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By kilax, April 9, 2009 5:17 am

Update on yesterday’s post: I realized that it was impossible for me to have a quiet day on a work day. In fact, I realized that being so busy at work is probably fueling a lot of my over-thinking and maybe a bit of anxiety. Today’s post is kind of related.

I decided my quiet day will have to be tomorrow (I have the day off) or this weekend. We have some fun activities planned – Farmers Market, baking cookies, running, maybe bowling – I should be able to find relaxation and calm!

I was trying to explain to Steven the other day that I think my new* job has made me more “vocal.” That’s not exactly the right word, but I’ll explain.

I am in more of a project manager position now. It’s not my title, but it’s what I do. I’ve been finding that I need to speak up a lot more lately, to keep things in the best interest for my company and our clients.

But I’ve found some side effects to my “vocality,” and I am not sure if they are positive or negative.

At work, I’ve been a bit short with a couple of people. I don’t want to go into much detail about that, but I feel like I should be nicer, and give people the benefit of the doubt… even when I feel like they really, REALLY have not earned it.

At home, I’ve been more “direct” when dealing with companies. I let the Nissan Customer Service department know exactly** what I thought of their service on Saturday. I told the Sun-Times I was canceling my subscription because they couldn’t get their act together. I argued with the dentist about why my bills are coming to my home in MY HUSBAND’S NAME when we don’t share insurance.

On the plus side, I feel good saying what I want to say and not playing any games. But I know I am coming off as a bitch***. And I don’t want to be the bitchy demanding customer, because Steven works with customers like that most days, and I see what it does to him.

But here’s the thing. I don’t want to waste any time. I feel more and more pressed for time EVERY day. I am struggling with it so much right now, and I think that has a lot to do with what I wrote about yesterday. So if I can cut through a lot of bullcrap by being direct and honest, why not do it?

I just need to sound sweet and nice. And – make it clear that I don’t want to be rude, impolite, or nasty. I just want to be direct and honest, and get to the point.

As a side note, there are a few personal relationships I have, where I wish I could be this direct and honest. Instead of playing their games.

I am really honest with my parents (and my husband, of course). I think about that a lot. They get the 100% version of me. Nothing’s fake. I tell it like I see it to them. I think I am too honest sometimes. But in my most important relationships, why not show myself exactly as I am? What would be the point of doing otherwise? Facades are too much upkeep and stress.

*Can I still call it new if I’ve been working there since 12/8/08?
**Yes, it felt good to tell them I went and bought an Infiniti after I left their showroom and crappy offer behind.
***Steven cofirmed this.

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By kilax, March 11, 2009 5:02 am

This article in the paper got me thinking – basically, it says retailers are more likely to listen to customer’s requests for clothing design now, because of the declining economy. Retailers are working hard NOT to turn off any potential customer. And apparently, those customers are requesting… more coverage?

People are asking for “…a decent supply of sleeved shirts or prom dresses that show more fabric than skin.”

“People want to be more comfortable and more covered.”

vs.  

Hmm, I guess I’ll buy that. I don’t want to see my coworkers walking around in a Britney Spears-esque outfit flashing their reproductive organs, and I HAVE seen my fair share of slutty prom dresses! But I can appreciate some muscular legs, a nice neckline or bare arms (apparently, a lot of people are appreciating Michelle Obama’s!) when displayed appropriately.

What would you ask for if the retailers would listen?

I would ask for pants that are the right size at my hips, but not too tight in the butt. And button-down tops that don’t gap because of my (once, *sniff sniff*) mammoth sized breasts. Oh yeah, and how about some longer tops? Thankfully, they’ve picked up on that last one, but the others…?

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By kilax, February 25, 2009 12:30 pm

Awhile ago, I wrote about how happy I was to see a happy animal story in the paper.

This is the kind of article that made me say that. Toni Fedor had her boyfriend watch her dog while she went to work in 2007. When she came home, her dog was so severely beaten that he lost an eye. On Monday, the ex-boyfriend was sentenced to 10 days in jail, along with a two year probation, a psychological evaluation, and 150 hours of community service. He also had to pay $1500 to cover veterinary expenses.

