Relative age
I jokingly told Anne I was going to write a series this summer, leading up to my 30th birthday, of “30 Awful Things About Turning 30.” Ha ha.
But wait! How would I even know what to write, until after I turn 30 and see how awful it is? Maybe it should be a weekly feature – 52 lessons in the awfulness of hitting three decades in age?!?!
I am TOTALLY joking. To me, age is not an important factor of someone’s personality. I rarely think about my own age or the age of others, unless it’s one of those “wow, they seem really immature for their age” instances, or a “we really need to figure out this generational gap” sort of thing. Otherwise… it just is what it is. Age doesn’t even seem to have a universal meaning, especially with the different ways people live their lives (experience) and take care of themselves (appearance). But it definitely has cultural meaning!
I was in a meeting recently where a man made a comment about his female business partner, in front of about twelve people, “Don’t be fooled by her appearance – she is a lot older than she looks – she has a lot of experience.”
It was supposed to be a compliment*, it truly was, but I heard a group gasp among the females in the room. How dare her age be brought up! HOW DARE!!!
There really was no point to bring it up, he could have just said “she has a lot of experience,” but because age was mentioned, there was a conversation defending her age that lasted a few minutes.
Sigh.
Ha ha, actually I was kind of chuckling the whole time. And it made me wonder if people really cared that her age was brought up, or if they were just shaming the man for mentioning it, because that is what they felt like they should do. I wonder if there is any instance where that comment would have been ignored, and the conversation would have segued right in to talking about her experience.
ANYWAY (geesh I get off track), I started writing this because today is my older brother’s birthday, and I was thinking about how I only feel like I am getting older a few times a year – February 25, August 25 and October 27 – my sibling’s birthdays. For some reason, when I think about them getting older, it makes me realize, hey! I am too! (I am sure there will be other cues as life goes on, ha ha) Isn’t that odd?
Do you think about yourself “getting older” regularly, or do you think about it more as a reaction to another event, like I do?
*As in, she looks so young she must not have much experience… wait. That is not a compliment. That’s a dig at the perception of “being young” meaning you don’t have much experience.
Themocracy
We are similar in the way we view our own age. I am also turning 30 this summer but it doesn’t scare me at all. Age ain’t nothin but a number. Or something like that. But when my younger sisters have a birthday then I realize that I am also older. Weird. Still. It doesn’t bother me.
Happy birthday brother!!
I think age always seems to matter for whatever reason. At least for me, people are constantly bringing up how young I am at work, how I’m the youngest person on the team, blah blah. Which makes me feel uncomfortable, because sure I’m young but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do my job or that my opinions or thoughts aren’t valid.
I’m with you girl, who the F cares about age?
At almost 33, I’m still the youngest person on my team by like 7 or 8 years. At some point, I think that title just wears off and no one cares.
It seems to matter a lot in the workplace to some people! That must be frustrating for you! Like, why are they focusing on that so much?! Wait… is it because of the 1D posters I gave you that are hanging up in your cube?! Is it all my fault?!
I do find the whole “OMG 30 is SO OLD!” thing to be really funny, since I was actually excited to be done with my 20’s. And I assume figuring out the “generational gap” is talking about our friendship, right?
I think the perception of age is interesting. Not to play the sex card, but I’m assuming people reacted that way in part because it was said about a woman – do you think anyone would have cared as much if he was talking about a male partner? When I was just starting out in my career, I did worry that people wouldn’t take me seriously because of my age. I met one client in person who immediately told me about his son who was my age and lived in Wrigleyville, and it was clear that he did just think of me as a kid (but he was also super nice to work with and kind of took me under his wing, so whatever).
Anyway, I guess I don’t care all that much about aging, because it is what it is. I look and feel better now than I did when I was younger, and get told a lot that I don’t look my age. That said, my brother’s birthday always makes me think the same thing! He’s 5 years older than me, so realizing that he’s getting close to 40 is just weird!
Kim, I think about things the same as you! I’m the first to get married of my friends, was the first to move away from home and will most likely be the first to have a baby, so I always feel older than I am.
Anne and I had a conversation about age during the ZOOMA race- she had know idea I was a few years younger!I’ve always been a bit of an “old soul”. At work, I’m 15 years+ younger than my peers in my role and they call me the “baby” and are fascinated with living vicariously through my life. Plus, Rich is 5 years older so he ages me.
