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By kilax, January 11, 2010 5:06 am

I feel like I am having a bit of a blogger identity crisis.

I am passionate about what I am writing, and I really enjoy writing, receiving comments and interacting with all of you. It’s so fun. And I like the style I’ve developed and the blogging schedule I am following.

But… I have this itching feeling that I could be more personal here. I just worry about doing that without comprising my “in real life” relationships.

I suppose most bloggers struggle with this.

Have you ever felt like you were having a blogger identity crisis?

Maybe I will work on a “FAQ” page or update my About page in the meantime. Do you have any questions for me? Is there anything you would like to know about me? Me, me, me, me, me. It felt weird asking you guys that. But I have always wondered!

I have a non-traditional giveaway for you. It is more of a “pay it forward” giveaway, but I didn’t just want to say “whoever comments first gets it!” So I will do a traditional giveaway and draw a name.

Have you heard of the book Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster? The book is about Lancaster’s weight loss journey (warning: if you have/had an eating disorder, this book may be triggering). She tells her story with a sense of humor and does not apologize for who she is. And bonus! The story is set in Chicago. Leah wrote about the book a few weeks ago, saying how much it made her laugh, and I thought, “Jeez, instead of letting this book sit on my shelf never to be read again, I should pass it on!”

So, I decided to. Let me know if you like this idea, because I used to have a book purchasing problem and could probably find a few more to pass on!

If you are interesting in having my meticulously well taken care of copy of Such a Pretty Fat, you’ll be excited to find out there are three entry possibilities! And, I decided to throw in some LastLine bookmarks for fun!

Contest Rules:

1. To enter the contest, simply leave a comment below recommending a fiction or non-fiction book to me.
2. To get an extra entry, link to the giveaway in your blog, and leave me another comment linking to your post.
3. And for the bonus extra entry, related to the first half of this post, leave me another comment below telling me something you like or dislike about this blog. Example? I dislike how RIDICULOUSLY long my posts have been lately. (And while I do write for me, but would love some feedback.)
4. This contest is open until 5:00 PM CST on Sunday, January 17th. I will probably use the old “name out of a hat” drawing to select a winner on Sunday evening. I will announce the winner on Monday, January 18th.
5. This contest is open to readers everywhere.

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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

Comments (43)

By kilax, January 4, 2010 5:19 am

Ha. I had two posts written for today. The first one was a rant on some article I read yesterday and it made me sound crazy. I decided not to use that one and wrote another semi-rant that made me sound bitchy.

Pause.

I must have been in a weird mood yesterday morning. I decided to table those for another day when I have more time to think and am not writing in the “heat of the moment.”

Do you write your posts ahead of time? Or are you more likely to write and immediately hit “publish”? What’s your blogging style? When do you blog?

I generally write all of my posts ahead of time (except for the random “spur of the moment” posts) and schedule them to be published in the morning. I even work on my Sunday training recap post throughout the week so I can publish it after my last workout on Sunday.

During the week, I write posts in the morning or evening train ride. Sometimes I write 2 or 3 at a time. Sometimes I just write them the night before. On the weekends, it’s more sporadic.

And I usually DON’T censor myself! But I have a hard enough time communicating as it is, and if I go back and read something and it doesn’t make sense… then it is not ready to publish! We’ll have to see if I ever use those!

We figured out what to do with the leftover Vegan “Meatloaf” – Vegan “Meatloaf” tacos! I kept joking to Steven that we should make them, but he kept saying no. Then he was too sick to argue so I made them and he LOVED them. Ha!

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By kilax, December 8, 2009 5:32 am

Do you ever get it in your mind that you ABSOLUTELY have to do something, and that is all you can think about, obsessively, until you’ve done it?

This is not necessarily a good thing. It’s compulsive.

com-pul-sion: Psychology. a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, esp. one that is irrational or contrary to one’s will.

