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By kilax, May 7, 2009 12:25 pm

I had this rant post about my weeklong training all prepared to post today, but… the half marathon pictures came in, so  you are excused from my reading my rant (about immature classmates)! Hurrah! It’s your lucky day!

First, I must say, it is making me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to let my body rest this week and only do short (3 mile) runs (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, giving myself tonight off). I am really itching to get a longer run in (6-8 miles) this weekend… and I can’t wait to start marathon training in June!

Okay, on to the photos! All of these were taken by Action Sports International. I knew they would be there, so I made sure to smile every time I saw a cameraman. I tend to run with my mouth open, so I can only imagine how lovely all of the photos would be if I just ran “au natural.”

I put these in chronological order. The only way I could tell what was chronological was by my changing outfit – tissues, then no tissues, then no belt. Ha ha.

Check out all those tissues (again)! Notice the difference in what the two of us are wearing? Steven has on long sleeves, long pants and GLOVES!!! I wished I was wearing a tank. Yeah. I am a super sweaty runner and PROUD of it!

This was right after I went to the bathroom and was still adjusting my hydration belt. Ha ha! I like the “skinny legs” optical illusion going on in this photo!

I remember having my tongue out for this picture! I wondered how it would turn out. No more “skinny legs” optical illusion. That didn’t last long!

Right after I saw my mom and ditched the belt. “I want to break free…”

Approaching the finish line…

… and crossing! Nice bunched up shorts! Hee hee. At least I didn’t chafe at all.

Hey! Steven kind of looks happy! Is that allowed?

This is the first time I’ve participated in a race with professional photos. It’s fun to look at them now, but I am not sure if any of them turned out good enough to order. I kind of like that one of me crossing the finish line, but my shorts are all bunched up. Does anyone ever order these?

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By kilax, May 4, 2009 5:56 am

Everyone in my office has a Blackberry. I think it is a great tool, when used correctly. I especially like using the calendar in it, as well as previewing emails before I get into the office. I was really excited when I got mine, back in December.

That was before I really had any use for it.

Now it just serves as a constant reminder of how many “unread” emails I have (I read them and mark them as unread if there is something I need to act on) and how much work I have to do.

Yesterday I looked at my Blackberry and started saying, “shit shit shit.” My mom was there and of course, wanted to know what I was “shit shit shitting” about. Just work stuff mom…

I am in an all day business training every day this week. I need this training to get a certification in my office, so it is really important that I attend. And I am honestly looking forward at being away from my desk all week.

But… that doesn’t mean my regular job is going to do itself while I am out all week! I was “shit shit shitting” about the emails I received this weekend. They were all regarding things that have to be taken care of this morning, which means I had to get up extra early, to make it into the office at 7:00, before my 8:30 training starts, to get these things done… blah blah blah.

I stressed out about all of this for an hour or so yesterday, then told myself – just get done what you can. I am someone who likes to have everything completed and have a clean slate to start the day. That’s just not possible anymore.

Even though I know that though, I still try.

On a related note, I am going to be super busy this week and probably won’t be reading blogs on my lunch break like I normally am. So… the 700+ unread blog entries in my reader is just going to keep growing! I am sorry I’ve been MIA! I’ll get there! You might just be seeing a ton of comments at once from me!

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By kilax, April 28, 2009 6:53 am

I’ve been tagged by Mrs. Smith. Here are the rules:

1. Take a pic of yourself right now.
2. No primping or preparing.
3. Just snap a picture.
4. Load the picture onto your blog.
5. Tag some people to play along. I don’t tag, but participate if you want!

This is me, when I woke up at 5:00 am, sans makeup! (See how wavy my hair is, Denise?!)

Of course, Data saw that I was snapping pics with my phone and wanted to get in on the action. I think he cheated though – he was definitely licking himself before he jumped into the photo!

See how tired I look? I look this tired ALL DAY LONG. Even though I put on makeup, try to get enough sleep and drink lots of water… I always look tired. Even when I don’t feel tired.

And… more blabbing – I love Jillian Michaels’s* podcasts. I often feel like she is speaking directly to me, about something I am personally struggling with. Already, I have been able to apply something I listened to last night to a situation this morning. More below…

Continue reading 'No primping or preparing / Why I love Jillian Michaels'»

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By kilax, April 16, 2009 10:05 pm

A cute little bonus story for you:

One night a week, I stay late at the office so I can exercise in the gym with my coworker. I don’t get home until around 8:30, by which time Steven has usually eaten dinner, unless  we decided beforehand that we would eat together.

The last three weeks, something very strange has happened.

