Comments (21)

By kilax, November 17, 2008 11:27 pm

Already, they’re back in full force.

The evil penguins!

Just kidding. Actually, it’s the bloody noses.

I think my nose bleed for a full 20 minutes tonight. I just had to stand over the sink and let it come out, because it was soaking up the tissue too fast.

Please, please, please – someone get me a humidifier for Christmas. Or sooner. Humidifiers, especially cute penguin or other animal shaped ones, make great early Christmas presents. Or great “we’re coming to see you the weekend before Thanksgiving presents.”

(Okay, or I could just buy one myself – they’re not that expensive and we just got a $10 off coupon from Lowe’s [ironically, the day after we spend over $400 there])

Comments (20)

By kilax, November 16, 2008 10:34 pm

We have a super stressful week ahead of us. Besides preparing for my family’s visit next weekend with the typical cleaning and shopping, we also have to ship four Saab winter wheels and tires somewhere (?), put up our Christmas tree, as well as finish PAINTING our bedroom so we can SLEEP in it.

And did I mention the shopping won’t be normal shopping for guests, but shopping for guests and for ingredients for about 10-15 different cookies and sweets?!

And what did I do all weekend that I did not get any of the above mentioned done? I had neighbors over for dinner, ran a 5K, got my oil changed, test drove a car, went to Lowe’s, went to Quantum of Solace, did laundry, painted test samples, went back to Lowe’s and Target, taped, painted, cursed, went to Home Depot, cut up all the vegetables, took the garbage out, cleaned the kitchen…

I feel like the only time I sat down this weekend was at the movie. And I was being anxious and jumpy anyway (slow movie).

I am stressed out. I have so much to do, and what? Two and a half free hours each night to do it? If I skip dinner, and don’t exercise?

I don’t care if I have to stay up late to get all of these things done. I just want to exercise. I am already feeling anxious and stressed out about the fact that I may not have the time to (logistically, I can’t right now – there is no room in the bedroom to pull the treadmill out).

And I’m feeling stressed about stress eating. And stressed about the fact that I’ve been feeling so much more hungry lately. What is THAT about? I thought you got LESS hungry when you weighed less? Am I confusing hunger with something else?

I am trying to mentally prepare for the week and these challenges. I may actually have to make a little schedule to make sure I get all the things done I need to get done.

Monday – Paint
Tuesday – Paint?
Wednesday – Shopping
Thursday – Cleaning / Tree

I’ve just gotta let out all of my stress here. And say that it’s going to be a rough week, but an awesome weekend with my family. And a great Monday off NEXT week. That’s when I’ll get my rest!

Comments (16)

By kilax, November 15, 2008 11:59 am

This morning was the WonderGirl 5K! I didn’t get as many photos as I thought I would because Steven decided to run it with me (instead of being my photographer)!

I’m really happy Steven decided to run it. Even though we don’t talk much while we are running, it’s nice to have someone I know next to me. It keeps me going.

More than 2000 people ended up running this 5K. We got there around 8:00 (the race started at 9:00) and there were already tons of kids everywhere, getting warmed up, having their faces painted, drinking free hot coco, decorating foam tiaras to wear during the race… it was energizing to have so many people out, all so enthusiastic about the race.

I tried to take a photo of of the huge crowd…

Look how beautiful the sky was. NOT!

I saw a lot of school groups running with the young girls, but I also saw families, fathers with daughters, mother with sons, and single people like me and Steven… there was a huge variety. It was inspiring to be running by a father and daughter and hear him say, “You set the pace, and I’ll follow you.”

There was no official timing of the race. There was a clock in the end, but the focus was on everyone finishing – on everyone being a winner. We all got medals. I thought that was pretty cool.

I’m proud of my medal!

I know our time was about 2 minutes slower than normal, but I wasn’t out there to kill my last time. I was just out there to participate. (I think that is what my winter training is going to be about – staying in shape, not working on timing)

After we finished, we went back to part of the route to cheer other runners on. We did that for about 20 minutes until my Under Armour started to turn ice cold and I had to get into the car and heat up. I am happy we stayed to keep cheering though. It’s always nice to have people cheering for you, whether or not you know them!

I had a lot of fun at the event. I saw a lot of women running with younger girls, letting them set the pace, and just sticking with them. I would love to be a mentor (well, they call it a “running buddy”) like that, but I know my schedule doesn’t allow the time. I think I will contact the Girls on the Run organization near my home and see what I CAN help with.

Comments (11)

By kilax, November 14, 2008 1:12 pm

… that you sometimes run into famous people during your lunch break.

Today I ran into Tony Hawk.

