I was surprised by the amount of comments I got on Facebook about saying goodbye to Data. And by how thoughtful and kind they were. (Not that I expected the opposite – I had NO expectations. I only post on personal Facebook a few times a year, so it’s kind of funny there’s several paragraphs about it below.)
I actually said to Steven, “people have been saying such nice things about Data on Facebook. They’re so thoughtful. I always feel awkward when I try to express my condolences – I’m going to remember some of these nice phrases and use them [when appropriate].”
Because what I realized is, in a situation like this, for me (everyone is different), it’s the comments/words that mean the most, not the “likes,” or “loves,” or “sad faces.”
I’m not mentioning this to criticize anyone, except myself. In the past, when I’ve seen a not-close friend share a death or sad news and I don’t know what to say, I’ve just clicked on the “sad face,” and thought, “they’ll see I feel sad about this.”
What I realized is, they probably WON’T see that unless they’re sitting at their computer with a notification for every “like.” Or unless they go back and read through the list of who “liked,” and who “loved,” etc. Maybe people do that? But I don’t. I do look at the number of “likes” and think “wow, people are responding,” but what warms my heart is the comments – not the “likes.”
If that makes ANY sense.
This a funny era to live in. Twenty years ago I would have told close friends and family in person, and not many people would know. But now I have social media and the opportunity to share if I want, and mourn in “public.” And in people’s busy days, when they take time to scroll through all the crap on Facebook (and actually see a post at all due to stupid algorithms), a “like” is appreciated… it just doesn’t have the same effect. Again, if that makes any sense.
So like I mentioned yesterday, there’s been some strange guilt with all this kindness, and some thinking of “I could have been more thoughtful when so-and-so went through this.” But the past is past. I’m learning. And like I said – just a comment (whether on social media or via text/email/in person – not everyone is on there) means a lot to me, so maybe it will to other people too? A not-close friend shared the passing of her dog yesterday and instead of just leaving the “sad face,” I wrote something.
This is my blog and I can write about this for as long as I want but GEESH I need something else to talk about!!!!!
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