Do you believe in “it is what it is”?
Do you think you tend to be too hard or too easy (or juuuuust right) on yourself when it comes to setting goals and achieving them… or really, just life, in general?
I am way too easy. Way too forgiving. Very “you have a lot of time” and “work at your pace.” You’ll get there when you get there. Do what you can. Live in the now. Ha ha. With EVERYTHING. Not just running.
As I’ve watched friends go for goals and sometimes not achieve them, then really beat themselves up about it*… I wonder why they do that. And it makes me wonder why I am not like that. I’m not super lazy. I work hard. But I guess I am more in to things for the overall journey, than the end outcome. I’ve set lots of goals I haven’t met**. Meh. Whatever.
I keep thinking about this in relation to the commitment versus attachment blurb I read in a work book a few months ago. I really want to share the graphic, but, ahh, copyrights!
Basically, the concept was that you do the best you can to prepare for an event/goal/outcome/whatever. If you are committed, you take what you get from the outcome, knowing you did your best to prepare, not letting it affect your happiness/mood. Basically, you are being independent of the results.
If you are attached, you let the results determine how you feel. You lose control of how you feel, and could burn out.
This concept was presented in a business model – just saying how as you move toward goals, a lot of obstacles are going to get in your way that you have no control over. So why be attached when you can be committed?
I think even though it’s a business concept, it can be applied to other areas of life, as well! It’s kind of just like saying, “it is what it is.” You’ve done what you can, now it’s time to see what happens. Hmm.
*In an extreme way, not a typical mourning
**And some I have even worked for! I trained in 2012 to PR in the 5K and couldn’t do it.
And a Wednesday Funny for you:
Themocracy
yes yes yes yes!!!
I heart you 🙂
<3 <3 <3
You know…it was one of your posts that prompted this post from me : http://onelittletrigirl.wordpress.com/2010/11/16/stop-saying-that/
I see your point about using it as a way to move on though, I will give you that 🙂
Ha ha ha! Thanks so much for that reminder and that awesome list! Yeah. Maybe it should be phrased differently, if to be used as a way to accept that you did what you could, it’s time to move on 😉
I’d like to think I’ve got a good balance. But oh the disappointment and sadness when I didnt get the time I knew I had in me for FVM. So frustrating on many levels. It affected my mood for a few weeks. At the end of the day I knew I had an attainable goal, trained properly for that goal, and was mentally ready. My body just had other plans. That made it “easier” to swallow.
I think you cannot be 100% committed or attached. It could be 75% committed, 25% attached or visa versa but there’s no way if you have a goal, prepare for it, and then fail that it won’t affect your mood even just a little.
I do think you have a great balance and head on your shoulders. Which I guess, and I am just thinking about this now, is kind of counter-intuitive to me, because I would think the harder you train the more devastating it is NOT to reach a goal, and MAN. Do you TRAIN!
But good point! Knowing you were ready and your body went against you should make it easier! And good point #2 – we can’t be 100% of anything!
I think you might just have a very positive mental attitude, Kim. I have set goals that I thought were attainable only to disappoint myself time and again and then feel like crap because of it. I wish I could feel more positive in that respect. What’s crazy is that I’ve actually stopped setting any race goals, specifically, because it was getting to be too frustrating for me to deal with. Now the goals I set are more against myself and less against what others in my age group can do. I still feel like a pansy but at least it’s not chip timed!
Ha.
Thanks 😉
How is THAT being a pansy? That still sounds like a serious goal! 🙂
I love this concept. Using the term committed makes so much more sense to me because it encompasses the concept that you can work hard and be dedicated without without it all being tied to a specific outcome.
I am like you when it comes to running. I am committed, but I don’t stress if I don’t hit a certain time.
If I miss a goal I will usually be sad for a little while, but I get over it pretty quickly. If not running a sub 4:20 marathon this fall is my biggest problem in life, then I have a pretty good life. 😉
Ugh it’s SO HARD to spend $50 at target just to get that discount. (har har)
Ha ha, should I send you the Target coupon? 😉
YES! We have LIVES. We are not professional athletes. 🙂
I think getting older and overcoming a few pretty chronic injuries has helped me focus (a little) less on the results and be more accepting. I used to be so upset if I didn’t meet a time goal in running or miss a milestone or bonus at work.
At least with running, I know it will be very hard for me to beat my PRs so I never run with those in mind. My goals now are more modest and realistic and that’s OK. (I do pout for a while though when I miss them – ha ha)
I’m super hard on myself, but I’m getting more relaxed as time goes on. My injury was the thing that really put me in that direction, since so much was out of my control. And that’s how most of life is, really.
I definitely fall in the commitment camp – I’m more focused on working as hard as I can to achieve the best result than to get attached to a sepcific goal. That way, as long as I feel like I gave it my all, I’m happy with the result, whatever it is.
What a great post! I’d say I’m usually committed (although may not like I should be). My husband is 100% attached. In EVERYTHING he does.
I’m very ‘go with the flow’ and I don’t usually beat myself up over things. If I don’t meet a goal, I try again next time or put it on the back burner until the time is right. It can be frustrating to work toward something and not have it work out though but I usually figure it wasn’t meant to be if it didn’t work out.
I am a horrible goal-setter because I don’t like failing. So, I guess that means I get attached to the outcomes? Anyway, when I do set goals I tend to set them as ones I know are achievable instead of aiming for something just outside of my comfort range.
I wish (!!!) I could be more like this (committed instead of attached). Because I put a lot of effort into something, I feel so disappointed when it doesn’t work out like I wanted, and ugh, that sounds so stupid when I type it out. I should just let things go and know that I tried my best. I guess I should involve myself in other things so I don’t have time to dwell on disappointment and let it bring down my mood.