Bad words
Ha! I am not talking about fun sailor-speak. I am actually specifically thinking of two words: only, and just.
If only it were as simple as the “no more and no less” definition. But I think these words lean toward the “merely” definition, a lot of the time. And “merely” has its own connotation…
Huh?
I’ll explain. Like with most examples in my life, this stems from the exercise world. But it could be applied to any hobby or skill that you start out with basics and build on them and keep learning and expanding your skillset. Hmm, to which hobbies or skills does that generalization not apply? Anyway…
A common (but obviously not the only <– legit use of the word) path in beginning to run is to train for a 5K distance race. Then after the race, you have a lot of choices – do more of them, train for something longer, train to run it faster, stop running completely… you get the idea. Many people choose to train for something longer. Then something amazing happens – this distance you used to be training to run as your end goal, now becomes a distance that you can run many times a week, to train for something longer. Like I said, it’s similar to many hobbies, like me learning to knit. Now that I’ve gotten the basics down, I am trying different patterns (I’ll show you my new project soon!), but there is still a lot for me to learn – like circular needles, and projects that aren’t rectilinear and require adding or subtracting stitches (and much, much more).
So what the heck am I getting at? That as we build our skill set, things that used to be hard, are now easy. Duh. Ha ha. And that is great – that is progress! But, what I want to talk about, is, well, how we talk about it.
“You ran before teaching class, Kim?”
“Yeah! Just 3 miles.”
Dammit! Why did I say “just” 3? There is nothing “just” about running that distance! It’s a good workout!
“The running route from my house to Red Robin is only 13 miles.”
Crap! Why did I qualify that with “only”? I could have just said, “it’s 13, so we’ll have to add on to get in higher mileage.”
As you can see, I’ve become über conscious of my use of “only,” and “just” as of late. For three reasons:
- I work with a varied clientele at the studio, and they don’t need to hear me say those words then infer that something that might be difficult for them, is easy for me. Or worse, that I consider it a “lesser” workout. It could be discouraging.* (And really, same thing on blogs – it’s not very fun to read people downplaying what they can do – in that annoying humble bragging sort of way.)
- Saying those words downplays my accomplishments.*
- Saying those words makes me sound like a pompous ass.
I often think of my winter training season in 2012 when I was training specifically to get a personal record at a 5K, and so many of my running acquaintances gave me crap about it. “Only a 5K?” “Why not a marathon?” So much confusion from people.
Here is the thing – I was training my butt off for that 5K – running about 30 miles a week, including double digit runs and speedwork. It was offensive that people implied I was slacking off by “only” training for a 5K.
And… what if I never want to run a marathon again? Increasing distance is just ONE path you can choose in running… there are so many other things to do. Open up your eyes, peeps!
Anyway. I am not saying this all to be preachy about what words you choose to use, just as a reminder to myself to think before I use these two, when quantifying something. And PLEASE, call me out if I do!
*But I am not implying not to talk about what I can do, just not to use these words, when I do.
Themocracy
I catch myself doing this a lot too. My BF always teases me when I say my run today is “only” 5 miles. But I try to understand that most people, including myself, don’t mean anything by it. We just tend to normalize our own experiences to the point where we forget that even though 5 is truly “only” to me, it’s not to others. And as we all know, often times words come out faster than we can think about them. Like you, I am also trying to be better at this and catch myself!
I feel like the same is true not just for distance, but for speed. I feel guilty when I catch myself saying “ugh I was so slow today I could ONLY run at x:xx pace,” because that pace is really hard for others and I never want to trivialize the hard work other runners put in.
Yeah, I agree that MOST people don’t mean a thing by it! But I also know a lot of people who would feel bad to hear that being said, about something they are working toward. So, yeah, we can catch ourselves and call out each other! 🙂
I am super careful when I talk about speed, since I read bloggers WAY faster than me who are bemoaning their slow speed that is something I could only run in a dream! Ha ha.
Good point. We all can only do our best at any given time!
Great post, Kim! I definitely need to be more conscious of this type of speaking as well.
I do say “just” a bit, but a lot of times it’s talking about races that have challenges. I don’t do the challenges so I think I need to say “I’m just doing the half”. Then I think there’s nothing “just” about doing 13.1 miles.
Oh yeah, or when a race has various distances, too. It feels natural to say “just” when there is a longer distance offered, but like you said, there is nothing “just” about it!
I do it too! In fact I think it too, so then you always feel like you aren’t doing enough but then other people either think what you are doing is no big deal OR you are a pompous ass.
Ha – it’s tricky, right? And, I should ask, why care what other people think about what WE are doing? I mostly just don’t want to make others feel bad, and I hope people who do more/faster/whatever than me would feel the same way toward me!
I’m going to be very conscious now of using “just” and “only!” On a tangent, I read an article once that talked about the frequent uses of things such as “I guess” and “I would say.” The author mentioned that these imply a lack of confidence in ourselves. Now I take notice whenever someone says those!
Ooo, if you ever run across that article I would LOVE to read it!