If my photo were next to a definition in the dictionary, I fear it would be that one. I sometimes think compulsion is the cause of many of my actions. A few examples:

• When I found out Foer was speaking in Chicago, it was all I could think about for hours while I figured out the logistics. I was stressed out about it at work, when I should have been focused.
• I missed 1.5 miles of my Thursday run and thought obsessively about fitting it in last Friday, when really, I needed to rest my legs*. I didn’t run the 1.5 miles, thankfully.
• This post. I wrote it on my exercise sheet while I was doing my strength routine last Friday. It was all I could think about. Even when writing it (last night on the airplane) I closed the lid of my computer for take-off, but thought of something to write and had to open it back up.
• I had it in my mind that I was going to make certain dishes for my family when they visited. Apparently my mother had a few dishes in mind too? (Hence the Similarities and Differences post – I think we are both like this.)
• I couldn’t get it out of my mind that I had to get our holiday tree last weekend before “all the good ones were gone.” Luckily, Steven humored me on this one and we picked out our tree on Saturday (free delivery to the house on Sunday!).
• I won’t even go into how this affects my relationship with food!

What is all of this about? Why do I obsessively think and plan things? I sometimes think it is because I am afraid of missing out on events and afraid of forgetting thoughts I have. AND, I just get so excited and pumped about things, I want to get them out there while they are fresh!

But it makes it hard for me to focus. I have all of these thoughts swirling around in my brain. I feel like I have to get certain things done right away. I am agitated if I don’t.

Part of me enjoys the rush that I create for myself. The realistic part of me knows it’s a problem.

I’m hoping someone can relate? It’s one of those things where I feel like “Boo-hoo, I’m the only one” but I can’t be… right?

(Note, while I was finishing writing this, I got another blog idea in my head and had to open a new tab to start typing that out).

*Related, have you read the article titled “Your Better Half” in the January 2010 issue of Runner’s World? Great article. It’s about turning your inner critic into your biggest fan. I paid close attention to the little part about taking a day off when you don’t want to.

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By kilax, November 11, 2009 8:10 am

This weekend, I was introduced as a blogger to some new people and they asked me, “What is your blog about?”

Um, uh… um…

I’ve actually been borrowing Nilsa’s idea and calling this a “life blog,” at least, over to the right in my intro*. And duh, she even mentioned in point #2 of that post to be prepared to talk about your blog! But I sure wasn’t.

I said I talk about exercise, a little bit about food, a lot of rants… I explained that I started this blog the summer before I went to Rome to keep in touch and that it has kind of expanded off of that…

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………..

Sometimes, it’s just really hard to define who you are. That reminded me of when I had to come up with three interesting facts about myself for a class I took back in May. It also made me realize that I am more likely to be the one asking questions when I meet new people. I usually don’t do much talking myself. I do more probing. Ha ha.

So… I think I should work on that – being able to talk about me, intelligently, that is.

Do you ever get the question, “What is your blog about?” How do you answer? Or if you don’t blog, are you prepared to answer when people ask you what your hobbies are?

*As a side note, I think it’s REALLY important to have an intro or “About” page on your blog. That’s the first thing I look for when I am checking out a new blog!

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By kilax, September 22, 2009 5:55 pm

My mom and dad both sent me separate emails asking what was going on (after reading my last post). Nothing! Oops. So I did exactly what I try not to do by writing that – make someone think I am withholding info. I’m not. Especially from them! Ha! I call them and blabber blabber blabber away.*

Thank you for your awesome comments. That was one of those posts where I thought, “hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have written that.” But I’d had it on my mind for about a year, and wanted to let it out. It’s older info. But sometimes, when I am trying to fall asleep at night, all of these thoughts fill my head and I have to get them out. So, here it comes, another weird thought:

Do you ever quit reading a blog because you feel like it’s bad for you?

A while ago, I subscribed to A LOT of health (i.e. “weight loss”) blogs. Some of them just contained news tidbits, but a lot of them were personal blogs of people struggling with weight loss. I was very much in the same boat (Ha! You probably remember those posts.) so I enjoyed reading them because I related so much.

