Unfit fur mom
Data, it appears I am not the only idiot out there. I do hope they grow back, because you look ridiculous.
I guess no more allowing Data in the bathroom during relaxing bath time (which includes candles). Oops…
Introduction
Hi! I'm Kim, a 34-year-old living in Chicagoland with my husband, Steven, and our cats, Khali, Apollo, and Starbuck. I work in the design industry (architecture), follow a vegan lifestyle, am addicted to running, and am an ACE certified personal trainer (working at Essential Fitness, LLC ("Efit"))! I write about a variety of topics, and consider this a "life" blog - a place I can share anything that's on my mind. Please visit the "About" page to get a better idea of who I am! :-)
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Themocracy
Dear Data,
If you hadn’t pointed it out (literally, with arrows), I don’t think it was too obvious. Don’t feel bad, my snout is usually covered in yogurt and drool that’s way more noticeable. But if you’re seeking a safe harbor from your fur-mom, we have room for you here.
Love,
Jude
Dear Jude,
Your kindness really goes above and beyond what I would expect from your species. Thank you for opening your home to me, and pointing out your downfalls to make me feel better about the ones my mother has inflicted on me.
I hear our moms are meeting up tonight. Perhaps I can arrange for transport to your home then. I look forward to seeing you!
XOXO,
Data
P.S. Will Meko be there too?
Dear Data,
Wait, my mom’s going to be gone tonight? Oh, then I’m afraid I’ll be busy looking out the windows for her, running to the door anytime I hear a noise, and generally being sad. Even though my dad will be here. I need to have them both here at all times. But you’re welcome to join me.
Is Meko that other dog who lives here? The one who is always like “I wear my Hawaii collar better than you do.” And I’m like “nuh-uh, mine has turtles on it!” True story.
Best,
Jude
Dear Jude,
Oh gosh, it seems I’ve let the “cat” out of the bag (sorry, cat humor) about your mother being gone. Now that you mention it, I am really surprised either would leave the house with how “cold” it’s been this week. How dare they?! We need both the male and female present at all times in case we need something! Since it takes two humans to watch over one cat. And two humans for two dogs, apparently.
Yes, that sounds like something Meko would do. I am happy to hear she is not only rude to me. I am sorry you have to deal with it on a daily basis.
Cheers,
Data
Dear Data,
What cold? I’m loving this weather! One day it was 50 degrees in my apartment – perfect temperature for sleeping under the dining room table all day.
It’s okay, whenever Meko gets me down, I just stop, lick my butt, and everything is okay again. And like I said, there’s TURTLES on my collar. I win.
Love & kisses,
Jude
This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read all week.
Ha ha, thanks! 🙂
Dear Erin,
We’re happy to hear that. When are you coming back to pet us again? Should we just come over tonight?
Your friends,
Jude & Meko
Oh data! Your eye brows will grow back! I didn’t even notice without you saying something. You still look great! And I think Kim should reproduce – Having kids/carrying a child is something amazing and although it is tough and weird and crazy it has changed me for the better.
Phew, thank you! (from Data)
When is your due date? How are you feeling? (from Kim, lol)
Dara,
What salon did you go to, because I think they overplucked your eyebrows!? Let’s get together and have a spa day at our place where you’ll be safe.
Leona and Roxie
Leona and Roxie,
Oh geesh, I was really hoping you two would somehow miss this post today. After the photo I sent you of my glam shot earlier this week… I am feeling quite embarrassed to be in such disarray now. Yes, let’s please have a spa day at your place, where I know my best interests will be in mind. Also, I just pinned this wonderful salmon face spread that you use… then eat! Did you see it on my board?
Love,
Data
Oh you are supposed to put it on your face first? We usually just eat it. And then throw it all up on our dad’s blanket like we did last night.
