One thing leads to another
Every time I wear this shirt, I think about the time someone asked me if I was pregnant, while wearing it.
I had a necklace on, but it broke. Womp womp.
I also think, geesh, I’ve had this blouse a long time. I hold on to clothing items (that I actually wear) forever (which is okay, except it’s like “is Kim wearing the polka dot blouse again?!”). Especially running things – I find what I love, and buy as much as I can. I don’t try new things or update my wardrobe often, and this sometimes backfires when I need to replace something, and it’s no longer in stock. I do NOT like to research and try out new things when I have something that worked and just needs to be replaced.
My city run at lunch break was interesting… I got yelled at (you dumb b*tch!) in two separate occasions for using the crosswalk – when I had the walk sign. Oh, Chicago. I also almost got hit later on, by a taxi running a red, after I had already waited for several cars to run the red before I used the crosswalk (again, with a walk sign). Typical. Infuriating.
My out and back away from traffic was peaceful, at least.
I also helped a tourist by giving them directions in Spanish, so that balanced out my run and made me feel neutral (rather than 100% pissed at the idiots, or 100% warm and fuzzy for helping someone).
Neutral/going through the motions describes me lately. And numb. I’m still sad about Data, and have a little crying outburst most days (DO NOT READ THE RAINBOW BRIDGE LETTER FROM THE VET OMG), but I get through the days. I have fun. I’m cheerful around people. I get my work done. But I do want to spend a lot of time napping. This will even out soon. Or I’ll want to nap every day for the rest of my life (<— more likely).
Work. I realized last week that I feel lonely at work (and wrote a whole post about it but this paragraph will suffice). I spend so much time in my own little world, working on my solo projects, and my team doesn’t communicate about what we’re up to, unless we have an issue or something interesting comes up. It feels odd to spend forty+ hours a week on something and not talk about it much (at work or outside of work), even though I don’t love it/am not passionate about it. I have a big desire this year for people to ask me questions. <— needy (and this is not a need for attention, but a need for my life to feel witnessed, outside of my marriage).
And to end on a funny (sad?) note from my day, I realized when I got to work that most of my food was peanut butter – I had oatmeal with peanut butter, peanut butter crackers, peanuts, a peanut butter sandwich, a peanut butter cup, and a peanut butter CLIF bar. Oops. I won’t be doing that again. (I also had some fruit, phew, and will have to eat all my veggies with dinner muah ha ha.)
NEED MOAR PB!!!! AND MOAR CARBS!!!
Since I am talking about food… someone recently asked me how I lost weight last year. It was not by eating peanut butter items all day long. I told them I stopped binge-eating things, only ate when I was actually hungry, and had one serving at dinner. What I forgot to mention to them was that I worked out a sh*t ton. Oops. But really, for most people, losing weight is about cleaning up their diet, anyway.
Thanks for reading my stream of consciousness post!
Themocracy
I think naps are beautiful! But I’m guessing you want them because you’re sad about Data. You have to allow yourself to grieve, maybe one or both of the babies will nap with you, I feel like cats absorb the sad with their putts and fluffy bellies 🙂
I agree that they are beautiful too! But yeah, now they are more about exhaustion and sadness.
Both kitties nap with me, and sometimes all three! I love it! They do make me feel better!
Do you notice your skin breaking out from eating a lot of peanut butter? (I’ve heard that it can cause breakouts but haven’t noticed it personally.)
I’m sorry that you had those horrible run-ins! There’s nothing to say except they were jerks, and I’m glad you didn’t get hurt (or hit by a car)!
I won’t say “I know how you feel” re: Data being gone, but I am acknowledging your feelings of sadness and have a lot of empathy for your situation!
I haven’t! I usually just get a zit once a month.
I am glad it wasn’t worse, too. 🙁 I wonder if I would get used to that, if I lived in the city, or if it would always make my blood boil.
Thanks you for being empathetic. And you probably do know how I feel, a bit.
Brussels sounds very similar to Chicago, then, as far as motorists being rude to pedestrians…
I’m sorry to hear you are still dealing with sad feelings and numbness. But I guess grief takes the time it takes, nothing we can do to force it. Hang in there!
I agree with you that losing weight is mostly diet – I always think of that saying: “You can’t outrun a bad diet” – so true. But not always easy. Be careful with all that peanut butter – LOL!
Oh man! That stinks it’s like that there!
Exactly. I feel better putting it out there. And just crying now and then. I know it will take time!
