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By kilax, November 4, 2009 6:02 am

I did something I haven’t done in awhile – brought an actual book with me to read on the train! Since I bought my baby computer back in March, that is really all I have brought with me for entertainment during the hour and twenty minutes (x2) commute. I use it to check emails, and surf the internet, but mostly, just to read blogs. I try to get all of that done on the train so that when I get home I can just chill with Steven, and leave the computer off.

I feel bad though! I have so many books at home (loaned to me), and here I am, choosing to read blogs during my commuting time, instead of books (to my credit, I try to read books at home, right now, it’s Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life). Blogs and books both keep me engaged and entertained, but is one better for me than the other? Hmm…

Anyway, that is not what I came here to write about today (on my commute, on my baby computer). Last week, I read on many blogs (ha) about the new book from Jonathan Safran Foer – Eating Animals. A small excerpt from the amazon description says, “Eating Animals explores the many fictions we use to justify our eating habits-from folklore to pop culture to family traditions and national myth-and how such tales can lull us into a brutal forgetting.” Check out the amazon site for a full description.

A lot of bloggers were writing about Natalie Portman’s post on the Huffington Post about how reading it made her vegan (if you have an hour or so to kill, the comments on that post are pretty heated and interesting). I was somewhat intrigued with her post, but didn’t think much of it.

But mention of the book keep popping up everywhere! Someone even pointed out that three vegan books, including this one (the other two are on my wishlist, wink wink), are in the Amazon Top 100 list. And yesterday, another blogger mentioned that the author of Eating Animals was doing a tour. I excitedly clicked over and saw that he would be in Chicago on November 18th, at the library that is two blocks from my office! (Event information is here).

I love, love, loved seeing speakers when I was at Iowa State University. I went to see Obama, Michael Moore, Morgan Spurlock, and countless others. I miss doing things like that! Steven was really enthusiastic about going to the reading as well, so he picked up a copy of the book for us to read before (and hopefully get signed!). Last night, I told Steven I hope there are some debates in the audience – it will be interesting to see what people have to say about this book!

Whoops. That story ended up a bit LONG.

So the big question is, am I going to read this, or use the baby computer to read blogs? For this early morning commute, it looks like the book wins – this pos computer didn’t charge last night!

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By kilax, October 15, 2008 5:51 am

It’s time for me to reread Life is Hard, Food is Easy, by Linda Spangle.

It’s also time for me to 100% honest. To let it all out.

This is going to be a long one…

Steven and I have a typical weekday routine. It’s nice for me. He gets home first and makes dinner. I get home, dinner is made, we eat. We almost immediately exercise outside, together, or move camp upstairs to use the treadmill.

Last night, Steven got home about an hour after I did. Of course, no dinner was made when I got home (Thanks a lot, Data).

I immediately started to have a weird “out-of-routine” panic. I wanted to make dinner and eat together, but I knew we would be eating too late for both of us to use the treadmill or exercise outside together.

So, what happened? I tried to busy myself by cleaning up the kitchen before preparing dinner.

But I was feeling stressed, anxious, and nervous. How I’ve felt since Sunday. There’s more bothering me than what I’ve mentioned in my lovely “Why I’m Pissed Off Today” series. I’ve been externally avoiding these things (not talking about them), while internally dwelling on them and feeding my “pissed off” mood.

I think I’ve created a self-fulfilling pissed off mood. Anyway.

It happened. Those leftover, p.o.s., “I’m too pissed off to take these ugly oatmeal raisin cookies to work” (long story) cookies were sitting on the counter, all crumbled up in a container. Stupid p.o.s. cookies.

I ate one crumble. Yum. I ate more. I kept eating. I couldn’t stop. Inside my head I was telling myself, “No! You have to eat dinner with Steven soon!” But I couldn’t stop my hand and mouth. I was just grabbing them as fast as I could and chewing them even faster.

It literally felt like something took over me.

Somehow, I stepped away, and sat down on the couch with my computer. Steven called, and I told him about it. He suggested throwing the cookies away. I did. I am thankful for that.

I still ate dinner. But I didn’t exercise. In fact, I laid in bed while Steven exercised, feeling cranky and upset. About so many things.

I tried to be reassuring. I told myself, “You only ate about 600 extra calories! You’ll be fine! No biggie! Sometimes you eat more than that at a restaurant and still lose weight!” (see how positive my self-talk can be?)

This morning, I stepped on the scale. I have a love/hate relationship with the scale. As in, I love it when the number goes down, and hate it when it stays the same or goes up.

I still weigh myself every day, to keep on track. My dream is that someday, when I am “maintaining” my weight, I will only step on that b*tch once a week. Ha.

It said I went up TWO pounds. This is illogical. I did not eat THAT much. I quickly came up with reasons in my head to defend the gain, then told myself, “STOP – STOP DOING THIS!”

Stop obsessing.

I should be proud of myself. Last weekend, I got my “Size 12” box out of my closet. It had been on a shelf since last winter. Everything fits. Everything. Shouldn’t I be proud of that? I am moving through clothing sizes so fast now (so fast, that I am wasting money when I buy new pants – they only fit for a month or so).

