Did I really just “pay it forward”?
I’m having a moody end of the week, then felt especially odd after seeing the results of a horrible accident on my run this morning… so when my run was over I decided to cheer myself up by getting a Starbucks drink and “paying it forward” to the car behind me. You know, paying for their drink, too. Have you ever “paid it forward” like that?
The barista was super excited I was doing this. “Do you know them?” “Oh, you are just doing this to be a sweetie!” “You are such a sweetie!” “This makes me so happy! You are our second car today to do this!” “I am probably more happy than the person getting the free drink.” “Thank you!!!”
Ha ha.
So I left hoping that doing that for the car behind me made them feel good and have a good start to their day. It made me feel better, like I wanted.
Then I was all wait a minute…
I walk by people asking for money, every time I go to Chicago… and I don’t give anything to them. Yet, I choose to encourage someone’s expensive drink habit (I am definitely guilty!) by paying $5 for it? Hmm.
It’s two different things. It is. But I guess it just made me think I should be kinder in all aspects of my life.
Themocracy
It is two different things, but I think the idea of “pay it forward” and other such random acts of kindness is that it will produce a ripple effect leading to some big, greater good. And who knows what kind of horrible day the person behind you may have been having? Sure, it’s just a cup of coffee, but you could have changed their morning completely. I think it’s always refreshing to be reminded that there are good, kind people in the world 🙂
Also, check out all of these stories of random acts of kindness to see what a difference they really make: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/random-acts-of-kindness
Thank you for reminding me of that! Because that is the point. And it doesn’t matter if it’s coffee (or who knows what she ordered).
Thank you for that link! I am loving reading those stories. The nickel one is really cute 🙂 And I think it’s funny the wallet story is from where I went to college 🙂
The person behind you at Starbucks probably had a job and works hard and doing something nice for someone else is what this world needs more of. As for the people on the street – I am sure they need help too BUT sometimes I wonder if they really need the money. And you don’t know what they will use your money for. At least at Starbucks you know it for coffee and I feel better about that. i hate “donating” money to charities and such and not knowing where my money will be used and if it will actually help someone.
Call me cruel but I have no patience for beggars. You don’t know why they are begging, whether circumstance, choice, exploitation or poor choices, and I can’t give money blindly like that. I would give a homeless person a gift card to McDonald’s over just giving them cash or, better, give money to an organization that is trying to improve their lives not just a stopgap. And while you might think you are encouraging an expensive drink habit, maybe that person was having a rough day and treating herself for the first time in a long time.
Rant over.
I always hear about these pay it forward things but never have done it nor been a recipient. I did feed someone’s parking meter, though.
Umm. What was my point? Who knows. I am going to get a donut now.
My issue with the beggars and that I see the same ones day in and day out… for years. So, I just don’t feel very trusting of them. They kind of hang out near touristy spots. I would rather give them a gift card or food or something.
There was something like this on the IL tollway awhile back. I think it was called the “Love Toll” or something like that. Now with the iPass I don’t know if it happens too often!
I’ve never paid it forward at starbucks (and also never been in a starbucks drive-thru) so I don’t completely know how it works. Do you just give them $5 or do they charge your credit card for whatever they order? It seems like such a simple concept but clearly I don’t understand the logistics.
I definitely think that doing something like buying someone coffee is very different than people begging on the street. I agree with Kimberly in that I never give them money. I would rather give money to an organization that can help them instead. I would also be more open to giving them food or a gift card for food or something instead.
I hope your mood is better and you have a good weekend!
First I paid for my chai latte, then told the Barista I wanted to pay for the car behind me with my Starbucks card and she said it would be $5.10 or whatever and I said that was fine and I paid for it 🙂
Thanks! I hope you have a good weekend too! 🙂
I’ve never gone in a drive-thru. I can’t imagine that you can do it inside can you? Not for the recognition of course (I would still like to go stealth) Unless you pay with cash and just leave the rest to pay for the next person in line and then leave the rest for the tip?
Hmm, yeah, I am not sure how it works inside! Maybe you can leave some money for the next person?
I would say since you know where the money is going to, how it is being used, rather than hoping the money goes to a non unhealthy drinking or smoking habit, helps you feel better about paying for the coffee, which may be properly priced!
http://kivahanroasters.wordpress.com/2013/10/18/coffeetalk-thursday-why-a-latte-costs-3-75-its-business-time/
I hesitate also to take out my wallet to a stranger, thinking it is a set up or something!
I’m not a very kind person womp!
Ha ha ha! Thanks for the coffee breakdown! I do think that I knew exactly what it went to, and that it was something the person wanted, did make me feel better 🙂
Whatever. You are a kind person! 🙂
There’s a McDonald’s downtown that I’ve had people ask me for money, but I’ve offered to buy them breakfast and they’re more than happy to get just that so I feel they just didn’t want the money for something else (I guess since they don’t need to buy breakfast they’ve got the money for something else), but I know what my money went towards so I know what you mean…
This is in response to someone’s fears about giving money:
When I’m walking around where there is homeless (which is generally not the norm, but since I’m taking a class in downtown Detroit right now, it’s a bit more than usual), I’ve usually put my $1 bills in a pocket I can reach without having to pull out other money (and ID, charge cards, etc.). I might not end up using it, but I’d rather do that than feel guilty about not giving it because I didn’t want to look for it.
Give when you can, even if you can’t…
You can’t be everything to everyone so you have to pick and choose what also makes YOU happy. Would giving money to someone begging on the street make you feel better or would it make you feel indifferent? I do occasionally give money to people on the street but I’ve also read that it’s better to donate to organizations that help the homeless or the mentally ill rather than directly to the people on the street.
Plus, I’d rather do a surprise act of kindness like you did instead of dropping a few coins into a cup. The people on the street are ASKING me to do something for them. Whereas in this case you did it because YOU wanted to, not because someone made you feel that you should.
