Vanilla conversations
I hate them.
But they’re often necessary.
“Vanilla conversations” are conversations you have with people about life stuff, but where you leave it “vanilla.” Plain. You don’t go in to the details. Because…
- they gossip and are just trying to get information out of you
- they’re judgmental about anything you tell them
- they don’t really care, so why bother?
- they don’t need to know
- they blow everything out of proportion
- etc.
Luckily I have very few people in my life I feel I have to be this way around, but I HATE it when I do. I hate holding back my true opinion/reaction because I know that person is going to gossip about what I say. I hate not sharing what I have going on in my life with someone because of the insensitive things they say. It’s just… blah.
You learn who these people are right away, and avoid them, but you can’t always do that. Hence, I will forever be in this position of feeling odd about not sharing my life/opinions/whatever.
This ties in to something else I’ve been thinking about a lot, which is having a support system. I do, thankfully! It’s crucial to have people who genuinely care to share your life/goals/whatever with. It’s disheartening when you talk to someone you’re “close” to about something you’re passionate about, and they might not be… and they show it… when you’ve made an effort to be interested in their passions, even though they aren’t yours. I understand people show they care in different ways, but often, you want someone to care when you are talking to them (at least some of the time!).
But all your talking makes us so sleepy…..
Sigh.
But do not worry! Nothing happened to spur this post. It’s actually something I’ve been thinking about sharing my thoughts on for months. Ha! It’s an “it is what it is” sort of thing, and they aren’t going to change, and I’m probably not either. But as I do think about it, I hope I don’t make anyone else feel like they can only have vanilla conversations with me!
Themocracy
I feel that way often at work. There are MANY people I just know I can’t be “real” with because then the whole office would know. So shitty!
Ugh, yeah! It sucks! I hope you have some people you can confide in there (I think you do!) cause that is important at work!
One of the main people I am thinking of is someone I communicate with often, and it just stinks!
I think one way or another most people fit into that ‘vanilla’ category. Its kinda sad but true.
I have no filter (not insensitive) and its burned me a lot over the years. At least there are some genuinely super nice people in the world to counteract that!!
Do you mean there are things you need to be vanilla with them about? Like everyone has some things you (hypothetically) just wouldn’t want to talk with them about?
I hope you encounter more of the nice people that the ones that burn!!! I hope that for everyone! Unless someone is being an ass, we can respond to what they are saying nicely!
Sadly I feel like too many people fall into this category in my life. Maybe it a little self imposed though because I am people pleaser, so I am likely to stay away from anything controversial? But I also feel like you almost have to be pretty vanilla at work- especially in the current social climate. My work “friends” aren’t the same as non-work friends in terms of what I can talk to them about
Aww man, that is sad. I hope you do get to spend time each day with the people who DON’T fall in to that category. And yeah, being a people pleaser would make it harder!
I am not surprised it’s that way at work, but again, hope you have a person or two you CAN talk to. One of my people at work I just can’t tell ANYTHING personal to, cause they use it against you. It’s so odd.
Living in Texas, I have a lot of vanilla conversations. Too many people assume I think like them, and most of the time I can’t be arsed to set them straight. That’s why I love my Renegades – we can be ourselves with each other.
I am so glad you have your Renegades!
Have you felt that way the whole time you’ve lived in TX?
To a degree, but it really got bad when we moved to College Station – we didn’t what an ultra-conservative college town it was.
Ahh, gotcha. I wouldn’t fit in there!
Ok, I can’t get your post from today to cooperate, so I’m commenting on this post and the Random Thoughts Thursday post here:
I don’t think I have too many people in my life who I *have* to have vanilla conversations with, though there are certainly people I choose to have vanilla conversations with, not so much because I worry about how they may use the information they share, but because I don’t see any value in providing them with that information in the first place. I find this particularly applies to coworkers with whom I’m not especially close. I am MUCH more likely to gloss over the nitty gritty details of something with those sorts of people.
And for your Random Thoughts Thursday:
RUNNER’S WORLD. I got my June issue on Tuesday and have been hoping every since that you’d bring it up in your Thursday post, because I need to discuss it with someone. I HATE IT. I HATE what they’ve done with the magazine. I feel like they took away all of the stuff I even moderately enjoyed and replaced it with stuff I couldn’t care less about. Did I need Ask Miles? Did I need that weird chart with pop culture references they had in every issue? No. But they were fun and light and fluffy and something I couldn’t find anywhere else. And the DESIGN! GAH! Don’t even get me started! Like what are you trying to be, The Atlantic?? There is SO MUCH TEXT and SO LITTLE COLOR. Heck, they somehow made the SHOE REVIEWS even worse than they were in the first place! And what the EFF is going on with the clothes layout from p. 56-61?? EVERY SINGLE ITEM OF CLOTHING is chopped off in the layout!!!!! I’m all for print media, but honestly, if this new team runs the magazine into the ground, good freaking riddance. The whole thing feels so affected and elitist and I just…*pulls hair out* The entire vibe is so different from the “Running is for all!” vibe RW seemed to embody for at least as long as I’ve been reading, and I am NOT here for it. Like I feel like the magazine thinks it’s too good for me (even though it’s just a magazine, and obviously doesn’t have opinions on me, haha). UGH. SO MANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS.
Ugh, sorry the post was not working for you!
I am glad you don’t feel you HAVE to be that way with anyone! Ha, and your comment makes me think me and my coworkers must be a bunch of oversharers!!! (although one person, I can’t tell them ANYTHING about my life, like even what I am up to on weekends cause they are so odd).
I was thinking about how Ask Miles is gone and all the silly stuff (which really, they swung a bit too far in that direction for a while, for my taste)! And how drab the whole thing looked and felt. It honestly feels more like Running Times. But without the Running Times quality of articles. Although I was glad the shoe review wasn’t a zillion pages long, ha! Ha ha ha. Now I need to go back and look at the clothing layout. I did notice it was all artsy and took up SO MUCH SPACE.
But to your point, the vibe IS different, and not fun, and it’s interesting it made you feel like it was too good for you, cause I wondered if people got that vibe from Running Times, which is what it reminds me of!!! So I bet a lot of people feel that way.
I wonder what the hell is going on over there.
When I started reading this post, I thought “I wonder how this is different from small talk.” What you describe is really different though, and, ugh, what a bad feeling–that people are having these meaningless conversations because they want to gossip about you. I apologize for any times I’ve been distracted and haven’t asked you enough about what’s going on, in case those conversations have felt vanilla!
It seems like a lot of people (in the comments) have most of their vanilla conversations at work. Do you find this is the case, especially with your work setup?
I should have explained that better, cause it does just sound like small talk. For me though, it’s conversations with people I’d like to share more with, but don’t because of what they do with it (like the gossip, or being rude to me, or whatever). And you DO NOT need to apologize. I’d never lump you in this category!!! You are actually one of the people who asks me about my life the most!
It’s only like this for me with one person at work! Otherwise everyone else is great!