When I got home the first week, I started toasting an English muffin. “I am really craving an egg sandwich!” I said. “That’s what I had for dinner too!” Steven replied.

The second week, I got home and made a peanut butter sandwich. “I had a peanut butter sandwich too!” Steven told me.

Last night, and this is really weird,  I called Steven when I got off the train. After teasing him a bit, I randomly said, “Pizza?” “What did you say?” he asked. “Pizzaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” He responded, “How did you know I am heating up the oven?”

Isn’t that weird? Steven can STILL read my mind. I almost wish we were always on the same “food wavelength,” because we struggle with it when we aren’t. Sometimes we end up making two different things, but we don’t really like to do that!

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By kilax, April 13, 2009 6:01 pm

I am ridiculously overwhelmed at work. The details don’t matter. Just imagine being super busy all day long and never catching up, even though you are trying SO HARD to do so. You’ve probably experienced what I am talking about.

It’s going to be like this for awhile. I’m really trying to fight the anxiety and stress it’s causing me.

Even though the day wasn’t great, I still left the office feeling good. I was able to come up with a list of things I am grateful for, and that cheered me up:

1. My supportive husband: I called Steven around 8:30 am because I needed to share my stress. He gave me good advice, “You can only take it one day at a time.” That’s what I needed to hear. I am going to break it down even more. I can only take it one hour at a time. Even though the hours are flying by… Later he wrote me a very encouraging email, telling me he knew I could do it, and to break my workload down into tasks, and to modify my “personal work system” to accommodate the changes at work. What a sweetie.
2. My awesome coach: I have a coach at work who oversees my work and guides me. We work on all of our projects together and get along wonderfully. I am more and more grateful everyday to be working with such an awesome teammate.
3. After raining all day, it stopped during my walk to the train station this evening.
4. Fencing class: I am going to be releasing some frustration tonight. Sorry, classmates. But it’s gonna feel good.

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By kilax, April 12, 2009 7:03 am

What’s with the SUPER long posts lately? And having more than one post in a day? I think what I really need to work on is my blogging addiction!

Well, it’s Easter, so it must be time for the big recap post on Lent.

Basically, you can read this list here and just imagine that all it says is “give up sugar treats,” because that is ALL that I was successful at for Lent (since 2/25 – I didn’t cheat on Sundays). I did have a few granola bars with bits of chocolate, and sports beans, but other than that, I completely gave up cookies, chocolate, soda, muffins, candy, and so on… and I feel GREAT!

I am about to spend the day making cookies, but I don’t think I’ll eat any. I am probably going to wait and have a sweet treat after my office’s Biggest Loser Challenge ends on Wednesday (there are 3 boxes of Girl Scouts cookies waiting to be eaten in my house). I plan on staying off the soda, and only having it on special occasions.

As for the rest of the list? A lot of it had to do with attitude and communication. I didn’t progress very far, but I DID figure out a lot of what is bothering me and why, and I tried different ways to handle it. I think I am getting there! Already I have tried to tackle my frustration this weekend by communicating better.*

And the “frivolous items”? Well, I DIDN’T buy a single magazine or book, which is what I had in mind when I wrote that. But uh, yeah, I did buy new clothes (twice), running outfits, a new computer, and… a new car. Good thing I wasn’t buying any magazines, right? Jeez.

We cut back on eating out, not that we did it much before, but I think that can be attributed to the fact that we are so conscious of what we put in our bodies now.

What did I learn? I learned that I CAN reach a goal, but that it can be too overwhelming to try to tackle a lot at once (perhaps I should follow Nilsa’s “challenge a month” lead?). Upcoming goals for me include really committing to cutting out swearing, and trying veganism, and apparently, working on my blogging addiction (any tips with that?).

Unrelated topic: My sister, Christina, was inspired to make a rainbow cake after seeing this set on flickr. Check it out, it’s pretty cool! Here are her photos below. I totally thought of Tori’s rainbow cake when she told me about this!

It looks like you just use yellow cake mix, then separate it and add food coloring to make the fun colors! Or maybe not food coloring? I am not sure what’s in those little white tubes.

Doesn’t it look so fun?! Christina’s so fun.

Yummy! I hope everyone enjoys it!

Christina made this cake to share with my family for Easter. They are all together, with my mom’s side of the family. I decided not to join them this year, so Steven and I are going to take it easy at home (If you can call him running 12 miles taking it easy! HA HA! I only have to run 6 today.).

