Comments (34)

By kilax, December 7, 2008 9:57 pm

So, what is the big decision I’ve alluded to a few times that had me all stressed out and feeling guilty?

I’m starting a new job tomorrow.

Yeah, it’s not really a big deal to start a new job. Because usually, when you start a new job, you were looking for one, or you hated your boss, or you were bored to death.

But I didn’t have any of that. I was happy at work, but this opportunity fell into my lap, and I had to ask myself “Would I regret not taking this job in a few months?” The answer was yes.

It took me a long time to make the decision though. It wasn’t as easy as following my gut. I wasn’t used to putting that much thought into a decision.

The decision-making process really stressed me out, especially since I talked to my bosses about it first, who I think were somewhat shocked. Then… I was at work for another three to four weeks while I waited to get clearance for the new job.

So, this last month has kind of been hell. I’ve just felt so guilty about making the decision to try something new… and to leave a firm I really care about.

And some people weren’t so nice to me about it. But that’s okay. A lot of other people were really supportive, and I appreciate that. You all know who you are – thank you.

When I was making the decision, I realized that the two most important opinions in my life are mine and my husbands. No one else is 100% considering my best interest when they give me advice. Even Steven probably isn’t from time to time.

I don’t say that to put down the other people that are close to me in my life. I am just trying to say that the only person’s approval I look for, if anyone’s, beside my own, is my husband’s. I want him to be proud of me, and back the decisions I make. He was very supportive throughout the whole process, and that made me feel so much better.

Sometimes, we live our lives for someone else’s approval. We are always trying to please other people. It’s important to think about whose approval you really want. I realized that I was prone to want to make decisions based on what other people would approve of. I had to make the decision that was best for me, and it was hard. It made me feel awful.

Anyway. Tomorrow is my first day. I am excited to start something new!

Comments (18)

By kilax, November 6, 2008 5:03 pm

I keep little serving size containers of snacks in my drawer at work. It’s mostly carbohydrates – triscuits, barbara’s bakery shredded oats, pretzels, sometimes a granola bar or animal crackers. The idea is that these snacks are there to supplement my hunger if I need them in the afternoon. I try to eat fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products before I resort to these snacks so I don’t overload on carbs.

I’m finding it is both beneficial and harmful to always have a snack there.

It’s beneficial because I am always prepared – if I am unexpectedly hungry, I know I have something small and somewhat healthy that will tide me over until I get home for dinner. I don’t have to leave my office in search for a “healthy snack.” Sometimes, that is hard to find!

It’s harmful because I know the snacks are always there. Sometimes, I will start thinking about a snack, when I am not even hungry, and my mouth will start watering. It’s really hard then, to tell myself “no,” when I want it so badly.

I’ve tried only bringing one snack at a time, but that always turns out to be the day I am hungry for more. And it’s more convenient to bring a bunch of them in at once so I don’t have to carry one every day.

I’ve been really stressed out lately. Stressed out about things I don’t want to discuss here, right now.

Yesterday, around 4:00 pm, all of the stress got to me. I was trying to prepare for a meeting and was having a hard time getting the documents I needed from someone. I started eating my snacks. One by one, until they were all gone, and I had reached my day’s goal of calorie intake! I wasn’t eating the snacks mindfully, I was shoveling and barely chewing.

After I was done with my snacks, I felt the urge to keep snacking. I was worried and scared. I hadn’t felt that urge in a long time – the urge to stuff my face until I got sick of it. I used to have that urge everyday! I wondered if something was changing in me – if all of my good eating habits were going down the drain.

I went downstairs to our building’s convenience store, searching for something to munch on. I knew, in my mind, that I was just frustrated and stressed out. I thought about the emotional eating book, and the fact that I was just trying to brush aside those feelings and focus on something soothing.

But I didn’t care. So I kept searching for something to eat, and finally settled on a package of pop tarts. Do you know how many calories are in a package of pop tarts? At least 400! I even thought about that, but still took the package back to my office.

Then, I got back to my desk. And put the pop tarts in my drawer. And thought about how I wanted to eat dinner with Steven and exercise afterward. And how I was going to feel really crappy if I ate those stupid pop tarts.

I decided not to eat them. Before I left, I put them in the kitchen for someone else to have.

So why is this story so long and drawn out and even worth telling? Because it is a BIG DEAL that I did not eat those pop tarts, and fall into one of my binge eating patterns. I think if I would have eaten them, I would have had something else to eat on the train, then snacked on some stuff at home before Steven got there, then had dinner with him, then snacked some more afterward.

Usually, I can’t stop once I start. But this time I did.

And I don’t think this stress is going to go away, so I have to remember I have the power to say “no” to mindless eating. I know this may sound silly and dumb for those of you who do not struggle with this, but mindless eating has always been a huge problem for me.

Do you keep snacks at work? Do you find it beneficial or harmful? Do you “mindlessly” eat them?

Comments (13)

By kilax, October 3, 2008 5:50 am

What benefit do you wish your company offered?

Dental Care.

Although if I had it, I am not sure if I would use it. I am STILL trying to figure out how to use my health insurance. How sad is that? I am lucky enough to have it, but have no idea how to use it.

