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By kilax, June 11, 2009 1:07 pm

I have an appointment tonight, as well as guests in town, so I decided to get my run in during lunch, in the office gym. I was really looking forward to it all morning, hoping that it would break up the monotony of the day and get me energized for the afternoon.

But instead of having a carefree, relaxing run like I usually do, I ended up stressing out about work issues and watching the clock the entire time. I had to rush to get 3 miles in, then shower and get ready to go back to my desk (in one hour).

It feels good to have the run out of the way, but it wasn’t the quality I wanted it to be. I didn’t get to de-stress at all.

My marathon training schedule starts next Monday, and I think I am going to have to fit lunch time runs in a couple of times a week. Maybe next time it will be sunny and NOT raining*, so I can get outside and enjoy the run more.

Warning: exercise seems to be one of the only things I feel like writing about right now, so you’ll probably get a lot of that.

*This is June, right?

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By kilax, June 4, 2009 12:59 pm

I have a reoccuring dream that I am on a plane to Rome, feeling extremely guilty because I have “left”* Steven to pursue my own interests.**

This morning the dream was a bit different. I was sitting next to a classmate on the plane, when I looked down into my luggae (why I had it with me, who knows) and realized I didn’t pack ANY of my running gear.

I started to panick and my classmate assured me it would be okay and I could buy running gear in Rome.

“But I didn’t even bring my Garmin! How will I know how far I’ve gone?!”

Oh jeez. This has gone too far.

But after I woke up, I thought, it would have been FUN to run in Rome! I never did. It would be dangerous with the way people drive there, but it would be so neat to run by all of the old, unique buildings. And I know some of my classmates were running when we were there. Maybe someday I’ll get an opportunity to run there again.

Is there any really cool place you like to run? Or do you have a dream run like this? Right now, I love running in the forest preserve, when I am not getting attacked by birds!

*Not “left” as in divorced, but “left” as in “left behind (for awhile).
**I think I have these dreams because I did chose to extend my winter 2006 stay in Rome into the summer ( I stayed to work for an Italian Architect) when Steven and I were engaged. I only saw him twice in seven months.

Comments (18)

By kilax, June 2, 2009 6:37 am

For some reason, I was really excited that June 1st started on a Monday. I felt like it was giving me a “fresh start” – a new month and on a MONDAY! I was going to get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise, get everything done in the evening, and go to bed at 9:30.

Ha. Ha ha. My day quickly turned to crap around lunch time, and didn’t get much better. I suppose the gloom and rain in Chicago didn’t help either.

What’s so silly is that I know that ANY moment can be the moment to make a “fresh start” or change something. A phone call that bothers me in the morning shouldn’t ruin my day. I shouldn’t just throw my healthy diet out the window if I eat too much at lunch time. I’ve got to get rid of this “all or nothing” mindset!

I’ve been saying that forever…

And I’ve been thinking about this forever, which is just fueling the fire. I am sick of trying to “fix me.” I am sick of thinking about being healthy. I am sick of trying to figure out what makes me so anxious and impatient. I just want it all to go away. I just want it all to work ITSELF out.

I don’t want to think about it anymore.

So I’m going to pay someone else to think about it. I’ll see how that goes. I’ve had both bad and good experiences with therapy. Maybe it will be different now that I am an adult paying for it with actual health insurance (versus being in college).

Side Note: It totally cracks me up how many comments I got on yesterday’s “Attacked by birds” post! Thanks for all of your fun comments!

Comments (28)

By kilax, June 1, 2009 5:36 am

Do I look intimidating? AT ALL?!

Maybe not intimidating, but scary in a sweaty “ew you need to take a shower” sort of way.

Apparently, I do, at least to the Red-winged Blackbird. Yesterday, during my 10-mile run (splits below) at my (and Tori’s!) favorite forest preserve, I was attacked by a bird FOUR TIMES.

The first time, I felt something latch onto my hair and thought “WTF was that?!” then saw the bird fly away. I laughed. The second time, the bird dive-bombed me and clipped my shoulder (no scratches). The third time was a dive bomb, but no contact.

And the fourth time was when I got pissed off. I was especially cautious to run far away from the birds, and even saw the bird watch me as I ran by. Once he was out of MY sight, he went for my hat and latched on and beat his wings against it. Of course, there was a family behind me witnessing the whole thing. I yelled “GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” and kept running, but turned around and said to them, “This is the FOURTH time this has happened to me today!”

I didn’t see anyone else getting attacked, and there were A LOT of people there. I wonder if the birds were scared of my hat? I know these birds are very protective of their nests, but I felt like I was keeping a respective distance.

