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By kilax, January 9, 2010 6:46 am

Do you ever catch signs that you are slowly falling into a funk?

Sometimes I catch signs such as:

• losing interest in things
• being extremely irritable
• feeling anti-social
• not wanting to take care of my body
• wanting to sleep all the time
• feeling defensive and cranky

The question is, once we’ve noticed the signs, how do we avoid falling into a full fledged funk? This is something I’ve been trying to figure out for eight years.

I’ve noticed that if I develop a plan of reaction to each sign of falling into a funk, it helps. It gives me tools to use when I realize I am not feeling like myself. Now, I completely prefer preventitive actions to reactive actions, but for now, this is the best I can do.

When I first notice the signs of falling into a funk, I tell myself to pause and look at the bigger picture. Is the reason for my funk right in front of me? Is there an issue I have been avoiding? If it’s situational, and I can nip my unease in the butt by addressing the issue, I try to. Otherwise, I address each sign one by one until I work my way out of the funk. Click “more” if you’d like to read examples of my plans of reaction.

What are your tips on how to avoid falling into a funk? Do you ever catch signs that you are? What are your signs?

Continue reading 'How to avoid falling into a funk'»

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By kilax, September 30, 2009 7:32 am

Data has decided to honor me by sleeping with me the last 4 or 5 nights.

What this really means is that I wake up a few times in the middle of the night because I want to roll over, but I don’t, because he is sleeping so peacefully between my legs/next to me/on my feet. And I would never dream of interrupting his slumber (in the middle of the night)! I mean, he wouldn’t do that to me!

Oh, wait. He does. Every time I try to sleep in past 5:30 a.m.

Data sleeping between my legs. It’s kind of hard to tell, but I am under the covers! Like my cat blanket? HA!

The things we do for our pets. Does anyone else have this half-conscious, “I shouldn’t interrupt the sleeping pet” mentality in the middle of the night?

Ha. On a somewhat related note, Steven and I watched The Cat from Outer Space Monday night on DVD. If you like cats and cheesy old movies (released in 1978*), you have to watch this. I was laughing out loud for much of it, just because it was so ridiculous. It’s definitely going on my holiday wishlist.

*For some reason, I expect movies that were released after Star Wars (1977) to have similar quality graphics (The Cat from Outer Space, The Last Starfighter, Robocop)… they don’t. And why would they? I guess that just shows how ahead of his time (crazy) Lucas was.

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By kilax, September 29, 2009 7:01 pm

… I just want to go to bed.

I’m not sure if I am ready for another dark and cold season. Each year I try to come up with a new way to deal with it, but I always feel a little crummy overall. I suppose last year’s method of keeping myself purposefully busy helped somewhat. I’ll try that again.

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By kilax, September 9, 2009 12:25 pm

When I clicked on yahoo’s “Most Stressful Cities” article yesterday, I expected Chicago to be on the list, but I didn’t expect it to be #1! (Duh, it was last year too. I am just a bit slow. A bit.)

I think this list is kind of bullshit, but it did get me thinking about what stresses me out about living here*, and that is the COMMUTE. 50 miles and an hour and twenty minute train ride both ways to the office.

Yes, it is my choice to live far away from my office. Yes, I could move. Yes, I could (try to) get a new job. But I don’t want to. I really like the area we live in. I really like my job. If we move, it won’t be closer to Chicago. It will be to a different state.

So, I don’t really have any room to bitch. It’s my choice. I understand that. And I don’t want to move.

But jeez… am I ever worn out! How do people do this their entire life? I don’t view this as a permanent situation for me. I can’t continue to waste three hours every day in transit, and try to get by on less than six hours a night of sleep. That is TRULY bullshit.

Do you find the area you live in stressful?

I DO NOT live in Chicago. So I am aware that I cannot truly understand the stress of living in Chicago.

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By kilax, September 8, 2009 1:05 pm

Day One of Operation “Appear Awake at Work” is off to a rocky start.*

Can you even tell I have makeup on in this photo?!

I am probably setting myself up for failure by trying to wake up so early. Last night was one of those nights where the bed felt perfect and I instantly fell asleep. And I didn’t wake up once!** Not until this morning, when Steven was rubbing my arm (and I was thinking, “What’s he up to?!” Winky Wink.) then said, “Are you going to get up?” It was 4:05. My alarm had gone off at 4:00, and I hadn’t even realized it… yet had somehow managed to turn it off. Weird. Good thing he woke me up!