Ten days in jail seems like a very lenient sentence to me (And oh, why is this being settled over a year later?). But Fedor is quoted in the story as saying, “I feel like it’s a punishment that fits the crime.” Does that mean she is satisfied with this minimal sentence?

Think if that was YOUR pet. YOUR dog. YOUR cat. YOUR bird. YOUR ferret. YOUR rabbit. YOUR whatever. I know animals are not the same as people. I am not crazy. But when you have a pet, they FEEL like family.

Ten days in jail is not the appropriate sentence for hurting a family member like that. Especially a small, defenseless family member.

People who hurt animals are likely to go on and hurt PEOPLE. Many studies back this up. I think the boyfriend deserves a bit more time in jail, and a little bit more than a psychological evaluation.

And this guy (scroll to bottom), who kicked a cat so hard that it had to be euthanized? I hope he does get the full three years in prison.

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By kilax, December 10, 2008 9:01 pm

A little public announcement before the post: I feel guilty writing posts, when I have emails that need to be responded to, as well as over 400 unread items in my google reader. I feel guilty for responding to things slowly or late (like birthday announcements and other important news in posts). Please forgive me. Writing here is an outlet for me. It really alleviates stress, so it is the first thing I make time for. I really enjoy writing emails and reading blogs too. In fact, I am upset that my schedule has not allowed me to “catch up.” You all know how that is though. Anyway, my apologies. I hope to have time to catch up… some weekend? Okay, announcement over.

This year, both of our families have told us to “expect a smaller Christmas.” Or rather, they’ve apologetically told us they don’t have as much money to spend as in years past.

I’m guessing we’re not the only ones hearing this?

It makes me really sad that people feel like they have to apologize for giving less presents during the holidays. It makes me sad, because I know they are genuinely upset that they cannot give as much to us as they have before. And I know that no matter how much I tell them it doesn’t matter to me, it will still matter to them.

It’s hard not to let gift-giving become some sort of obsession during the holidays. You stress and stress over how much money to spend, what to buy, and then how they will react when they open it, whether or not they like it…

Our big thing is that we want to buy people things they actually WANT, rather than aimlessly searching for something, just to say “I got you a gift!” So, we started brainstorming ideas for people back in October. But, as my second cousin Denise wisely told me, “I stress about buying present every year because I never know what to buy for people. I guess we’ve all gotten to the point where we buy what we want and things that we don’t buy no one else can afford.” Ugh, exactly. For some people, it is impossible for Steven and I to come up with good gift ideas, unless they’re super expensive. People in our lives generally have what they want. Or sadly, we don’t know enough about our own family member’s interests to buy them something new they may enjoy.

So, we get caught up in this whole stress thing too.

I always have fun buying and giving gifts, but I do worry about finding that “perfect” gift.

Yeah, it doesn’t exist. And I have quit pretending it does. I am just going to enjoy the holidays.

I started thinking about all of this because my office is answering “Letters to Santa.” Children in impoverished neighborhoods write the letter to Santa at their schools and then the Sun-Times newspaper delivers the letters to organizations that buy and wrap the gifts these kids are asking for.

I didn’t participate (because I just started), but I think it really put things into perspective for a lot of people, answering a letter where a kid would ask for something so simple, like “a stuffed bear I can hug,” “anything Hot Wheels,” or “a Barbie.” One woman said it made her feel awful that a kid was asking for a $10 Barbie and she bought her own son a $200 PlayStation.

We all know we’ve become incredibly materialistic. We live our lives in pursuit of “stuff.” You want to earn more money at your job, so that you can get the “stuff” you want, and live in your preferred comfort zone.

And yes, we all think about this more around the holidays, maybe feeling a little guilty about it, maybe not.

I just want people to understand that “having less” at Christmas isn’t going to ruin the holiday for me. But there is really no way to alleviate someone else’s guilt.