Comments (36)

By kilax, December 17, 2009 5:01 am

Have you ever been worried about the health of a loved one but not been sure on what you could do to help?

I know I’ve been in that situation. And people have probably been in that situation with concern for me. The problem is, I never figured out what to say/do to help.

I was reading Men’s Health* while working out on the bike on Tuesday. In the “Ask the Girl Next Door” section of “Ask Men’s Health” I saw this question:

Q: My wife eats junk food and never exercises, and I’m worried she’s going to balloon when she hits 35. How can I address this without getting my head ripped off?

Um, I would start by NOT using the world balloon. Men’s Health’s answer (remember, this answer is from a woman):

A: First, see if you can help her change her lifestyle without having a direct conversation. Ask her to take a walk with you after work. Hold her hand and ask about her day. Cook dinner more often and assume grocery duties. In fact, do more chores in general – remove a chunk of her daily obligations, and she’ll have more time and energy to spend on herself. If after a few months you still see no change, that’s when you sit her down, hold her tight, and say you’ve noticed that she hasn’t been taking great care of herself. Tell her it worries you on both a health level and, you’re embarrassed to admit, a sexual level. Say it makes you feel shallow and that you hate hurting her feelings, but that it’s something you want to address. Then ask her what’s going through her mind. And this is the most important part: Listen to her answer, and tell her, as many times as it takes, that you’ll always love her and you’re wiling and eager to help make her life easier.

Wow.

So… I thought there as definitely some good advice in there – splitting chores to allow equal free time between spouses, listening to each other’s concerns, working out together…

But damn. The sexual comment? Not being honest about your concerns from the get-go? That doesn’t fly with me. If you are going down that route, you might as well follow this AWFUL list of “10 subtle ways to tell her she’s getting fat.” Yep. It’s awful. Read it if you want to be a little bit pissed off for the rest of the day.

Would these techniques work on you? What would work? Have you ever tried to help someone out with following a healthier lifestyle?

I sometimes have food issues – binge eating and eating too fast. These issues are triggered by being rushed, feeling like things are out of my control, stress, general anxiety, and we can’t forget the last one – boredom. Steven has tried to help me. But I am so defensive about it. I think even if I came up with the perfect thing for him to say, and he said it, I would still find something wrong with the tone of his voice, or his timing. I don’t want to make it a lonely battle, because I am sure I could use support from time to time, but I am just not ready for it.

In the same sense, I don’t think I discuss exercise with him in the way he would prefer. I love to hear about other people’s workouts, so I will ask if he had time to fit one in, and if he didn’t, I think me asking makes him feel bad.

I am not mentioning these two examples because it’s a huge problem for us – it surely isn’t. We support each other by cooking healthy meals, working out together, and discussing our healthy goals. I just want to say that I think it is difficult to help someone else get healthy**, even if you have great communication. It’s so personal. You have to be really comfortable to even talk about it.

*Seems like a great mag, by the way!
**Especially since healthy can mean so many different things to different people.

Comments (32)

By kilax, December 1, 2009 5:26 am

When we were done painting the guest bedroom, we decided not to put the dresser back in there because it takes up too much space. Instead, we put some shelves up where the dresser was, and are temporarily storing the dresser in our room. We now have three dressers in our room that are not being used – and this new one which doesn’t even match the others! Ha ha. Our long term plan is to re-finish the dresser we just brought into our room and its match in the guest bedroom, and get rid of the two in our room now. Anyway.

The Lone Dresser. Data likes to run across the room and jump onto it, then on to the treadmill.

On Saturday night, Steven and I were discussing the design of the dresser, and how it’s silly that it looks like it has small drawers on the top, but it really doesn’t. We started to open the drawers to look at how it is built and…

… we found a drawer full of STUFF!!! Holiday stuff!* Stockings filled with goodies and other treats! My mother must have hid them in there when she visited two weekends ago!**

The loot!

Of course, we went through everything right away. I am not sure when we were supposed to find the stockings, but it was so exciting to find a holiday gifts so early!

My mother is so thoughtful. She is constantly thinking of how other people feel, and how her actions affect other people. I think this is a wonderful characteristic, and wish I knew more people like her.

Do you know anyone who is super caring, thoughtful and considerate? How do they inspire you?

I like to think a bit of this rubbed off on me, because I do seem to be hyper-aware of how other people are feeling, and I try to do thoughtful “out-of-the-blue” things for them. Of course, my budget doesn’t always allow it!

Besides this drawer full of goodies, my mom sends me cards throughout the year, and even surprise gifts! Two Decembers ago, I was telling Steven how I really wanted the game Apples to Apples, and it just appeared on my doorstep the next night – from my mother! She also sent me the book Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life this past October, as a surprise, just because she knew I wanted it (watch for an upcoming review of the book).

And I really shouldn’t leave my dad out – I’m sure he was a part of all that. I know he was in charge of sending me my care packages (scroll down to 2/23 post) when I lived in Rome!

I know some people don’t like surprises, but to me, it always feels good when I know someone went above and beyond because they were thinking about me.

Here’s a better question, how do you plan on being thoughtful this holiday season?

Side Note: Don’t forget to enter my Eating Animals Giveaway!

*Because I am crazy, I thought I had hid all of this stuff in there for a split second.
**Ha ha ha. I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to my mom about this until yesterday. But I tricked her and told her we had Salvation Army come up and pick up all the dressers. Ha ha! She freaked out for a minute. “I thought you were going to keep them!” “You said you were going to paint them!” “You said you were going to get rid of the other one.” I’m SO MEAN. She told me she hid the stockings there when I was running the Friday night they visited. Everyone told her not to hide them there (that we would find them) but she said, “Kim said she doesn’t use her dressers!” I don’t use them – it was completely by chance that we opened them. My poor mom. I ruined her surprise! She was going to call us Christmas morning and tell us to look in the dresser. What a thoughtful idea. She said on the phone “Did Data see them too?!” He did. “No one will be surprised!” But I let her know she made my day!

Comments (9)

By kilax, December 18, 2007 5:50 am

I think I may have inadvertently insulted my husband’s manhood the other day.

I went outside on Sunday to begin the 20-minute long process of cleaning ALL the snow off of my car. I decided to go above and beyond, by opening my hood and brushing off all the hard-to-get-to snow from around the windshield wipers.

In the process, I noticed my engine coolant tank was low. I went into the house and asked Steven if I could borrow his phone.

“Sure,” he replied. “Who are you calling?”

“My dad.”

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No. I just noticed the antifreeze is low in my car. So I am going to call my dad and ask him what to do.”

He hesitated before speaking. “Why didn’t you just ask me for help?”

“Because my dad’s a mechanic!”

Ouch.

Of course, my dad told me to do the exact same thing that Steven would have, if I had given him the chance.

But I did ask Steven to put the antifreeze in my car – that must count for something!