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By kilax, January 9, 2010 6:46 am

Do you ever catch signs that you are slowly falling into a funk?

Sometimes I catch signs such as:

• losing interest in things
• being extremely irritable
• feeling anti-social
• not wanting to take care of my body
• wanting to sleep all the time
• feeling defensive and cranky

The question is, once we’ve noticed the signs, how do we avoid falling into a full fledged funk? This is something I’ve been trying to figure out for eight years.

I’ve noticed that if I develop a plan of reaction to each sign of falling into a funk, it helps. It gives me tools to use when I realize I am not feeling like myself. Now, I completely prefer preventitive actions to reactive actions, but for now, this is the best I can do.

When I first notice the signs of falling into a funk, I tell myself to pause and look at the bigger picture. Is the reason for my funk right in front of me? Is there an issue I have been avoiding? If it’s situational, and I can nip my unease in the butt by addressing the issue, I try to. Otherwise, I address each sign one by one until I work my way out of the funk. Click “more” if you’d like to read examples of my plans of reaction.

What are your tips on how to avoid falling into a funk? Do you ever catch signs that you are? What are your signs?

Continue reading 'How to avoid falling into a funk'»

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By kilax, November 25, 2009 5:28 am

First of all, can you believe Thanksgiving is tomorrow? It feels like just yesterday I was looking for friends at the Chicago Marathon. The holiday really snuck up on me – probably because we aren’t doing much of anything tomorrow! Well, we’re running a 5K, maybe volunteering to box canned goods (if we aren’t all sweaty), checking in on Diane’s babies (cats) and picking up my sister at the O’Hare (returning from Cancun), but we’re not actually having the big meal until Friday, when we can celebrate with my sister and her friend.

What are your Thanksgiving plans? Traveling to see family/friends? Hosting? Sleeping in and lazing around all day?

On to Facebook. I’m sure you heard the story about the Canadian woman who says she lost her benefits (she was on long-term leave for depression) after her insurance agency found photos of her having fun on Facebook (story here).

According to the woman, Nathalie Blanchard, her insurance agent found photos on Facebook of her on holiday, at Chippendales, and at a birthday party, and that was evidence that she was well enough to go back to work. They cut off her sick-leave benefits this fall.

Blanchard says her doctor recommended she go on holiday to cheer up, and that she went when she was feeling particularly low.

The insurance agent said they would never deny a claim based on a website like Facebook. Blanchard’s case is going before the Quebec Superior Court next month.

What is your opinion on this story?

A few thoughts come to my mind. My cynical side can definitely imagine someone milking sick-leave benefits for all they are worth. Some people are just lazy and abusive of privileges like that – you know it.

On the other hand, I’ve been up and down in moods myself, and I know that going on a holiday is a good change of pace and way to cheer myself up.

Either way, it’s strange to think that photos you publish online could have this power. Of course, the insurance agent is saying they didn’t base it on that, and we can’t really know, but we do know that online photos have prevented people from getting jobs (and maybe dates, ha ha). Stories like this always cause me to stop and think about my internet persona. Right now, I don’t think I put anything risky or harmful (to my image) out there, but you never know how things can be interpreted!

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By kilax, September 29, 2009 7:01 pm

… I just want to go to bed.

I’m not sure if I am ready for another dark and cold season. Each year I try to come up with a new way to deal with it, but I always feel a little crummy overall. I suppose last year’s method of keeping myself purposefully busy helped somewhat. I’ll try that again.

Comments Off on Why it’s quiet here

By kilax, August 6, 2009 12:35 pm

I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with work/life lately that I haven’t been talking about it. I don’t feel like it helps, and I don’t feel like talking. Instead I’ve just been shutting down.

I keep hoping that the next new week will be the one that allows me to relax and recharge, but it never is.

You would think that now, with my bad shin keeping me from running, I would feel relaxed, but I just feel frustrated. I am in so much pain when I walk, especially when I go up and down stairs, that I just want to give up.

So, I am sharing this just to explain where I am right now – in a pretty frustrated state of mind. So I’ve been keeping it quiet. Don’t worry about me… just don’t expect to hear much from me… winky winky smiley face.

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By kilax, July 16, 2009 5:35 pm

I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve, therefore making every emotion I am feeling obvious.

Last week, a coworker said, “Hey! You seem happy today.” I was happy that day. The last few times she’d seen me, I’d been very stressed or sad.

Yesterday, I ran into my mentor in the hallway of my building. I just said hello, and from that, he asked “what’s wrong?” He could hear the stress and panic in my voice.