Comments (15)

By kilax, October 1, 2008 12:33 pm

I know I’ve complained a couple of times about being treated/feeling like a youngling.

But today, I was grateful to play the “young and inexperienced” card by saying to someone, “Did I submit the application incorrectly? Is that why it is taking so long? Is there anything else I can do?”

I really wanted to say, “You’ve been sitting on this SIMPLE application for TWO weeks. You are holding my client back from starting their demolition. What the eff is the holdup?! I know it shouldn’t take this long!!!”

Okay, being rude is NEVER acceptable, no matter your age. But, come on.

Side Story: Yesterday at work, I was sitting at my desk (diligently working) and fantasizing thinking “Soup sounds so good. Why don’t Steven and I ever make soup at home?”

Imagine my surprise when I came home, and Steven had a big pot of homemade soup on the stove, filling our house with wonderful aromas! THIS MAN CAN READ MY MIND. Is that good, or bad?

Comments (33)

By kilax, July 31, 2008 4:50 am

Look at the beautiful fruit pizza I (meaning Steven) made to take to work today:

Because if you can’t indulge and eat something bad for you on your birthday, when can you?!*

Steven and I laugh every time we talk about fruit pizza, because we think the title is a bit misleading – it makes it sound healthy! I mean, it almost looks healthy from the picture, right?

Well, I (meaning mostly Steven) just made it… and can tell you, there are a lot of hidden sweets in there that are adding on calories. But damn, it is going to taste so good… let me know if you want the recipe!

*And by eating something bad for you on your “birthday,” I mean your birthday, as well as the weekend that follows it, when your family is coming to visit and it is going to be a big fun, stuff-your-face party (Hopefully. God. Why else would I have been eating healthy all week?!).

Comments (16)

By kilax, June 25, 2008 5:42 am

It makes me laugh… and a little bit sad… that our administrative person has to put a note in our kitchen saying “Unless the dishwasher is running or contains clean pieces – please – rinse and place your used items into the dishwasher, thanks.”

Everyday, there are lone dishes (usually coffee mugs) that somehow escape their destiny with the dishwasher. They sit on the counter, dirty, all day long, until our administrative person (or someone else if they are feeling nice) rinses them and puts them into the dishwasher.

This makes me wonder, who puts these people’s dishes into the dishwasher at home?

When I lived in Rome with three other girls, the garbage bin was ALWAYS overflowing. I felt like I took it out ALL the time. So one time, I just let it pile up… but it got so high that I was sick of seeing it and took it out anyway.

I wasn’t the only one who took out the trash, but there were definitely people who weren’t bothered by it being full. Hey, I guess we’re all different.

Comments (27)

By kilax, June 19, 2008 5:43 am

One of the things I love about my job is that I get to go into all these neat buildings in Chicago. It’s great to see all the different architectural styles… but what I really love are the amazing views.

Can you imagine this being the view from your office?

It’s really fun to think about what people will see from their workspace. I think it really affects the way you work. I know I really enjoy working in an open office, with full height windows on two complete sides. We don’t have a cool view of the lake or anything though. You can see the Sears Tower… but only when you go stand in one corner!

What’s your workspace like (whether at work, or your office at home)? Do you think it’s important to have sunlight and a view? Or do you not care either way?

Side Note I: I saw this parked in front of the Board of Trade yesterday. I want.

Side Note II: I’m having a really hard time staying caught up with blogs, leaving comments, responding to comments, writing anything worthwhile here, and responding to emails lately. My apologies. Please don’t take it personally. I am trying to catch up, but can’t find the time (it’s all that GD bowling!).

Comments (12)

By kilax, June 18, 2008 8:03 am

Great.

All that time I spent this morning finding the right outfit to wear to my meeting? Wasted.

Apparently, my shirt is somewhat see-through.

Why don’t I ever realize these things before I get to work?

When will this week ever end?!

Comments (13)

By kilax, June 4, 2008 1:47 pm

You know when you are just starting a new job, and want to look your best? You wear all of your most professional clothes, and get up early each day to do your hair and/or makeup just perfect?

Ha.

Apparently, I am SO over that. I’ve worked at my job a little over a year. And I think I’ve become comfortable.

I’ve turned into a schlump. And if that isn’t a word, I mean I’ve turned a bit… sloppy? Casual? I’ve given up trying?

I still dress to impress when I’m meeting with clients. But I never wear heels to work anymore. I almost always wear my hair in a ponytail. I almost always wear some button-down shirt, untucked, with pants (never jeans).

I look unprofessional.

It’s time to start caring again.

I’m getting a haircut on Saturday, so that’s a start… but where do I go to buy professional clothes, for someone a bit “larger” and not break the bank?

Because when you look like crap, it affects your attitude too.

Comments (14)

By kilax, June 3, 2008 8:00 am

Don’t you hate it when you get to work and realize…

…you put your underwear on inside-out that morning?

…you forgot your cell phone?

…you didn’t put deodorant on while getting ready?

…it’s a paid holiday off?

…you left your umbrella on the train and it’s supposed to rain?

…you have two differently colored socks on?

…you have a stain on your shirt?

…you forgot your notes for your 8:30 presentation?

Well, only two of those things have actually happened to me; one of those times being today. Oops.

What can you add to the list?