Posts tagged: French

A picture is worth a thousand words

By , January 6, 2009 12:23 pm

I’ve somewhat stayed in touch with my coworkers from Italy (I worked there summer ’06). Somewhat, as in, every once in awhile, one of us sends out an email. And, every once in awhile, as in, every six months…

So I was excited when a French coworker contacted me last week saying she was trying to find me on facebook. I know if we are facebook “friends,” our chances of keeping in touch with increase dramatically, because that is what a lot of people prefer over email.

I was looking through her photos and saw a group photo of all of our coworkers at the studio. I looked to see if I was in the photo.

Then I didn’t see myself and felt kind of sad.

Sad because it reminded me how antisocial I was that summer. I was friendly and talkative at work, but I didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out with friends after work.

Okay, I hardly spent ANY time hanging out with friends after work. There were only two occasions I went out with them – for my birthday dinner, and a night in August before we all departed for holidays (because the studio closed for two weeks in August).

<image:Fuksas Friends;

My birthday dinner with coworkers in Roma. What a fattie I was! Ha! I miss that Italian bread!

I didn’t regret it then, or feel left out, or lonely. I was volunteering every night. I was super busy and super tired.

But now I look back at her photo, with a bunch of people smiling and having a good time, and I do feel left out. I feel stupid for being so independent.

I feel sad that I don’t have a large group of friends – now or then (or even before then). I feel sad that I don’t connect with people very well.

I like to think that I am outgoing and fun to be around, but I find myself at parties, keeping to myself, not feeling like talking to new people. I sometimes find myself being quiet around people I DO know (only sometimes, but still).

Lately, I’ve been quiet when a group of people are talking about something I know nothing about. And they keep talking and talking about it. Like gossip. Or a tv show I don’t watch. Or how drunk they were the night before. I try to stay interested, and involved, because I would expect them to do the same, but hey, they don’t! So, I just get more turned off and discouraged from reaching out to people.

Oops. I didn’t mean for this to turn into another rant. I just wanted to express how seeing that photo made me feel. It’s weirding me out that it made me feel this way.

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