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

*”What’s bothering me?” you ask. Well, how nice of you to ask. Thank you. 1. My face is STILL numb and it’s bothersome to eat. 2. The kids in our neighborhood were damaging the trees in our yard yesterday, playing in the street, and harassing a goose. I went outside to talk to them, calmly and nicely, about all three things. I wondered why their parents were no where in sight, letting them play in the street! 3. We saw Fast and Furious last night, and once again, there were a bunch of very young children in the theater. One woman sat down and let her toddler climb up and down the stairs on his own. Well, of course he fell and started crying. There were 5 or 6 kids that probably got up at least 10 times (no, seriously) and literally ran up and down the stairs, very loudly. And the kids behind us would not shut up the entire time. I finally asked them, again, as nicely as I could, to please be quiet so the rest of us could enjoy the remainder of the movie. It was a fluff movie, but that experience really put me in an upset mood last night. 4. My frickin’ cat keeps waking me up at 6:00 am, and I can’t go back to sleep, and I am lonely, up by myself. (Data just goes back to bed!)

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By kilax, April 10, 2009 10:25 am

In celebration of having dental insurance, I made a slew of appointments for March and April. Three appointments, every other Friday – general check up, teeth cleaning, then filling some teeny tiny cavities.

Today was the final appointment, filling the cavities. A new (to me) dentist was working with me. He asked if I wanted to do the fillings on the top today and the bottom one at another time, so my whole face wouldn’t be numb. I let him I know I had been coming to their office every two weeks, and unless there was a risk to doing it all at once, I was fine with doing it all today so I wouldn’t have to come back.

I don’t mind the dentist. I am not freaked out and I like it when they clean my teeth. But I must admit, that when they prepared my gums to give me the shots (in three locations), I got a little bit anxious. And when they were giving the shots, I really wished my sister was there to hold my hand. Not that they hurt that much, but my sister took care of me when I had my (6!!!) wisdom teeth removed, and it was really comforting.

The dentist told me “I only put a little bit of anesthesia in the bottom, so when we are working on that one, you’ll have to let me know if it hurts.” Uh, great. He told me that, then left the room with his assistant to give me time to get numb. Of course, it was just time to think, ” how much will it hurt?”

I was sitting there, pondering the pain, and flipping through the stations on the ridiculously large but ridiculously slow plasma tv, when a different assistant came in the room.

She told me that my normal dentist doesn’t work there anymore (explains why I was seeing this new guy) and that he was the only “in-network” (or whatever they call it) dentist. So if I used this guy, today, it would cost more.

Uh. No thanks.

She was really apologetic, which I appreciated. And I told her it was no big deal, and made an appointment for May 15* when the other in-network dentist comes back from maternity leave.

I would rather use an in-network dentist and save myself the money, especially since these cavities are so small and probably don’t even need to be filled. Thank heavens she caught it before they started working on me.

But now I have a numb face, and for nothing. I just tried to drink some water… yeah, that was amusing. And I’m super hungry, but I am not sure if I should eat anything? Ha ha. Maybe this numbness will help me relax!

*Sister, will you come hold my hand?

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By kilax, April 9, 2009 5:17 am

Update on yesterday’s post: I realized that it was impossible for me to have a quiet day on a work day. In fact, I realized that being so busy at work is probably fueling a lot of my over-thinking and maybe a bit of anxiety. Today’s post is kind of related.

I decided my quiet day will have to be tomorrow (I have the day off) or this weekend. We have some fun activities planned – Farmers Market, baking cookies, running, maybe bowling – I should be able to find relaxation and calm!

I was trying to explain to Steven the other day that I think my new* job has made me more “vocal.” That’s not exactly the right word, but I’ll explain.

I am in more of a project manager position now. It’s not my title, but it’s what I do. I’ve been finding that I need to speak up a lot more lately, to keep things in the best interest for my company and our clients.

But I’ve found some side effects to my “vocality,” and I am not sure if they are positive or negative.

At work, I’ve been a bit short with a couple of people. I don’t want to go into much detail about that, but I feel like I should be nicer, and give people the benefit of the doubt… even when I feel like they really, REALLY have not earned it.

At home, I’ve been more “direct” when dealing with companies. I let the Nissan Customer Service department know exactly** what I thought of their service on Saturday. I told the Sun-Times I was canceling my subscription because they couldn’t get their act together. I argued with the dentist about why my bills are coming to my home in MY HUSBAND’S NAME when we don’t share insurance.

On the plus side, I feel good saying what I want to say and not playing any games. But I know I am coming off as a bitch***. And I don’t want to be the bitchy demanding customer, because Steven works with customers like that most days, and I see what it does to him.

But here’s the thing. I don’t want to waste any time. I feel more and more pressed for time EVERY day. I am struggling with it so much right now, and I think that has a lot to do with what I wrote about yesterday. So if I can cut through a lot of bullcrap by being direct and honest, why not do it?