I was pretty much the last of my friends to get married, and doing so didn’t really make me think about my age either way. Although realizing that I’ve already lived in Chicago for 10 years did make me take a little pause – I was only 23 when I moved here, so I kind of can’t believe so much time has already gone by.
Honestly, I suck at guessing ages so I just assume most people are around my age, give or take a few years.
Since I am from a small town in Iowa and people get married young and have kids so young, I have never related those things with feeling older! In fact, it’s made me grateful I waited to the old age of 23 to get married. LOL!
Ha ha ha. 15+ years older than you is not that old! Are these people hermits?! 😛
But why were you so excited to be done with your 20s, when it’s just another day that takes you in to your 30s? Kind of like when it’s the start of a new month and you feel like you can start fresh?
Ha ha. No, I am talking about the generational gap at work 😉 OMG GOOGLE IS SO SCARY!!!!
Oh no, they wouldn’t react that way for a man. But I don’t think that would be said about a man, either.
That is cool that the guy who thought you were young took you under his wing like that! I remember feeling odd giving commands to construction superintendents more than twice my age when I was in the private sector! I bet it’s hard, when you have kids, not to think of the fact that some of your coworkers are close in age.
A lot of my 20’s were just crazy, chaotic and kind of depressing, so although I had gotten away from most of that by the time I turned 30, symbolically yes, it was a fresh start 🙂
Wow, you just made me realize why my co-workers are all so resistant to any sort of technology change. So much bitching and moaning any time we upgrade (to 5 year old software, ha!).
Now that I think about it, I’ve heard similar comments about guys I work with before, and never really thought anything of it.
Crazy and chaotic is not fun?! JK. I know what you mean 🙂 So true.
Ha ha ha. I was so taken aback by how resistant people were here when we made that email change a few years ago. Funny thing – I wasn’t using google until right before then but knew we had to make the change so I tried it out for personal mail and now I love it.
So you have heard people comment on men’s age at work?!
I mean, to a degree 🙂 But I don’t miss being completely broke, single and living in the ‘hood.
You started using gmail because of work? Ha! I’ve been on it since it started (like, you had to get an invitation to join!), I’d never use anything else. But yeah, we switched from Lotus Notes to MS Outlook a few years ago and people were sooooooo upset. Uh that said, if they took away my test system that was coded in 1986, I’d be bummed. But in talking to a recruiter not too long ago, I realize just how out of date my industry software skills are because of that!
Yep, and I’ve been guilty of doing it myself too.
I use to use yahoo *hangs head in shame* Ha ha ha!
We were on Lotus Notes before. KILL ME.
Do you think there is any chance the system will ever be updated?!
Age is a funny thing. I know, when I was a few years younger and trying to swear I had experience in the industry I wanted to be in, it’s rough because people are like “she’s 25, what does she know?”
But now, I won’t lie, I say the same thing about people coming in to be interviewed… “don’t they seem like they don’t have the experience we need?”
I’m a hypocrite.
LOL! HYPOCRITE! JK. They might not have the experience – it’s your job to train them! I’ve had to train people older than me, too 🙂
I don’t think about age much, really at all. I often forget how old I am and find myself adding up the years to figure it out sometimes.
Once about a year ago I thought to myself, “dang, I’ll be 33 this year…” When in fact I was already 33, about to turn 34!! Hahaha!!
I did have a “compliment” the other day. My clinical instructor is trying to get me a dream job…she told me she was talking to her boss and said, “she’s awesome, super funny, great with kids, and she has maturity on her side” I found that awesome. I mean I’m not young, but I’m not old either. With maturity comes experience, so I was happy she said that!
Ha ha ha. So 34 now… right?!
Aww, that is a GREAT compliment. I think being complimented on maturity (along with reliability, too) is fab!
So far my 30’s have been waaaay better than my 20’s. Work no longer sucks because you’re no longer the baby in the entry-level position (and people take you seriously), you make more money so you can afford to do more fun stuff, and you know yourself much better and care so much less about what other people think.
However, I felt “young” for awhile because most of my friends were two years older than me. By the time I turned 30, it was like, who cares, the rest of them are 32.
