Comments (39)

By kilax, January 5, 2010 5:04 am

Whether it’s good or bad, is it a honor or burden to be the “first to know” news?

I have a friend who tends to confide in me with news before she tells anyone else in our circle. For example, she told me she was pregnant well before she told anyone else. And I was honored! But then when she told everyone else, I had to pretend that I didn’t already know. And since some people were not happy to know the news (I know, AWFUL) I had to deal with that as well.

It’s not that big of a deal when the news is good, but now the friend confided some news in me that is others will not take so well. I admit, I am saddened by the news, but am looking at how it benefits her in the long run, so I am happy for her. Sorry to be vague (you know how it is).

So again, I am honored that she sought me out and told me first, but now, I feel somewhat burdened. I know this news, and have to wait for it to come down the pike. I have to orchestrate my reaction when I receive it from other people so it doesn’t seem like I already knew.

Maybe I’m just over thinking it.

Have you ever felt burdened by knowing a piece of news before everyone else did? Or do you find it exciting and wait for the day when the person makes the reveal?

To whom do you first tell YOUR news?

I first tell my news to… my mom. Yes, it’s true. I tell all of my BIG news to Steven first, but I call my mom to tell her I got a great deal on paper towels, made a really good wrap for lunch, am excited to see her… okay, maybe those things don’t count as news!

Comments (32)

By kilax, September 1, 2009 5:30 am

Today is our two-year wedding anniversary! Happy anniversary Steveno!

Last week a college friend asked if I felt like my relationship with Steven was any different since we’ve been married. I think she was referring to the way we act around each other. And really, that isn’t any different. We’re still big goobers all the time.

But there were small subtle changes in how I feel. I feel more comfortable, secure and complete. Not comfortable in a “I can wear sweatpants now!” way, but comfortable in a “I have someone who’ll always love me for who I am” way. Not secure in a “I didn’t trust him before” way, but secure in a “We’ll always take care of each other, not matter what” way. Not complete in a sappy “You complete me!” way, but complete in a “I have partner in crime for life!” way.

There is something about knowing you always have someone else to count on that is really comforting and reassuring. It’s a good feeling.

Sappy sappy sappy!

• Photos of the wedding here
• Photo slideshow here
• Awesome photographer’s website here
• Special wedding song here

Comments (14)

By kilax, March 17, 2009 6:54 am

Do you ever have a strong urge to call a friend and let all of your emotions and frustrations out, but you hold back, because you don’t want to burden/bother them?

What is with the filter?

I had a day yesterday, that, let’s just say, didn’t make my sour weekend mood go away. Let’s just say it built on it. There’s a lot going at work. It’s nothing bad that reflects on me individually, but something that affects my organization. It was enough to stress me out after I left work and make me have dreams about it last night.

I needed to call someone last night and talk about it. I used to always call my mom first. She has always been my #1 go-to person, and probably always will be. She’s a great listener, and always gives me the reaction I need.

But she’s not always available. She has important daily commitments. And I don’t want to bother her when she’s busy. And quite honestly, I am selfish, and I don’t feel like I get the attention I need when she’s busy (makes sense – she’s busy).

So last night, I had the urge to call a friend first. Someone who is also a good listener. Someone who can relate.

But, I didn’t. I didn’t want to burden her with my work stress, when she already has her work stress.

Thinking about it now, that’s bull-crap. Our relationship is not set up on the premise that we both have perfectly wonderful lives with no stress. Yeah, we’re both generally happy and know we have a lot to be grateful for, but what’s to say I can’t call her and just let her know how stressed I am at the moment?

I believe it’s fine to say I am stressed out about my job right now, without having to justify it with “I am grateful to have a job.” OF COURSE I am. But for the moment, I let that hold me back.

I believe my friend and I are both the nurturing type. We have the tendency to listen a lot to other people’s problems first, before we share ours. It’s not that we don’t share them, just that we don’t prioritize them all the time. We maybe sit on them. I sometimes do, anyway.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ve had strong urges to reach out and call her other times. Once, when I was having some food related issues. I just needed to talk to someone who understood. But still, I held back.

If I am lucky enough to have this wonderful, understanding friend that I can relate to, and who is also a great listener, why don’t I let myself be 100% MYSELF to her?

Comments (14)

By kilax, January 31, 2009 5:52 pm

Our Denver Ski trip is official! We bought our flight tickets last weekend (for mid February) and visited the Columbia Outlet Store today to get our jackets and pants.

I’m getting more and more excited as the details get squared away. It will be fun to try skiing, and possibly, some other winter sports. I wonder if we’ll get hooked on skiing and it will become an annual activity?

It will also be fun to spend time with friends! We are going with one of Steven’s high school friends and his wife. And we are staying with the friend’s parents, who live in the foothills of the mountains just outside of Denver.

All of my memories of these friends and the parents are of good conversation and good times. They’re the kind of intellectual people who listen, have a lot to add to the conversation, but know when it’s time to have fun and not be serious.

We had lunch with the friends today before going to the store. We were telling them about our fitness goals and half marathon training. Sometimes people brush this off or make a joke about how inactive they were, but they listened to us, and showed enthusiasm for our goals, and shared a few of their own. It turns out Steven’s friend is training for a half marathon as well! We all even talked about running the Disney World half marathon next January. After reading Laura’s Disney Marathon Race Report, I really think that half (or full?!) marathon would be loads of fun.

It’s too bad we don’t see these friends more often. They also live in the suburbs, but… the Chicago suburbs can be very far apart. And ours are. Add in all of our busy schedules, and it’s not often the four of us can meet up. Even more reason to look forward to the trip!

Comments (11)

By kilax, June 9, 2008 5:55 am

I had so much fun Saturday night with Kevin and Diane + company (Red Robin + bowling! My two favorite things!) that I actually feel a little sad. I wish I could see them more often.

And I wish… I had more friends out here. Don’t get me wrong! I love spending time with Steven. We were in a long-distance relationship for 4 years, and every moment together feels like a blessing. But sometimes it’s nice to talk (together) to new people too.

We’ve gone out with people we’ve met at work, but you know what that means. As soon as either of us get different jobs, those relationships will likely deteriorate. It’s just the nature of the beast.

I find myself reaching out to new people I meet, and I’m not sure if I am being outgoing in making a new relationship or pathetic.

A few weeks ago, we went bowling early Saturday morning, and there was a person next to us bowling alone. We started talking, exchanged phone numbers, and she invited us to join her bowling league (on a separate team)… so we did a few weeks later.

Also a few weeks ago, we met someone during the townhome association meeting who lives in our neighborhood. On Friday, he was driving by our house with his wife and young daughter and saw me outside (with Data, on his leash). He stopped to say hi, and we ended up visiting for about an hour and a half. We even gave them a tour of our house. (And wow, I have never seen such a well behaved 2.5 year old! This gives me hope!)

I think I am just being friendly, but I have thought so much about how I need to make new friends that I’m worried I am being weird. Well, weird in that aspect! How am I supposed to make new friends outside of work… if work is the only place I ever meet new people?