And the worst example – a few of my college friends are visiting this weekend, and one just called me and said, “It seemed like you are kind of stressed out in the last few emails you sent. You seem worried about what we will do while we are there and what we will eat. We just want to see you and relax! We can just sit on the couch all weekend and eat whatever, it doesn’t matter!”

I wanted to cry when she called. She was trying to reassure me, but knowing that my stress was so obvious just made me feel worse.

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By kilax, July 14, 2009 6:55 pm

I just realized I am completely unexcited about something I should be very excited about right now.

In fact, I don’t think I would be too upset if the event were canceled.

That makes me feel really sad.

What’s wrong with me?!

Please let this just be a phase.

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By kilax, January 5, 2009 12:39 pm

December is full of celebrations, family get-togethers, and days off from work… then January hits and NOTHING is going on.

I distinctly remember spending most of LAST January’s weeknights and weekends on my couch, watching DVDs, and probably eating something.

As awesome as that is, I really hope I don’t let that happen again this year. It’s fun for one day (like yesterday, where I stayed in my pajamas until 8:00 pm when I put on clothes to exercise), but then it just becomes an addicting cycle of doing nothing that makes me feel worse and worse about myself.

I like to have something to look forward to. I know I am supposed to live in the moment and all that, but having something to look forward to gets me going through the day.

So what I am looking forward to this winter?

• Our trip to the Bahamas at the end of January. HA HA, JUST KIDDING! I WISH! HA!
• A (real) trip to Denver to see friends and try skiing for the first time.
• A weekly fencing class that runs until the middle of May.
• A gun safety class in January (okay, I just had to put that one on there to be funny).
• A 4-day weekend in both January and February.
• On-going half marathon training.
• A game night with friends?
• Seeing friends and family? Nothing is set in stone, but I always look forward to that.

Yeah, it’s a pretty lame list, but it’s all I got. Anything on yours? Or are you able to make it through the winter blahs without one?

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By kilax, November 29, 2008 10:55 pm

It’s back.

That “I don’t care about me” feeling. That “I’m just going to eat whatever I want, who cares?” feeling.

I was afraid this would happen. I mentioned before that I had no idea what changed in me to make me WANT to be healthy. And not knowing what was allowing me to finally live a healthy life scared me that it wouldn’t last.

But I do know what is making me feel this way now. No, it is not Thanksgiving, or the stress of the holidays. It is guilt.

I feel guilty for making a few decisions* lately that benefit me and not others. I feel guilty for putting myself first.

Really.

I realized this the other day. I am punishing myself for feeling guilty. Punishing myself by EATING. How do you punish yourself with food? You eat and eat until you feel so stuffed that you are uncomfortable. A lot of you may have never done that, but I bet there are a few of you out there who know what I am talking about.

I’ve only had a few incidences when I’ve felt that super uncomfortable feeling, but it’s scary.

Guilt is not the only emotion that has driven me to overeat this past week. I’ve also been bored, frustrated and uncomfortable… and eating to cover those emotions. Guilt just happens to be the big one – the overriding emotion that is making me feel super stressed out. The feeling that is always in the back of my mind.

And yeah, yeah, yeah… I am happy to have “figured out” what is causing me to feel so out of control, but that is not stopping me from feeling out of control. Or stressed out. Or anxious, all the time.

I’m just worried. Worried about giving up. Worried that I am not meant to be healthy. Even writing that now, it isn’t logical, but that is how I feel. Like I don’t deserve to be healthy, and happy and guilt-free.

*I apologize for being so vague. I want to give more details, but not right now. I already feel uncomfortable enough, writing all this!

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By kilax, July 7, 2008 6:02 am

What are you supposed to say to a friend when they tell you they are in so much physical pain they understood why some people end their lives?

My friend Rixa (a 71-year old German woman who lives in Italy) called me this weekend. I met her when I lived in Rome, and I still write to her twice a month, and she calls me every 3 or 4 months.

During this call, she told me about a slew of bad things that happened to her last year that I didn’t even know about. She got hit by a car. Burglars broke into her home while she was there. Then she was in so much pain all the time, and couldn’t walk well or go to the bathroom, that she thought about ending her life, but wondered who would take care of her cats (please, no crazy cat lady jokes).

She had an operation near the end of June that she just now came home from, and has to rest for three weeks. She said she already feels better, which she can’t believe – she was in so much pain she thought it would never end.

She’s a very serious woman. It actually took me awhile to find out what made her smile (and laugh!) but after that, we became very close. It makes me feel awful to know she was in so much pain, and I didn’t even know about it. But what could I have done? She is not the type to want help from anyone else.

She was happy to be receiving my letters at least.