A lesson to learn from SELF magazine
The newest issue of SELF magazine was in our mailbox yesterday. When I saw it, I immediately had to open it and read the tutu mention for myself.
Eh. Kind of silly. Were these two lines of text supposed to be funny? No one really thinks a tutu makes them run faster… why publish that?
It doesn’t matter. SELF did something nasty when they asked the woman in the photo (Monika Allen) for permission to publish it, then wrote something mean – SELF broke the female code.
Heh. I am not taking about the female code of supporting one another in any endeavor (no matter what you wear*) – which we should do.
I’m talking about the female code of keeping gossip behind closed doors. You know, if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep quiet… and tell it to someone else, privately. Later.
This whole situation feels like something out of Mean Girls. It’s like, ooo, the burn book is out and it turns out Regina George thought tutus were “so fug” all along! Sting!
SELF actually let a true, snarky, judgy side show, which is probably part of the reason people feel so upset (uncomfortable?) about it. We’re not supposed to be that way! We’re supposed to play nice! None of us have mean, judgy thoughts, ever! Hmm.
Sigh. We all do. We just keep them to ourselves or… don’t put them in public places. It’s painful to see someone ridiculed in public forum. It doesn’t feel good to be ganged up on, or bullied. And what good does it do?!** Typically, at the individual level, it makes the person saying the “nasty” things feel better about themselves, especially if they can get their friends to agree. But when a magazine does it, well… what? It was just done to be mean. Or maybe funny? Hey, but it got their name out there!
I think SELF actually did us a favor in publishing this – they showed us part of their true self. Or, at the least, part of someone’s true self, on the editorial staff. Actions like this (public ridiculing) really say a lot about who you are. And I don’t know about you, but I appreciate it when the people I know in real life, show their true side like this, rather than hide it. It helps me decide who to spend my time with.
So, the lesson from SELF – show your true self! Let all those mean thoughts out! And um, see how many friends you are left with.
*Or how you look, who you love, what you do, what kind of car you drive or don’t drive, whether you have kids or don’t, whether you prefer pancakes or waffles… you get the idea.
**Apparently, give Allen’s tutu business a lot of press!
Themocracy
This made me nuts. Especially that they solicited the picture only to rip it apart. Assholes.
I agree with Bobbi. That was pretty crappy of them. Buttt I also think the outrage is wayyyy overblown. Some people need better hobbies than attacking a magazine with hashtags.
I agree with the point of your post. We all do it. No one can honestly say that they’ve never side-eyed what someone else is wearing at a race (or even in public in general). I’m sure people have ridiculed some of my race outfits. At least I hope they have…
It WAS so crappy. So mean spirited! But I thought the outrage was overblown too (especially cause I still think they wouldn’t have blown up (as much) about it if she was not a cancer survivor!).
Oh gosh. I bet all of us are ridiculed by someone, at some point! Stuff like this always makes me wonder what people say about me behind my back. And if I heard it, would it be something I would care to change about myself?!
Can we all agree that it’s okay to make fun of the guy running a race in jeans? Who inevitably passes me, but still, whatever.
Ha ha ha. I don’t make fun of the jeans guy, but I do wonder, why?!?!?! Why run in something so uncomfortable? Steven’s dad was running in jeans and it made me bonkers so I bought him some exercise clothes (he may have still used the jeans, after). Maybe wearing exercise clothes makes some people feel exposed?
Sigh. So now I’m the asshole. I just wonder about all of the chafing!
I dunno. I kind of think the guy in jeans is some sort of superhero…like “Zero-Chafe Man” or something.
I need to know his secrets.
Maybe there’s running tights hidden underneath? Is that what I was missing to keep warm this winter?
Yep, what Bobbi said. I know that the cancer part really bugged a lot of people, but taking that out of the equation (because really, that was just bad luck on SELF’s part), the fact that they asked for the picture just to make fun of it is just not cool. It may not have been quite as bad if they had staged their own photo of that, rather than making fun of REAL people.
And asking for that photo made no sense, as it was from the LA Marathon and the blurb is talking about Central Park in NYC (if I am getting all the facts right). It’s dumb and mean all around. But I bet if I hadn’t seen all the outlash last week, that when I got the issue, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.
Even their blurb is kind of dumb. I’m pretty sure no one who runs in a tutu actually thinks it makes them faster. It seems like they were trying to be funny, but just aren’t very good at it.
Yeah, that is the same conclusion I came to, as well. No one would run away from someone, just for wearing a tutu, either. Derp.
Right. People wear stuff like that because it’s FUN.
Ha! Yeah, next we’ll see them take the “fun runners are running the ‘sport’ of running” route. Ha ha ha. That always makes me roll my eyes.
But why do something if it’s not fun on some level?
