How do your siblings influence you?
There was an interesting article about sibling relationships in USA Today last week titled “Having a sister can be good for your emotional health.” The information in the article was not earth-shattering, but it did make a few interesting points:
- Affectionate siblings have positive influences on each other no matter their age, gender, or how many years they are apart.
- Loving brothers and sisters promote behaviors such as kindness and generosity. They also protect against delinquency and depression.
- According to the study, having a sister prevents depression more than having a brother. This may be because girls are better at talking about problems or are more likely to take on a caregiver role.
- The study also found that siblings have twice as much influence than parents over performing good deeds — including volunteering, doing favors for others and being nice to people.
- Siblings who fight can have the opposite effect. Brothers and sisters who exhibit hostility toward each other are more likely to portray aggressive behaviors in other relationships.
- Sibling influence is stronger in families with two parents compared to one. A child with a single parent may become a “parent figure” to a younger sibling, which changes the typical brother or sister role.
So, basically, this is an iteration that we learn from the environment that we grow up in. Again, not earth-shattering, but interesting.
I am nosy curious, tell me about your relationship with your siblings. Did/do you feel any influence from them? Did you get along growing up? Do you now? If you are an only child, do you think you were influenced by your parents or peers more?
And we love polls…
Loading ...I have two brothers (older and younger) and a sister (younger). We mostly got along growing up, except for the occasional fight and relentless teasing of my younger sister. I definitely feel like I picked up a lot of cues on how to act from them. Not that we are at all the same person, but we do have some similar traits (hot temper, stubborn, giving, helpful, fun-loving, laid-back, etc.).
This picture is from 2007, but that’s the four of us – Anthony, me, Nick and Christina.
Now we all live completely different lives, so their influence is gone. It’s weird that you live with these people for however many years, and probably interact with them on a day to day basis, then once you move out of the house, you rarely see each other/communicate (and in my situation, that is just because I live in a different state than the three of them – they all still live near our hometown – I wonder what it would be like if I still lived in Iowa).
Themocracy
I just have the one brother who’s a couple years younger than me. We’re not super affectionate (just not the relationship we’ve ever had), but there’s a definite bond. And a humor that we get that others might not catch on to right away. I heart my little bro! 🙂
I have one sister and we work together ALL…. WEEK …. LONG. But we have a great relationship. She is 5 years older and has always been there in times of need. Our personalities are completely different. I couldn’t ask for a better sis.
I have two sisters and three brothers, but I feel that if I was influenced by any of my siblings growing up, it was my brother; there are ten years between the two of us and the other four. However, I think we were both influenced more by our parents than each other! I am a lot closer to my sisters now, though… I guess at some point, age ceases to be a factor.
<3 <3
My brother and I got along when we were little, but then around middle school he was too cool for me. We mostly just ignored each other but I know he still looked out for me.. He would just tell my Mom if he was concerned about something going on with me instead of talking to me directly. Now that we are older we have a better relationship but we are still not super close. Him living at the beach has definitely helped our relationship though.. haha
Oh, and Joey (my bf) has 3 older sisters. I can see their influence on his life. And his Mom had a sister and a brother and his Dad has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. I got to see all that sibling love in action this weekend since they were all together. His family is ginormous!
Just out of curiosity, were these observations made on siblings at the time that they were growing up together? I wonder about the lasting effects after they’ve been living apart…
I have one brother, 6 years younger than myself, and I love him to death. We’ve been close in the past, and now he’s away and I don’t hear from him as much, but I think/hope that we will be close again.
Yeah, this was based on living together – how you inherit traits from them while growing up.
I am always glad to be an only child because I haven’t had to share at all. Then again, I feel guilty for the same reason, like I’m a maladjusted and selfish adult with social problems. (I can tell because I’m very impatient and get riled up about things that do.not.matter.)
Since I just found out I have two younger half-siblings in Korea, I’m interested to see if I’ll ever have any kind of relationship with them. I doubt it would be like a “real” sibling situation since we’re all adults now. Then again, it’s kind of weird because I’m their “older sister” (Korean distinguishes between older/younger siblings.), so they have to use that term if they ever meet me. Kind of weird.
So there is a separate word in Korean to designate you as the older sis? Pretty cool! Has Omma told you much about your half-siblings?
I never know how to answer these questions since I didn’t grow up in a typical sibling household. Have part-time step-siblings is most likely a lot different than having full time full-blood siblings.
I was really interested to hear your opinion though! There are probably a lot more family dynamics like yours, and those should be studied as well.
I have one brother and up until recently we weren’t very close at all. We just visited him on our vacation and it is almost scary how we are alike in so many ways.
Your family is really beautiful! I think I have said this before, but I wanted to tell you again.
That is crazy that you and your bro are so similar! I know you mentioned it briefly on your blog but I would love to hear more.
Aww, thanks Tori! 😀
I have a sister that is 4 years younger than me and we do not get along…AT ALL. She blames me for all that she has not accomplished (she is 26 now and STILL says things like, “well I could never live up to Melissa, so why even try?” even though my parents totally kiss her a$$) and I do not respect the way she lives her life. I think she is a “smooth-talking”, dishonest person who uses people for her own personal gain, while giving nothing in return. It’s really unfortunate b/c I think she really is a smart and talented person who has all of the abilities and “tools” to be successful and instead she chooses to take no personal responsibility and mooches off my parents and others (and then continues to complain how it’s “not fair” that I have X, Y or Z…which for the record, comes from me working hard and making sacrifices…my parents do not give me $$ or connections or anything!) We are cordial at holidays and stuff but that’s the extent of it.
