“Bad” Gift-Giving and Marital Strain
Comments (31) There was an interesting article about bad gift-giving and how it can be straining on marriages this Tuesday in the Wall Street Journal. I found it humorous, but also, disappointingly sexist – both for men and women.
The article gives the classic examples of “bad” gifts given to wives from their husbands – vacuum cleaners, over-sized sleepwear, cooking pots, golf clubs, etc. Those stories are always good for a laugh or two.
But I felt like the whole article made men sound like thoughtless idiots who don’t listen to their wives, think twice about what they are getting them, or care if they are given a “bad” gift. It made women sound like they are overly emotional about receiving a “bad” gift, elusive about what they want, and the perfect gift givers.
Well, I always say “stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason,” but come on*. I know this isn’t true in our relationship. Since we’ve been together (7 years) I have not been able to get Steven the “perfect” holiday** gift. First it was an XBox. Then a printer. Specialty items for the Saab. A nice watch. A Garmin. So on and so forth. Run-of-the-mill things. How do we measure the worth of a gift? By the excitement of the person opening it? By how much they use it? How much they talk about it? If they thank you?
Steven has given me amazing, thoughtful gifts. Probably the most amazing was the first thing he ever gave me – a handmade box for holding my drawing pencils. He made that!
So, I am not anti gift-giving or saying I am awful at giving gifts, but… maybe it’s not all that important, in the long run. Maybe it’s not something worth getting upset about. Maybe we should just be excited when someone was thoughtful and generous enough to get us something. You can tell when it is sincere and from the heart, not matter how good or “bad” it is.
What do you think? Are these gift-giving stereotypes true?
*I would love to see this article include some examples of same-sex relationships as well. I wonder what the gift-giving stereotypes are there.
**Steven, it doesn’t help that your birthday is THREE days before Christmas!
Themocracy