Who do you tell before social media?
Of course, I can’t ask the question in the title without asking you what kind of social media “sharer” you are!
Are you a:
- NO sharer? Are you part of the rare and elusive breed that shares nada online? You don’t even have a Facebook account? You still, gasp, share most info in person or on the phone?!??! Hee hee.
- Do it then share it… sharer? You share things you do, and “important” news on social media, but don’t talk too much about it before, and share it after the event.
- Talk it up and share it sharer? You talk about doing something quite a bit before doing it, then share it while you’re doing it, and after.
- Some sort of hybrid of above?
Ha ha, of course, those are just some goofy categories I came up with! But, I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I watch how people share information online. I am more of the do it then share it type. It’s odd for me to talk about something a lot (online, mind you) before doing it. In fact, it’s odd I mentioned the Milwaukee Marathon as much as I did before running it, and that I have mentioned the Dallas online so much, this far. There are certain things I try hard not to share online before it happens (or make too obvious), like travel, or work stuff.
So, anyway.
Last week, I was talking with a friend about whether we prefer hearing something from a friend before we see it on social media. We both agreed that we’d prefer to hear “important” (of course, that is subjective) news first, rather than by discovering it on a feed or in a blog post. And of course, that made me think to ask you… have you ever been upset or hurt to find out news online, before hearing it “personally”?
Personally is in quotes, because I don’t actually mean in person, I just mean, hearing it, well, on a person-to-person basis, whether that is in person, on the phone, in a text, in an email… whatever.
I’ve never been upset (that I recall) to read something first online (I must say though, I have been honored to know “important” information before it is announced). I just take it as one of a few things: a sign of how close I am with the person and what they want to share with me first, a sign of them not thinking the news is worth telling people before they read it online, a sign that the news is too difficult to share with everyone personally (online is easier and faster method), that they may be sensational and prefer to share things this way, that the “news” isn’t something super important that you would share with people first… you get the idea. We’re all different, we’re all going to share differently.
So, back to the original question – who do you tell before social media?
I typically share things with my family and close girlfriends before doing them, and… anyone who happens to be around and listen to me talk. I am an over-sharer at heart. And while I can can keep other people’s secrets, I get pretty excited about my own stuff and will blab away!
Like I said, I’ve been noticing different people’s sharing patterns online, and I find it super interesting. We all have the capability to craft our own online social image, but, we can’t control how people interpret it! Or, how they feel by what you share and don’t share and what they already knew. Gawd, social media is so tricky. You could really use it to mess with people. Or purposefully piss them off. I am sure NO ONE ever does that…
Themocracy
I’m generally a do it first and then share person for social media. I made an exception for signing up for my first big race because I felt like telling more people would hold me accountable! I’ve never been offended if I hear things first on social media but like you said, feel honored when people choose to share in a more personal way.
I enjoy seeing which races my friends sign up for and cheering them on! 🙂
I generally share important news with people in my life and then post. It’s pretty rare for me to just announce something on social media. I also tend to be pretty careful about what I share. Crazy people out there!
I’d say I am hybrid of the sharers you listed. I usually only share big things via social media, but share it with my close friends and family first normally. Sometimes I share, just to hold myself accountable (like my MasterChef audition, because I didn’t want to chicken out again, lol) and sometimes I keep things (troubles usually) to myself because for many years I was a Debbie Downer, and no one wants to hear all that…
I keep all my troubles offline, too. I know it paints a somewhat happier picture of my life (and I am pretty content) but it’s just not fair to other people to put that stuff out there! And it’s annoying when people bitch all the time. Ha!
Every now and then I’ll whine about the dentist, LOL…but I’ve learned it’s best keeping the tough stuff offline…I agree, no one wants to keep hearing about how terrible your life is. If it’s so bad, make a change, don’t post it on FB! 🙂
Some things I share online, some I don’t. Anything important is shared in person! (I think you’re dad is hilarious, btw!)