I bet you didn’t think you’d get a response like this! LOL!
But I do often wonder how 2 people with the same parents oan turn out SO different and I wonder if it really does have to do with parenting? Growing up, I felt like my parents enforced the consequences of my actions with me (if I was grounded, I was grounded. period.) and also were very up front in expectations. I feel like my parents were much more relaxed in disciplining my sister (if she was grounded, it only lasted for an hour or two and then my sister pitched a fit and they gave in rather than dealing with the tantrums) and that the same expectations did not apply. This pretty much pervaded even as we were older and still persists even today. I love my parents dearly, don’t get me wrong, but I think my sister has always manipulated them and it’s frustrating to watch.
I bet A LOT of people can relate to that situation. And it’s unfortunate… do people like that ever change? 🙁
I love the family picture! So cute! I always wanted a brother, as I think the sister relationship can be very complicated. My sister and I were polar opposites growing up. I was quiet, compliant, nerdy, shy. She was outgoing, gregarious, popular, and not-so-academic. We didn’t really realize how cool it was to be sisters until late in high school. Our bond started with complaining about our parents. We weren’t really that close in our early twenties, but we’re pretty close now. We’re still very different, and there are very raw issues that still come up in our relationship (ie, she is always the center of attention, I am always the “weirdo”, etc). Dynamics are funny.
I am an only child and now that I am getting older it stinks because I have no other family to hold onto after my parents pass away. There will be no family from my side to share holidays with. I am glad though that I am marrying into a big family with lots of brothers and sisters, cousins and aunts/uncles!
I didn’t know you had brothers. I have 1 who’s 4 years older. Got along well enough growing up, but we don’t see/talk to each other much now. Very different people. He takes joy in getting a rise out of me, but I’m pretty well over all the old triggers, so it’s just kind of tiresome. We both like scifi so chatting about that can be fun. I’d give him credit for that: my love of scifi tv/movies.
This week I’m moving back to my hometown and will be near my 2 sisters and brother. I’m looking forward to it, and am interested to see if we’ll get along as well as we do now(long distance)
I am not close with my sisters at all. My sisters were just 6 and 5 years older than me. They were horribly mean to me growing up—horribly!!! And I asked my oldest about it a couple years ago and she said-that’s what big sisters do!
And now we are adults and have no real history of love and tenderness and it’s very hard for me to be close to them. One is very ultra-republican, close-minded, military-esque and the other is so deep in her church and has informed me multiple times that I am going to hell, and has hinted that my son is as well (at least I’ll have someone I love with me!).
So….with no loving past between us and such huge differences in our current lives–I don’t try very hard anymore. It’s very sad, but it is what it is….
I am envious of what you have though! How great that you have a loving relationship with your siblings!!! Value that every day!!!
I have a brother – and Im quite confident when I say that having a sister did NOT influence him in a positive way. I was amazed the first time I saw him treat a girl the way so many boys have treated me. I expected him to see me fall apart and not want to do that to someone else, but thats not how it happened.
We went through phases of getting along and not getting along when we were growing up. When I was in grade 12 we didnt speak for an entire year, then we got really close. Now, we dont speak, or really even acknowledge each other. He even deleted me from Facebook (which obviously makes it official). Its makes me sad sometimes, to think how not long ago we were pretty close, but then I remember it was always on his terms and I realize this is how things should be. At least for now.
I have one younger brother, he’s 25. We got along really well as kids, despite the occasional fights. I don’t know if we really influence each other in ways that we notice, we have completely different interests, jobs, live in different states, etc. But we always have fun together, our family values/morals are the same, and I can always count on him when I’m having a rough time or someone is being a pill (like my in laws at my wedding!).
That’s a good-looking family! I have one sibling, a brother who’s almost seven years older than I am. We were never especially close as kids — the age difference didn’t help — and currently I haven’t seen or spoken to him in more than two years. Even so, I think the way our relationship is affects how I view and act in my other relationships. I don’t have any control over how my brother acts, but I have control over how I act and I want to be a positive, happy, supportive person when it comes to the people closest to me.
How did I get such beautiful children?
What picture are you looking at? 😛 Just kidding!
I have a younger sister (3 years younger) and a brother (five years younger). I am closer to my brother. My brother is one of the most affectionate, loving men I know; he respects our mom and us as his sisters and his wife. My sister and I aren’t that close – we are very different in many, many aspects of life. I always daydreamed of having a bunch of close sisters – and my brother, of course!
I’m an only child on my bio-dad’s side; that got lonely, but I mostly consider myself having siblings (if they are technically “half”).
My brother and sister are from my my mom’s first marriage. My sister got married when I was 4, so she was the first to leave the house. And then my brother got married when I was 9, so once he left the house, I was an only child until I left in my early 20’s.
My brother had the biggest influence on me as he taught me a lot about cars – names, types and all sorts of details. Not that I’m that big into cars now, but it helped a lot. And he read to me a lot. I was a lover of reading at a very early age.
My sister was never that much of an influence. The last 10 years have been the biggest struggle for us, since she, in her early 60’s now, has always blamed others for her not being successful in life. Plus, she’s very religious, which I am not, so there’s a divide there. But I do have to say that the last 2 years since my wife and I got married, we’ve been closer. Nothing too close, but enough where we can now talk about all sorts of different subjects without it coming back around to her lack in life or something to do with religion.