This weekend was so relaxing. I don’t recall the last time I’ve felt so relaxed. I got a full nine hours of sleep on both Friday and Saturday night, and felt refreshed and energetic all day Saturday and Sunday. It was really weird not to feel tired and crash and the middle of the day like I normally do.

It sure would be great to get that much sleep every night.

I had to wake up earlier this morning so I can make it to an evening appointment with my therapist (Yay flexible work hours!). I think it’s been a month since I last saw her. I canceled my last appointment because I didn’t feel like I had made much progress. And I didn’t feel like sitting there, complaining about the same old issues. It would just make me feel worse for, well, not having made any progress on the same old issues!***

It’s so weird to sit and talk to someone for an hour about how you feel and not have to ask them anything AT ALL. When I am talking to someone, I am naturally conscious of how much I am talking in comparison to them, if I am interrupting them, and if they look bored. Well, talking to a therapist throws all of that out the window. I can just go on and on about whatever I want, and they have to listen. Yippee!

The only problem is that I enjoy bitching to my therapist so much that I have a hard time remembering what she says. She has a lot of good feedback, ideas and analogies, but she tells me so much that I can’t remember it all. An hour is a long time! Maybe I should bring a notepad.

*I’ve decided it’s time to start putting some effort into my appearance again. I am sick of the “you look so tired” comments. I am tired, DAMMIT!
**I’ve been having issues with waking up often in the night, so this is awesome.
***I doubt some issues EVER go away.

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By kilax, August 28, 2009 8:34 am

What kind of pillow do you like to use? How often do you get a new pillow? Do you bring a pillow when you travel?

Another strange question, right? Well, this came to mind because I have two people in my family who are very peculiar about pillows (hello Mom and Steven), but I will let them tell their own story.

I like soft pillows, but not so soft that your head sinks right through them to the mattress. I have been using this cheap-o memory foam contour pillow from Target for about four years now. I like to put a flat pillow underneath it, then let the front of the contour pillow slide off a little bit. The only time I’ve replaced it is when I came back from Rome, because it got stinky.

Data really likes this pillow too. If I leave him alone in the bedroom, I will come back to find lots of tiny teeth marks in it, and in my pillowcase. Thanks Data!

I always bring a pillow with me when I travel, unless I am going on an airplane (too inconvenient) or to my Aunt Sue’s house (because I really like her pillows).

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By kilax, July 2, 2009 7:05 am

Because today is an 8-hour workday for me, I took the 6:25 am train instead of the 5:23 am train.

Wow. What a difference an hour of sleep makes. I woke up with a bounce in my step, instead of feeling like zombie-woman.

It’s a reoccurring theme here – my struggle to get enough sleep. I fill my days too full and make my expectations too high. I set myself up for failure and exhaustion.

It makes me very disappointed in myself that I am still struggling with this. Being healthy is not just eating well and exercising. It’s a triad of eating well, exercising AND getting enough rest.

I tried to combat my exhaustion by taking naps the past two weekends. But a 2 or 3-hour nap in the middle of the day? Or two 1-hour naps in one day? That doesn’t seem right (even if it feels right).

I’ve been putting a lot of hope into this 3-day weekend at the river with my family – that it will be relaxing and easy-going. I imagine myself sleeping on the beach, closing my eyes and relaxing on the boat, having relaxing conversations with my (immediate) family, enjoying leisure activities… we’ll see. I’ve learned it’s best not to have my expectations too high (ever, really) when going somewhere where my imaginary schedule has to be coordinated with 9 others people’s.  

And however the weekend turns out, what happens when I come back? I’ll still be skimping on sleep, I’m sure.

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By kilax, June 24, 2009 12:42 pm

I didn’t get home until 8:45 last night. I was a little bit frustrated that my train was late, but all of that frustration washed away when I opened the door and smelled… fresh chocolate chip cookies! Steven decided to try this vegan recipe. How awesome is it to come home to fresh cookies? Steven is such a sweetie. I am so lucky to have a husband who loves to cook and experiment in the kitchen.

They turned out very thick on their own. Steven pressed down the second batch, but I liked the big, thick, chewy ones.

