Club Dread
I am not sure when my membership in Club Dread was increased to platinum level. I thought when I wrote this post, I was clearly a bronze, maybe even a junior member! But considering doing anything other than this
gives me a feeling of dread, I suppose that platinum level is deserved.
Sigh. My goal is to get back down to bronze, or even! Get my membership revoked!
Ha ha ha. What the heck am I talking about? Oh, you know, how leading up to most events, even ones I set up myself, I am often filled with dread.
This does stem from work, like in the previous post I wrote. There’s been a lot of uncertainty in my job. Not that I have a job, but how it’s defined. And I think I handle that really well, but on top of that, I have some difficult projects, accompanied by difficult meetings. I think things are progressing, I think people are on the same page, and… something happens to set everything back. I am not sure how to explain it (actually, I really shouldn’t). I guess for this post, the point is that it’s making me feel uncertain (read: pessimistic) about things, and WHOA is that ever translating in to my personal life.
Like I said, things I set up for myself, I start to question/feel anxious about. Can I really run 3 miles? (!!!! wtf !!!!) Can I teach this class? (um, yes, duh) Can I hold a conversation with another person for an hour? (yes, I can just ask them questions about themself)
I am a confident person, and it’s made me really uneasy lately to be filled with all this dread, and well, anxiety! I hate that I just want to be snuggled up in a blanket most of the time, shutting the world out. That’s just… not me. I like a healthy balance of blanket time with people time (and sometimes blanket with people time!).
I sometimes think about going back to therapy, but eh, I don’t have the time. My schedule’s too full of things I’m dreading*. Ha ha.
What membership level do you hold in Club Dread?
*But I am NOT dreading everything. Yet! Ha ha. Just kidding. It won’t get there. I feel like I should make a list of things I am not dreading so you guys don’t think I am completely crappy.
Themocracy
Ugh. This is how I get when I overbook myself. I dread every outing because, really, all I want to do is curl up on the couch in my jammies. Been there a lot lately…
I am sorry you have been in that spot! I get that way when I am overbooked, too! But I don’t have that much of an excuse, now. I am very protective of my free time, lately! (that comes from being gone once a night teaching and not wanting every night booked!)
Editing my own comment to add: thinking about how I just want to curl up and shut things out makes me think of how overwhelmed with commitment and responsibility I feel, sometimes. Ijust want a carefree vacation!
I think work stress is the hardest thing for me to deal with. Because I have a really hard time putting it out of my mind when I’m not at work. With personal stuff I can usually put it out of my mind to focus at work. I guess since I spent a lot of my awake time at work so maybe that’s why all of this is.
I feel so much better when I have other things to do but I feel so stressed I can’t make other plans! Ahh! A never ending cycle!
I used to be SO good at not thinking about it when I was not there! But now it creeps in here and there. Gah! I hope that you get it out of your mind, too!
I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way so much lately! I hope it gets better soon – especially at work, so that it stops spilling into the rest of your life!
Sometimes I find myself dreading things that I know I’ll really enjoy – why do we do that to ourselves?
And tell the truth – you are dreading seeing Leo this weekend. I knew it. 🙂
Isn’t that the craziest that we do that (dread things we know we will enjoy)?! I don’t get it. You know what I am not dreading… seeing Soxie! Yeah, I am a bit worried about his brother!
I can relate to this SOOOO well. I spend so much time and energy worrying about things that are coming up. Even things that I choose to do for fun. Like Monday night I suggested to a few friends that we meet for a drink for St. Paddy’s. And then all day I was like, what if the bar is really crowded? what if they want to stay out really late and get drunk? what if I don’t feel like being social?
If I could put all the time and energy I waste dreading things towards productive things instead, I would get so much done!
Oh man! And Monday night turned out alright, right?
Hmm. How do we stop ourselves from thinking those things and focus on something else? I get so stuck on things!
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I like to think that the weather has a lot to do with this. I think the need for curl-up-with-a-blanket time is only heightened because of how lousy this winter has been. When it gets a bit warmer, the sun starts shining and the snow goes away, I know I will feel a lot more like getting out there. Maybe you really do need a carefree vacation or don’t be too quick to say you’re too busy for therapy. If that really helps you, it’s totally worth making the time.