I was walking and he was just standing on the sidewalk by the curb, alone. I slowed down because I thought he looked famous. I remembered that his first name was Tony.

People were walking by him saying, “Hey man! What’s up?” and stopping to take their photos together with their camera phones. It made me laugh – it seemed only the skater-looking people were stopping (I know, stereotype).

I called my mom and she actually remembered his last name! Points for mom for knowing some pop culture!

I am taking me being excited about this is a sign that I am not as jaded as I though. Ha!

(But this is still not as cool as my friend who works in the Rookery and was there when Christian Bale was filming The Dark Knight)

Comments (24)

By kilax, November 14, 2008 5:41 am

When you take your socks off, do you always use your hands to do it, or do you ever your feet?

Yes! Another foot-related question! Let me explain.

On Sunday night, I went to bed with my socks on because I was so cold. I rarely do this because I always end up with them off anyway. I asked Steven what percentage chance he thought that I would still have my socks on when I woke up (he thought 2%).

Then he asked me, “Do you get up in the middle of the night to take them off?”

“No! I use my feet to take them off while I am sleeping!”

“Who uses their feet to take their socks off?!”

“Everyone!”

“No they don’t!”

You get the idea. I had to demonstrate to Steven how it is done (you can either stand with one foot on the floor and use the other to stand on its sock from the front and pull the foot away so the sock comes off OR, if you are talented like me, you can bend your toes and use them to hold the back of the socks while you pull the other foot out). Then he continued to tell me that everyone uses their hands to remove their socks and I am just strange. So that is where the question came from!

(And they WERE still on when I woke up!)

Comments (12)

By kilax, November 13, 2008 7:49 am

Usually, when I am making a “life decision,” I just follow my gut. I stick to whatever my natural inclination is.

That’s a luxury, I know – a selfish one – to be able to make decisions solely for myself.

(And unfortunately, it’s not always THAT easy. I’ve learned that the big life-changing decisions take me a LONG time to sort out)

In my gut, I knew that I really wanted to participate in the WonderGirl 5K this Saturday. Like I mentioned before, I read about the organization in a magazine, and felt like it really called out to me.

But there were a few logistical barriers: the race is about a zillion and one miles away from my home (okay, 60 miles), I would have to wake up at the crack of dawn to run it (okay, Data is waking me up that early every weekend anyway), and I would have to run it alone (okay, I’ve done that before – no biggie!).

And the big one – I felt guilty asking Steven to get out of bed that early on a Saturday, to drive me halfway across the state (slight exaggeration) and watch me run a 5K – possibly in the snow – with a bunch of young girls and families.

But you know what? I really wanted to do it, so I signed up for it first thing Monday morning, and have been excited about it ever since then.

It struck me as odd this week, that I felt so much excitement simply by signing up for this race. I usually don’t feel this excited about a race.

Yesterday, I found out there is a chapter of Girls on the Run in the county next to mine. From the content on their website, it sounds like they are just getting started.

I found myself getting excited again, imagining myself becoming a running buddy for a young girl in the program, or helping the program set up their first 5K. I was fantasizing about volunteering.

This feeling of excitement helped me get through the day.

But for some reason, I am kind of embarrassed about it.

I am kind of embarassed about being hopeful!

What a weird reaction. I am attributing it to my natural skepticism. Inside me, a voice says, “Yeah, it sounds like a really cool program. But maybe on Saturday you’ll find out it’s totally lame and a big waste of time!”

I can’t go to the race feeling that way, so I am going to continue to be excited, positive and upbeat about it. I am going to continue to look forward to it, and hope that I’ve found a good organization I may like to give some of my time to. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Comments (8)

By kilax, November 12, 2008 9:29 pm

During the summer I lived in Rome by myself, I spent a long weekend visiting a classmate who was working in London (July 15-17 in the archives).

I arrived on Friday while he was still at work. The first thing I did when I got into the airport was go into a shop and stock up on snacks. Then when I arrived in the city, I did the same thing. I walked to the British Museum, eating all of my snacks along the way. After leaving the museum, I stopped and sat in a park, and had some more snacks. I later meet up with him to tour his office and have dinner.

I was constantly absorbed with thoughts of when the next time I would get to eat would be. I was not hungry at all, but that was the only thought I could concentrate on. It was like that in Rome too. I was in an office, around coworkers all day, and felt like I could never eat the things I wanted in the office. I waited until my hour long lunch break to run to the stores and stuff my face silly. Sometimes I would go to a regular grocery store, a bakery and a gelateria. All during an hour!

My friend and I spent all day that Saturday exploring London with another friend of his. We went to a few parks, museums, shops. It was a surprisingly beautiful day.

