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By kilax, December 16, 2009 4:17 am

There was an interesting article about bad gift-giving and how it can be straining on marriages this Tuesday in the Wall Street Journal. I found it humorous, but also, disappointingly sexist – both for men and women.

The article gives the classic examples of “bad” gifts given to wives from their husbands – vacuum cleaners, over-sized sleepwear, cooking pots, golf clubs, etc. Those stories are always good for a laugh or two.

But I felt like the whole article made men sound like thoughtless idiots who don’t listen to their wives, think twice about what they are getting them, or care if they are given a “bad” gift. It made women sound like they are overly emotional about receiving a “bad” gift, elusive about what they want, and the perfect gift givers.

Well, I always say “stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason,” but come on*. I know this isn’t true in our relationship. Since we’ve been together (7 years) I have not been able to get Steven the “perfect” holiday** gift. First it was an XBox. Then a printer. Specialty items for the Saab. A nice watch. A Garmin. So on and so forth. Run-of-the-mill things. How do we measure the worth of a gift? By the excitement of the person opening it? By how much they use it? How much they talk about it? If they thank you?

Steven has given me amazing, thoughtful gifts. Probably the most amazing was the first thing he ever gave me – a handmade box for holding my drawing pencils. He made that!

So, I am not anti gift-giving or saying I am awful at giving gifts, but… maybe it’s not all that important, in the long run. Maybe it’s not something worth getting upset about. Maybe we should just be excited when someone was thoughtful and generous enough to get us something. You can tell when it is sincere and from the heart, not matter how good or “bad” it is.

What do you think? Are these gift-giving stereotypes true?

*I would love to see this article include some examples of same-sex relationships as well. I wonder what the gift-giving stereotypes are there.
**Steven, it doesn’t help that your birthday is THREE days before Christmas!

Comments (26)

By kilax, December 22, 2008 9:26 pm

Today is Steven’s birthday. Can you guess how old he is?

When I asked Steven what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, he said he wanted a “huge bavarian creme donut.” “Not twice the size of a normal doughnut, but like, four times bigger.”

Hmm.

I sent an email to our favorite bakery, to see if they could accommodate the request:

Dear Deerfield’s, My husband loves your bavarian cream donuts. I was planning on ordering a cake from your store for him for his birthday, but he asked if I could order him a big bavarian cream donut with chocolate frosting. Is it possible to order something like that? I think he just means bigger than a normal donut, about four times the size. I would order it for pick up on Dec. 21st. Thanks for letting me know (and for humoring me!) Kimberly

They responded right away:

Hello, We don’t make a “jumbo” donut however we can either do a layered birthday cake with a custard filling or a Bavarian Cream Pie which has 2 layers of yellow cake filled with Bavarian Cream and topped with fudge icing. Please call Customer Service @ 847-520-0068 ext. 4 to place your order, Thank you. Cindy

At least they humored me. I laughed when I saw “jumbo” in quotation marks.

So, Steven didn’t get his “jumbo” donut – he got the leaning tower of donuts (thanks for the suggestion, Denise!) as well as a birthday cake, and some black and white cookies (which were very, very disappointing).

I gave him the donut tower, cake and cookies yesterday, since I wouldn’t have the opportunity to pick them up today. I also made sugar cookies, peanut butter cookies, and snickerdoodles yesterday (for Steven to take to work). So breakfast was donuts and cookies. Lunch was cookies and cookie dough. Afternoon snack was string cheese, then cake and ice cream with our neighbors. Pre-dinner snack was cookies. Dinner was penne pasta with alfredo sauce and green beans.

No wonder I had a headache when I woke up this morning!

When I was walking from the train to work this morning, I thought maybe yesterday’s sugar overload had finally cured me – I had made me feel awful enough that I would never binge on cookies again!

Yeah, right.

Sweet treats will always be around at celebrations! Birthdays just aren’t the same without a special sweet treat. I hope Steven enjoyed his! Happy Birthday, babe!

Steven and the furbaby.

