Comments (24)

By kilax, December 30, 2009 7:48 am

It seems like I am making a New Year’s Realization instead of a Resolution. Ha, ha… ha?

I keep putting myself on ridiculous schedules because I think it will help me out, when really, it just hinders me.

I have to STOP doing this. I have to.

Today is a perfect example. I am having lunch with a coworker and I also want to get a run in. I obviously can’t do it during lunch time anymore, so it would probably make sense to do it in the evening. No, that makes TOO MUCH SENSE, let’s get up at 4:30 so we can get to the office gym at 6:30 and put 6 miles in before work! Then, you get to run, see your friend for lunch, AND spend quality time with your husband when you get home!

It sounds so perfect when I write it all out, but Steven can tell you which one of these things doesn’t happen. By the time I get home, I am so tired from getting up so early that all I want to do is eat dinner and go to bed. I try to “relax” (how does one do that?) by sitting on the couch watching a movie, but I just feel exhausted.

And I keep doing this… why? It’s like I want to prove to myself that I CAN fit it all in to one day – working out, lunch with a friend, time with Steven, 3 hours commuting and 9.5 hours at work.

I can’t do it all. I can’t have it all. I have to prioritize. I have to be flexible/less rigid with my schedule. Ugh. I just need to learn HOW TO RELAX.

Friends, I have been fighting this for a long time. It’s what causes me to get burnt out and give up. I don’t want that to happen anymore. I am sick of yo-yoing with my weight, and really, with my life.

Do any of you ever feel like you are doing this to yourself? How to you stop/slow down?

Comments (25)

By kilax, December 25, 2009 6:01 am

Happy Holidays Everyone!

My family does a holiday photo each year (you can check them all out here). They usually have a funny theme, but this year, we actually took a serious photo to send out.

Anthony, Me, Steven, Mom, Nicholas, Dad, Thomas (baby) Nick, Courtney (SiL) and Christina

Don’t I have a gorgeous family (if I do say so myself)? I am happy we took these*.

The original Ilax clan

I get to spend today** with my other family – Steven’s parents and brother! They snuck in (from Kansas City) just before the ice storm and I am happy to be celebrating the holiday with them in our home this year! We’re so lucky that they were able to come out and share the day with us. It’s so nice to slow down and relax for once.

However you spend the day, I hope it is wonderful! Leave me a comment telling me your favorite part of the day!

*Even though, uh, it was 25 pounds ago
**I will see my family in January

Comments (20)

By kilax, December 2, 2009 5:52 am

Did anyone else wake up this morning and think, “If this was last week, today would be my last day of the work week!”?

I sure did!

I really don’t have any room to complain though. I didn’t have to work a single full week for the entire month of November (I have two full weeks this month though).

Besides, if it was last week, the holiday festivities would just be that much further away!

But those 3-day work weeks ARE nice! December really wears me out, and it would be great to have a few extra days off to prepare for the holidays and chill.

Side Note: Don’t forget to enter my Eating Animals Giveaway!

Comments Off on Why it’s quiet here

By kilax, August 6, 2009 12:35 pm

I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with work/life lately that I haven’t been talking about it. I don’t feel like it helps, and I don’t feel like talking. Instead I’ve just been shutting down.

I keep hoping that the next new week will be the one that allows me to relax and recharge, but it never is.

You would think that now, with my bad shin keeping me from running, I would feel relaxed, but I just feel frustrated. I am in so much pain when I walk, especially when I go up and down stairs, that I just want to give up.

So, I am sharing this just to explain where I am right now – in a pretty frustrated state of mind. So I’ve been keeping it quiet. Don’t worry about me… just don’t expect to hear much from me… winky winky smiley face.

Comments (18)

By kilax, July 31, 2009 7:22 pm

What’s your perfect summer day?

Have I asked this before? Probably. Well, my perfect summer day is a day on the river, eating food, swimming and napping – a day like today! We’re at my parent’s cabin on the Mississippi River this weekend for my birthday, and we had great warm weather today!

The newest issue of Runner’s World came right before we left last night and I enjoyed reading it on the tube (I can’t ride it yet because of my wrist).

When we got here last night I opened up the door to the bedroom we stay in and my sister and her boyfriend were sitting in the bed in the dark, waiting to surprise us! I didn’t know they were coming. I screamed when I saw her (because it’s creepy when someone is sitting on the bed and you don’t expect ANYONE to be there). I am happy we got to see them.

Steven, me, Christina and Will at the beach.

Steven made me Tori’s special vegan cupcakes for my birthday. So good! I heard my grandma made me a vegan cake too. I am on my way over there now to find out… nom nom nom.

I hope everyone else is having a great summer day! August 1st is always a bit depressing for me – I feel like it is the beginning of the end of summer, probably just because it is the day after my birthday.

Comments (12)

By kilax, July 16, 2009 5:35 pm

I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve, therefore making every emotion I am feeling obvious.

Last week, a coworker said, “Hey! You seem happy today.” I was happy that day. The last few times she’d seen me, I’d been very stressed or sad.

Yesterday, I ran into my mentor in the hallway of my building. I just said hello, and from that, he asked “what’s wrong?” He could hear the stress and panic in my voice.

And the worst example – a few of my college friends are visiting this weekend, and one just called me and said, “It seemed like you are kind of stressed out in the last few emails you sent. You seem worried about what we will do while we are there and what we will eat. We just want to see you and relax! We can just sit on the couch all weekend and eat whatever, it doesn’t matter!”

I wanted to cry when she called. She was trying to reassure me, but knowing that my stress was so obvious just made me feel worse.