Closed
Now that it’s been mentioned in both the June issue of Glamour and Marie Claire, I have to say something about it.
Open Marriage.
Jenny Block (not to be confused with “Jenny from the Block”) had an affair with a woman three years into her marriage. Instead of divorce, Block and her husband decided to have an open marriage – staying together, but also dating other people. She recently wrote a book about it – Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage.
I don’t think this is completely ludicrous or unreasonable. It may actually solve (or cover up) some issues that married couples have.
But I know this is not for me. And probably never will be.
I’m not possessive and I’m not jealous, but I don’t like to share… my husband anyway!
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Today’s Idiom: Hobson’s choice – no choice at all
We’re given Hobson’s choice when we go out to eat with Steven’s grandma – there is only one restaurant she will go to.
Themocracy
I think an open marriage could work for some people but polyamorous relationships need to have boundaries too. I don’t know.
My wife and I talked about different scenarios a couple of years ago but it’s really difficult to get everyone on the same page. I think that’s why people who grow up around polyamorous relationships understand it better than others. Our ideals and opinions are forged by our experiences. If we’re never around it, or never see a healthy situation like that, we’re more than likely not to be open to it.
As Ajooja says, it works for some people. But you need to really set up a good list of rules and guidelines. Otherwise, emotions and everything else gets in the way.
I’m content with my relationship, but if this works for others, I say – go for it. But make sure you both know each other very well and understand things may change with time.
then what is the point of marriage? why not just date? i guess you get married for the health insurance and tax breaks? but as its been stated above, if an open marriage works for you, then so be it.
Yeah, open marriage would not work for me. And definitely wouldn’t work for my fiance. The thing with marriage being open is … where does one draw the boundary? And if anything goes, then isn’t that diluting the institution of marriage?
I. DON’T. SHARE.
I just don’t see what the point of getting married is if you’re going to have an open marriage.
You may not want to share your husband, but will your husband share you? 🙂
Interesting topic. I can see both sides in this having been in a somewhat polyamorous relationship when dating my ex-husband. The difference being we were both “single” at the time so I’m not sure it qualifies for the intended definition of polyamorous or not??
Ditto Cheryl completely. I am not married yet, but when I am do not intend to share!!! 😉
My marriage has been, and always will remain CLOSED. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept of an open marriage. However, “to each his own”, I don’t judge, just know it’s not for me.
i’ve read about couples that have an open marriage… i don’t really understand it but that’s just one thing on a long list of things i don’t understand… however, to each their own- if it works for them and makes them happy then i say go for it!
i understand open marriages in theory, and think they’re a great idea for people who would want it… but holy eff there is NO WAY i would ever be ok sharing my husband. i don’t even think of myself as a jealous person.. but… yeah. in that case, TOTALLY WOULD FLIP 🙂
Hi-
I just wanted to say thank you for the mention and for initiating such a lively conversation!
Wishing you all the best,
Jenny Block
Author of “Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage”
http://www.jennyonthepage.com
ajooja – I bet there is a whole culture of people involved in polygamous relationships, but we just don’t know anything about it, like you said, because we are not around it. I wonder if eventually it will become more mainstream. Not to say they are the same thing, but I remember when there were hardly any gay people on television. Now there are quite a bit more, and maybe that helps people be more comfortable with it. I think there is a show about a man with a few wives…? But that is completely different again. Oh. I don’t know what I’m talking about! 😉
martymankins – I think rules and guidelines are the key. Actually, that is what Block said in the article I read in Marie Claire. Her and her husband have strict rules about how it works.
Gina (Mannyed) – I think the point of marriage is to get a tax break? I’m not sure. I think we are raised to think it is the next logical step after dating for awhile. Hee hee 🙂
Nilsa S. – It probably is diluting it… but is it better than being unfaithful? What if you are so attached to someone emotionally but attracted to someone else physically? IT wouldn’t work for me either, but I am trying to understand. Maybe it’s not even worth understanding?
Kyra – AT ALL? 😉 Just kidding. 🙂 You’re sharing that awesome wrap blanket! 🙂
Cheryl – Your comment makes me wonder if anyone talks about having an open marriage BEFORE the ceremony and all the legal stuff… because with Block it happened later on. I agree with you – if you know it isn’t going to work for you from the get-go, why get married? To become a resident or save on taxes or get health insurance? 😉
Dave2 – Hmm, I should ask… NOT! 😉
Lisa – It’s not the exact same thing, but I am sure you felt a lot of the same emotions that other people doing open marriage do since it was your ex-husband! You know, I tried to date two people at once one time… and it was too much. I am not sure how it is managed. Maybe it doesn’t work out so well for people who work until 7:00 each night and take the late train home.
Bethany – It’s probably good to think about it now… wouldn’t it be strange if a potential prospect brought it up while dating?
Lumpy – Yeah – I can’t get my mind around how it would work. It kind of makes me want to read the book… out of curiosity!
CourtneyInControl – Exactly! What people do with their personal lives should never be our business… unless it harms us somehow, and it doesn’t!
Alice – Yeah… it just makes me feel sick to my stomach to even imagine my husband touch another woman. I wonder if other societies feel this way too. Maybe this type of marriage is common somewhere. It seems more common for men to date outside of marriage than women.
Jenny Block – Thanks for stopping by! I’m sure you’re finding mention of your book all over the net, and probably a lot of interesting thoughts on it 😉