Hee hee, thanks! He really makes me laugh 🙂
I’m somewhere between a no-sharer and a do-then-share-it-sharer. I have a Facebook but rarely post photos/status updates on it unless the person or people I’m with ask me to do it (my sister and two best friends always make me post!). But overall I’m ridiculously superstitious and keep things to myself and between my family until it’s more-or-less definitely happening.
What are you superstitious about? That talking about something will make it not happen?
I’m mainly “worried” about someone jinxing it while it’s still not a definite thing. Not everyone knows how to be genuinely happy for others!
That’s definitely the truth 😉
I had this friend from my sorority who I considered a really good friend. We hung out a lot, we were tight. UNTIL I had to read about her engagement on Facebook. I was super hurt that I didn’t make the cut to learn about it before it was internet public, since I thought we were really good friends. I’m sure that there are people who were hurt that they had to read about mine via Facebook instead of me telling them in person. I think either way, you have your people, and you tell your people before you tell the internet. (Well, you should, anyway!)
That stinks 🙁 Do you feel like your relationship was changing before then… or has since then? That sounds like it’s a situation of them telling you were you stand by not sharing it 🙁
I think I’m kind of all over the plate – it depends on the topic. When I travel, I often don’t check into places until I’m leaving. Some stuff I keep to myself (like race time goals for example) even if I’ve talked up the event before doing it.
Ooo, that is a good idea with travel.
Yeah… it’s interesting to see so many people have out there goal paces! And then some people don’t share them at all (I rarely do, too).
I have never once been offended by getting an announcement through social media. I was actually just telling a good friend how I hate the idea of an announcement of say, engagement or pregnancy or whatever, has become to be such a big deal, worthy of a special announcement post or email or call. Maybe because I am shy or because I do not think finding a man to marry me is worthy of the same level of accomplishment as say, my academic or professional accomplishments, but I hate the way we now have to make things “facebook official” or find a cute way to announce something. I don’t know, I am rambling and not coherently sorting through these thoughts.
I get your rambling 😉 So you are not a fan of the “we’re pregnant” cutesy reveals and all that? Hee hee hee. Things are DEFINITELY done differently now that people post them online. I am not sure what I was reading but the writer mentioned they were upset someone else used THEIR announcement idea. LOL. I don’t mind seeing that stuff online… but I do think about how crazy it is that people worry about crafting up a unique way to announce things! 🙂
This one is kind of a hot topic for me. For important things in life, I am definitely a “do it, then share it” (if I even share it all) on social media. It’s weird because I am somewhat “private” by nature but if someone asks, get ready because then I probably toe the line of talking about something too much.
I was recently hurt when one of my best friends from college announced her pregnancy on Facebook–and she had not called/texted/emailed me (or our other BFF) prior. I know the friendship had become somewhat awkward in recent years but that really hurt, as I have consistently made efforts to be present in her life and when I got engaged she was one of the few people that I felt I had to personally communicate with before the information “leaked” to social media (I did not do a FB “announcement” but I wasn’t hiding it either, if that makes sense—I figured anyone close to me would know I was getting married!)
That being said, with something big to tell–obviously close family members, my college BFFs (minus one—hahaha), my Birmingham BFFs and then close co-workers before something “goes live” on FB/social media.
Ha! Your first paragraph makes me think we are somewhat similar. 😉
Man. That stinks you found out that way. Did you talk to her about it? 🙁 What did your other BFF think?
Not my proudest moment or admission but I was quasi-passive aggressive about it. I didn’t acknowledge it on FB but when we talked many weeks later and I still didn’t bring it up–she prompted it—and I lied and said I didn’t know. When she said she posted it on FB, I blamed it on the mobile feed being bad and it must not have shown up. (True, mobile feed sucks but obviously I had seen it)
And have things been the same since then? I would have been tempted to say something like that too. Although, knowing me, I get “like” clicking happy and that wouldn’t have made sense, as I would have “liked” it, lol.