I feel like there should be some sort of boy scout/girl scout patches I earn every time I pass a running milestone. You know, milestones like running with a bloody toe, taking a crap in the forest, running in the pouring run, getting attacked by birds, etc. What other milestones am I forgetting?

Distance: 10.00 miles | Time: 1:32:48 | 1: 9:09 | 2: 9:20 | 3: 9:09 | 4: 9:13 | 5: 9:19 | 6: 9:12 | 7: 9:32 | 8: 9:09 | 9: 9:23 | 10: 9:17

Comments (16)

By kilax, May 28, 2009 6:23 am

My neighbor and I are running a 5K together this Saturday at a forest preserve in Libertyville, a town about 12 miles from where we live. He wanted to run the course before the race, so we plan to run it tonight after we pick up our race registration packets.

All of those stupid details don’t matter. The point is, I woke up at 4:20 and left the house by 5:00 so I could drive to the Libertyville train station instead of my normal train station. Theoretically, I could hop off the train in the evening, pick up my packet and drive right to the forest preserve.

Only, I get to the Libertyville train station this morning and all of the parking spots in the main lot are permit only before 8:30 am with a $500 fine for offenders (WTF?!). I remembered there was another lot so I drove to it and saw that all of the pay slots for parking were boarded up, and a sign was put up telling commuters to drive to ANOTHER TRAIN STATION.

Are you fricking kidding me?! I actually called the police station to ask if there was anywhere I could park and they told me to go to the other train station, which would be back-tracking from where I came, and make me miss the train.

I was so pissed. I didn’t want to park at that other train station and miss my train AND have to back-track YET AGAIN in the evening to get back to Libertyville. I could have asked my neighbor to drive me there after our run, but I left my alternate running outfit (I took the one I plan to wear with me) and some running gear in my car and I wanted it with me and I DIDN’T want to carry it to work.

I just started driving, and called Steven, to bitch a little bit about it (what a great way to wake up, right?!), and asked him if he remembered how to get to the next train station, in Lake Forest. He was nice enough to get out of bed and look up the location for me on the computer. I got off the phone with him and sped my way there. Let me just say, I love my husband and I love my new car. I wouldn’t have made the train without his guidance and that V6. Lake Forest had permit parking AND regular parking (it was $3.00 though – I pay $1.50 at my station).

This really shouldn’t make me so angry, BUT IT DOES. I got up extra freaking early to save myself time in the evening, and all I got was STRESS. Now I have to deal with traffic tonight as I try to get back there.

And how was I supposed to know there was no non-resident parking? It doesn’t say it anywhere on their website! I guess I learned my lesson – do MORE than plan ahead. I thought I was pretty smart getting up early to drive to this station, but I guess what I REALLY need to do is start planning things like this a week in advance so I can call the parking contact and figure out where the HELL I am supposed to park.

Yay, happy day.

Comments (23)

By kilax, May 21, 2009 11:46 pm

HOLY. FREAKING. COW. THAT. WAS. HARD.

I’ve never run such a congested race in my life. The announcer said there were close to 18,000 people. The event coordinators tried very hard to be organized. They had pace signs at the start, and kept repeating over and over NOT to start in the front if you were walking or planning on finishing in over 30 minutes.

Do people listen? NO! Because everyone is SO special that the rules do not apply to them (this is not a new thought in my head – I recognize this pattern in a lot of people). I got very frustrated when a lot of my coworkers started at the 7:00 minute mile pace, after they had all told me they planned on finishing in over 30 minutes. I passed them. Anyway…

The race was so congested that I did not cross the start line until well over a minute, and I was shoulder to shoulder with people the entire 3.5 miles. I actually saw one guy get knocked over onto the pavement because he was pushed from behind. People started in front of me who were walking, or running much much slower than the people around them. It was frustrating to have to dodge around these people. Oh well. I guess that is to be expected at a big race like this.

This is a race where I kept thinking, “And… why do I run again?” Because it was hard course (it was extremely muggy when we had to run under bridges), it was HOT (75°), and it was so freaking congested. It was just a HARD run. BUT, I gave it my all and finished 3.5 miles in 27:13. My clock time was 28:22 because I didn’t cross the start line right away.

Steven came downtown to watch me race and hang out with me and my coworkers at the after party (I totally sucked at introducing him to people – what is my problem?). I am so happy he came to support me! He said he enjoyed watching people race.

Video of the start!

