Are you an asker? When you want something (a raise, a refund, better service, directions, forgiveness, a date, someone to treat you differently, etc.) do you ask for it immediately or do you hesitate?
There was a story in the March issue of Women’s Health about an author who was going to a party to celebrate the publication of her first book. On the way to the party, she ran into a famous columnist – Maureen Dowd – in the airport. She got up the nerve to ask Dowd to attend her party and Dowd accepted and attended, and the two developed a relationship. The author wrote:
I shudder to think of what an awesome connection I would have missed making had I not worked up the nerve to approach Maureen. But all too often, fear gets in the way of bravery. Think about it: When was the last time you asked for something with big risks and potentially big consequences? The kind of ask that can make your heart pound and your palms sweat, such as asking for a promotion, asking for forgiveness, or—scariest of all—asking a guy out on a date?
I love that! Don’t let fear get in the way of bravery! And I have to include the last two paragraphs of the article:
As with most things in life, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. So start small and build up to the Big Ask. When my family and I go to a restaurant and don’t like our table, I’m the one who asks to move. I ask for directions and for advice from strangers. I even ask to use the discount-club card of the person standing next to me in the line at the grocery store if I’ve forgotten mine.
Here are a few things I’ve learned about asking: The minute you’re afraid to ask for something is when you should do it. It’s nice to offer something in return, even if it’s just a compliment or a kind gesture. It also helps to take a few deep breaths and imagine the worst possible outcome. Usually, it’s simply getting a no, which is not exactly life threatening. Whether the result is life changing (like it was with Maureen Dowd) or disappointing, asking is always a significant accomplishment. Because if you ask me, it’s the questions in life—not the answers—that really count.
I AM an asker. When I want something, I do ask for it. Sure, I get the nerves and the pounding-heart, but I know it would bother me more in the end, NOT to have asked*, then to hear “no” or not reach a solution by asking.
I mentioned on Monday, I have asked for items to give away here. Many have said no or not gotten back to me. But I kept at it, and received that awesome necklace to give away.
At my last job, I found myself frequently talking to my bosses about company policy and how their decisions affected me. I know that seems bold, or maybe out of place, but to me, it felt better to get things off my chest. Now, I commonly find myself being the “voice for the group,” when other people don’t want to speak up.
I either lack a filter I should have, or am simply not shy. But I cannot remember a time when asking has caused me any harm!
*A few months ago Erin and I had lunch out, and the waiter threw away my leftovers instead of boxing them up like I asked. I didn’t want to… get nasty (let’s say) in front of Erin, so I didn’t ask for a refund. I wish I would have. That was effin’ bs and I am still pissed about it.
Comments (42) 
Themocracy