Variety is the spice of life
Do you ever think about how many issues stem from people believing their preferences are the right way to do things and trying to get others to follow suit?
Don’t worry – I’m not trying to get deep on you! I’ve just been thinking about this a lot lately. It all kind of (re)started when Rachel and I were talking about people who diss treadmills and imply you’re less of a runner if you use one. Sigh. No. It’s just a preference! Just because someone doesn’t prefer the same things you do, doesn’t mean their preference is bad or wrong. It just means you are different from one another. Variety is the spice of life, right? Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same?! I thought everyone wanted to be a special little snowflake?!?! (ha ha)
So what if Data prefers the treadmill? (JK, he loves to run outside)
And yeah, that’s an oversimplified example. But that conversation got me thinking about so much more. Like, why do people judge if someone prefers something different from them/has different interests? Something’s not invalid because it doesn’t interest you, yet… some act as if it is. Of what are people afraid? Change? That they might find something different that they like? That they have to listen to someone talk about something they are not interested in?
I’ve actually been brewing on this post for a few weeks and mentioned it in comments on other blogs. Ha ha. So, I think Maggie started to answer my question above when I brought it up on Kelly‘s blog:
Well said – I bet that is a huge part of it. If someone picks a different interest (or what we were talking about – makes a different life decision) does that mean I made the wrong one? Am I missing out on something?! Why does everyone like this thing that I don’t?
There are lots of things that don’t interest me – sports, alcohol, shopping, beauty, television, religion, and so on – but I know other people care a lot about some of those things. And you know what? Talking to people about their interests can be quite fun! Even if I don’t share it. And I know there are things I care about that others don’t have an interest in, as well. And I don’t try to push my interests on others (I am so not a pusher).
Anyway. Nothing in particular has me up in arms about this. It’s just been on my mind. And since I think about it so much… I have probably written about it before.
Lately, I am just wishing others would show some respect. And quit pushing people to like the same things as them*. Suggest and invite? Sure. Hard sales pitch? No thanks.
*This likely stems from my struggles with being told what to do. I respect that you have different interests and I want to hear about them but please stop telling me to do them!
Themocracy
Interesting. Maybe I ignore this from others? I just don’t see it often in my everyday life.
And your treadmill example… I run on a treadmill and outside depending on a lot of factors. I don’t think either is wrong or weird.
I think Maggie probably nailed it on the head! I love that you linked to Kelly’s post, because I think that so much of this attitude rears its ugly head when it comes to parenting: stay home vs. work, breastfeed vs. formula, even having kids vs. not having kids (and all those debates are part of the reason I’m on the not having kids side right now! But we’ve talked about all that before.)
I don’t want to be the same as everyone! In fact, I think I rebel against popular opinion and trends just because I don’t want to be someone who is a bandwagon jumper. 🙂 It’s hip to be uncool. hahaha
The most important question I thought of while reading this post is: how the eff do you get Data to run on a leash? Leo and Soxie just flop over in the driveway and eat grass when they are out. 🙂
It definitely comes out, then! It really blows my mind when it’s moms against other moms. And then a friend of mine (another Kelly) posted this last night: http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/. Gah. Yikes!
Yeah, the more someone pushes something popular toward me, the less I want to try it. But, I don’t think you or I would judge them for having interest in it (Okay, I do get bored when people talk about current television shows for a long time and I have no idea what is going on).
It took him a few years to get to that point! The first year on the leash he was all floppy. Then he started walking more. And now if I get him all revved up, he will run a bit 🙂
Um… that blog post is horrible! It sounds like it’s written by a bitter, lonely woman. I did enjoy reading the response though: http://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2014/01/i-feel-sorry-for-amy-glass-and-im-not-ashamed/
Yes, most women can have and raise kids, but the key is raising kids who aren’t assholes who grow up to write things like that.
I agree with bits and pieces from both articles. But both are extremely judgy.
I did like some of her points, like celebrating life’s achievements outside of the traditional realm, but they way she went about it was so wrong.
Yeah, that was when I was nodding my head that it would be cool to celebrate those things, but I don’t think I was fully understanding what she was saying. LOL, I gotta stop reading stuff in bed, late at night 😉
I was reading it, and felt like I was following it at first then I was like, “whhhhaaaaaaaaaa?!” Exactly, why so bitter? LOL.
And yikes. I would say that response is a bit bitter, too. Understandably, I suppose. 🙂
Interesting to see how both blogs are extremely bitter and judgemental. Too bad. This post and the comments has been very interesting, Kim! I also think Maggie hit it on the head in her original comment: the more judgemental someone is about another person’s choices, the more it indicates how insecure they are with their own path. There are plus and minus to everything, every single path in life has its challenges and luxuries, and we all have to do what is right for ourselves without comparing ourselves to others, or getting down on others who make a different choice. It’s called tolerance!
I am happy you found it interesting 🙂
And yeah, tolerance. Such an easy concept, right?!
OMG that “I Look Down” article is such bullsh**
“Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business.”