I think my membership level in club dread is normally very low but there are times where I don’t want to do ANYTHING; which is downright impossible when you have a 3-year old!! That’s when I take a nap 🙂
Hang in there and let me know if you ever need anything.
I wish it was just the weather. I actually love winter and struggle BIG TIME with spring (http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2013/02/25/who-gets-the-spring-blues/). Like, I dislike the extra light in the evenings, warmer temps, seeing grass, etc. I will get used to it by June, then it will start getting dark again. I’ve been like this the last few years and usually go through a big withdrawal in the spring. I am happy the spring weather you feel better (as it does for most people!).
Thanks for your support! 🙂
Oh man, I TOTALLY feel you here! I had a little burst of wanting to do ALL THE THINGS post-surgery but then I overbooked myself and dreaded going to everything, even fun things! I definitely need a day of nothing.
Oh gosh! Open up that schedule! I really have learned I don’t like to have a ton on my calendar so try to schedule chill time and protect it. Ha ha.
Oh, I totally do that too! I have to, or else the planner in me takes over and needs to fill the space!
I probably dread too little, but honestly, very little in my life is dangerous/important enough to worry too much about. The only thing I really worry about is something happening to my family.
Aww I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. But hey, if you ever want blanket AND people time- I’m there! 🙂 Nothing some oreos and a movie can’t fix! I can totally relate on the job front (and we’ve talked about this on runs)…not sure if it’s a good fit and some major changes to our organization leave me feeling super uncertain and it really affects me because it’s part of who I am…I mean I spend the majority of my waking hours at work so it better be a good fit and be something I’m passionate about! Arrrgh!
Hee hee! Yes to the movies! And oreos! 🙂
I feel so bad that you are going through this, and after such hope that it would be better!
Dread is such an evil thing and so hard to control. I am bad about it when I feel overwhelmed!
Ugh. I totally know what you mean and am sorry your going through it right now. It does seem to come in waves, though, doesn’t it? I find it always has to do with having too much on my plate. If I can manage to take care of things so they’re not nagging at me mentally, I feel much better. Hang in there, Kim – this too will pass!
Thank you for bringing that perspective of it coming in waves! It will pass, soon, like a wave. And I will look back and wonder what the heck my problemo was! Ha ha!
Oh man, glad I’m not the only one! For the past month or two, I feel like I’m the president of Club Dread. Life has that funny way of going through phases, but I just remember that eventually things will come back around. Just remember there’s no place to go but up. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen fast enough. Oh life, you annoying beast.
Thank you for commenting that you relate! It makes me feel better to know it’s not just me. And to be reminded that it will get better! I get so lost in the moment!
I feel like the guy in Office Space, when he goes to the shrink and is like, “Every day I have to go to work is the worst day of my life.” Lately, the bf feels the same way, and he’s supposed to be the positive one. He mentioned quitting our jobs and running away for a year and I said that I could just wash running clothes in the sink and fit all my crap in a backpack, so yeah, high dread level.
Ugh! I hate that you feel that way, too! Do you both feel completely stuck in what you do, too, or is there hope for a change?
I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way! Sometimes it’s an odd feeling because it comes on before events I know I’ll end up enjoying. Over time I’ve come to learn the different levels of this “dread” – either I’m actually dreading attending something or I’m just nervous for something (like meeting new people). The most important thing for me is to try and establish the right mindset beforehand, because a negative mentality can truly make or break my entire mood.
And don’t even get me started on work dread….
Wow, good point on the TYPE of dread. I didn’t even think of that. A lot of my dread for personal stuff is the opposite of FOMO – like, am I going to feel like this was a waste of time and wish I would have stayed home? LOL
Grr! I am sorry you have work dread!!!
I’ll be honest; I felt this way ALL THE TIME before I went on medication. It didn’t completely cure it but it’s much, much better now. Of course, I still dread things at work because, well, they’re totally out of my control and sometimes it involved confrontation (which no meds will ever cure me of hating) but at least now with social stuff I don’t immediately get the “want to curl up in a ball and not leave the house” feeling even if it’s something I know will be fun!
I have seriously thought about going back on it, to help with what a funk I have been in this year! For some reason, I keep hoping my attitude will get better, lol.