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By kilax, March 7, 2009 8:03 am

On Thursday afternoon (okay, AND Friday, but this story relates to Thursday), I started feeling a bit snacky. I felt an eating binge coming on. I’m sure it was a result of lack of sleep and avoidance of the work task at hand. I exhausted the remainder of my snack stash at work – a serving of pretzels and a few various granola bars/fruit bars.

Then I decided I wasn’t done, so I grabbed my little coin purse and trekked my way back to the vending machine. I got there and stared at it. The top two rows of the vending machine have salty snacks – mostly chips. And the remaining, I don’t know, five or six rows, are ALL sweets.

I gave up sweets, making it very difficult to find anything I wanted. This is where a normal person would stop the quest and go back to there desk, but I stood there for quite some time and noticed someone else in there, kind of looking at me.

“I can’t decide what I want,” I told him. He didn’t want to use the machine, but seemed curious that I was standing there so long.

“Well, you gotta narrow it down,” he said. “Do you want salty or sweet? Once you decide that, there are other decisions to make. For example, if you choose sweet, then you need to decide if you want something chocolatey. And if you do, will it be nuggety, nutty or fruit-flavored?”

I thought that guy was pretty funny. I realized what I WANTED was M&M’s, but I couldn’t have them, so I went down to the snack shop in our building.

I found the same situation there. More sweets than anything else. My craving for something sweet intensified while I was down there. But I resisted, and grabbed a bag of Gardetto’s.

Yuck. What a disappointment. First of all, they weren’t what I wanted. Secondly, I felt super self-conscious eating them at my desk because they are so crunchy (you know what I am talking about diane!). And thirdly, they leave a super nasty after taste in your mouth. And they don’t really have a good “before taste anyway. I hate that I just had to eat something, and picked something that didn’t even hit the spot.

So, I confirmed something about myself – I have a sweet tooth. When I get snacky, I crave sweet treats. You know what I was thinking that day? “M&M’s sound good. Warm, chewy cinnamon rolls sound good. A Deerfield’s Bakery donut sounds good.” I wanted something sweet and soft or sweet and crunchy.

Since I gave up sweets I’ve been having half an orange in the afternoon (along with carrots and celery). I thought now might as well be a good time to eat “closer to the earth” as well. I get so sick of eating processed crackers and bars. And even though I look for processed food without high amounts of sugar in it, it’s hard to find. There’s still a lot of sugar in there.

Most days I am totally fine eating my healthy snacks, but every once in awhile I get these awful urges that I just have to eat, eat, eat! They don’t come that often. But I hate it when they do. I wish I was better at controlling them. I feel awful putting bad things into my body that I don’t really want. Especially because I run so much. Usually that is enough to make me not do it, but not all the time. Ugh, I am blabbing.

I don’t know if I learned anything from all of this, or if I just feel better sharing my guilt here.

Side note: Should I feel guilty that I felt good yesterday when I overheard my cute and skinny coworker confess that she ate one roll of thin mints the day before, and the other roll the next day? Of course, it was immediately followed with “Now I have to work out, like, twice today!”