On being engaged (with what you are doing)
A lot of the things I write lately are so negative or introspective. I hesitate to post it because who wants to read that crap? And really, it’s not me. But, I know that saying the things I am thinking will make me feel better. And inevitably, someone can relate, which makes me feel even better. So, I’m okay. Just thinking.
Are you fully engaged in what you are doing?
You know, at work, at home, in your social life, in your exercise routine… are you engaged and committed to your activities (responsibilities?), or are you just going through the motions?
I ask because this topic has come up quite a bit lately at work. And it made me wonder if I am engaged in my “outside of work” life. Sadly, I don’t think I am. I wake up in the morning planning when I will get to go to bed that night. I sit down to watch a movie with Steven but think about sleep. I rush through things so that I can get to the point where I feel “relaxed,” but I never get there. I work out almost every day, but I am like a robot – not thinking about what I am doing, just doing it. And why? Where is it getting me?
I know that I feel better about doing things when I am doing them with purpose. And the purpose doesn’t have to be anything profound. It can be to make me feel good/happy.
New goal: be engaged with what I am doing. Find purpose.
Do you ever feel like you are just “going through the motions”?
Themocracy
Absolutely, to answer your question. There are days where I’m not conscious of anything going on but just going through the motions of waking up, doing whatever chores are on my agenda, without stopping to smell the roses.
Oh yes, I absolutely have times of feeling like I’m going through the motions. I’ve had whole phases like this, and it’s creeped into actual depression. Sometimes, it’s not depression though; it’s just general blah-ness. Lately, I do feel engaged, but I don’t think much in my life has really changed. My perspective has changed. I get more excited for little things — like a new dinner I’m making or a show on TV or whatever Netflix delivered. But, to an outsider, my life might look kind of dull. As my mom says, “You can set a clock by Kim.” I have a pretty standard routine, but I feel pretty happy anyway. I think it’s a matter of perspective in my case, though sometimes it’s a matter of adding something new to life, going to therapy, etc. I don’t know if it’s possible to always be engaged. We all get bored with things from time to time.
You totally get me. That is one of the things I love about you. I actually just wrote a whole post (for tomorrow) about things that are exciting me. And they are small things like that. I feel like I do need to be careful I don’t slip into depression though. A lot of things that normally interest me are not right now. It’s weird!
Now that you mention it, I think I go through the motions a lot. A lot more than I want to be. I think we tend to get so caught up into things and forget to enjoy the experience. You sound like a planner/organizer just like me. I get a lot more joy during the planning stage and almost forget to embrace the destination because I am already two steps farther ahead. I think this is great that you are going to engage more in the moment. I would like to do the same. 🙂
The funny thing is, I realized that I was doing this a few months ago and made it my unofficial 2010 goal to work on it… oops!
i think this has a lot to do with perspective at that given time. there are times when i am doing the same thing as the day before, but feel ten times more purposeful the next day. i too, have thought that it had to do with depression, but i have come to find a distict difference. i think that sometimes when you realize that you are going through the motions, it propels you forward to find purpose. i don’t think that you necessarily need to change everything about your life and try new things, but instead (and i don’t know how to do this), find joy in the things you’re doing on a daily basis.
uh yes……..i go through the motions of work and wait for the fun to start 😉
Yes.
🙂
I’m sorry I don’t have a really profound comment, just that I know this feeling…and I think it is good to recognize it and try to change things up a little to get out of it.
I say at work all the time…I never want to be the person who eats the same thing for lunch every day at the exact same time. There are people in my office that do that and to me, it represents a much bigger personality type that I never want to be.
I go through periods of time when I just “do” and I can’t “be.” And “being” is where it’s at for me. But we can’t just “be” all the time when the constraints of work/home/family/whatever are upon us. I just look at the times of being as a respite from the slog. Right now, I’m horribly sick, so I just “do,” knowing that when I’m better, I can go back to “being.”
