Quit looking at me!
Ha ha.
If you were trying to lose weight would you find it helpful if you received (positive) feedback? Or would you want people to keep their comments to themselves?
This is going to sound CRAZY, because, hey, I am a blogger! And isn’t blogging all about wanting attention and “me me me, HEY!, look at me, hey!, over here, I am special!!!” posts? (sometimes, anyway?) Ha ha.
But… I don’t really want people to pay attention to me and notice if I am losing or gaining weight. I don’t really want… people paying attention to my appearance at all.
Well, THAT has to change. I am a personal trainer now. Of course people are going to pay attention to what I look like! And I need to look put together, and fit.
And don’t get me wrong. Sincere compliments are always welcome, ha ha. It just weirds me out a bit to think that people pay that much attention to other’s appearance, because I kind of… don’t. Sure, I would notice if a friend looked upset or sad. Or got a new haircut. Or a tattoo on their face. But gaining or losing a few pounds? Nah. Just not something I notice. And again. Probably should, at least for the people I train.
So, back to my question. In the winter, I lost some weight, and was getting feedback about it. Everyone was really nice, but the fact that they notice makes you wonder what they thought of you before, you know? One person said to me “I didn’t even recognize you, you’ve lost so much weight!” Geesh. Thanks! Ha ha.
So, can you guess my answer to my own question? Outside motivation doesn’t really work for me. I don’t care what others think about me. And, I actually need to start caring. Well, needed to. Like, back in March. I am still struggling with that. Anyways.
(And the reason I am writing about this now, is that I am getting some feedback, again, and have been thinking about this for a looooong time)
And since I don’t like posts without pictures… aww, Datums Potatums!!!
Themocracy
When I was losing weight, it always gave me a little pause when people would go all nutty about how great I looked. I mean, just how shitty did I look before?
But then I just reminded myself that they were my peeps and they were genuinely happy for my progress.
But I wouldn’t say that feedback motivated me one way or the other. It was nice to hear, but it was still my own personal battle…
“But then I just reminded myself that they were my peeps and they were genuinely happy for my progress.”
I think that bobbi nailed it right here and that this will be correct 95% of the time.
I think so 😉 I guess since I never think it’s appropriate to comment on it to someone you are not *close* with, I am surprised others do!
Yeah, I think they are generally happy! Which is great. Because being unhappy for someone would be even worse. LOL.
I guess, yeah. It’s just interesting that it doesn’t do anything for me. Except what you said – sometimes make me wonder what the heck they thought before, lol!
Completely agree! It weirds me out when people notice just a few pounds lost. Like is it that obvious!? Did I look that horrible!? Don’t answer that…
On the other side, I never notice peoples losses or gains unless they are huge. I always felt bad about it (like it made me seem really un observant), but honestly, I don’t even notice weight changes in myself until I put on clothes and they don’t fit! That being said, I always get very self conscious when pregnant because I know there are people looking at me and mentally calculating all the pounds I’ve gained. Quit judging people!! Now, pass me that brownie…
Yeah, I don’t notice it in me, either, until NOTHING fits and I feel like crap and then have to rethink eating a sleeve (okay, two) of oreos. 😉
I seriously hope people do NOT judge pregnant women gaining weight. Gah. Like you aren’t already worried about that to begin with. And, you need to!
I don’t think blogging is all about ‘look at me’. I started my blog because I love to write and putting it ‘out there’ gave me the pressure to keep doing it, rather than let a journal sit and rot, forgotten.
I get the not wanting people to notice though. There’s a mom at skating who’s lost a ton of weight but I won’t say anything. I feel like it’s kind of personal. I’m sure some people would love the outward affirmation. That’s not me though.
Sorry, I was trying to be funny with that paragraph! 😉 That is definitely NOT all that blogging is about. Although, I do think we all have to be a bit self-involved to write them THEN expect people to comment on them, and care about our lives. We form great relationships from them, no doubt!
Yeah, I wouldn’t comment on that unless I was her close friend! It’s just… not my place!
I never know how to react to the feedback. Like you said, I really don’t want people paying attention to it. I suppose it mostly goes back to the fear that I will quickly gain it all back so I am afraid to draw any attention to it.
Totally agree with this. But some people really feed on the positive attention, I guess.
It wasn’t all that long ago that I was over 260 lbs. When you consider that my running weight in college was 160 lbs., I was fully aware of how different I must’ve looked to people who had known me for a long time, and I was perpetually embarrassed by my appearance.
So, I do appreciate hearing that I look better now. More importantly, though, I *feel* better! That’s all that really matters to me, so if someone compliments me now it’s just a bonus! But then, I’ve never worried too much about my appearance… Maybe it’s a guy-thing?
I also have a fear that I’ll put the weight back on someday, but I don’t focus on it. I REALLY enjoy being more fit now, so I’m sure if I slide up the scale again it will be a temporary state of being, and I’ll work my way back down.
After all, I’ve proven to myself that it can be done! And the journey has been remarkable, so I wouldn’t mind taking it again.