I started where I was supposed to… this is well before the HUGE crowds! (Click on the photo to enlarge and check out my awesome farmer’s tan! Lame)

The start line.

Starting off… still smiling…

Scary finish photo!

Me and Steven-o.

I was super pumped for this all day, and am happy with my time, but it was not as fun (the racing part) as I expected. I am worn out, and happy I have tomorrow off to kind of relax. And maybe go on an easy run (I can’t help it!).

Comments (8)

By kilax, May 20, 2009 6:39 am

I liked today’s Runner’s World Quote of the Day:

The quote says: Running gives me a sense of controlling my life. I like the finiteness of runs, the fact that I have a clear beginning and end. I set a goal and achieve it. A good run makes you feel sort of holy.

Except for the whole “feeling holy” part (what does that even mean?), I can totally relate to this.

I am someone who struggles with having control in their life. I need structure. I need goals/milestones/guidelines. I can be easy going and go with the flow of things, but I am someone who works best with a PLAN.

Running gives me the opportunity to have long-term goals and plans to achieve them, along with mini daily goals. I DO feel accomplished when I have it in my mind that I am going to run a certain distance/time that day, then I go out and do it. It’s maybe the one thing in my life that is simple enough I CAN control on a daily basis.

My only worry with this is that I am TOO goal-oriented. Honestly, I was feeling a bit lost in my running until I signed up for the Kansas City Marathon. I felt worried that I would “lose” my endurance if I wasn’t following a training plan. Even now, I am keeping up around 20+/- miles a week, but I still feel lost/unstructured, because my official training does not start until 6/15.

And surprisingly, feeling lost in running spilled over into feeling “uneasy” in general. I was really, really anxious until I selected my next goal and developed my next plan. I guess running truly is my balance now.

So, while I think it is good to have plans and goals to follow, because they make me feel like I have some control, I realize that I have some sort of addiction. Steven actually told me he thinks I have compulsive behavior when it comes to running (and other things) – he thinks I set my mind on something, and won’t stop until I achieve it (or something like that – he wasn’t trying to insult me). That can be both good and bad. It would be really good if I could take some of that and apply it to other life goals (oh you know, like getting licensed, blah de blah), but for now, my focus seems to be on running. Which is good… until I become too obsessive. And I don’t feel like I am there yet. Ha!

This is actually not meant to be a post all about running, but about control and goals, and I think it could apply to a lot of different behaviors or activities. Do you feel like there are elements in your life that you feel you have control over, and bring you a sense of accomplishment, or calm?

Comments (20)

By kilax, May 19, 2009 6:47 am

I get a lot of comments at work like, “your lunch is so healthy,” “your snacks are so healthy,” “you always eat so healthy,” “do you count carbs or calories?”* “what do I need to eat to lose weight?” “when is your next run?” “what do I need to do to start running?”**

I think that people think I am some sort of… health freak? They see me walking around with an apple, or eating my homemade granola bar, or getting fresh veggies out of the fridge for lunch, and think I am super focused on eating healthy ALL THE TIME.

Ha. Ha ha. I WISH! While it is my goal to get closer and closer to eating a healthy, fresh diet most of the time, I am totally not there yet.

I have two secrets to share:

1. I want to run the Chase Corporate Challenge 3.5 miler in 28 minutes.
2. I’ve gained 4 pounds in the last 4 weeks.

The second secret pretty much cancels out the first one.*** Because, I can feel the small amount of extra weight and it is slowing me down a bit during my runs. I can feel it shaking in my butt.

AND, it’s NO BIG DEAL! I was stressed out, I was eating emotionally, blah blah blah, what did I expect to happen? Mathematically, I knew my calories in was higher than my calories out, even when running 20+ miles a week. I just chose to ignore it for awhile. Because I am human, and I cannot eat perfectly all the time, no matter how hard I try. And I don’t even WANT to eat perfectly all the time. How boring would that be?

Anyway, it makes me laugh at work when I get SO MANY comments on what I am eating and how healthy it is, because I do not “eat healthy” all of the time and I don’t think of the food I eat during the day as “healthy,” I think of it as the food I want to eat – fruit, veggies, whole wheat crackers, granola bars, cereal, veggie dogs, etc.

The good thing is, when people keep saying that to me, it encourages me. It keeps me going. It reminds me that I do need to be making conscious, healthy choices most of the time. And not just “for show” (which it’s not), but because I want to.

So even though the comments do get annoying from time to time (I mean, come on, can I just prepare my lunch in peace?!), I am going to channel it into good – encouragement.

And I am going to quit all of that mindless gosh darn**** snacking.

