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By kilax, April 1, 2009 10:02 pm

I wasn’t looking forward to weighing in today for my office’s Biggest Loser Challenge. Last week, I weighed in during my “loss of appetite” phase and showed a huge loss of 2.5%. At the time, I even said “I know some of that is going to come back.” Sure enough, it did – 1.15% (along with my appetite, thank heavens)*.

You know what I say to all this? A big “Who cares?!” I’ve gotten so used to my body weight going up and down and up and down. If this challenge has taught me anything, it’s that my weight doesn’t directly correlate to ANYTHING. So I really shouldn’t give it ANY power over me. My body seems to be on a path of its own – a path that doesn’t follow a straight line and is impossible to figure out. Sure, my body generally responds well to eating healthy and exercising, but it’s been throwing a few challenges my way lately – ones that are probably not appropriate to discuss here. I’ll just say, I really want to trust my body, but I’m starting to second guess its intentions. It’s probably nothing serious, and doesn’t affect my running at all, but I think I will be seeing a doctor just to check in.

My second cousin Denise is participating in her office’s Biggest Loser Challenge as well. She’s been doing it for four weeks now, and I am super excited for her! She is making great progress in eating healthier and being more active.

She’s already had to play the scale mind games though. After a smaller loss (in comparison to a big loss the week before), she emailed me saying she was “really disappointed” because she thought she had lost more. She recognized that her clothes were loose but she still felt the disappointment.

I tried to be encouraging to her and share what I’ve learned doing this challenge – that the scale is not always an accurate representation of your hard work throughout the week. And she knows that! She’s obviously making progress because her clothes were loose**. It’s just so easy to let those numbers dictate your feelings.

I hope participating in the Challenge has as positive of an effect on her as it has on me – both physically and mentally. Already, I know her participation has helped me – it’s given me a chance to reflect on the challenges of adapting a healthy lifestyle from a friend’s perspective. Encouraging someone else, and following their progress has made me realize how important it is to have a healthy mindset about this whole process. I’m not explaining it very well, but sharing our struggles back and forth in email has given me a broader perspective on the meaning of living a healthy lifestyle. It’s also helped me learn how to overcome my own struggles.

And it’s nice to have my own cheerleader as well! Encouragement is always nice, and Denise is very thoughtful.

*My total loss so far is 11.25%.
**I much prefer kapgar’s method of following weight loss – by how your clothes fit. None of my size 12 dress pants fit me right anymore. They are all falling down and have too much extra fabric in the butt. So… time to do some more “interim” shopping.

Side Note: I published this at noon, but something was wrong with it, so I’ve republished it.

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By kilax, March 6, 2009 6:50 am

How many hours of sleep do you get a night? How many would you like to get? Do you think the amount of sleep you get has any effect on your weight?

These questions are kind of random and strung together, but let me explain.

Last month, Glamour magazine had this huge article teaser on their cover – “Lose 10 Pounds Just By Sleeping More” (msnbc feature on the article here). When I saw it, I thought “riiiiight.” Then, I read it, and still thought, “riiiiight.” But I’ve heard it before – people who get less sleep are heavier than people who get more sleep.

There are two ways I can relate to this statement, but they are not directly related to that article. One is that in college, I used to take naps because I was so sleep deprived, and when I woke up, still tired, I always thought I was hungry. I almost always ate something. It took a lot of constraint not to. The other happens to me now – I am so tired that I eat, just so the snacking motion will keep me awake.

This has been a really awful week for me, sleep-wise. I’ve been staying awake on the train in the morning, and I think not banking that 1-1.25 hours of sleep is really hurting me. I am so energetic and peppy at work, but when I get on the train to go home, all the energy is gone. And one day this week, I got so pumped up at work in the afternoon that my heart was still beating too fast when I tried to go to bed that night. I didn’t end up falling asleep until 1:00 and still got up at my normal time of 5:15. I was so tired at work the next day that I got delirious and dizzy in the afternoon. So the next day, last night, I skipped my workout and got in bed at 8:30. I feel a little better. A little.

So, to answer my own question, I usually get 6 hours, would love 7 or 8, and think it would help me keep weight off, just because I wouldn’t be eating to try to stay awake.

But really, I am stuck in the schedule I have. It’s funny, a fellow coworker on the Biggest Loser Challenge was complaining to me a few weeks ago about not having time to exercise. So she asked me when I do. And I told her – I spend 1.5 hours on the train, eat dinner right away when I get home, then 1.5 hours exercising… a shower, maybe some blog reading… and that’s my weeknight. Four nights a week. Exercise is important to me; I am not ready to give that up to get more sleep. (Oh, and by the way, I think the coworker was looking for… some validation in my answer to make herself feel less guilty, but she didn’t get it. So starting this Wednesday, she and I will be making weekly visits to the office gym after work. I’ll let you know how it goes!)

If you’re interested, here are some other related articles on the sleep topic: “Importance of Sleep: Six Reasons not to scrimp on sleep,” and “The Steps to a Sleep Diet.”

