How to survive the holidays (when family visits)
Last year, I tried to use the Livestrong dailyplate. Yeah, that didn’t work for me! But I still get the Livestrong Newsletter in my email. Last week, there was an article titled “How to Survive Holidays with the In-Laws” that I thought actually had some good advice.
Ha, don’t get me wrong. I think it had good advice for dealing with ANY family member during the holidays, whether they are blood-relatives or not. Here’s the short version of the tips (which focus on when family visit):
- Communicate your needs in a gentle, but confident manner.
- Stick Together.
- Find out what works and stick to it.
- Trade holiday traditions with your in-laws.
- Try not to take criticism personally.
- Accept or redirect offerings of help.
- Remember that the visit is temporary.
I suggest looking at the article for the full description!
The one I think I need to work on the most is tip #5 – try not to take criticism personally. The full tip says:
Try not to take criticism personally. As long as a mother- or father-in-law is not abusive in his comments and critiques, let his advice cause as little emotional defensiveness in you as possible. Handle his suggestions the same as you would from any other adult.
I have major issues with people telling me how to do things. Especially in the kitchen. Which is funny, because I know nothing about being in the kitchen. I just always feel so defensive when people stop me in the middle of doing something and tell me to do it another way.
Are any of these tips things you need to work on? What is your method for having a stress-free family gathering? Any crazy stories you want to share?
Themocracy
All great advice. The best thing for me to remember always is that the visit is temporary. No matter how batshit crazy someone makes me, they’ll be gone in a week or so!
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Thanks for sharing these tips!! Number five is hard for me too– EVERY time I cook at home, my dad comes in and starts offering “helpful hints” about the way I SHOULD be doing things 🙂
Gotta love family!
There is one thing about my mother in law that makes me crazy. She is always right. Not that she THINKS she is always right, but she always is. She will say something and then a while later it will be true. Something I never thought would be true at all. That doesn’t make sense so I will give an example.
When I first got married, my mother in law said I was so good with kids that I should open a home daycare. I was teaching kindergarten at the time and I was like “whatever” thinking it would never happen. Now I am doing home daycare.
One more example? When I got pregnant with my kids, my mother in law knew before I did. We were over at their house and she asked if I was pregnant. I said no because I wasn’t (or so I thought) and then a few weeks later we had to tell her I was. Even though we told her we hadn’t known I think to this day she thinks we lied to her when we said I wasn’t.
And since all that was sort of off topic, I am going to have to agree with you that I also hate it when people tell me how to do things. I find I am most defensive when I actually do not know how to best do whatever it is they are telling me how to do. I think it is because I feel most insecure about the things I know the least about doing and when they offer advice I feel like I should have already known that or something.
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A glass of wine helps, too. :0)
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Since I live where my family lives I think this applies to me all the time. 🙂
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Wine and lots of it. Seriously, my father in law is awesome and I adore him so much. The in law gathering is not too bad, it is everyone trying to be on their best behavior. But Hubs and I always have a game plan so we know when we will get there and leave and what to do if a certain family member starts something. It is good to be prepared.
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I’m the same way. My mother in law often stops and corrects me while cooking and it drives me batty…even though she is a great lady, and even though she DOES know more than me about a lot of things.
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The most difficult part for me is getting used to the changed family dynamic now that there are nieces and nephews in the picture. Since I’m uncomfortable around kids I tend to spend a lot of time hiding in other rooms of the house. I need to figure out how to stop doing that. I’m sure I’d enjoy the holidays a lot more if I could!
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Luckily, Brian’s family is out here and I don’t have any problems with them. When visiting my family, I’ve learned to limit the number of days I spend with them. If I have to be there for a week, I’ve learned to make plans with friends in the area so I’m not driven crazy by my mom. It also helps to have my husband around because my mom ends up talking to him a lot, taking the pressure and stress off me. Another perk of marriage! 😉
My husband and I are really lucky. We both get along so well with each others families. I love my in-laws and my sister-in-law. His parents were out here for Thanksgiving and we all went to my parents house. Our parents get a long really well too. I hear so many horror stories, that I feel really, really lucky!
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i can’t take criticism very well! seriously!
i end up letting it get to me and stick in my craw!
omg. my mom ALWAYS takes the side of my older sisters! TOTALLY NOT COOL!
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I’m not good at taking criticism either. I tend to always take it really personally.. I know this is something I need to work on.
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Hi Kim! Just found your blog through Lynn’s. It’s great! Great tips as well – I won’t be with family this year so I can avoid the ‘drama’ haha – but to be honest I need these tips just in dealing with friends – ugh – we have a work/friend xmas get-together this week…and as much as I like it, there are some people that just irritate me and i’d rather not spend time outside of work with – oh well, take a deep breath and accept it right? I’m sure I annoy plenty of people too haha 🙂 Check out my blog if you wish – and add me to your Roll – love new readers 🙂
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Hm, I started writing a comment and then realized I’d rather email you privately about this one and some of my recent revelations. 😉
Hey Kim, thanks for stopping by my blog!
I’ve also tried food journaling through Livestrong without much success :p Thanks for posting those tips, though. I know I’ve had my fair share of difficult holidays so hopefully those tips will come in handy this season!
I’m lucky because I usually don’t have very stressful holiday gatherings. Hopefully, it’ll stay that way!
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I am always really stressed around this time of the year. This year I took the it will be ok approach and I am stress free. As far as traditions goes… well Christmas is really my husbands holiday and I do want to set some traditions for when we have children, except I can’t really think of anything traditional that we do with my in-laws. I suggested to them that maybe this year we play a fun game on Christmas eve. Maybe this is the year for my to start some traditions 🙂
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Booze and lots of it…
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