Always on my mind
Comments (14) How do you deal with the declining health of a loved one?
It’s so easy to start to shut someone out as their health declines. At first, you are trying not to be bothersome to them, so you leave them alone, or only make small talk when you visit.
This becomes habitual though, until you have a completely different version of yourself that you present to the ill person. You are cautious, you are careful, you are worried… and eventually you are acting distant towards the person without even realizing it. You start to seclude them, which isn’t good for anyone, ill or not.
Of course, I am speaking of a specific circumstance, but perhaps you can relate.
My grandfather has Lewy Body Dementia. Honestly, I am not sure how long he has had it, but I am old enough to have witnessed the decline in his health.
God, it scares me.
He has had an up and down battle. He was well, then he got shingles. He got better, then he broke his hip. He had to spend months in a nursing home, because my grandma could not take care of him on her own. He’s finally home again.
But the disease is not physical! It affects his alertness, his memory, his speech. It’s so frightening to see this happen to someone I love so much.
There have been times when I visited him and he thought he saw things that weren’t there, or said things that didn’t make any sense. Then there are times (like last weekend in Iowa) when he is the sharp and clever grandpa I remember. I can say “Grandpa, remember when…?” And he responds, “Yes, I do!”
It just feels so tense to me when we (my family) are all around him. Some of us don’t know how to act. Some of us are too nervous to say anything. Some of us are completely at ease.
I try to act myself, be normal, and tell my “funny” stories (my grandparents humor me), but it is so easy to avoid topics that you think might be upsetting or confusing. And then you are starting to shut someone out.
I feel so bad for not being able to spend more time with my grandparents.
Themocracy