Comments (19)

By kilax, December 19, 2009 6:21 am

For me anyway! It’s never Point A to Point Z. It’s Point A to Point K, then oops, I started out too strong, back to Point C, trudging along to Point Z again, and I never get there…

Hmm, what the hell am I talking about?

With 2010 approaching I have been thinking about how I want the “new” year to be. I am not the type to make resolutions, or really even goals, but I am the type to dream ahead of what my future might have in store. And to do that, you kind of have to evaluate the past.

So I’ve been thinking about all of the journeys I’ve tried to take in my life. Journeys to improve my health. Journeys to improve relationships. Journeys to improve skills. Journeys to improve my personal characteristics. Usually, during these journeys, especially in the beginning, I am speeding along, making great progress… until I hit a snag and I fizzle out a bit. What causes that? Is it boredom? Is it exhaustion? Is it lack of progress?

Or is it just me, jumping into things too fast, too enthusiastically, too anxiously?

Whatever it is, it has resulted in a lot of non-linear journeys. My journeys are riddled with setbacks, re-dos and start-overs, and it’s hard to get back on track. I know that is part of life’s overall journey. You aren’t ever really allowed to go from Point A to Point Z. You don’t continually increase your running mileage forever. You don’t lose 2 pounds per week in an even manner. You don’t become more understanding without one or two blow-outs. You don’t always say the right thing.

But, I want to work on this. I want to work on my consistency. And generally, being less anxious about things. I would love to be calm. I would love to have an image of what I want 2010 to be like, but not be in a rush to make it all happen. And not be disappointed when it turns out differently – you know it will! And I know there will be bumps in the road, I just hope they will be smaller bumps.

Do you feel like there are linear and non-linear journeys in life? How do you deal with setbacks?

Comments (16)

By kilax, October 14, 2009 7:26 am

Should you let anything define you?

I think one of the reasons I am struggling so much (mentally) with not being able to run is because for so long I let it define who I was. I’ve been searching for a hobby since graduation in May ’07 (remember dancing, bowling and fencing?), but nothing really stuck with me. The novelty always wore off.

With running, it was a new game each time. The weather was always different, I could run alone with tunes or run with a friend, I could try a new forest preserve* path or run in the city, I could go for a short or long run, I could run fast or slow… you get the idea. And I felt like running was really something that helped me connect with other people – both in real life and online. I loved telling people I was a runner. I loved talking about it. I loved doing it.

I loved thinking “I’ve beat the 9:00-5:00 (in my case, 5:00am-7:00pm) slump. I’ve found a fun, healthy hobby to do in my 3 hours of free time each weekday.”

But is running really the thing I want to define who I am**? Was I prioritizing it a bit too much during that time? Was I obsessing over it a bit?

Maybe, maybe and probably…

The thing is, I had so much fun doing it. I loved having that time to myself (when I did) to think and decompress. I loved the way it made me feel. And I had so much fun writing my weekly marathon training recaps, even though they were super long and probably super boring***. So, I really think running was a good hobby. It just required a change in lifestyle that took a while to fully absorb. And that is where I was struggling.

I hope some of you can relate to this, because it isn’t just about running. It’s about trying to find your place in life. Trying to find balance. Trying to find out what makes you happy – it’s not really as easy as you think (at least, in my case).

So right now, what defines you, if anything? Do you think about the defintion of who you are (a compilation of your hobbies, beliefs, aspirations and social community) the same way I do, or differently?

*This is why I love living in Lake County
**As much as I love my job, I don’t wan it to define me. People don’t give a crap about your work.
***Steven has confirmed this.

Comments (22)

By kilax, January 30, 2009 12:05 pm

What personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble?

Those traits would be being loud, a bit outspoken, and a habit to say the wrong thing at the wrong time – not a good combination.

When I was young, my best friend stopped inviting me over as much as she used to. I asked her why and she said, “My parents don’t like it when you come over because you’re too loud.”

Ouch.

I unfortunately haven’t gotten much better, although I am more conscious of it now. I just… express excitement and happiness very exuberantly.

And I am not even going to go into all of my tales of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Chances are, if you know me in person, you can remember a few of those moments!