I hope you feel better soon 🙁
At this point in the semester with the classes I teach, I’m definitely going through the motions…but my students are too, so I don’t feel too bad 🙂
This has been on my mind a lot lately, because in certain parts of my life, I’m ‘engaged’, yes, but other parts, I’m totally going through the motions, and wish I wasn’t. Hard to explain, difficult situation, but ya.
The scary thing is, I think I am more engaged at work than at home sometimes!
Lately I have not felt this way as much. When I feel I’m going through the motions, I try to wake up and change it up. Not always easy. I vary my routine, read something inspirational, make a small change here and there. Life is meant for the living and i always try to remember to be fully engaged.
I think that is what I need to do – shake things up a bit!
I’ve just been going through the motions a lot and I’m really glad you brought this up because it’s not something I would have noticed by myself. Starting right now, I’m going to try and live more in the moment and less with me constantly think about what I’ll be doing after I finish my current activity.
Me too 🙂 When you live that way, you sometimes start dreading each activity because you feel like you are never done!
Good post, Kim – yes, I know what you mean. I am also a planner, always thinking of the next thing coming that I have to do instead of being focussed on what I am currently doing. SIGH… It is hard to change our natural inclination to be so oriented on the future. That is what meditation is supposed to help with, but it is hard! You know what helped me a lot with this? Tai Chi. I took Tai Chi a few years back, and it was amazing how completely in the moment I would be during those classes, because you had to be totally engaged with the movements. Very unlike yoga where I would be in the poses but thinking about what I was going to make for dinner, what I had to pick up at the store, etc. Impossible to do in Tai Chi.
This post describes me to a T… sometimes I stop and wonder what is the end goal. Why are we killing ourselves over “getting it done” when we might not even be sure what the “it” is?!
<3 <3
Kim, I totally get this! There are plenty of days when I am just going through the motions. I wish I could be more engaged but because we live in such a fast paced world, it is hard to slow down. I too always find myself counting the hours until sleep! Even when I am doing something I love like running or swimming, I find myself thinking but everything I still have to do. The one time I can honestly say I am relaxed and engaged, is on vacation!!!
That seems to be when I am truly relaxed as well. I keep daydreaming about taking a vacation!
I don’t know how I missed this post yesterday! I completely understand this. I wrote about something similar today. I just need something to shake things up a bit or something to make me conscious of what is going on so I don’t miss it all.
I think we all go through phases where we are going through the motions. I mean, who really wants to do laundry, dishes or pack lunches with purpose? That’d take just too much energy! The key is making sure there’s time in each day where you do have things that aren’t so routine. Where you do things for yourself. For enjoyment. To be with others. Etc. That way, you begin focusing on those things, instead of the mundane parts of being a responsible adult.
I find myself falling into this a lot. It was really bad with my old professional job; I felt like I was just putting in the time and going through the motions without any passion behind it. Having threats of layoffs and bad things to come didn’t serve as successful incentive either.
I really love the small things that you listed today – Being able to look at those and remember to take time to enjoy them can really help to break out of the routine that just sweeps life away.
That is exactly what the list helped me with!
I was like that at my old job too. I just didn’t fit quite in there!
This is a really great post. you are right I do love my job, but I’m more in love with it when I actually focus on doing each thing well, then leaving and focusing on my life after work!
Yepppp! With my work lately, I’m just going through the motions, especially in the beginning of the week when I have to work with a woman I have a hard time with. I can’t figure out if I’m just going through the motions because I’m worn out from this school year and will be fine come September, or if I need a new job. Sigh.
I definitely just “go through the motions” all the time…especially at work! There’s often a checklist of things I need to accomplish during my shift, so it’s go-go-go until I get those done! If something gets in the way, then I get really frazzled. It’s funny because when I really concentrate on what I’m doing, I realize it’s more enjoyable and I’m not thinking about the eight million other things I need to do. This usually comes to me when I have to feed a patient (which is a long process…you can’t just shove food down their throats so you’re in there at least 15 minutes!)…but what a simple thing it is to feed someone…they’re really depending on you. I try to be in the moment at times like that.