A tale of two neighbors
There’s a guy on our street who sometimes leaves or returns to his house as I am starting or finishing a run (I’ve written about him before). Every time he sees me, he slows way down and rolls down his window to talk/shout to/at me from his car.
He means well, he does.
But every single time, he mentions my weight.
“Wow, you’ve lost weight!”
“Looking good! How much weight have you lost now?!
And this week “You’re wasting away to nothing!” Ugh. I responded with “Not really!” and he said “I am being positive!”
Yeah, yeah, you are. But the truth is, I’ve gained weight since each time you’ve seen me. I run for stress release, not to lose weight. Just, ugh, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE? Or… could you not drive your car very slowly next to me while I run, which makes me super uncomfortable anyway? Blah.
Tale Two is much more cheerful! My next door neighbor rides his bike outside every day, year round. I knew his name, and see him often. I thought he knew mine and who I was. But apparently not!*
This week, I was leaving home to run as he was headed out. Later in my run he passed me, then turned around to say hi.
“You live next door to me? And you run?! Wow, what’s your name?!”
He was so excited to meet me!
Later this week we left at the same time for our run/ride and I got an enthusiastic, “Hi, Kim! Now don’t you pass me!” Ha ha.
*He lives with his brother and brother’s wife, whom we know, and they told me about him, and his name. Hence me knowing his but he now knowing mine.
Themocracy
Weight comments are so rude 🙁 it’s just not okay to talk about and I wish people would stop!
They really are. I don’t even want them when I’ve lost weight. It’s no one’s business but mine.
At least you have one cool neighbor. If you see your other neighbor approaching, maybe grab your phone and start talking into it faking a conversation and maybe he’ll drive on by!
Yes! We have a lot more, too!
Ha! That is the trick I pull with the people asking for money for charities (or to subscribe to Hello Fresh!) in the loop. Good idea!
Why have I never thought of this? This explains why everyone is always on their phones … right?
Or just start talking to yourself out loud, no phone needed – that would probably do the trick too, haha!
What the heck! Just another dude, thinking that women’s bodies are there for his approval and commentary. What a clueless jerk. I’m sorry you have to put up with that.
How does your nice neighbor ride his bike all year round? Don’t the streets get really snowy?
Thanks 🙁 He just makes me feel so icky (cause along with the comments, there’s the body scanning). When I see his car I should just turn or start a sprint. Ha!
I think he rides after they plow. Dedicated, right?!
It’s part of the “pleaser” personality (and I recognize it because I am one too) that we can’t simply say “hey, it makes me uncomfortable when you drive next to me while I run, and also HEY, it makes me uncomfortable that you are looking at my body and assessing it for weight loss” – because that’s what I would LOVE to say, but do I? No. Because I would still have to see that person often, being a neighbor, and there would be a 99% chance that he’d act all butthurt and huffy and GOD FORBID I make someone feel bad, even though he does that to me. SIGHHHHHHHHH. And sorry, I didn’t mean to rant on your post, but that kind of stuff is super frustrating.
You can totally rant here, and yeah, that is the reason I am not saying more. He’s a neighbor, he’s lived here for a long time, and I don’t want to lecture him on why it’s not okay for him to say those things. But maybe someone needs to cause he doesn’t seem to know (jk, I know that wouldn’t work!).
I’ve got to assume that neighbor #1 assume the only reason a person would run is for weight loss, so when he sees you running, he figures you must be trying to lose weight and is…trying to encourage you? That’s the only kind explanation. But even if he is just trying to encourage you, it’s so uncalled for! It just boggles my mind that anyone would EVER think another person’s weight is something acceptable for them to comment on. Like, why?! Never once in my life, even when I’ve seen people who are excessively thin or excessively overweight, have I EVER thought, “You know what I should do? Tell this stranger what I think about their weight.” Like, why?! Why would you ever do that?? There’s no rule that dictates that you make small talk with strangers on the side of the road! Just live your life and let them live theirs without your unsolicited commentary!
I really think that is why he thinks I am running too, and why he tries to “encourage” me with his “positive” comments. I really think he means well. But it’s just unsolicited commentary, like you said. There are so many other things he could talk to me about. So. Many!!!
I wonder what it is that makes people think they should ever comment on someone’s weight, whether it’s a stranger or someone they know! Unless it’s something you previously talk about, or you’re their doctor, or parent… (or child with an elderly parent)…
Because a woman’s weight is the only thing determining her worth… *massive eyeroll*
I admire you hardcore people with actual winters that train year-round (I’m in San Diego, we think it’s really cold when there’s frost on the grass in the mornings, haha)
Exactly. I wonder if my rudeness made him get the point this time or not!
Aww, thanks 🙂 Frost on the ground would be cold for San Diego, ha ha!