Still struggling
On Sunday Steven and I visited Fleet Feet in Elmhurst. The employee who helped us was great – very knowledgeable, accommodating, patient and friendly. She did a gait analysis for both of us, recommended a few different kinds of shoes, helped me find a new sports bra, and talked to me a bit about Luna Moons (which I’ve really been wanting to try!) and different ways to carry water while we run. And when I mentioned I wanted to read one of the books they sell there, she hooked me up – for free!
You know what I was thinking most of the time I was there though?
I bet this girl is looking at me and wondering what I am doing in a running store. I don’t look like a runner.
What is up with that? I went there shortly after finishing a 6 mile run. I should have still be pumped and proud of that! I guess the endorphins wore off.
Why do I care if other people see me as a runner, when all that matters if I see myself as a runner?
I DO see myself as a runner.
The funny thing is, later that night, still feeling a little down, I opened up the book she gave us, and flipped to a random page. The first paragraph I read said:
It’s clear to me now that I’ll never have a runner’s body, no matter how many miles I run. Instead, I’m concentrating on having a runner’s soul.
Then, that chapter goes on about how running won’t make you have a “runner’s” body – your body is still your body. No amount of exercise can change the natural build of it. Running won’t make your legs longer, or your hips narrower. You have to be grateful for the body you have, and what it’s given you.
How true. That is the logic I am going to have to use to fight the body image battle.
This battle is constantly up and down for me. I don’t know if it will ever be over, but I do know that I’ve gained a lot of ground. The more tools I can to fight with, the better.