I just need to sound sweet and nice. And – make it clear that I don’t want to be rude, impolite, or nasty. I just want to be direct and honest, and get to the point.

As a side note, there are a few personal relationships I have, where I wish I could be this direct and honest. Instead of playing their games.

I am really honest with my parents (and my husband, of course). I think about that a lot. They get the 100% version of me. Nothing’s fake. I tell it like I see it to them. I think I am too honest sometimes. But in my most important relationships, why not show myself exactly as I am? What would be the point of doing otherwise? Facades are too much upkeep and stress.

*Can I still call it new if I’ve been working there since 12/8/08?
**Yes, it felt good to tell them I went and bought an Infiniti after I left their showroom and crappy offer behind.
***Steven cofirmed this.

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By kilax, April 5, 2009 7:44 am

Seems like Steven and I are developing an April trend here… buying a new* Infiniti.

Infiniti FX35

You may recall that I’ve been debating the pros and cons (half seriously) of buying a new car for some time now. I really wasn’t planning on buying one this month, but the Kimbot** started having some starter problems. It would start after awhile, but I made an appointment to have it checked out and told Steven, seriously, that if it cost more than $500 to fix the car, I was just going to buy a new one.

Well, every Tuesday, I have to get up extra early to make it to a reoccurring appointment at my office, so Steven and I don’t carpool. Last Tuesday, I was all ready to go, I got in the car, turned the key in the ignition… and nothing. I tried to be patient. I gave it time, and kept trying. The clock was ticking, and it was about 7 minutes until my train was going to leave, and my car wouldn’t start. I got so frustrated, and just laid my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes and started to cry a bit (I know, so lame). Then I saw the garage light come on. Steven was sleeping, and heard me trying to start the car, so he got out of bed, put some clothes on, and tried to help me. No luck. But he did drive me to the station. What a sweetie. He made my day that morning.

And that was when I decided I didn’t care so much about the $500 anymore. I didn’t want to put up with it. I loved the Kimbot when I lived at home, within a 100 mile radius of my mechanic father. But now? Sorry, I am too impatient to deal with it.

I decided it was time to buy my first “real” car. I decided I deserve it. That doesn’t mean I need it, I know that.

So Steven did all the research for me, because he loves to, and I don’t, and he was excited about getting another new car. This isn’t actually the model or make I was going to buy, but I won’t go into THAT story. It all comes down to salesmen playing games, and us deciding not to give in.

We only stopped at Infiniti because Steven wanted to talk to the service department. But I asked if we could go in to look at the SUVs. I’ve always loved these models, but didn’t think I could afford one. Guess I can. Mostly.

I love that it sounds just as beautiful as Steven’s Infiniti, and drives just as smoothly. It has more space and all wheel drive, but still looks curvy and aggressive – which is something I like. And we’ve had great experience with Infiniti so far, which makes me feel very comfortable.

So yay. I pick it up on Tuesday.

Steven has that “what did I get myself into?” look on his face!

We had some good times Olds, but now the FX35 is the new Kimbot!

P.S. The Olds was going to cost $1200 to fix (they found a few other problems).

*That would be new to me. I am too poor to afford this car brand new (and I HATE what they did to the ’09 model).
**Kimbot is the name of my car. I even have the vanity plates. Yep. Dork.

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By kilax, April 3, 2009 6:59 am

If you could “fast forward” through something in life, would you? What would it be?

Have you seen that Adam Sandler movie, Click*? Adam Sandler buys this universal remote and finds out he can use it to fast forward through all of the un-pleasantries in his life. He uses it joyfully, to skip the hard work required for his promotion, but discovers an awful side effect – he misses out on what is going on with his family during that time. He becomes distant and removed and ends up losing them.

I used to want to fast forward through all the time and hard work it takes to lose weight and just get to the “after” picture. I felt like I was stuck in “before” land.

But then I realized two things – that once I got down to my “goal size”** I would have to work hard to maintain it anyway. and that arriving at that “goal size” didn’t guarantee my happiness.

So I got over that. But I still fantasize about “fast forwarding” through things. That’s me, always looking to the future, struggling to live in the moment.

I have scheduled pay increases that would be great to fast forward to – not because I am struggling, but because I am greedy. It would be great to fast forward to the summer and some frickin’ warm weather. It would be great to even fast forward to our half marathon day, because I am so excited about it!

But I think I would rather live through the struggles… even though I continue to fantasize about skipping forward.

*One of the few Adam Sandler movies I can actually stand to watch.
**Not even sure what that is anymore, or how it could possibly exist.