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By kilax, March 3, 2009 5:32 am

On Sunday Steven and I visited Fleet Feet in Elmhurst. The employee who helped us was great – very knowledgeable, accommodating, patient and friendly. She did a gait analysis for both of us, recommended a few different kinds of shoes, helped me find a new sports bra, and talked to me a bit about Luna Moons (which I’ve really been wanting to try!) and different ways to carry water while we run. And when I mentioned I wanted to read one of the books they sell there, she hooked me up – for free!

You know what I was thinking most of the time I was there though?

I bet this girl is looking at me and wondering what I am doing in a running store. I don’t look like a runner.

What is up with that? I went there shortly after finishing a 6 mile run. I should have still be pumped and proud of that! I guess the endorphins wore off.

Why do I care if other people see me as a runner, when all that matters if I see myself as a runner?

I DO see myself as a runner.

The funny thing is, later that night, still feeling a little down, I opened up the book she gave us, and flipped to a random page. The first paragraph I read said:

It’s clear to me now that I’ll never have a runner’s body, no matter how many miles I run. Instead, I’m concentrating on having a runner’s soul.

Then, that chapter goes on about how running won’t make you have a “runner’s” body – your body is still your body. No amount of exercise can change the natural build of it. Running won’t make your legs longer, or your hips narrower. You have to be grateful for the body you have, and what it’s given you.

How true. That is the logic I am going to have to use to fight the body image battle.

This battle is constantly up and down for me. I don’t know if it will ever be over, but I do know that I’ve gained a lot of ground. The more tools I can to fight with, the better.

Comments (26)

By kilax, January 9, 2009 9:19 am

Is it harder for you to eat healthy or get exercise?

Last week a friend told us he had lost 40 pounds since the last time we saw him. We asked if he changed his diet and started exercising, and he kind of laughed, saying he was just eating healthier, not exercising.

Of course, that got me thinking…

Whenever I start on one (ha) of my healthy lifestyle quests, I always start by eating healthier. For me, that is easier. I can’t even begin to think about exercise until my body feels a bit healthier/lighter.

Even now, if I eat something crappy during the day, I feel awful when I am exercising at night. That’s kind of where I am right now, getting my diet back on track so I can start exercising 5+ days a week again.

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By kilax, October 4, 2008 9:18 pm

It would be amazing if these things happened in October:

• I posted here every day
• I finished drawing the sketch of a friend’s home based on measurements I took in… June
• I actually opened the LEED book I borrowed from my father-in-law last winter and READ it
• I gave Steven the photoshop lessons I’ve been promising him
• I wrote a letter to my friend Rixa, who lives in Rome
• I finally visited my new nephew! (We plan on it)
• I ran another 5k (with Steven)
• I got rid of some of the jiggle in my butt and thighs
• I lost ten pounds

If the cold weather keeps me inside, maybe I will get some of these things done. What do you think? What’s on your plate?

Comments (15)

By kilax, July 14, 2008 10:14 pm

Kyra’s post about weight today really struck a chord with me, mainly the part when she said (wrote?), “Sometimes I feel as though I have had to give myself permission to lose weight.”

For at least three-quarters of the past year, I haven’t really cared about my body. I ate whatever I wanted and put on weight. I just didn’t care. Even when I saw pictures of myself looking awful and unhealthy. Even when Steven tried to help me. I just didn’t have the right attitude. I wasn’t ready to take care of myself.

Then, a few weeks ago, I started eating healthy again, or at least making healthier choices (unfortunately not on the 4th of July weekend, or this weekend, but… I was at least conscious). I’m not exercising again yet, but I can see this all headed that way.

What worries me, is that I have NO IDEA what made me want to change. NO IDEA AT ALL. I gave myself the permission to be healthy, but why?

So while I am trying to take care of myself now, I know that it could all change again.

I just wish I could figure myself out. Because the physical weight is more than physical. It’s beginning to weigh down on me mentally as well.

Comments (9)

By kilax, January 3, 2008 5:47 am

I received my January issue of Glamour magazine in the beginning of December. I usually devour new magazines, as I am eager to read something on my long train ride home besides my crap excuse for a newspaper.

But I was too intimidated by the January issue to read it. It had a huge heading on the front that said “Get to your happy weight!” I opened up the magazine and saw that almost 20 pages of the issue were dedicated to “getting a healthy body for life.” (That’s a lot, for a magazine that is probably 50% ads)

I skipped over those articles and choose to read the fluff article on Carrie Underwood instead. Then I put the paper aside. I didn’t reopen it to read “short hair you can wear,” “How to love a crazy job,” or even “America’s best dos & don’ts!” Every time I opened the magazine, it seemed to flip open to those “getting a healthy body for life” pages, and I just wasn’t ready to read them. Who is in December? Who wants to read about what not to eat, and how to portion your meals in the middle of the holidays?

But why am I not reading it now? The truth is, I don’t need to read “Exactly what to eat to lose weight.” I know exactly what to eat to lose weight. I know exactly what to do to lose weight. I have done it successfully before.

And I have gained it all back, successfully before.

What I don’t know, is how to make myself dedicated to a healthy eating lifestyle. Because believe me, I know it’s not a diet. I just don’t know how to say “no” to myself.