ALL MINE!!!
Heh heh.
This is out of context, because there is no context… no particular instance made me feel like writing this (well, besides a conversation with Kelsey). But! The post flowed right out, so that means, I post it. Even if it makes me sound crazy. I promise I am not (in this regard). I just like to be honest, and share the feelings I sometimes have. Because more often that not, SOMEONE can relate!
I consider myself a mature person. I am not jealous. I don’t get caught up in comparisons. I try to avoid drama. I don’t have FOMO (fear of missing out). I feel secure with who I am. I am happy.
But, gah. I am POSSESSIVE!
Of what? My things? No… I am very good at sharing my stuff. I am generous.
I am possessive of my relationships.
Okay, okay, I will say it. I am possessive of my friends. Ha!
I am not that bad. I promise!
But the feelings are sometimes there.
I think it’s my friends’ fault, not mine! They are so awesome, I don’t want to share them! I want 100% of their awesomeness all for myself! Yep, that’s it!
Really though, it’s not a feeling I have that often. Just from time to time, I want someone all. to. myself.
Which sounds creepy. But I promise I don’t have anyone tied up in my non-existent basement.
I think this weird feeling goes back to not really having ANY close girlfriends until the past several years. So when I get close to someone, it feels so special! And in a world where none of us are really unique or actually special… it feels good to have that connection with another person. But NO, they CANNOT have it with anyone else!
Ha ha, I am totally joking. I feel like I have lots of connections with different people, so why wouldn’t everyone else? And I am involved in lots of groups – bloggers, running clubs, and so on – there are going to be cross relationships between lots of people!
But that logic doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes get that emotional gut feeling of, “I want you all to myself! I don’t want to share you!”
So… maybe I am immature? Maybe I can’t share after all?
Do you ever feel like you don’t want to share your friends?
(when I write the question out in bold, there is no denying it – it does just sound crazy)
This probably just has to do with not wanting your friends to like someone more than they like you (see: “maybe I am immature” above). Which is da-umb, since we have talked about how we have different situational friendships in our life. And so what if we are not #1? You can still be a good friend without that title. But maybe that is just an instinctual feeling… maybe?
Data says the only way to avoid these feelings it to be friends with no one. And sleep all day.
Themocracy
I like this post. I think about this sometimes, bc I am possessive of my friends too! I want to know everything about them, be involved in everything in their life and want to spend all my time with them. I think its different than jealousy, I’m not jealous when they hang out with other people as you mention but I just want them all the time!
Yeah – it is different than jealousy! I am (almost always) totally excited when two of my friends hang out and have a good time!
Do you feel weird when you find something out after the fact that you thought you were close enough with a friend that they would tell you? I am 😉
I feel this way too! Especially since my besties have decided to position themselves on opposite coasts, it has made me extra possessive lately (I feel like every time I blink someone leaves town! lol). I hate to say it, but that Data is wise beyond his years!
I’m soooo with Data! Is it nap time yet?
And what the heck is FOMO? I’m so NOT internet cool. I’m actually not cool at all. People just hang around with me hoping to get free stuff. I don’t even mind as long as I don’t have to slug out 20 milers alone anymore. 🙂
FOMO = fear of missing out. Kind of like when everyone is posting about going on together on Facebook and you are all “Aww, man, what am I missing out on?” Only… I don’t get that way. You probably don’t either 😉
Ha! we have had similar conversations I think. And yes – I DO get possessive.
Luckily my crazy family keeps me busy enough that I can tell myself to stfu when I’m all, WHY WASN”T I INVITED?!?
Although I went to kindergarten through 12th grade with the same set of peeps, I don’t live in that area anymore, so I rarely see them (but at every 10th yr reunion, we just start conversations where we left off from the previous reunion; way cool). I didn’t take the traditional college path, so I don’t have any friends from that era and when I had babies, I worked full-time outside the home, so I also didn’t develop friends during that era. Also, I tend to compartmentalize my life which means biz associates get biz details, aupair volunteer gig is focused on that, etc. etc. Although I have “friends”, there really are only but 1 or 2 people that I share my innermost secrets, fears, dreams and desires with. For these ‘few’, absolutely, I have a hard time sharing….because for me it is such a rare and special relationship….
This totally makes sense. Actually last night I had 2 different friends from different areas of my life ask if I wanted to do something. So, I suggested that the 3 of us do something together. As soon as I suggested it, I was like, wait, do I really want to do that? What if they really hit it off and then decide to be friends with each other instead of me???
Yes – this. LOL!
I had girlfriends growing up but I didn’t have many deep friendships until recently so I totally know where this conversation is coming from! Sometimes, I feel really behind on their lives since we met in our 20’s and I haven’t known them forever. I feel like we missed out on all those sleepovers etc and I want to spend a lot of time with them to make up for it. I don’t tend to get jealous when they hang out with other people though although occasionally I’ll feel a little left out.
That is such a good point! I do feel like there is a lot I have missed out on or just don’t know with my friends. Does make it fun that there is always more to learn though! I was just sharing grade school experiences with a friend and it was fun to talk about that – haven’t in awhile!