I do most things for fun, so I am not sure. 😉
This whole thing is totes ridic. They should have just staged some over the top photo with tutus and said they are lame instead of asking for a photo (without saying why) and then bashing the people in said photo (with a super lame blurb that made no sense)The outrage would have been minimal then… I think the cancer survivor part also made people a whole hell of a lot more ragey than had she just been a normal “jogger.” But still- the outrage on social media was so dumb and misguided. Instead of calling the magazine or sending emails to the magazine, people took the easy way out with passive aggressive tweets. Like who the eff cares about what people are saying on twitter with #hashtags. Snooze. If I wasn’t on twitter, I would have never heard about this story..
And I wouldn’t have heard about it if I wasn’t on Facebook. It didn’t even show up in my rss newsfeed.
Ha. Another good reason I am not on Twitter. Facebook annoys me enough as it is 😉
I might have heard about it on FB first come to think about it. Happened to click on a link…
Stay off the twitters… If FB annoys you, twitter is like 9999x worse! 😉
I can’t believe they weren’t honest about how they were going to use the picture. That’s horrible. 🙁
I think everyone above said everything I wanted to say about the tutu situation so I’ll comment on keeping gossip behind closed doors. Yes, getting a mean comment or being called out for wearing a crazy running outfit might sting, but I don’t really think it should be given more attention by calling people out on social media in hopes of getting a rally started, you know? Bitch about it to your friends and then let it go. You add more fuel to the fire otherwise.
Ha ha. Thanks. That was more where I was trying to head this post anyway, since obviously… we all know this was a shitty thing to do. LOL.
I guess this goes back to how I don’t understand people airing drama on Facebook. I really try to stay drama free and keep my vents to friends, like you said. I need stop letting that bug me!
I think you bring up some good points. It didn’t make any sense that they asked for the pic, just to make fun of it. I know SELF is now back pedeling, came out with a formal apology, is removing the “BS Meter” section of the magazine forever, and interviewed Monika Allen.
I think this is another classic display of women shaming other women in public. Everyone has their own ideas about things and does things their own way. We (women) have enough to worry about without spending time and energy on the judgement of others. 🙂
I saw that when I was doing research that they are getting rid of the BS thing. Really, they have probably made fun of lots of other stuff that would piss people off, too.
You are right – everyone will always have their way of doing things and almost always prefer it! I still think everyone will have judgy thoughts from time to time, but we don’t have to put time and energy in to sharing them… everywhere. Ha ha!
I can’t help but wonder how there could not be one single person on Self’s editorial staff with half a brain who knew better than to publish that? So shitty on so many counts. And the cancer part of the equation is karma baby, coming to roost on Self’s porch in all it’s glory.
There was some backlash to the backlash – Like, why do women HAVE to support each other no matter what? I don’t think we have to unquestioningly support every thing other women do, but can we stop with the shaming and the judging? If you don’t agree with something, fine. Chat (gossip) privately with your friends. But unless it’s actually harming someone, don’t publicly shame people just because you think something is uncool or whatever. It’s immature and childish, and as you point out, very Mean Girls. And I think it says SO much more about the ridiculer than the person being ridiculed.
Yep! Everything you said. As always, you have summed up my thoughts concisely in one paragraph. Can I hire you to write my blog? 🙂
Haha, sure, I’ll ghostwrite your blog!
Schweet! Should your ghostwriter name be your stage name? 😉
I felt bad for the lady at first, but then yesterday it seemed like my entire Facebook feed was doing a virtual tutu run and I pretty much wanted to punch everyone on the internet. Everyone needs to grow up, and this whole thing needs to go away.
.rant over.
Oh gosh! I am really happy my feed wasn’t like that! Because yeah. It’s so last week. I didn’t want to write about this at all, especially so late (gasp!) but man, when I got it in the mail it made me think about a few other things, ha ha.
Their uncool solicitation of a picture to make fun of it bugged me. But people’s response with /hashtag/ campaigns is just…wuhhhhh?
#newsflash #noonecares #hashtagsdonothing
I like what you took from this though. I agree…I’d much rather know who someone is. Everyone has a judgmental side…it’s part of being human. But how you act on it speaks volumes…and if I spend my time with you, I do want to know what you’re saying about yourself!
Ha ha ha. Another hashtag disbeliever! I laugh when I see them on Facebook. I am not going to click on that and see what else is trending on #fuSELFwe<3tutus
And thanks for seeing my point!
Not cool. Not cool at all.
Pam and I wore a tutu in a race that I made. They didn’t make us run faster, but we had a blast, and people LOVED it!!
So screw you Self! Obviously they don’t know how to have a good time!
So many good points were made in this post and by the commenters. As someone who works in the media, I was saddened (but not surprised) by the deception int he request. Usually when we seek courtesy photos, we’re pretty honest about what we want it for.
I am a judgmental b, and I get that. I probably have judged people in tutus before but I’ve also been judged for wearing a sparkle skirt. I just think we all need to get ourselves. And run more. More running = less snark. Usually.
Have you run across this kind of deception in the industry before?
Yes, we all do need to get over ourselves! And run more. But that is a really good time to snark if you need to… it makes you run faster! 😉