One thing
An editorial column I read recently mentioned the idea of “self-esteem culture” – where you are told you can be anything you want to be, so long as you put your mind to it. Sound familiar?
The columnist was talking about watching the “American Idol” auditions, and how awful she thought some of the singers were. She wondered why someone didn’t tell these kids they didn’t have any talent before they went on national television and humiliated themselves. She concluded that the family, friends, and teachers of these kids give them encouragement to make them feel good, no matter the cost.
My point in all this is not to talk about “American Idol,” but something from the column that struck a cord with me. The columnist mentioned that everyone is gifted in some areas – and NOT in others. Not everyone can sing.
And I believe that. I believe that people have natural, inherited and learned talents that are unique to them. It is impossible to be good at EVERYTHING.
It made me think… what am I really gifted in? What is something unique I am talented in? What do I do well?
I couldn’t come up with anything.
I know how to do a lot of things, but all at a mediocre level. You could say I know a lot about architecture… but then of course I do. It’s my work.
I just want to feel like I do one thing really well. I want people to say, “Maybe Kim could help me with this! She knows a lot about ‘fill in the blank’ topic.”
Don’t get me wrong; I am not asking for any compliments. I am just sharing how I feel. I think I have a lot of time in my life to find my “one thing.”
Themocracy
Well, the thing is that there is ALWAYS someone to tell you how much you stink. I have been told countless times I am a horrible artist, an awful writer, etc. Seriously, if I held myself back from chasing after what appeals to me because of what people say I probably would have just tossed myself off a bridge and been done with it as so many actually suggested I do. I’m not kidding. I went through a horrible period where I was paralyzed because of the people who thought I was worthless on every level I could come up with.
Here is the thing though, those things you stink at and fail at? You gain so much from them. Sometimes it’s not about being the best, or even good at it, but trying it at all. I ran a marathon because I wanted to see if I could. I finished in just over SIX hours. I SUCK at running. But I didn’t do it to win, or to look good, or anything else, except for me. I have a ton of other examples too… but maybe those horrible singers on American Idol (which i can’t stand to watch because I am embarassed for them) are there not to win, but to try. There is no bigger regret than not trying at all. Regret for failure is small in comparison.
You have your good points, your great points and your “I rock!” points. Maybe you can’t think of them right now, but they’re there and so a part of who you are that you don’t notice them which is why you have to ask. But remember that even the ones you are bad at count for the greater good. You can do whatever you want to, you just may not be successful at it. But maybe that shouldn’t be the goal for MOST things we do.
I’m still looking for my God given talent(s). I know what I’m NOT good in, not so much what I am good in.
Seriously tho, I was thinking about creating a new banner for Man Oh Manny..and I thought, I should ask Kim, she’s good at that stuff.
I think the family, friends and teachers of those autidtioners did them a major disservice! We can’t walk around the world with our heads in the sand, not wanting to tell the truth – even if it hurts.
Kyra – I have never had that kind of direct discouragement. I have had lots of negative critiques, but I always try to find something positive in them to keep myself going. It sounds like you did too. I am sorry you went through all of that. You bring up a good point that you CAN do whatever you want, you just may not be good at it. I suppose the human experience is the valuable part!
Gina (Mannyed) – You and I must be in the same boat. We will find them Gina! And thank you for your compliment. I would be more than happy (honored!) to help create a new banner for you!
Lisa – I think you are right. And there IS a way of delivering the truth in a non-spiteful, non-mean way! It seems like some truth tellers get pleaser out of telling you that you need improvement or are bad… why can’t we give kinder criticism? Maybe then we will all not be afraid of the truth!
I read an article a while back (nyt via mindhacks.com probably) about a study of kids praised for innate intelligence vs. those praised for their hard work on various problems. Kids in the ‘more intelligent’ group were more likely to quit when the problems got harder than the kids who expected they would improve if they kept working at the task.
Another study showed that naturally talented athletes viewed training less favorably than athletes who needed to work to match and surpass the naturally talented. Or something similar…it’s been a while since I read that one as well. Same basic idea though: natural skill/talent is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.
KIm not everyone can still yell and jump and scream and act like a little kid at a parade and still get candy . Only YOU 🙂
i’m not sure exactly what i am good at either…maybe you should take a poll and see what other people think what your thing is. hmmm…(pondering this for myself).
i too am still searching for something i am good at too…
i know one thing you’re most excellent at, your blog/website… it is so impressive!!! i wish i had your knowledge about html (and everything else that goes with that)… and doh, manny stole my idea… since you are a photoshop master i was going to see if you would help me with an “idea” i’ve had forever and can’t seem to figure it out…
Kim! I was quite shocked to see this post from you! Every time I ever need to know about something or am curious about something my initial reaction is to ask you. One of your talents is that you are SOOO smart. And even if you’ve had to work hard to get your knowledge you are still sooo freakin’ smart! For me it is really difficult to retain the information that is thrown at me, but you seem to know a little or a lot about almost everything! I envy you for that trait. You also have great ambition to do the things you want to/need to do. You’re very gifted Kim, in many more ways than these! Its always going to be hard to realize your own potential because you see so many other people with more obvious gifts. But you are very gifted. Believe me!!
60 Minutes had a great story about this about a month ago. They said the main culprit was “Mr. Rogers” and others who tell every kid, “You’re special. You can be anything you want.”
Back in the 30s, let’s say, kids knew they had to work their asses off to succeed. They had to make themselves special. It wasn’t an inalienable right.
They talked about how many companies have a difficult time hiring and keeping good, young workers. That’s why they do all that nonsense with ping pong tables and naps, just to keep these punk kids happy. Everyone is very confident in themselves these days, whether they sing or not.
The bad thing is that the disillusioned get the same amount of airtime as the truly gifted. And with American Idol, you have to look pretty hard to find any talent.