Comments (26)

By kilax, October 8, 2009 5:03 am

A coworker was politely and continually inviting me to social work events that focused around drinking alcohol (Happy Hour, Booze Cruise, etc.). I continually, and politely, declined the invitations, because social drinking is not my idea of fun, and most of the after-work engagements would have me getting home after 10:00 at night.

This back-and-forth invite and decline situation continued until I found out I would be going on travel with this coworker for training, and she began mentioning hitting the bars after class. That is when I told her, “Drinking is not my idea of fun. I also don’t enjoy hanging out in big groups of people, which is why I haven’t been going to the work socials and probably won’t want to go out to the bars after class while on travel.”

I thought she understood what I was saying – that I don’t think of drinking as an “activity” or way of having fun. But I think she really took it as “I never drink. I am opposed to drinking. I am anti-alcohol.”

This came to my attention when she acted nervous buying beer at dinner (while on travel) around me. And when she seemed ashamed to want to go to Trader Joe’s and buy a 6-pack of beer. And when she timidly asked if I would mind if she brought a beer to my hotel room to drink while we watched TV.

Then yesterday, we were talking about Facebook (which inspired tomorrow’s Friday Question), and I said, “It’s not like I have any drunken pictures of myself on there*.

“Of course you don’t,” she replied. “You don’t drink.”

“It’s not that I don’t drink,” I said, “It’s that I don’t drink for fun.”

“Oh, so you drink to get drunk?” she was completely serious.

“No, I just don’t view it as an “activity.”

“Well, I don’t either.” She seemed offended.**

I was with another coworker, and we started talking about having a glass of wine now and then. For me, “now and then” is probably 4 times a year, tops. But, I have proof below! My mom, grandma and I had “wine-a-ritas” on my birthday this year. I am not opposed to drinking. One coworker seemed to get that. I am not sure why the other doesn’t.

Some people I work with drink every night. They come in smelling like alcohol. The coworker I am talking about does not do that, but she does stay out late on the weekends, drinking in the bars, from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that! It is just not something I desire to do. I try telling her that, but all she hears is “I don’t drink.” Is it even worth talking about? It’s not causing any problems in our relationship, I just get the feeling she thinks I am judging her. I’m not. We’re just different.

*This will make more sense tomorrow.
**It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people post long dialogue in their posts. Sorry.