Being Witness
There is a quote from Susan Sarandon’s character, Beverly Clark, in Shall We Dance? that I think of often. She is talking about why she thinks people get married:
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet … I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things … all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”
I think this quote applies not only to marriage, but to any long-lasting relationship. But of course, my point in this post is to tell you how this quote has brought new meaning to me since getting married.
When I first saw this movie in 2005, I interpreted this quote negatively – as this witness role being a burden. I took it as meaning, “no one life is unique, so everyone needs a partner to make it feel that it is.” My interpretation supported a personal belief of mine – that the reason people are in relationships is to feel special (and, well, loved!).
Now, I feel differently. After getting married, I had some sort of mind shift. My independent mind suddenly realized I had another person to rely on, another person to care for, another person’s life to take as seriously as my own.
I wish I could explain it better.
Now, I interpret the witness role completely differently. It’s not that of an indifferent witness, but that of a caring, loving, involved (although “involved” goes against the meaning of the word) witness.
For me, marriage has been like living two lives. My own, and that of my husband. His concerns are mine, his anxieties are mine, his cares are mine. Of course, they were before marriage, but never this deeply.
Maybe this is what really connecting with another person is?
Anyway, I think I am realizing that this type of relationship has helped me “see the bigger picture.” It’s helped me, “not sweat the small things.” It’s helped me be less selfish, by understanding someone else’s needs and desires.
I think this type of relationship is capable on many levels – between family, friends and spouses – this is just the first time I have experienced it.
Themocracy
i think you’re right about this is what really connecting with another person really is… it takes both people to be that committed to the relationship and it seems that relationships like these are few and far between but when you are lucky enough to have one it’s a wonderful feeling!!! it’s nice to know that you always have someone on your side that cares about you, your thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc… a relationship like this is a wonderful thing to be grateful for!!!
🙂
i agree with your new shifted take on that quote. 🙂
the essence of “family”! Well said, Kim!!
Well said Kim!!!
Nice. I’m kind of at a loss for a comment because I don’t really have anything to add.
My wife and I are crazy about each other. I can’t imagine my life without hers, or hers without mine. Hmmm.
And you accuse me of becoming sappy? Is it rubbing off?
CourtneyInControl – When I was writing this I didn’t even think about the relationships that are not like this … I guess I still have a lot to learn.
sizzle – I wonder how many other people interpreted it as I did originally?
Gina (Mannyed) – are you like that with the twin? 😉 Hee hee
Felicia – Thanks 🙂
ajooja – I knew you would understand.
Andrew – I thought about how completely hopelessly sappy you have become while I was writing this. But unlike YOU, all of my posts ARE NOT this sappy 😉 mee mee mee mee mee
Hey, hey, my last post has a poop joke in it. You call that hopelessly sappy? A poop joke? Mee mee mee mee mee mee yourself.
Aaahhhwwwww
Andrew – Throwing some poop in does not scale down the sappy factor. Your blog OOZES of it now.
Steven – thanks for the thoughtful comment 😛
Tha is an awesome quote! Thanks for sharing it with us. And yay you for finding a new meaning for it in your life.
I find it funny that just two years ago (?) you were claiming how difficult it would be for you to not only find something personal to say on a blog, but to also find your “voice” to be able to say it.
I’d say you’ve more than found worthwhile topics to blog about and you’ve most certainly found your voice. One of the better ones in the Blogosphere these days. You’ve come a long way, Kim. Fantastic post.
I agree, it is about connectng with someone else. It’s a whole new aspect to living vicariously through another person too 😉 I thought a lot about that quote when I heard it, but I was married at the time. I agreed with it, wholeheartedly, in a positive way.
Lisa – I am happy to share it! Even though I feel sappy and melodramatic!
kapgar – your comment means so much to me. Thank you. I have been struggling with blogging lately, and your kind words are an inspiration! 🙂
Kyra – It is so much living through another person! It is an amazing experience!