So … everyone who isn’t a stay-at-home mom is doing those things???? Wha?
“You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.”
I disagree with this so much. I have an amazing friend who works full-time and has two small children – and she is raising them to be amazing little people, frankly, I think her kids are smarter and more compassionate than some adults I’ve met. AND she’s a grant-writer for a community college. AND she’s supporting her husband who is starting a NFP theater company in Detroit. To me, she is pretty damn exceptional. Being exceptional has nothing to do with whether or not you are a parent or work outside of the home, it’s about YOU, the person.
Being exceptional is about the person, and what we find exceptional may not even translate from culture to culture… or person to person. It’s so individual and more than whether you reproduced!
This kind of reminds me of our conversation last week where I was saying that an friend kind of sh*ts all over running when another friend and I talk about it in her presence. Like okay, we get it that YOU don’t run, and we’re not trying to talk you into running, but we might actually enjoy it. Or at least my friend might, HA!
Completely agree with what both Maggie and Rachel said above, especially with regards to parenting. I see so many FB posts from a friend who practices attachment parenting and is all about breastfeeding, cloth diapers, non-traditional schooling, etc. Having known her for nearly 20 years, I know she’s trying to be helpful by sharing these articles, but it comes off as judging other parents who don’t do things the same way as she and her husband do. But the thing is, most people aren’t going to totally shift their way of thinking because of an article someone posts on FB. The same goes for politics, I have no idea why so many people argue on it over social media, because neither side is likely to budge. Though I think I’m getting a little off-topic.
Yes! That. Like, does that make you ever want to talk to that person again, if they sh*t all over your interests? Of course, some people just DON’T want to hear about exercise.
I love it when you get off topic. I have been in a lot of situations where people want to just spew their thoughts (or often, what they were told to think) and only give the other person a chance to respond so they can think of what to say next. But, even if no one is going to change their mind (and who says they have to?) it would be nice to have some fricking respect.
My bff and i were just talking about this pertaining to moms judging other moms. I judge people but I really am trying to stop because everyone is making decisions for their family, their lives that is best. I honestly think the treadmill is a life saver, especially today when the high temp is 9F and the high feels like temp is like -10F. Ugg. If people were just nicer and more considerate I am sure this world would be better. But so many people are so wrapped up in themselves and so selfish and judgey!
Maggie really summed it up nicely. 🙂
I think another angle of this could be people {generally} don’t want to see others happier than themselves so they try to knock down or belittle the people that are {seemingly} happier, more stable, have more money, etx than themselves. And that falls into a jealousy/comparison type issue. The interesting thing about all this is no one really sees the full picture of the other person’s life {which of course led to their decision to do activity X}. So to say being a SAHM is bad-good or boob vs bottle,.. Yeah we get it.. There’s advantages and disadvantages to everything but people make
A decision that suits them and their unique life circumstances. To pass judgment or trying to convert these folks that don’t think/do the same thing is so ignorant.
And you’re right- talking about different topics with people is so fascinating- especially when you don’t agree on something. I love hearing and discussing new viewpoints and reconsidering my own opinions because I like to grow. However i’ll roll my eyes at anyone who tells me I’m doing it all wrong & are all preachy about how their way is the “best.” Um no thanks. 🙂
I know people who can’t seem to be happy for others… and that is probably a part of it. Gah, that makes me so sad. I get so much enjoyment out of seeing my friends happy! But, kind of off topic. LOL. And yeah, no one knows anyone else’s full story… maybe not even your partner!
I love that you let me question you so much and offer my (usually not helpful) viewpoint 🙂
Sometimes I think people just legitimately canNOT understand why someone would do something differently than the way they would do it or be interested in something different. Like, they just can’t wrap their minds around it. But instead of having a civilized conversation they just say that the other person is wrong.
I mentioned this to you already, but I deal with this ALL the time … from my mother. I love her, but OY, she does not understand that other people have different opinions, and those are just as valid as her’s. I’ve had to listen to it my whole life – not just criticisms of me, but she’ll share her thoughts on others with me as well (like I’m going to agree with her or something). I think she’s even lost friendships over it, but I don’t know if she’s aware that that’s the cause. I’ve tried to politely let her know it’s rude, but I’m not sure if she gets it. So I’ve tried to go in the opposite direction with a “live and let live” attitude.
SO MANT THINGS TO SAY! 🙂 First of all, I find people who have different interests and opinions to be quite fascinating, and I do think that everyone has something to offer, you know? I wish people would be more open-minded. For instance, a good friend of mine is agnostic, and while I am not SUPER religious, we clearly have different views. But I enjoy talking to her about it because it makes me wonder how people form certain opinions/beliefs.
I think I see this whole discussion taking place among mothers these days. It’s amazing how judgmental some moms are of one another – co-sleeping v. cribs, cloth v. disposable diapers, breast feeding v. formula, etc. Every mother/family/child is so different – how can we judge one another for doing what’s best for us?
That is such a good mindset to have – everyone has something to offer! They do! I also find it super fascinating to find out why people believe what they do… I just love asking questions and hearing different people’s opinions (hence all the questions in my posts!).