Also, age is so relative. When I was living in the suburbs, I felt like I should have already bought a house and started popping out babies. But now that I’m in the city, in hindsight, I feel like I was a baby when I got married and I have all the time in the world to have kids. (And thus, I feel a lot more comfortable, like I’m around more like-minded people.)
There are things around me that make me feel old. Like seeing that one of the kids I used to baby sit for just finished her masters degree.
I would be so happy it work stopped sucking miraculously, when I turned 30! But it doesn’t suck because of the reasons you listed, so I doubt that will happen unless I do something about it, ha ha ha ha. Cry.
That is awesome that you live in a place now that makes you feel more comfortable! 🙂 Why did living in the suburbs make you feel like popping out babies? I don’t feel that way at all 🙂
That’s how Ohio feels to me too – people think it’s a little strange that I’m in my 30’s and don’t already have like 4 kids. Or plans to have any anytime soon. I don’t think it’s city v. suburbs (though it’s worth noting that Maggie does live in the most awesome neighborhood ever) as much as maybe being around people you grew up with who are all on that life path? A few years ago my only friends were mostly moms, so that did make me think maybe I should be having kids too. Thankfully I met some cool non-moms and got over that.
THANKFULLY! Gawd, can you imagine?
So kidding.
My curious sociology side wonders if anything has been written on this topic. Do you know?
A qualified Sociology expert wrote the above comment, and this one as well.
But I’m not sure otherwise – to some extent it seems like we’re probably just influenced by who we spend most of our time with/are surrounded by.
I think with the suburbs, I felt surrounded by so many people for whom family (specifically, having kids) was a priority. Also, I felt like I was itching to live a more urban life, which is hard to do from the suburbs, and it was hard to find people to do that sort of stuff (go to the city, stay up late, be spontaneous) with.
STAY UP LATE?!!! I belong in the suburbs fo sho.
I often think of myself as much younger than I am, but part of that has been the lack ‘responsibility’ that society associates with being an adult (having kids, for instance).
I will say that I’m feeling older as my body creaks a bit more and, as you say, as people that I still see as young, are getting older (my parents, my aunt and uncle, my in-laws). That has had a profound effect on how I see my own age.
As for turning 30 – it’s a GREAT decade! Or I thought so, probably b/c I was a total disaster in my 20s.
And how do you think it makes me feel? LOL
You are an old fart. DUH…..
My brother and I have the same birthdate so I guess I’m reminded of us both growing older at the same time each year (he’s 2 years older). Ha!
I only ever really feel kind of old when I see kids growing up especially if I don’t see them often. Or when I think about how long it’s been since I graduated high school or college.
I guess because I’ve had friends that were 10 years older than me and 10 years younger than me I always forget that there is a difference in age until I make a reference to something and they don’t know what it is. I try not to say things like “Oh, you’re so young, of course you don’t know that” because I remember hating it when people said that crap. I was actually happy to turn 30 because I felt like once my age had a 3 in front of it people might start to take me more seriously. It’s annoying that being “younger” automatically makes people think less experienced!
I would hate if someone said that to me, too! Because I actually know about some things that are before my time (classic rock!) and not much about current things (tv shows). But I don’t have a good memory for some historic events, unless I did live through them 🙂
I think of it exactly the way you do. When my siblings have birthdays I feel like ‘how can they be 40??’ when I don’t feel like I am most days. I worked with a woman who was maybe a year younger than I was and she constantly made the biggest deal of it, like I was an old dinosaur. I thought really? Grow up. To me age is what you make it.
Oh gosh. A freaking year younger? She must have been uber insecure!
There’s nothing awful about turning 30. Your thirties is a nice mix of being old enough to know what you want and young enough to enjoy it.
I feel like I have a kind of “young” personality in some ways because I don’t have kids or own a house, I’m still interested in music and popular culture, and I’m active on social media. But changes in my appearance, my health, and my responsibilities remind me that I am indeed in my late forties.
I have felt that way for the past few years of my 20s. Muah ha ha. I have the same MO as Data “I do what I wanna!”
I think you have a fun (and young) personality!!!! 🙂
I’m like you – age doesn’t bother me but my siblings getting older weird me out!
I think about my age sometimes, especially since I’m a lot older than several people at work now. Then again, it’s one of those things that I actually can’t change at all, so I try not to worry/think about it too much since there’s nothing I can do about it. I think I’ll be upset when I start to see physical manifestations of getting older, like grey hair.