I was a size 18. My goal is a size 10 (maybe smaller). I’m so close. But still, I obsess.

I worry. I think about food too much. I’m afraid of food. I. Have. To. Be. In. Control.

This weekend, Steven and I are traveling to Iowa to visit my family. We even took Friday off from work. I am excited about the trip. I haven’t seen some of my family since June!

But I worry. Like I always do. I worry I won’t have a good time unless I am stuffing my face. I worry I will eat too many “bad foods.” I worry about losing self-control.

Seriously. What’s the big deal, if every once in awhile, I let things go and eat more? (A lot more)

I beat myself up about it though. Even though I am telling myself, “This isn’t a big deal, Kim! It’s just one time weekend! You eat healthy all the time! Give yourself a break, girl! You deserve it!” I still feel guilty.

I have such an unhealthy, warped relationship with food/eating.

I’m so into “self-help,” I am convinced I can “fix” myself.

I read this book the last time (sad to write that) I lost a lot of weight, and I have reread a few sections since then.

It’s funny how I only read health books/fitness magazines when I am already in the process of a healthy lifestyle. I guess when I am not following a healthy lifestyle, I just feel too hopeless to even kid myself by opening it.

Anyway. I remember that I connected with this book so much when I read it.. that it was eerie.

Of course, I always think I am the only person who has overeating/binge problems. I’m not. But I forget.

The book links certain emotions with food and recommends a 5-step plan to overcome, essentially, eating your emotions.

I’m always weary of “step” programs. But the rest of the book seems so smart – I feel like it is speaking directly to me – that I think it is time for a reread/rethink. There must be something in there to help me.

I have to share the portion of the book that really “clicks” with me. The author identifies two kinds of “hunger” that bring on the emotional eating reflex – “head hunger” and “heart hunger.”

Head Hunger begins with a specific craving for something chewy, crunchy or textured (examples – chewy: candy bars, trail mix, steak; crunchy: nuts, breakfast cereal; textured: pizza, fries). “Head hunger is usually prompted by pressure-type emotions like anger, frustration or resentment.”

Heart Hunger doesn’t bring up specific cravings. You just have to eat and begin to mindlessly search for things (this used to happen to me A LOT). You often pick something soft, smooth or creamy (examples: ice cream, cheese, chocolate, cake, mashed potatoes, ethnic foods). “Heart hunger usually creeps in gradually.” It’s fueled by subtle emotions like loneliness, boredom, fatigue, need for love, etc.

Gosh. How can a book understand me that well? Why don’t I “understand me” that well?

Seriously. Can you relate to these descriptions at all?

The book goes on with steps to deal with the emotions in other ways than eating. The method is more than just distracting yourself, if I recall correctly.

I feel hopeful just writing about it.

The funny thing is, overeating/binging hasn’t been a huge problem for me lately. But last night scared me. I used to eat like that ALL THE TIME. And I’ve mentioned that I don’t understand how my mood suddenly changed to allow me to follow a healthy lifestyle.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stay at a healthy weight.

Right now, I’m at my “plateau” weight. The weight I always get to and stall, then regain. I was hoping to just bust right past it. But I am dwelling on it too much. I’ve got to let it go. I’ve got to give my body time.

I think the whole “Body Mass Index” (BMI) is kind of bs, but I am in the overweight category with a 28.7. I’m almost “obese.” I’d just like to get into the “normal weight” range and STAY THERE.

But you know what? That’s probably not truly “normal.” Normal for most people is probably just like me, having issues and struggling with food.

But, we try. Right?

So, I’m going to keep trying. I already feel better. Thanks for reading.

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By kilax, August 15, 2008 12:45 pm

Suppose you are truly color-blind, and all you can see is black and white. Then one day you wake up and find you can see one color. Which color would you want it to be?

It’s not even my favorite color, but I have to say RED. It’s such a strong, energetic, vibrant color. It would be beautiful to see in comparison to white, grays and black.

Have you read The Giver by Lois Lowry? That has got to be one of my all-time favorite books, even though I think it is meant for little kids (the wikipedia description of the plot is pretty good).

I mention this book because (you guessed it) the people in it cannot see color. The main character discovers color, and it’s written so well… check it out if you haven’t already!

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By kilax, June 23, 2008 5:51 am

Something I kind of stink at is taking good photographs. I don’t have a fancy pants camera (Canon Power Shot SD500 Digital Elph, actually Steven’s), but I know I can be taking better photographs than I am with it.

I could improve my framing.

I could improve the lighting.

I could improve a zillion things!

I really like to read tutorial books – I’ve found out following them is a really effective way for me to learn. And Kevin gave me a nifty $30 amazon giftcard (you rock, Kevin!), so maybe I should use that towards a digital camera tutorial book? Any book suggestions? Or other advice?