What was even more surprising to me that day, was that I did not spend every moment thinking about food, or when I would get to have something to eat. I was genuinely enjoying the day, and the thoughts of food were gone. I felt hunger again.

That situation was a real eye-opener for me. Even that day, I remember saying “I forgot to eat! I need to get a snack!” I actually felt light headed. Instead of feeling stuffed and uncomfortable like I always did, I actually was experiencing real hunger.

Thinking back on it, I realize that I was eating so much when I was in Rome because I was lonely. At first it wasn’t like that – the first half of my summer there went really well. I was eating well, exploring, and volunteering. But something changed in me. I think I started to feel true loneliness for the first time, but I didn’t know what emotion it was.

It was so dumb, because I couldn’t figure it out when it was happening. I couldn’t figure out why I was eating so much. I think I was just stuffing my face to forget the fact that I didn’t have any close family or friends around.

Anyway, I thought about this a lot yesterday and today. Yesterday I went out to lunch with two people. I had a weird panic during lunch that caused me to scarf down my salad and eat a lot more bread than I normally would have. Then I spent the rest of lunch sitting there anxiously, thinking about what more I could eat when I got back to the office. It was the same feeling I had been having all the time in Rome. I got back to the office and ate and ate and ate. I did NOT stop the binge this time.

Today, I went out to lunch and it was a completely different situation. I felt comfortable, was able to eat slowly, and enjoy the conversation, as well as my food.

What was different between the two days? My emotions. Yesterday I felt on edge, uncomfortable, and nervous with the people I was with. Today I felt at ease, happy and calm.

It’s too bad that yesterday’s lunch made me have this reaction. But it also taught me something about myself – that I have a tendency to overeat when I am feeling uncomfortable, and that it is easy for it to spiral out of control.

Identifying what is making me uncomfortable is the key to tackling it. I know what it is now, so I am able to work against it. I just have to remember to do that in the future – identify my emotions first. Before I start eating.

There’s no point in being upset about it. Today was a new day. A much better day! Yeah, I probably won’t lose any weight this week, but so what? I still ran 2.5 miles tonight and it felt great. I am still the lightest I have been in the last 4 years. One (or two or three) bad days isn’t going to kill me.

Comments (23)

By kilax, November 10, 2008 5:01 am

We were kind of upset when we found out that Data has been chewing an array of holes in the fleece blanket we leave out on our couch.

But then Steven realized that Data is really just an aspiring fashion designer!

The design from the front…

… and the back!

Now what we really need to decide before Steven starts wearing it in public – should he add a belt?

Comments (10)

By kilax, November 9, 2008 5:45 pm

I just want to have a normal relationship with food. I do NOT want to:

• Spend my days counting calories.
• Feel guilty every weekend for eating more than I do on weekdays.
• Feel anxious about eating out.
• Feel anxious about eating in public.
• Feel anxious about eating ALL THE TIME.
• Worry I will regain all of the weight I have lost.
• Worry I will stop caring about myself again.

Someone please tell me this is possible. Because right now, I feel like I spend so much of my time thinking about eating/health/weight loss it is sickening.

I’ve been spending my weekends and free time searching for other weight loss and health blogs on the internet for inspiration. I now have a folder of 50+ of them in google reader. I’ve found so many cool people going through the same thing I am (there are a few that I would love to recommend – Escape from Obesity, Morgan Gets Thin, Perfect in our Imperfections, Coming Clean: Tales of a Disordered Eater), but I worry that I am being too obsessive. I worry I am thinking about being healthy too much and not living my life.

I’m reading another “food and health” book – Intuitive Eating. Yes, another one. I saw this book recommended in quite a few places. I always read these books with a grain of salt… but I am still picking them up and reading them. I guess I am hoping for some revolutionary insight? I already know I overeat when stressed/anxious/bored. Someone please just reprogram me so I don’t do that anymore.

This book is an anti-diet book that focuses on getting back to “intuitive eating” – basically listening to hunger cues and following that instead of a diet.

Well, I’ve never followed a diet, but I do have internal rules for myself about eating. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to have a normal relationship with food. How many posts have I ended saying that?

Why I am feeling so stressed/anxious/nervous/restless all the time? When will this go away?! When?!

Comments (17)

By kilax, November 7, 2008 5:38 am

Do you tie and untie your tennis shoes when you take them on and off? Or do you tie them once, leave them tied, then slip them on and off?

Every morning, I slip on my loose, but already-tied Sauconys. Why am I too lazy to untie them when I get home in the evening, and re-tie them in the morning? I don’t know.

I handle my running shoes with a little more care – I do tie and untie those. I guess I think that is better on them? That it will keep them lasting longer? Who knows.