Nom Nom Nom

Steven had to make some substitutions to the recipe. We didn’t have unbleached flour, so he used all-purpose. And we didn’t have raw sugar, so he used half white and half brown sugar. He found out that most white sugar is not vegan, as it is often filtered using bone char – an animal product. I am sure as I continue on this vegan journey, I will discover lots of interesting tidbits like that. I will have to accommodate them when I run across them.

Anyway, he thought the cookies were a little bland, that they needed more flavor. He thought they just tasted like sugar cookies with chocolate chips in them – that they were missing that “buttery” (?) taste. I liked that they didn’t have a overpowering taste, as I generally do not consider myself a chocolate chip cookie fan. As you can see, they weren’t laden with chocolate chips. He only used a half of a cup. I don’t like it when chocolate chip cookies are overloaded with chocolate chips. Blah.

With all of that being said, I scarfed down three cookies. Then went almost immediately to bed. These cookies sat like a brick in my stomach, and had me tossing and turning all night. I don’t think it is necessarily the cookie’s fault. I think it is MY fault for eating too much, too fast, too close to bedtime, on an already full stomach.

I got into a bad pattern for awhile in the end of May and beginning of June where I was eating too much in the evening and sleeping very poorly at night. I’d wake up because I feel so uncomfortable and gassy. I would still feel gross when I woke up in the morning. That’s not a good way to start a day.

And the dumb thing is, I couldn’t figure out why I was tossing and turning all night. I just kept repeating the same actions over and over. It wasn’t until I actually slept well, that I looked back and thought, “Hmm, what did I do differently yesterday?”

So, while I’ve always laughed at the theory that you cannot burn off calories you eat in the evening* (because you go to bed), I think I will be making an effort not to eat so close to bedtime.

*I think the advice to “not eat after 7:00 pm” is meant to help people cut back on mindless snacking done after dinner. But it seems to have turned into this belief that calories you eat after 7:00 pm will never be burned off.

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By kilax, June 13, 2009 8:40 am

My neighbor (Fritz) and I saw this HUGE turtle during our 5-mile run this morning!

When we were doing our warm-up walk we saw him hear the wooded “swamp” area, but when we were nearing the end, he had moved across the street to a tree in front of a house.

I’ve never seen a turtle that big in our neighborhood, so I was pretty excited. Does that make me a huge dork?

Scary half-asleep photo!

I got up at 5:45 today so I could met Fritz at 6:00 for our run. Steven’s parents are in town, and I wanted to get it done before everyone woke up so I wouldn’t have to disappear in the middle of the day to go running. I don’t want to miss out on the fun!

I LOVE running first thing in the morning. But wow, the night before a morning run, I cannot sleep AT ALL. I am too excited to get up and run, and I’ll actually have dreams about my morning run. And of course, last night, I was awake all night worrying about the rain (it stopped raining for one hour during our run – yay!).

I haven’t been getting quality sleep lately, at all. I keep waking up around 3:00 each night. And since I get up at 4:30, that is really messing with my sleep cycle during the week. Maybe I can fit a nap in this weekend!

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By kilax, June 2, 2009 6:37 am

For some reason, I was really excited that June 1st started on a Monday. I felt like it was giving me a “fresh start” – a new month and on a MONDAY! I was going to get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise, get everything done in the evening, and go to bed at 9:30.

Ha. Ha ha. My day quickly turned to crap around lunch time, and didn’t get much better. I suppose the gloom and rain in Chicago didn’t help either.

What’s so silly is that I know that ANY moment can be the moment to make a “fresh start” or change something. A phone call that bothers me in the morning shouldn’t ruin my day. I shouldn’t just throw my healthy diet out the window if I eat too much at lunch time. I’ve got to get rid of this “all or nothing” mindset!

I’ve been saying that forever…

And I’ve been thinking about this forever, which is just fueling the fire. I am sick of trying to “fix me.” I am sick of thinking about being healthy. I am sick of trying to figure out what makes me so anxious and impatient. I just want it all to go away. I just want it all to work ITSELF out.

I don’t want to think about it anymore.

So I’m going to pay someone else to think about it. I’ll see how that goes. I’ve had both bad and good experiences with therapy. Maybe it will be different now that I am an adult paying for it with actual health insurance (versus being in college).

Side Note: It totally cracks me up how many comments I got on yesterday’s “Attacked by birds” post! Thanks for all of your fun comments!