I just don’t get that mom judgement. I would think the moms would band together! Something different will work for everyone, especially since all babies are different!
I’m impressed with the conversation this has started! Agreed: I don’t personally care for people who make judgements. I find it very challenging if I find someone I work with on a daily basis who publicizes their judgements of other people. I’m not sure if it’s that I feel ambivalent about certain things (ranging from what to eat for dinner tonight to potential child rearing strategies), but I don’t think I have a strong opinion about most things to the point that I will express my unsolicited opinion out on other people.
Yes I want to encourage good things, but is there a single way to be a good mother / runner / athlete/ employee? No. And I know that things that work for me, don’t work for other people and vice versa. If anything, I’ll want to learn more about you before I share my thoughts.
However, I do feel a bit strongly that Amy Glass is a bit overstepping her bounds. But she probably wants people to talk about her.
I hope you don’t have anyone like that that you are working with now! That just stinks. That has made me not share things about myself in the past (and current) at work, because everything is judged. And it’s my personal life, so… why not just be happy for me, or at least, accepting?!
You saying what works for you won’t for others got me thinking about food for some reason, and how people love to watch what you eat and make comments. Like… why? I don’t get it! To each their own!
Ha ha. I think that lady, whoever she is, does want just that 😉
I have to admit that I probably am a bit judgmental, but at the same time, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m not exactly living a “perfect” life – nor do I even try to do so! I have no idea, however, why people would judge somebody’s interests, and I do try to abide by the ‘live and let live’ motto. I’m not going to preach to other people about a ‘better’ lifestyle – and I ask that they do the same.
In regards to the treadmill – I’ve recently returned to it! And I’ve found that it has some benefits. And if I lived anywhere near the polar vortex, I would absolutely be using the treadmill on a regular basis!
Oh, we are ALL judgmental. But, do you act like a jerk about it? LOL! You probably think things but don’t act on them. I think most people think the way they do things is best, and it may be… for them. It’s went you act like someone is less than you, because they are different. Or are really pushy for them to change. I highly doubt you do that! 🙂
Even in this silly cold weather I can’t get on the treadmill. Sigh. I’ve been using the trainer a bit instead. 🙂
I am all for you doing what you believe in doing, no matter the reason (well as long as it seems like a good one) and I support your choices, just as long as you support or respect mine.
Exactly 🙂
Well said! I recently saw a post on FB requesting people stop voicing their disdain for the cold temperatures and get out and enjoy winter sports…”it’s not so bad” they said…and they were tired of hearing everyone complain when “winter is the best time of year.” Wait..that is YOUR opinion, and if you want to be allowed to voice it, shouldn’t you be willing to listen to others opinions too? Things that make ya go hmmmmm (this is just an example of my agreeance to your post, lol)
Ha ha ha, yes, I get the dig. I did post a pictureon Facebook yesterday that I don’t mind cold and love being outdoors in the winter. I am very annoyed with all of the winter complaining. But I just “hide” all of those posts so I don’t have to see them 🙂 I don’t mind differing opinions, but I just can’t stand all the bitching.
LOL, wasn’t meant to you! I actually enjoy winter running as well when it is 20+ degrees! It was someone who is well, very opinionated to say the least, LOL!!
I cannot wait for a 20+ day. It will feel like summer!
LOL. There are SO many people like that on Facebook. When I see something that I don’t agree with, I just ignore it. What is the point? (unless it’s someone I can tease, then I do, ha!)
Comparison is such a deadly game, and when people take it a step further to criticize others it’s just ridiculous.
Data running vid FTW.
Comparison is such an ugly thing and I’ve ditched more than one blog for falling into that…discussing pros and cons is one thing but so many do exactly what you’re talking about. “Doing ____ means you’re not a real (woman / athlete / runner / mommy / blah). I don’t see it as much in the running blogs, although it does come up and sometimes people don’t even realize they’ve done it. I usually have to click out of speed discussions entirely when I’m searching for info on running forums because you inevitably get someone saying “Under an ____ minute mile isn’t really running” and I’m just not a fan of drawing lines in the sand. But I tend to see the kind of dismissal more often in mommy-blogs than running blogs fortunately…running blogs have kind of become my blog safe haven 🙂
And that will teach me to comment before reading other comments! Just ignore the mommy blogs bit, clearly that is covered above!
Oh gosh, yeah. I hate pace judgement. And if someone says they are too slow… I will comment on that too.
No worries! I rarely read other comments when I leave one. Ha!
AHHH that article from the comments? AHHH JUST WHAT IN THE HELL???? It seems like vegetarianism/veganism “versus” being an omnivore is another area where people seem to take only one approach (their choice) and feel very strongly about it. I really love how respectful and thoughtful you are of people making different decisions!!
That article was SO weird. So weird.
And yes! That is another area where people get all weird and judgey. I just don’t see why others care so much what others eat. I don’t, so I don’t really comment on it. Thank you for saying that 🙂