On Friday I met with a college classmate of mine for lunch.
Good god, what is wrong with me? I literally work TWO blocks away from this guy. I really enjoy his company and consider him a friend. And I hadn’t seen him for maybe… 5 months?!?! No one is that busy.
Anyway. He was updating me on our classmates’ whereabouts when he told me one of our classmates is looking for a job in Chicago, but having a hard time getting interviews and responses.
Before I even thought about it, I blurted out, “She should send a resume to my firm. We are looking for people right now.”
Then, I had a really, really weird feeling in my stomach.
Working with a former classmate shouldn’t be that strange, right? You spent at least four years of school with them, and chances are, have worked with them before. And you wouldn’t recommend a person you don’t like send a resume to your firm (I didn’t), so it should all be fun and games!
But I think I’m a bit territorial. And settled. And comfortable. It would be SO WEIRD to have someone I know from college waltz into my office and sit across from me.
It might be fun. But it might be weird. Those are just the thoughts that went through my head.
It’s highly unlikely anything will happen anyway…
During the summer, I wrote a work-related post wondering when I would get to the point where I wasn’t relying on someone else to divvy out tasks to me. Basically, I was wondering “when will I have my own project to keep track of?”
Well, you know where this post is headed.
Things have changed a lot at my office since I wrote that post. The office has acquired a huge workload. We have hired 4 people since November. I have been given a lot of responsibility. I am the “project architect” on a few jobs.
It’s pretty exciting.
I had the project kickoff meeting for a 11,000 square foot (+ an additional 5,000 square feet of remodeling) commercial interior job today. My boss came with me for the kickoff, but I am on my own after today.
That means I will represent my firm at the weekly construction meetings. It means I will get to make the final construction decisions. It means I will have some authoritay (said in Eric Cartman voice).
This excitement will lose its charm, and there will be headaches, problems and disappointments… but for now, I am enjoying the novelty of the moment.
It’s also reassuring to know I enjoy my work and am in the right career field.
This is a real email string between me and Steven last Tuesday, posted without his permission. It was after I told him I thought I would be late getting home from work:
Steven wrote: Why don’t you ever try to catch the 5:20…whatever earlier train. The one that you would have to leave the office right at 5?
Kim wrote: Because I don’t want to get accused of leaving on time.
Steven wrote: Ha ha. But it is OK if you do it SOMETIMES.
What is sad is that I actually do feel guilty if I leave the office at 5:00. Even if I have worked a 9-hour day, and had lunch at my desk. And only gone to the bathroom three times. And not left the building.
Back in October, my boss told us we should all put in 48-hour work weeks. We were swamped with work (which is good) and short on staff, so it made sense.
Now, we have hired four more people, but are even more swamped. I like what I do, and don’t feel like I’m being forced to stay here, but I am someone who likes to FINISH things and leave work feeling accomplished.
It’s hard to do that, and still save yourself enough time to eat dinner and talk to your husband and cat when you get home. And maybe exercise, or write a blog post. Or even relax!
But I am going to see if I can rebel a bit… because on those days I do get home around 7:30, I feel like I have ALL THE TIME in the world before I go to bed at 10:00.
You know that feeling, when you try to make a joke, and no one laughs or even acknowledges you said something?
That is what I feel like everyday at work.
My job is killing any confidence I used to have – both regarding my personality and my intelligence.
The truthful reason I couldn’t sleep Saturday night is not because I was so excited about seeing the Star Wars exhibit (although it was a lot of fun!), but because I am so, so stressed out about the amount of work I have to do.
I avoided the “thinking about work at home” thing for a long time. On purpose. I still wanted to enjoy my life when I got home, no matter how late that be.
But I woke up at 4:00 am on Sunday morning because I was stressed out about completing a cost estimate before the end of the week. So I got up and worked on it for a couple of hours before going back to bed.
I hope this doesn’t become habitual.
I’ve been feeling really self-conscious about my age at work lately. None of my coworkers have done anything to make me feel this way, but as my responsibility in the firm increases, I become more aware of my young age and little experience.
My main concern is meeting with clients. I can look and act knowledgeable, trustworthy, and composed, but I wonder if our clients ever think, “Isn’t she a bit young?”
Of course, my fear is of unconsciously making my firm appear bad.
Steven probably gave me the best advice when he said (more or less), “Don’t think about your age too much, because then it will start to affect you.”
A friend of mine called me last night. We haven’t spoken since the beginning of September, but we picked up the conversation as if yesterday was the last time we spoke.
She was in my wedding. I consider her one of my closest friends. She is a trustworthy, reliable, level-headed person… and a blast of fun! So, why why why have we not spoken in three months? We have email correspondence, but it’s not the same.
I HATE that my busy lifestyle keeps me out of touch with my friends and family. I really felt like I was doing well by keeping in touch by email, but after a phone call, or a LIVE visit, you feel a little sad when you remember what you are missing.
I love the companionship of my husband, but I sometimes miss the variety and mindlessness of chatting with other people I am close with.
I suppose I should keep that in mind this holiday season; to make the most of my time.
I miss you, friend.
(Oh, I almost forgot! Check out my guest post at Hilly’s site today!)
I wish every week was only a three-day work week.
When I’m feeling low, the most unintentional things pick me up – praise from my boss, a thoughtful email from a friend, a smile or compliment from a stranger…
It doesn’t take more than a second to go from feeling calm to feeling crummy, but just as quickly, the simplest things can turn that crummy mood into a chipper one again.
Happy Halloween!
On a side note, please visit psuedotherapy.com and participate in SJ’s Halloween Meme. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun!
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