Comments (12)

By kilax, August 26, 2008 1:50 pm

Yesterday was my sister Christina’s nineteenth birthday AND her first day of class (Happy Birthday, right?!). [She is applying to the interior design program this winter, so she is taking classes similar to the ones I took! Drafting! Elements of Design! Woo-hoo! Maybe someday we will work together…]

We took her skydiving for her birthday back in July, but Steven and I still sent her a gift – this “sisters” necklace. I bought one for myself as well.

Christina is the only sister I have, but she has a lot of other sisters – sorority sisters.

And here’s the part where I try to explain what it is like to be jealous of a bunch of girls that I have never even met.

I feel like I wasted most of our time growing up together, playing the part of the bitchy older sister (while she was perhaps playing the part of the bratty younger sister?). We’re only five years apart, but I never felt like we were even close to being in the same stage of our lives during those five years – until the last few years.

Now it’s like I’ve met this really cool person for the first time and I want to spend a lot of time with them, but I can’t – because they live in a different state than me.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always loved my sister to death, and would do anything for her. There’s never been a huge rift between us, I just never felt a true sisterly bond with her. Not like this anyway.

Hence, why I am jealous of all of her sorority sisters – that get to live with her, and hang out with her, and share all their day-to-day adventures with her. While I am lucky if I even get to see her 10 times a year.

Comments (18)

By kilax, August 21, 2008 1:09 pm

We have monthly “birthday celebrations” in my office during the months that the staff has birthdays. The company orders treats and we all sit around in the conference room, chatting for about 30 minutes (or more!) while enjoying the treats. It’s actually a nice break, to just sit and chat with everyone. I think of it as a morale booster.

Sometimes the company orders individual treats, like drinks from Starbucks (bleh), and sometimes they order one big thing, like a coffee cake.

You may recall that I am on a “healthy lifestyle” quest. Whenever they order individual treats, I try to order something healthy or low in calories, like a fruit cup or a diet soda.

Today was the August celebration (duh) and our receptionist/secretary/all-star came up to me and said, “I’m going to order that cinnamon-cake thing from Corner Bakery. Do you want a fruit cup, since you are so being so good [healthy-eating wise]?”

She didn’t say it meanly – she was being nice. She noticed I’ve been watching what I eat, and actually asked me if I wanted an alternate item for the birthday celebration. I thought it was very nice that she provided that option for me, because some people are actually pretty mean when you are eating healthy. They become “food pushers” who want you to eat what they are eating or what they are making. I’m happy no one in my office is like that.

But damn, that cake smelled good when I was sitting there eating my fruit cup!

And a little bit of housekeeping… called “How I Blog.” Continue reading 'Fruit Cup'»

Comments (8)

By kilax, April 16, 2008 5:57 am

Update: It is also radioactive girl’s birthday today! Happy Birthday! Wow… July’s the month to get busy!

There are four blogger birthdays this week (that I know of!). Today is Diane’s, so Happy Birthday Diane! (And feel better soon!) Friday belongs to Gina and sizzle. So… Happy Early Birthday Gina and Happy Early Birthday sizzle! And Lisa’s is this week as well… Happy Birthday Lisa!

And… I want to tell you about the book I bought Gina for her birthday. I have this little problem with thumbing through quite a bit of the books I buy for my friends… hey, it happens.

I read about Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure in some magazine I got in the mail in March. The premise of the book is, you guessed it, six-word memoirs of authors. Some of my favorites are:

“No shit I’m critical – you’re flawed.” – Elizabeth Koch

“I am awfully bored at work.” – Chris Ponchak

“Didn’t fit in then; still don’t.” – Bob Fingerman

“Asked to quiet down; spoke louder.” – Wendy Lee

Of course, I could go on and on… I recommend picking up a copy of the book, just because these memoirs really make you think.

Right before I bought the book I found out that another blogger – Freak Magnet – created her own six-word memoir on her blog! What a fun idea for us bloggers! Has this gone around all ready and I missed it? I’ve seen it a few other places since I originally wrote this post…

Anyway, here’s mine, which took a while to think up. Please share yours in your blog, or in the comments!

Always known as “the loud one.”

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Today’s Idiom: Pyrrhic victory – a too costly victory

Getting our neighbors to quiet down was a Pyrrhic victory – we now live in peace inside our home, but are uneasy being outside our home… and I feel guilty for being so spiteful and mean-spirited.