Giving money to someone on the street would not make me feel good like this did. It would make me doubt myself, as I have been scammed before (for, like, a dollar, but whatever). 😉
You are so good at pointing out things to me! Ha! I hate being told what to do, so that is probably why I like to do things like this, randomly. At my own will. LOL.
Yay for you!!! For whatever reason, I never have the nerve to do this, though I often go through the local coffee drive thru near my house. It warms my hear to think about doing it, but I think I would be embarrassed about all the attention I would draw to myself? Maybe? I don’t know.
You should do it! It’s totally easy to do in the drive through! No attention at all! Well, except the overly excited barista. It will make you feel good 🙂
Erin’s second paragraph exactly sums up why I’d rather do what you did than give money to a beggar. Plus, I’ve had beggars try to scam me. So I’m jaded.
But what I really wanted to say is that I can’t imagine you being any kinder in any aspect of your life. You are the kindest person I know, and the most thoughtful. You are already doing it right. ♥
I’m glad that it made you so happy 🙂
I was talking to Dave at the school run and he had read this post and told me about a recent scam he avoided and it reminded me of a time I was scammed for a dollar or something at a gas station… I felt so dumb I had tried to forget about it. You say to yourself “it’s only a dollar!” but you still feel dumb!
I was also thinking today, Bobbi is always saying such nice things to me. How did I get so lucky as to have her as a friend? And geesh, I really need to be nice back! Thank you so much for saying that 🙂 🙂 🙂 <3 <3 <3
That was so sweet and considerate of you to pay it forward! I don’t drink coffee so I’ve never paid it forward at a Starbucks or similar. Similarly, I have an i-Pass so I’ve never paid it forward at an i-Pass tollbooth. However, I have the same questions as Kandi about how the logistics would actually work?
I don’t give to homeless people on the street. I read somewhere that panhandling is actually very “profitable” – and that by giving out money, you’re just perpetuating the homelessness and who knows what they might be buying with it (drugs, alcohol, etc.). I’m told it’s much better to give a homeless person food than money!
A fellow non coffee drinker! (I like soy chai lattes!) I just paid for mine, told the barista I wanted to pay for the car behind me, she told me how much, and I paid 🙂 SO then the car will go through and she will tell her the car ahead paid for her drink.
Gosh. It would be interesting to hear more about panhandling is profitable. I am not surprised that it is!
You’re a charity snob!
I KEED! I KEED!
But I do agree with the commenter who doesn’t like beggars. I’m especially turned off by them because one followed Katie and I for two blocks in San Francisco and wouldn’t leave us the heck alone.
Buah ha ha! 🙂
UGH! That is frustrating AND scary! How did you finally get them to go away?!
I pay it forward every once in a while at drive throughs. I love knowing that I might have added a little blessing and happiness to their day. I’ve heard of crazy pay it forward things where a friend had their new grill paid for by the person behind them in line at the home improvement store. Also, I heard of someone locally who noticed the person in front of them at the grocery store taking stuff off their purchase because they couldn’t afford it. Then the person in line paid for the portion they couldn’t afford.
As far as the homeless/beggar type person, I’d be much more likely to take them to a restaurant for a meal or something. I remember as a kid that we lived on a fairly busy state road and would often get people stopping by that were walking and really had nowhere to go. Dad would take them for breakfast and then to the library so they could try to find help.
A grill?! Holy cow! That is awesome about the grocery store line 🙂
That is so cool that your Dad did that! Do they still live in the same place and encounter that?
I’ve never paid it forward at Starbuck’s but I have at the toll booth. My husband gives to almost all beggars and musicians in the city. I don’t necessarily trust beggars to make good choices with $$. I LOVE the Streetwise organization where the homeless sell papers/man fresh fruit carts to earn their food/shelter and eventually/hopefully lift themselves out of dire straits.
Oh, I am not even going to get into all the nuances of the beggars in the city–the crazy and the drunk and the actual charity case and when and where shelters actually help and how to get people to go and the fact it’s a systemic issue that we can’t solve and I can’t dump my paycheck every week to every person who puts out a cup.
ANYWAY.
In this case, I think it falls into “it’s the thought that counts.” You wanted to brighten someone’s day, and you did. I like to leave a little extra change in vending machines, or I’ll drop change on the sidewalk and not bother picking it up figuring it will be a happy surprise to the next person to come along. And if it ends up being a homeless person, well, two birds one stone!
I had this happen to me a few months ago and it made my day! I totally have to do it soon.
As far as homeless people, I sometimes give them my leftover food but I don’t really feel comfortable giving money. I would rather donate clothes or help out at a shelter than give money, but that’s just me. 🙂
I didn’t read all of the comments, so sorry if this is a duplicate. I am all for paying it forward, because hopefully they will do it next time. Also coffee is a better habit than drugs.
I’ve actually had the SAME thoughts. I have paid for the car behind me a few times, but I never really give money to the homeless on the street. My husband is great about it, though. He gives when he can, but when he cannot he talks to them and acknowledges their presence. And for Mike, sometimes just that is enough…
Oh gosh. That is such a good point. I should just start by being kinder and not ignoring them. I smile now… but that isn’t enough.
I think what you did was very nice. I am always suspicious of people begging. What do they do with the money? I always feel like they’re people with drug/alcohol problems. Maybe I’m being really judgmental.
That’s so cool! I bet you really made that person’s day. How does paying it forward at Starbucks work? Do you just say “I’ll pay for whatever they’re having” or do you give like $5 and have that go towards whatever they end up ordering?
I hope it did! So I just said I wanted to buy the drink for the car behind me and she said it was $5.xx and asked if that was okay. I wonder if you could put money toward it too. Hmm.