I think (ha, that will be funny in a second) about using certain phrases like that too, that take value away from what we are saying, like.. “I think”! Especially at work. “I think we should do xyz because…” vs “We should do xyz because…” It’s interesting!
Do you ever watch Undercover Boss? I don’t watch it regularly, but I caught an episode once about a food joint… I think it was Cinnabon… where when the cashier rings you up, they’re required to say, “Your total comes to only $X.XX…” I thought it was pretty cheesy. This information is not relevant to your post, but it made me think of it, so I thought I’d throw it out there. LOL Carry on.
Ha! I have never heard of that show, but I agree that it’s cheesy!!! 🙂
Yep. I catch myself saying stuff like that lately too now that I’m *just* training for a 5k. Lol. It really should be banished from our vocab because using words like that downplays our accomplishments but also puts people down (like you said) I think it’s absolutely ridic people would give you crap about training for a 5k and not a marathon. WTF. (I’ll save that rant for another day)
I’ve said this before (but I will say it again!) I think 5Ks are harder (for me) than longer distance races, because if I am training for one, I am training to run it hard and fast and feel uncomfortable most of the time. That is not how I run a distance race, and to imply a 5K is easier than a marathon is silly! It’s all about perspective! Anyway. Yeah. 🙂 I didn’t save it for another day.
I wonder how many even realize they are doing this? It’s so easy to let those words slip in!
Totes agreed. Like with fairly minimal half arsed training people can finish a marathon (seems like a good percent of folks fall into this category) even with proper training marathons should be hard- just different than the “hard discomfort” of a 5k. I don’t get why people are only about long distances these days. I guess weightloss has a lot to do with it- because most of the blogs I read it seems like people really don’t enjoy running. And now veering off topic. And yes. We need to banish the “only” and it’s “just” type wording from our vocab. It’s not cute, I guess.(another phrase I absolutely loathe)
I know people who don’t only do long distance! But I also know people who do it cause they think it will make them lose weight, and yes, half ass it. LOL. Don’t run if you hate it! 🙂
Ha ha, I thought you were saying you hate the phrase cute, but you mean “I guess”? This makes me think of how I hate the way “I don’t know” is sometimes said, but I won’t even get in to that!
Great post! I sometimes find myself saying things like ‘just a 5k’ or ‘only a 10 minute pace’ or whatnot and I agree that I probably sound like a pompous ass, especially when talking to people who have lesser ability than me. Sometimes things do seem ‘only’ or ‘just’ when you used to be able to go further and/or faster. At least that’s how I feel trying to come back after having a baby!
Just like with every other time in your life, don’t compare yourself to your “before”! 🙂 Things are changing all the time! 🙂 You will find your new normal (and that will ebb and flow too, lol!).
Great post! Why do we do this? Instead of proudly stating our accomplishments, we always feel that we have to “qualify” them. I guess we don’t want to sound like a braggart. But still…that negative self talk gets in our heads…
I catch myself saying I am just a “half marathon” runner. I have a picture in my office of me at the finish line at Disney, my slowest funnest race ever and people will ask how far I ran when they see it and I say – just a half. It’s funny people who don’t run always look at me like I am crazy anyway.
Lat week when I went to PT and we were talking about my running I said I’ve ONLY…bah, blah, blah…the first he said was 3 miles is far. Why are excusing it? Sometimes stuff just doesn’t come out right lol
Ha! If you don’t run, any distance seems far! People who don’t run seem to like to talk about… how they could never run! That happened to me and Rachel at Red Robin this weekend. The waiter was really nice and impressed we ran 19 miles to get there, but he kept going on about how he hates running. LOL.
3 miles IS far!!!! Remind yourself that, especially as you recover! 🙂
I try SOOOOO hard not to do this, but catch myself doing it all the time. Sunday hubby asked, “How far did you run?” to which I replied, “Oh ONLY 12 miles.” LOL!!!
Good point. I think sometimes that sounds condescending when really we use it to try to downplay what we did so others don’t feel bad if they did less…because we know all movement is good! It’s tricky!
That’s a good point! I always think about all the work you put into that season where you trained for that 5K and how people would give you crap about it. (I guess I was being a turd with my talk about PRs expiring the other day, whoops! Sorry about that!) Why do we feel the need to downplay everything?
I also try to avoid using “just” when making requests because it sounds passive. Like “I was just wondering if you [blah blah].” I feel like women do this a lot more often than men because we don’t want to see pushy, but one of my goals is to be more direct in my conversation. I don’t want to say things like “I would just say that…” when giving criticism. I should just give helpful criticism and assume that the person on the receiving end will be mature enough to take it the right way!
Thanks for thinking about it! And I didn’t think you were being a turd. I didn’t even relate what you said to this. I really just wondered your thought logic behind how a PR could expire. It could disqualify and not longer be legit (*cough* Rita *cough*)! LOL
YES. That. It’s not just in downplaying our goals. It’s in A LOT of our vernacular!!! I am happy to hear you are working on it. I am trying to, as well. I totally said “just 10 miles” (in comparison to 13) yesterday and still feel like an ass about it.