NO! Do not take the journey again! Keep doing what you are doing and feeling good 🙂
Well, I’m not *planning* on it! I was just saying when my neurosis kicks in and I start worrying about putting the weight back on, that’s what I tell myself. 😉
I have heard about people having that reaction, wondering how bad people thought they looked before. I am not one of those people. I respond really well to positive comments and really poorly to negative comments. I love hearing when people notice if I have lost weight but if you think I look a bit pudgier keep that to yourself. Several years ago, the first time I lost weight, people were shocked to see how much weight I had lost. I took it as a compliment and didn’t think anything about how I looked before. It is a good confidence booster and helps to keep me on the right path. I don’t need it or anything, I just appreciate it when it comes. I am like you though in that I don’t notice weight gain or loss on other people. It just isn’t something I see which is why I certainly don’t expect it from other people.
I get your point of “how bad did I look before?” but while I was losing weight, I actually did appreciate that some people commented on it because I was working SO HARD and was proud of myself. A lot of comments I got were along the lines of “you look great,” but a lot of people told me I looked healthy and happy (not to say I wasn’t happy before – see, you can’t pay anyone a simple compliment, can you??), which is pretty cool to hear because I wasn’t healthy before. I actually thought it was weird that almost no one in my office said anything! After I lost 50 pounds! The only type of comments that annoyed me were people assuming I was losing weight just for the wedding, and could stop “dieting” after the wedding. Uh no, that was just kind of a coincidence.
Your comment makes me think about how when I was losing weight there was ONE person I wanted to notice it. So, yeah. I guess I am a hypocrite. We all knew that though!
Gah, the wedding comments must have been annoying. Um, geesh, guys, yep! I plan to put it all back on after the wedding! UGH.
I actually get nervous if people tell me I lost weight or look different because it almost ends up that I’ve gained weight. While I shouldn’t care about number on the scale, I do. And people’s commenting makes me care more.
I think it’s really awesome that you’re not motivated by people at all. That’s so HEALTHY.
And sometimes if people say I’ve lost weight it’s flattering but other times it’s just awkward or uncomfortable. In the end I think I care the most, but I do care what others think, too. :-/
I tend to notice things about people – gaining or losing weight, new hair cut, new clothes, etc etc. But I usually don’t comment on it because I work with mostly men who don’t notice ANYTHING. Which can be a good and bad thing!
I actually really noticed on Friday that you lost some weight but my main observation was your confidence, so maybe that’s what people are noticing. OWN IT!!! 🙂
I honestly don’t notice so much if people lose or gain weight, unless it is really a lot. So please forgive me if I miss is. I honestly don’t feel I should comment about weight.
I think strong is better than skinny. So I want to see your guns, you are strong, you are super fast. Keep training, and from what I hear the 6 pack starts in the kitchen, unfortunately, I keep drinking that 6 pack, and I don’t think that was what they meant. 😉
Please DO miss it. I don’t want people commenting on it. LOL!
Aww, thanks 😉 And a 6 pack is NOT a goal over here!
Jumping in late here. I really like Bobbi’s first comment that most people who are commenting as friends are probably doing so in an “I’m proud of you and happy for you!” way. It’s hard to keep that thought of ‘well what did you think I looked like before, jerk!’ away (ha!), but in the case of friends, I think it’s mainly recognition of a positive change and we still love you in that starting state 🙂 I think that some people may feel that it’s easier to say “have you lost weight?” to you because of your passion for fitness and occasional mention of weight on the blog / in real life.
I think you look great either way 🙂
I never know what to say when I notice people losing weight! I mean, it usually takes awhile for me to notice it anyway especially when I see someone a lot!
Anyway, I usually just default to not saying anything because it can be such a minefield.
As for myself, I prefer when people notice that my muscles are more visible 🙂 But I’m pretty hard on myself so it’s nice to get some “objective” opinions.
The thing about losing or gaining weight is it’s more than just the weight you lose (or gain). In my personal (limited) experience, when I gained weight, I began to feel invisible, probably because I didn’t want people to notice or recognize me. I wore baggier clothes. I didn’t look people in the eye as much. I didn’t want to be in any pictures. My whole presence changed. And then, when I began to shed the weight, I began to feel better about myself, carry myself with more confidence, look other people in the eye more, laugh a little louder, etc. It’s not that I want people paying attention to me, rather it’s that I don’t care if they do pay attention to me, whereas before I just wanted to disappear. Anyway, that’s a long way of saying that I think people notice when you lose weight especially, because it is reflected in more than just the weight loss itself.
That is a very interesting point. I bet that IS true for a lot of people. So they are being noticed for a variety of reasons.
I definitely err on the side of not saying anything, even if I do notice. I’d much rather comment/compliment someone on working out more or getting into healthier habits because I think it’s better to compliment the effort than the result.
One of the ladies I work with told me a while ago that I “looked really good and must have lost at least 20 pounds”. I realize she probably meant it as a compliment but all I could think about was how could I have looked 20 pounds heavier? Especially when I knew the difference was maybe 5 pounds and I was wearing all the same clothes.
Oh gosh. That was a really bad way to try to pay someone a compliment! Geesh! Why get so specific?!
I have a hard enough time for me to stay focused on maintaining my weight. I don’t think comments from others would help since I’m mostly self conscience about it (mostly that I still have a double chin and don’t do much in the way to reduce it)