I’ve noticed a lot bloggers take amazing photos – Kyra, Dave2, claire, Bobbi (duh), and many others! How did you learn, what do you use? Do I just need to get out there and practice?

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By kilax, May 17, 2008 10:53 pm

A quick follow-up on Thursday’s post city-based stereotypes:

I read an article in the paper Friday about a book called Who’s Your City, by Richard Florida. Florida is an “economic geographer,” who has gathered data about common personality traits within certain geographical regions.

According to the article , “Chicago has a strong concentration of extroverts, or people who are ‘outgoing, talkative, gregarious, assertive, enthusiastic and seeking excitement.’ ”

There’s also a interesting bust to NYC, which of course, a Chicago-based newspaper can’t help but make, so I recommend reading the article.

I wonder if the book will be any good. Or have any validity. I may have to pick up a copy.

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By kilax, April 16, 2008 5:57 am

Update: It is also radioactive girl’s birthday today! Happy Birthday! Wow… July’s the month to get busy!

There are four blogger birthdays this week (that I know of!). Today is Diane’s, so Happy Birthday Diane! (And feel better soon!) Friday belongs to Gina and sizzle. So… Happy Early Birthday Gina and Happy Early Birthday sizzle! And Lisa’s is this week as well… Happy Birthday Lisa!

And… I want to tell you about the book I bought Gina for her birthday. I have this little problem with thumbing through quite a bit of the books I buy for my friends… hey, it happens.

I read about Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure in some magazine I got in the mail in March. The premise of the book is, you guessed it, six-word memoirs of authors. Some of my favorites are:

“No shit I’m critical – you’re flawed.” – Elizabeth Koch

“I am awfully bored at work.” – Chris Ponchak

“Didn’t fit in then; still don’t.” – Bob Fingerman

“Asked to quiet down; spoke louder.” – Wendy Lee

Of course, I could go on and on… I recommend picking up a copy of the book, just because these memoirs really make you think.

Right before I bought the book I found out that another blogger – Freak Magnet – created her own six-word memoir on her blog! What a fun idea for us bloggers! Has this gone around all ready and I missed it? I’ve seen it a few other places since I originally wrote this post…

Anyway, here’s mine, which took a while to think up. Please share yours in your blog, or in the comments!

Always known as “the loud one.”

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Today’s Idiom: Pyrrhic victory – a too costly victory

Getting our neighbors to quiet down was a Pyrrhic victory – we now live in peace inside our home, but are uneasy being outside our home… and I feel guilty for being so spiteful and mean-spirited.

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By kilax, January 12, 2008 5:19 pm

In the Seinfeld episode “The Ex-Girlfriend,” George breaks up with his girlfriend, then later asks Jerry if he will go to the girlfriend’s house to pick up some books he left there. Jerry doesn’t understand why George even wants the books back. And when he asks George, his response is, “because they’re books!”

Jerry replies, “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

That quote really made me think… because I am the same way! We have a wall of books in our house. I would hate to think of getting rid of them! And I’ll admit, I do like they way they look.

But unless it is a reference book, how many times will you really use it after you read it once? A lot of our books are reference, but I also have a collection of “once-read” novels. I have a collection of “never-read” novels too!

Also, books become dated fast. Not only the content inside, but their cover and jacket start to look dated over the years as well.

But having this realization probably won’t stop me from buying more books. Maybe I will just try to make a goal of borrowing novels from the library, and only buying reference and non-fiction books.

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By kilax, December 24, 2007 7:44 pm

While Steven and I were in the car today, I asked him what books he read as a child.

“Did you read Clifford and the Bernstein Bears?” I inquired.

“Yeah,” he replied. “And when we were really little we read those Little Golden Books as well.”

“Oh!” I said excitedly, “I read those too! Did you ever chew on the edges of the book?”

“What?! You are the only person I know who chews on books!”

“The edges tasted like foil!” I explained. (huh?)

“People don’t eat foil!”

Ha ha ha. When he said that, I was drinking a bottle of water and I spit all the water out onto my lap. I wonder if the people in our next destination (Best Buy) wondered why a grown woman looked like she just peed her pants.

I also wonder if those books still have bite marks on the edges. Ha ha ha.

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By kilax, November 26, 2007 5:26 am

Remember that desk themed meme from 3 months back? Dave, SJ, Kyra, and many others participated by sharing photos of their desks.

Poor poor me. I couldn’t participate because I didn’t have a desk at home. I did most of my typing using a lapboard on the bed, or the bar in the kitchen.

But now I can finally participate in a somewhat modified version of the meme! Steven and I have “redesigned” our home office and guess what… we are actually using it now! But I am showing you much more than my desk…

The “Before” Photo –

… and the “After” Photo!

Isn’t it kind of weird to see photos of other blogger’s homes?

I use the desk in the center of the photo, and Steven uses the desk on the right side (and Data plays with that little yellow mouse on the floor). There is a filing cabinet behind the folding photo screen, and a map of the world in front of it. The space is large – 11′ x13′ – but still homey. Steven and I are both happy we spent the time and money to redesign the space!