But after awhile, especially when I focused more on running, I felt like some of the blogs became toxic to me. Reading someone’s constant, daily struggles with weight made me feel really weird. It made me feel bad. It was almost like I was feeling their daily anguish and frustration and disappointment, and it just made me feel… hopeless. It was strange. I had to put all of those blogs in a special folder in my google reader, and for now, I just mark them as “read” everyday until I am ready to look at them again.

It’s like they wore me out. It was too much of the same old thing. Which is ironic, because I get on those kicks all the time – health, bowling, running, travel… I talk in patterns. I think we all do a bit.

So I was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen. I’ve definitely stopped reading other blogs because I didn’t enjoy their style (which of course, is personal preference, and subjective), but this… was something different.

*oh, thanks for listening about my dentist bill, dad. I got it straightened away. They are covering the entire expense now.

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By kilax, July 27, 2009 5:34 am

Last night’s meet-up with Nilsa, Tori, Kevin and Sizzle was a total blast! It was my first time meeting both Nilsa and Sizzle. Nilsa and her husband were gracious enough to host us in their beautiful Chicago home and feed us wonderful food! Nilsa is so fresh and down to earth. I can imagine having lots of long conversations with her. And sizzle is so animated! She is a wonderful story teller and so much fun! I always feel refreshed and excited after meeting up with bloggers. I wish I could do it more often!

Tori, Me, Sizzle, Nilsa and Kevin in the front.

Steven chatted with SoMi all night. Just kidding. He loves meeting other bloggers too!

We had college friends over two weekends ago that made me feel the same way – stimulated by discussion, excited, and energetic. The thing is, we hardly EVER see them. Coordinating a visit with them takes a lot – it’s kind of stressful. But we always have so much fun with them then say, “Why don’t we see each other more often?!”

It is because we are also so busy and wrapped up in our own lives. We don’t always make the time to do fun get-togethers like this. We let our crazy schedules get in the way. Well, I do anyway.

I don’t want to be like this. But I don’t want to have a super packed schedule either. The month of July has been really stressful for me because all of our weekends have been packed with activities. Balance. It’s always about balance…

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By kilax, February 3, 2009 5:50 pm

I had a post scheduled for tonight and I took it down at the last minute. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that.

The post was poorly written, and in effect, I think some of the responses would have frustrated me.

All I do is work and run. So… just imagine there’s a post here tonight about either of those topics. Thanks.

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By kilax, January 23, 2009 4:53 pm

When you are reading someone else’s blog, do you read ALL of the comments that were left before you got to it? Or do you just skip to the end to leave your comment?

Guilty as charged. I have a hard enough time finding time to read blogs, that I sometimes do skip to the end of the comments if there are a TON of them. If there are only a few, I usually read them. But most of the blogs I read get a lot of comments, so if any comment left by me seems similar to what someone else said, that’s probably why.

It’s a bad habit. And I know I am missing out on a lot of the conversation, by skipping to the end, but I just… keep doing it. Unless it’s a really juicy post. Then I usually read them all. Ha!

Now, please tell me I am not the only one who does this!

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By kilax, October 22, 2008 8:20 am

The short article below, from the November issue of Self, gave me the courage to write about something that’s been on my mind lately.

I think blogging can lend itself to be a platform for oversharing. Which is fine with me. I need that outlet. I need to let my thoughts out, even if they are too personal, detailed or crazy.

But I sometimes feel like “blogging” is my only friend. Sure, I have my live-in best friend, Data Steven to talk to every day, but I sometimes wish for someone else, a girlfriend, to talk to about life. Someone close to me, who knows me well. Someone to vent to, cry with, and share happy moments with… someone who would also feel comfortable to be that open with me.

I love talking to Steven. But I am continually bouncing the same repetitive stuff off of him. He needs a break from time to time. And I need a fresh perspective.

Feeling like this gives me urges to overshare. I don’t dish out things I regret, but I find myself eager to talk to someone different. I think I am looking for someone else to care about what’s going on in my life… besides my husband, family and extended blog family.

That’s not too much to ask for, is it?

(Yikes, this came out all wrong. It’s not meant to offend any of the wonderful people already in my life. It’s just meant to explain a yearning I have.)