would be. I was not hungry at all, but that was the only thought I could concentrate on. It was like that in Rome too. I was in an office, around coworkers all day, and felt like I could never eat the things I wanted in the office. I waited until my hour long lunch break to run to the stores and stuff my face silly. Sometimes I would go to a regular grocery store, a bakery and a gelateria. All during an hour!

My friend and I spent all day that Saturday exploring London with another friend of his. We went to a few parks, museums, shops. It was a surprisingly beautiful day.

What was even more surprising to me that day, was that I did not spend every moment thinking about food, or when I would get to have something to eat. I was genuinely enjoying the day, and the thoughts of food were gone. I felt hunger again.

That situation was a real eye-opener for me. Even that day, I remember saying “I forgot to eat! I need to get a snack!” I actually felt light headed. Instead of feeling stuffed and uncomfortable like I always did, I actually was experiencing real hunger.

Thinking back on it, I realize that I was eating so much when I was in Rome because I was lonely. At first it wasn’t like that – the first half of my summer there went really well. I was eating well, exploring, and volunteering. But something changed in me. I think I started to feel true loneliness for the first time, but I didn’t know what emotion it was.

It was so dumb, because I couldn’t figure it out when it was happening. I couldn’t figure out why I was eating so much. I think I was just stuffing my face to forget the fact that I didn’t have any close family or friends around.

Anyway, I thought about this a lot yesterday and today. Yesterday I went out to lunch with two people. I had a weird panic during lunch that caused me to scarf down my salad and eat a lot more bread than I normally would have. Then I spent the rest of lunch sitting there anxiously, thinking about what more I could eat when I got back to the office. It was the same feeling I had been having all the time in Rome. I got back to the office and ate and ate and ate. I did NOT stop the binge this time.

Today, I went out to lunch and it was a completely different situation. I felt comfortable, was able to eat slowly, and enjoy the conversation, as well as my food.

What was different between the two days? My emotions. Yesterday I felt on edge, uncomfortable, and nervous with the people I was with. Today I felt at ease, happy and calm.

It’s too bad that yesterday’s lunch made me have this reaction. But it also taught me something about myself – that I have a tendency to overeat when I am feeling uncomfortable, and that it is easy for it to spiral out of control.

Identifying what is making me uncomfortable is the key to tackling it. I know what it is now, so I am able to work against it. I just have to remember to do that in the future – identify my emotions first. Before I start eating.

There’s no point in being upset about it. Today was a new day. A much better day! Yeah, I probably won’t lose any weight this week, but so what? I still ran 2.5 miles tonight and it felt great. I am still the lightest I have been in the last 4 years. One (or two or three) bad days isn’t going to kill me.