I think this is perfectly normal. Whenever I introduce friends to each other, it’s always a fine line between I really hope they get along, and I hope they don’t hang out all the time without me. Which is to say, if you and Melanie end up being besties after tomorrow, don’t forget to invite me from time to time 😉 But I have definitely had it happen where I introduced a couple friends, and they’re much closer to each other than they are with me. It stung a little at first, but in the end I guess it’s okay. It’s easier for them to get together with each other than with me, based on where they live, schedules, shared interests, etc. And when my friend Jessie first moved to Cleveland, I was really happy when she started making friends there, but did worry that she was replacing me. But to Lindsay’s point, she and I know each other from high school, and we lived together, so we have that history that new friends won’t quite get.
Have you ever talked to any friends about your feelings? I’ve actually had a couple friends tell me they feel this way (I know, because I’m soooooo popular) and I didn’t think it was crazy at all! It’s totally understandable.
I have had that worry when introducing two friends, which happens a lot (the worry) because I am always inviting extra people to things (then wondering why I did).
Yes! I talked to you about it yesterday during the race, remember? 😛
You did. AFTER I wrote this comment.
But don’t worry, we’ll tots always be friends!
Ha ha. Tots.
Just never like anyone I introduced you to better than me, m’kay?
This is totally me. I have very few close friends so I often find myself getting jealous etc.
FOMO?? What is that?
Sorry for my late response! FOMO = fear of missing out. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fomo
I totally understand! I can be this way, too, especially with friends that are really fun but often really busy (with other friends or family or just life).
I sometimes feel that way, but i thought it was because i was an only child and had trouble sharing. Its hard sometimes seeing my best friends give attention to other people. I prefer they give them attention when I am not there. lol
I think it’s a totally valid feeling, but very hard to describe. Ever since I moved away from Kim and Mattie I find myself feeling that way once in a while. When either of them goes and does something fun with other people I do find myself wishing sometimes that it was me. And I’m sure they get that way sometimes when I hang out with people down here too.
I think sometimes that my reluctance to get close to new people stems from this a bit. Its feeling like you are being disloyal to the ones you already are close to. hmmm deep thoughts.
That is an interesting concept – wanting to stay loyal by not getting close to new people… because I am always like MOAR FRIENDS!!! We should talk about this on Sunday 🙂
You don’t sound crazy at all! I feel this way sometimes, too. Like, why are those people hanging out without meeee? Or, when I see or hear something that is obviously an inside joke amongst my friends but I don’t know what it is I’m all like “wait! why don’t I know about this??” But I can’t be in multiple places at once and I’m a busy person, too, so I know I can’t do everything. It’s hard, though.
I agree with Data 😉
I’m in a odd period with friends. In High School, college, and even a little bit in grad school, I had friends to hang out with. But the longer I stay in Chicago, the more of my good friends moved away. I warn people I have a curse now, if you become my friend, you will find yourself moving away soon.
With that, I’m pretty cautious feeling possessive the last few years of people as they always leave *play the small violin*.
I’m trying to make new friends again, but take it slow..
JUST THE TIP
No, it does not sound crazy to me at all! I’ve lost some girlfriends in the past since I’ve gotten jealous that they’ve chosen their boyfriends (who I felt were less than ideal people) over me.
There’s nothing wrong with really caring for your friends – just don’t go all crazy if they chose to hang out with someone else.
Unfortuantely for me, my best girlfriends live on the East and West Coast. We all went to Syracuse together. I haven’t had the best luck making friends out in the ‘burbs or city either. Everyone seems to be caught up in their own thing.
So, I’m more of a lone, domesticated wolf living w/ my bf and cat. I suppose that’s not necessairly a good thing, but it is what it is.
I remember losing friends to other friends or to boyfriends in the past, and currently I’m not as close to some of my friends because they have kids and we don’t. Not ALL of them, but there are a few that I don’t see socially – and I know that it’s because their life became much more complicated with the kids. There are people whom I miss because of that, but when we do hang out, I try to appreciate those moments.
Data has a good point, lol!!
I do feel this way too and I’m like, why wasn’t I invited, or I want to share the inside joke too!!! I guess maybe I’m scared that I will be replaced or like you said not wanting your friends to like someone more than they like you?? I’m glad you wrote this, I thought I was the only one who ever felt this way!!
=^..^=
You’re definitely not the only one!!!
You know what though? Even though I wish I could hang out with you and Gina I think it’s super schweet that you guys are able to get together!!! 🙂
I seriously think Data is the reincarnation of Jean-Paul Sartre (“L’enfer c’est les autres”)! And honestly sometimes I think Sartre has a point.
That said, I don’t think you’re immature – I can relate to what you are saying, and think probably a lot of us feel this way sometimes.
Honestly, I would be jealous if my best friend Genevieve started referring to someone else as her best friend. But other than that, I don’t mind sharing friends 🙂
Are you of the, “there can only be ONE best friend!!!” mindset?
YES! I totally feel this way, and I’m glad I’m not the only one. When I find out a friend has hung out with another friend (or has gone to visit close childhood friends I’ve never met), my gut reaction is to feel kind of possessive. Then I realize how hypocritical that is since I hang out with lots of different people and wouldn’t want someone to be possessive of me. (Or maybe I would, maybe I’d be flattered!) Gah, this makes me sound like an insane person, but I know you’ll understand.
Yeah, I totally understand! And knowing that I hang out with lots of different people and love my friends for different reasons is what helps me deal with this weird feeling! 🙂