*Give me a freakin’ break. I am NOT afraid of carbs.
**My punctuation kind of went to crap in this paragraph.
***So I think I will try to finish in under 30 minutes.
****This is me not swearing.

Comments (18)

By kilax, May 17, 2009 5:12 pm

Apparently, besides worrying about bugs flying down my bra and biting me (yes, that happened today), water from my hydration belt spilling all over my legs (felt kind of good), having to poo (always a concern), and a killer sunburn (totally my fault), I also need to worry about GETTING LOST while I am running.

Today I decided to do an 8-miler close to home, but I chose to explore the neighborhood north of ours (thought that would be FUN). Without looking at a map (first mistake!) I figured it was small and only had two entrances, like ours.

Uh, no.

About 5 miles into the run, I realized I could see a major street that I shoudn’t be able to see. And wasn’t planning on seeing during this run. I knew where I was, but only by the major street – and there was no way I would run on it because of the high speed limit. So I kept heading east then south then east then south (with one long accidental north) until I finally got back to an area I had run by earlier. I was kind of freaking out a little bit, because I was running low on water, but I felt reassured knowing I had my phone and could call Steven for directions. Ha!

Has this happened to any of you?

It was pretty funny when I got home and uploaded the map of my run – I had accidentally run into another neighborhood that I didn’t know was connected to the one north of our house.

If I am wearing a Garmin Forerunner 405, shouldn’t it tell me how to get back home? I mean, it IS a Garmin! It has GPS! Who knows. Maybe it can. I think the new model should have an actual map with directions as well as a thermostat. Just because that would be cool.

And you know what else IS cool? I figured out how to set up the 1-mile lap button on Jack so I can share my splits. Because they are oh so awesome. Not. I tried really hard to start out slow, but I still started out too fast and ended slower than I wanted. I need to work on that. Along with not getting lost.

Distance: 8.01 miles | Time: 1:14:05 | 1: 9:19 | 2: 9:24 | 3: 9:09 | 4: 8:58 | 5: 9:14 | 6: 9:12 | 7: 9:18 | 8: 9:20 | 9: 0:06

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By kilax, May 16, 2009 5:49 pm

Guess who got their full dose of Vitamin D today?

I did! And Diane probably did too, since we were together all day. I can’t believe I got so red. I usually slather myself in sunscreen. And I even had it in my car today, but was having so much fun, I didn’t put it on. And… that’s how you get skin cancer! I won’t let this happen again. Anyway…

Diane and I went to Grant Park for SELF’s Workout in the Park. It’s a huge workout – they have a main stage set up and everyone follows the workouts. They also had a “quiet zone” (which was right next to the loud speakers for the main stage) to do yoga and pilates, as well as various vendors there.

The main stage

The weather was absolutely perfect – sunny and blue skies! But the ground was absolutely saturated with water. I wonder if they had two shoe vendors there because they knew buying new shoes was sure to be on everyone’s mind at the end of the day?

Our very muddy shoes… and the very muddy ground.

Diane and I tried a few of the main classes (Cardio Tai Box, Movieography, and Million Dollar Knockout) and one “Quiet Zone class – Hippie Yoga. (Jeez, is that all we did? Why do I feel so tired?). I was worried about the yoga, because I’ve only taken ONE yoga class and I got really sick and dizzy at it. This “Hippie” yoga focused on your hips and upper legs, so we didn’t have to do any of that crazy upside down stuff and I REALLY LIKED IT! Maybe I will start doing yoga now? Steven did the P90X yoga for the first time this week and really liked it. He thinks I should try it (but admits he has his doubts about me calming down enough to do it).

Looking good after working out all day… right? RIGHT?!?!

We kept commenting on how there was such a variety of people there! Different ages, different races, different SIZES – it wasn’t what you would expect to see at a workout. It was empowering to see such a variety of people out there, working on being healthier, together. It encouraged what I already believed – you can get healthy at any size!

Jillian Michaels is a contributing editor (or something?) for SELF now, so she was there. She gave a very short introduction, then signed books for 50 people who had lined up at 5:00 (!!!) in the morning to receive a special ticket to get to meet her. I saw the line of girls there to talk to her, and some looked really emotional. One girl was even crying, as she talked to Jillian. I wonder what it is like to have that much influence on someone… to be that inspirational, I mean.

Jillian talking…

Me and Jillian. See, I got my picture taken with her! Ha ha ha.

Overall, this was a really fun event. It really got me pumped up, and made me wish I could take a fun class at a gym… with Diane!