Actually, that is the other method I pinned – the regurgitation one! I think if you use it as a mask after throwing it up, it makes your fur even softer and you don’t have to wear it as long. I guess some cats are opposed to that method though, so I wasn’t going to bring it up 😉
Dear Data,
Excuse me? You’re sending your pictures to other animals? We thought we were special. Sigh.
Regards,
Jude & Meko
Dear Jude & Meko,
You ARE special! I do not send the same photos between friends!
Love,
Data
Miles and Chase send their sincerest of condolences to poor little Data and say they can relate. Their mom forced them to go to the bathroom in the arctic tundra last week where on several occasions the pups were frozen in the middle of the yard holding up their little paws shrieking in pain. She did not want to put boots on them, that b*%$@.
He’s still a handsome guy.
Oh no! Data says he is happy he can go to the bathroom inside, and he feels bad for Miles and Chase! LOL, do they have boots? 😉
Aww, thanks 😉
Data, I’m coning for you ASAP!
Please, Aunt GFY, please!
Oh no, poor Data! Haha!
Don’t feel bad. Before I moved into my house, my cat Tucker decided to rub against a lit candle. Didn’t go so well. (He was fine! Obviously, if I’m telling this story – but he did singe the edges of his entire left side tummy, hah!) I was so shocked because we kept lit candles on the tables since he was a kitten and he was never interested. At 7 he suddenly decided to claim one. Umm, what?
Aww, man! Maybe after 7 years he would his dangerous side? Too many of those 9 lives left?!
It could be! He was my funny guy. He also liked to eat grapes. (We have photographic evidence!)
It was just so weird that it took so long for him to decide he cared. None of my others have ever cared or gone near them and I have 3 right now…they don’t care about candles at all, so for him to randomly decide to scent mark a lit one…?? I still shake my head, but I’ll be honest, it scared the crud out of me at the time!)
Hmm, speaking of scent, maybe it was the scent of the candle that drew him in! Ha ha! What was it?! 😉
I never thought of that! And to be honest it was 6 years ago – I don’t remember! That’s probably it though, I do remember it was a new candle. What scent was the candle Data decided he wanted?
I think it was nutmeg! Ha ha.
One of my cats did that, too – more than once. It was then that I discovered those wax pots for scent, so I could hide the flame and avoid having a singed cat. He definitely used up several of his nine lives on candles, lol!
Ooo, maybe I should try those to keep his furry face out of it!
Nova and Delilah sent their sympathy and suggested that maybe you get flameless candles. 😉
My brother’s Chihuahua got a little too close to the fireplace trying to warm himself up and he singed his tail last week. Luckily they were watching him at the time!
Also, when I was growing up, we had an outdoor fireplace/grill thing made of bricks that my dad made. My mom was cooking burgers on it one day when it started thundering and our Norwegian Elkhound ran into the fireplace because he was scared of thunder. My mom got him out in time but it was scary!
Oh man! That is a scary story! I am thinking I should just stop playing with fire at all. Ha ha.
Dates,
Our parents are idiots for bringing yummy delicious scented things home and lighting them on fire. Wth do you expect us to do when the hot thing smells like apple pie or pumpkin? Imma go sniff it, DUH. And my mom had the audacity to hide all the bar soap in the bathroom because I will eat it. Once again, YUM. And echoing Britt above about Miles & Chase- my mom is totes incapable of taking care of me or children because she made me go out in the polar vortex…. NAKED! No coat, no shoes because she was too lazy.. After 2 minutes I was trying to lift all my feets off te ground but it didn’t work. I was in so much pain… Um yeah.
Take care of yourself Dates. I’ve got your back.
—–CB
Dear CB,
Ugh, THANK YOU! I mean, hello! Why is she even tempting me with the yummy smelling bright thing?! Also, I failed to mention, she woke me up at 4:00 AM, LEFT WITHOUT FEEDING ME, then came back at 6:20 and had that thing going. I mean, wouldn’t her first priority when she gets back be to feed me?!