Ha! I know! I need to make sure I don’t do that again! I really wasn’t thinking! I normally pack a huge salad and we were out of a few things so I was just grabbing easy stuff (obviously)!
I totally hold on to clothes for a while – and I guess I thin of it as a point of pride, at times, to say “Oh, I’ve had this since the early 2000’s”. Maybe it’s not really a good thing though? As for shoes and clothes – I wish companies would just keep things the same, at least for 2-3 years! Especially running shoes!
What you wrote about in terms of feeling lonely at work really resonates with me. I think that’s one of the things that actually led me to switch teaching positions (at this point) last year. I felt that no one *saw* me, and it was hard.
And thinking of you as you grieve Data. There certainly isn’t one way to feel or one way to grieve, nor a timeline.
It is a point of pride, and a bit of frugality. Kind of – we might spend a lot on a few things then we expect it to LAST! My things still perform, just smell bad. I get rid of them when they fall apart. And I agree with the shoes. I always wear the same two models of Asics and they finally went to far with thinning them out and I don’t feel they have proper support anymore.
I am sad it resonates but also glad someone gets me. Is it better now?!
Thanks. I don’t feel impatient with the timeline, but do think I need more distractions so I am not so mopey. October is super busy and I think it may help!
My god, what is WRONG with people?? That run would have made me want to carry a baseball bat and just start bashing those cars full of aholes. I’m glad you were able to get some redemption in the way of being helpful to a stranger, but geez louise and wtf!
The peanut butter day made me laugh because my husband will do that, too. He love his pb&j sandwiches and Clif Bars!
When I started losing weight, I realized pretty early on that diet was pretty much everything for me – exercise made me firmer, but I never felt like I was losing weight because of my workouts. I also never added in those calories burned to eat like some people do…maybe it’s because I was older when I started and my metabolism had slowed down, but nah – it’s diet for real, like you said.
I understand kitty sadness. We still haven’t been able to bring ourselves to make Kip’s little stepping stone grave marker, even though we’ve had the kit for 9 months now.
Exactly! I almost wished I had something like that with me. I have hit the hood of car before. But you just never know what you are going to encounter when you retaliate!
Ha ha ha, I am glad I am not alone. I have not had any PB today!
Yep, I am so the same way with my eating and losing weight. It’s hard to change the mindset too, of “I worked out so much, I can eat so much now.” Like you said, you don’t have to add (for me) a ton of calories in. Just take in some during, and a small snack after. I get bored of being so diligent though. And I am not restrictive. But I get so bored of thinking about it! Ha!
I totally get that. It takes so long. And you have to be in the right mood for that activity. On a side note, and not to be crass… I’ve been wanting something like that. Is it something you got locally or online?
We got it at Michael’s – it’s a mosaic stepping stone kit.
Thanks!
I keep clothes forever, too. I really only stop wearing what I have if it gets ruined or falls SO far out of style that even I’m uncomfortable wearing it – which, since I primarily buy plain long sleeve shirts and cardigans for my non-weekend wardrobe, takes a lot, haha.
I’m sure you run in the city often enough to know this, but I promise it isn’t always THAT bad. I will admit that I hate intersections, though. They’re full of entitled idiots who think the rules don’t apply to them: drivers and pedestrians alike. Why is it so hard to follow the lights?!?! I will never understand.
We sound very similar in that regard!!! Just not in to it. I try from time to time, but am mostly meh about it.
I do know! I do! And I know lunch time is bad. And also hate intersections. You have to be SO FREAKING ALERT. I know which ones are usually bad and try to avoid them. It just blows my mind how horribly people drive and don’t follow the rules of the road! I get they bend a bit in the city but COME. ON.
Oh gosh, your run in Chicago sounds downright miserable. Why are people so terrible? I’m glad it was a neutral experience, however, since you got to help out some people and use your Spanish!
I commiserate with you about being asked about being pregnant. Sigh. Why do people think that’s an appropriate question to ask? At the end of the day, they are commenting on someone’s weight – no matter if it’s due to a baby or just a really good burrito. SIGHHHH.
I just don’t get it! Sure, I drive aggressively here, and would get mad at someone walking in the crosswalk when they shouldn’t (which I was NOT) but I would never yell at someone or almost hit them!
Right, and commenting on your appearance too! LOL a really good burrito. DEAD. Have you seen that meme that says it’s only okay to ask if someone is pregnant if you see the baby crowning? HA!
Big hugs!!!!!
Thank you! 🙂