Things continue to be awkward and it makes me sad! But I’ll just continue to “like” her new baby’s photos and know where I stand even if I’m not thrilled about it.
Even stranger–she sent out a baby announcement and only addressed it to me. Not “Mr and Mrs X” or “Melissa Y and Matt X”. Nope, just “Melissa Y”. I would love to say that Matt had done something to offend her but he’s only be around her once (at her wedding). And yes, she knows I’m married! LOL
Do you think you will talk to her about it? Or are you okay with letting the relationship fizzle out?
Funny! I wonder if she just didn’t think of the etiquette of that? I hope it wasn’t a snub!
I think I commented about this on your post last week! I’m a definite do-it-and-then-share or non-sharer. Well, the negative stuff at least. I was very pro-please-do-not-post-anything-about-my-surgery when I had it, because I knew the type of attention it would attract. As far as big stuff, it’s such a hard thing- I remember calling like 20 of my closest friends when I got engaged, but by the time I got to #10 my cousin had already posted on Facebook so everyone knew. Sigh…
Ha ha ha! Sorry, I am laughing about your cousin. Sigh. Sometimes when I learn private family info a person will ask me not to post it… and I am like “Seriously?” That they think I would do it… or care to post it. Come on 😉 But yeah. Some people you have to tell!
I typically don’t share stuff until it’s a done deal and for “big” things I do try to tell some people directly before I post. Sharing on social media, though, is a quick way to get the word out to a lot of people all at once and I like the ease of that.
I try to share things with close friends before I post them on social media (though I’ve barely been using that as of late), but sometimes it IS difficult to tell everyone individually/personally. With my most recent news, I just got so tired of talking about it, and having to explain everything time and time again, having to comfort people who were really about my news (which sounds weird, but has happened several times), so that’s why a lot of friends did find out via my blog. It’s not ideal and I don’t do that often, and I hope no one (like you!) was offended, but sometimes a mass message is the easiest way to share things.
Oh yeah, I was definitely not offended and totally get it! I have had a few situations in life that I just got sick of talking about. (which sounds odd, for me!) And it is odd you had to comfort others, but I can totally see that 😉
I love your dad even more now
I find it interesting how people get engaged or have a baby and put it ALL OVER Facebook or Instagram. Immediately! I don’t mind sharing about traveling or races, but I am more reserved about other things – my job, applying to school, my boyfriend. I was just home in Chicago last weekend, and it was crazy how little my best friends from home actually know what’s going on in my life! (That sounds bad…it wasn’t meant that way.) But the updates aren’t something I would put on social media, and we only touch base now and then…so it makes total sense that they wouldn’t know every little detail.
And that is the nice thing (most of the time… er?) about social media is that it makes superficial keeping in touch so easy. 🙂 I like to think most of us don’t rely on it though… I definitely don’t. I feel bad when people are like “I am sorry I don’t read your blog.” Er, you don’t have to! I want to tell you about my life, too! The blog is just for fun! LOL. Oops, got a little sidetracked 😉
I don’t fall into any of those categories. I’m more situationally based.
I tend to do than share. There are a few exceptions of things I will share beforehand but for the most part I don’t post a ton on facebook and of course my blogging has been pretty sparse lately. I tend to share things with my family and close friends first. There is one instance where I was upset about finding out something online and that was when a highschool classmate/college roommate got engaged. Someone posted on her wall before she had told everyone (over the course of the next day) so it wasn’t exactly her fault but I was still hurt especially since I was close enough to her that I was still a bridesmaid in her wedding.
I think I’m like you–not sharing as much beforehand but then sharing afterwards.
And I guess I’m also flattered when someone thinks to tell me prior to announcing on social media, but I’m not necessarily offended if I find out that way. That being said, I’m really trying to cut back on how much I use Facebook recently, and I’m kind of behind on my blog reading, so maybe I’m just talking about those specific outlets.