You bring up a good point – I am very lucky I do not have to go outside this winter. Thanks for bringing things in to perspective.
And thanks for all the fun prezzies you picked out for me. Ducky likes to sleep with me 🙂
Love,
Dates
Dear Data,
Your brows look fine! They will grow back! I like cats who have a wild side. Me-OW!
xoxo
Rex
Rex,
Aww, thank you! Ooo, wild side… let’s par-tay!!!!
Hugs!
Data
My sis-in-law’s cat burned itself on candles once. Which prompted her to buy us a Scentsy wax warmer, so that Olive wouldn’t meet the same fate.
I’m all “survival of the fittest” – let them learn on their own.
Actually, a few weeks ago, I was ironing (this happens so rarely). We have a little collapsable ironing board, and I had it on the floor. When I was done, I unplugged the iron, but left it on the ironing board, with the hot part exposed. I was doing something else, heard a meow, looked down, and Olive was right next to the iron. I don’t think she burned herself or anything though, but I was like OMG OLIVE GET AWAY FROM THAT. Because cats love warm spots. Which reminds me of a story I should email to you.
Buah ha ha. Love the last line of this comment now that I have read the story!
Oh man, when I did iron (ha ha ha) I was super worried about Data coming close to it. They do love hot things. Steven got a professional lighting set up for his camera and when we turn it on, Data is in heaven (and I feel like my retinas are getting burned).
I didn’t know what Scentsy was! I had to look it up! A few people I know push it on Facebook and I had never bothered to see what it was. Ha ha.
I didn’t know what Scentsy was either. I like it a lot, but there are other similar products you can buy at Target, etc. I often buy Glade’s wax melts to use in my Scentsy warmers – easier to buy at Target than having a party.
I have a warmer from Scentsy (bought it at a bridal show a few years back) but I go to Walmart and get the little wax melts, they are so cheap!
So, definitely look around – Target, Walmart, Home Goods, they all sell them cheaper than Scentsy too.
Ahh, cool! I will check it out, thanks!
Too funny! The phrase “Sarah? It’s me, Napoleon,” it uttered often in our house. In reference to Sarah McLachlin, of course.
Yes, our labrador-beagle mix was disqualified from being a show dog thanks to his scars on his nose and ears, results of ‘tussles’ that he has had with his so-called brother. And we allowed those tussles to happen – and he’s always the one on the losing end. Poor guy!
Thank goodness I don’t plan on having children!
Haha poor Data! So funny!
Data- not to worry, when the kids are little, your Mom already knows to put the candles up high, so not to worry.
Oh, poor kitty! He still looks adorable.
awh, poor data! hehe!
Dear Data,
You are still the most handsome cat I know, even with your wonky (hmmm, maybe jaunty?) eyebrow.
But that is no excuse for your human to NOT reproduce. I could tell you many stories of my children getting into trouble when my back was turned. My former cat children too. It happens.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THIS DATA!?
Yeah…that’s what I thought.
Miss you! Hugs and kisses,
That crazy lady who talks to you in “cat language” all the time.
Dear Crazy Lady who should feed me every time she visits,
I appreciate your comment, but I am feeling upset with you. I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN OVER A WEEK. COME PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Now that I have that out of the way… shhh, I am trying to get you all on my side so my mom will not reproduce and pay attention to something else, over me. DUH! She already pays too much attention to the thing with the screen and the keyboard. And the little glowing thing she pulls out of her pocket and pokes her fingers at.
Come visit me.
Love you,
Data
LOL! Poor Data!! Hopefully his eyebrow grows back faster than Murphy’s belly fur did!
Data- if you feel it is not safe for you there, you are more than welcome to relocate to Texas! We welcome you with open arms (and lots of treats and popcorn)!! 🙂
=^..^=
Data says you had him at popcorn 🙂
How is Murphy’s belly?
Data, you still look perfect and handsome to me!!
Thank you, girlfriend! Come hold me! 🙂
(from Data)