Comments (36)

By kilax, December 17, 2009 5:01 am

Have you ever been worried about the health of a loved one but not been sure on what you could do to help?

I know I’ve been in that situation. And people have probably been in that situation with concern for me. The problem is, I never figured out what to say/do to help.

I was reading Men’s Health* while working out on the bike on Tuesday. In the “Ask the Girl Next Door” section of “Ask Men’s Health” I saw this question:

Q: My wife eats junk food and never exercises, and I’m worried she’s going to balloon when she hits 35. How can I address this without getting my head ripped off?

Um, I would start by NOT using the world balloon. Men’s Health’s answer (remember, this answer is from a woman):

A: First, see if you can help her change her lifestyle without having a direct conversation. Ask her to take a walk with you after work. Hold her hand and ask about her day. Cook dinner more often and assume grocery duties. In fact, do more chores in general – remove a chunk of her daily obligations, and she’ll have more time and energy to spend on herself. If after a few months you still see no change, that’s when you sit her down, hold her tight, and say you’ve noticed that she hasn’t been taking great care of herself. Tell her it worries you on both a health level and, you’re embarrassed to admit, a sexual level. Say it makes you feel shallow and that you hate hurting her feelings, but that it’s something you want to address. Then ask her what’s going through her mind. And this is the most important part: Listen to her answer, and tell her, as many times as it takes, that you’ll always love her and you’re wiling and eager to help make her life easier.

Wow.

So… I thought there as definitely some good advice in there – splitting chores to allow equal free time between spouses, listening to each other’s concerns, working out together…

But damn. The sexual comment? Not being honest about your concerns from the get-go? That doesn’t fly with me. If you are going down that route, you might as well follow this AWFUL list of “10 subtle ways to tell her she’s getting fat.” Yep. It’s awful. Read it if you want to be a little bit pissed off for the rest of the day.

Would these techniques work on you? What would work? Have you ever tried to help someone out with following a healthier lifestyle?

I sometimes have food issues – binge eating and eating too fast. These issues are triggered by being rushed, feeling like things are out of my control, stress, general anxiety, and we can’t forget the last one – boredom. Steven has tried to help me. But I am so defensive about it. I think even if I came up with the perfect thing for him to say, and he said it, I would still find something wrong with the tone of his voice, or his timing. I don’t want to make it a lonely battle, because I am sure I could use support from time to time, but I am just not ready for it.

In the same sense, I don’t think I discuss exercise with him in the way he would prefer. I love to hear about other people’s workouts, so I will ask if he had time to fit one in, and if he didn’t, I think me asking makes him feel bad.

I am not mentioning these two examples because it’s a huge problem for us – it surely isn’t. We support each other by cooking healthy meals, working out together, and discussing our healthy goals. I just want to say that I think it is difficult to help someone else get healthy**, even if you have great communication. It’s so personal. You have to be really comfortable to even talk about it.

*Seems like a great mag, by the way!
**Especially since healthy can mean so many different things to different people.

Comments (12)

By kilax, October 26, 2008 7:04 am

Last night, Steven (and I) made homemade veggie patties.

They took about 45 minutes to make. We had to chop up carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, green onion, zucchini and celery, then add spices to that mix and saute it all in a pan. We eventually mixed in some flour until it got to the right consistency, then took it all out to form into patties and cook like normal veggie burgers.

Voila!

Every time I spend a lot of time in the kitchen cooking something (okay, helping Steven cook something, I am only a sous chef, afterall), I think about how fast I eat. Last night was no different. Even though the pattie was big, and a little bit squishy and falling apart… I still scarfed it down. We had our veggie patties with fresh broccoli, and I ate it all so fast, I got a little bit of an upset stomach.

Okay, I don’t just think about this problem when something takes a long time to prepare. I think about it a lot. And have probably mentioned it before.

No matter where I am, no matter what I am eating, I scarf it down. I eat so fast, I am usually the first one done. I have to consciously try to eat slow in restaurants with friends so I don’t finish too soon and feel like an idiot.

I’ve read all the tips on how to slow down while eating:

• Eat at the dining room table
• Use a fork and knife
• Put your silverware down between each bite
• Chew each bite 30 times before swallowing
• Don’t put more food into your mouth until it’s empty
• Chat to others at the table
• Turn off the tv/computer while eating
• Pay attention to the taste and texture while you’re eating
• Avoid eating on the run
• Eat foods that require some work
• Use chopsticks!

But even though I know all of these tricks, I don’t follow them. Even though I sit down at every meal, thinking “Today’s going to be the day! I am going to have a nice, long, slow meal!” – it never is.

I know the benefits of eating slower. I wouldn’t get an upset stomach (although that rarely happens). I might eat less, because my stomach figures out I am full sooner than normal. I might enjoy the food.

I might actually develop a normal relationship with food!

If I don’t approach each meal acting like it is going to be my last, I may be able to take away some of the power that food has over me. I might eat for enjoyment. I might eat to fuel my body.

This has been a problem I’ve had all my life. Somehow, I feel like now, I can tackle it and overcome it. I would love to sit down at Thanksgiving dinner with a plate full of delicious food, taking small bites and savoring each one (and maybe not going back for seconds!).

I’ll let you know how it all goes.