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By kilax, January 15, 2008 8:18 am

There is a quote from Susan Sarandon’s character, Beverly Clark, in Shall We Dance? that I think of often. She is talking about why she thinks people get married:

“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet … I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things … all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”

I think this quote applies not only to marriage, but to any long-lasting relationship. But of course, my point in this post is to tell you how this quote has brought new meaning to me since getting married.

When I first saw this movie in 2005, I interpreted this quote negatively – as this witness role being a burden. I took it as meaning, “no one life is unique, so everyone needs a partner to make it feel that it is.” My interpretation supported a personal belief of mine – that the reason people are in relationships is to feel special (and, well, loved!).

Now, I feel differently. After getting married, I had some sort of mind shift. My independent mind suddenly realized I had another person to rely on, another person to care for, another person’s life to take as seriously as my own.

I wish I could explain it better.

Now, I interpret the witness role completely differently. It’s not that of an indifferent witness, but that of a caring, loving, involved (although “involved” goes against the meaning of the word) witness.

For me, marriage has been like living two lives. My own, and that of my husband. His concerns are mine, his anxieties are mine, his cares are mine. Of course, they were before marriage, but never this deeply.

Maybe this is what really connecting with another person is?

Anyway, I think I am realizing that this type of relationship has helped me “see the bigger picture.” It’s helped me, “not sweat the small things.” It’s helped me be less selfish, by understanding someone else’s needs and desires.

I think this type of relationship is capable on many levels – between family, friends and spouses – this is just the first time I have experienced it.

Comments (10)

By kilax, December 5, 2007 5:19 am

Wives must never forget this Bible verse, as it is written in the Book of Steven:

If thine husband dost desire pizza during a snowstorm, thou shalt drivest to pick it up after work. Pronto. Snap snap!

Driving in a snowstorm makes me a lot more nervous than it used to. I get in the car and all I can feel is my heart heavily pounding in my chest. I think I have used up all of my “get away free” cards when it comes to accidents in snowy weather… so I would rather just stay inside. Or take public transportation!

The pizza was good though.